Gold Coast To Get Very Fast Sushi Train
A model of the project
The government this week announced that a Very Fast Sushi Train is to be built on the Gold Coast.
As well as probably never being built, the billion dollar project is set to become a tourist attraction with its unique carriages featuring inari, tempura, miso, yakitori and ikasugata.
Spokesperson for the Very Fast Sushi Train, Miss Nori Roll, said the project had nothing to do with getting cars off the road or providing adequate public transport to the people.
"It's about putting on your lanyard and your funky frames, doing deals and negotiating with rich b*stards (usually from overseas) and the limited news, while whispering sweet nothings in the ears of oil company executives," she said.
"It's not that long ago that forces conspired to rip up the rail line from Brisbane to Southport, so we don't want to offend anyone. Would you like wasabi?"
The project has undergone investigations, reviews and extensive community consultation in the form of postcards delivered to residents, glossy brochures and snazzy websites.
The first stage of the Very Fast Sushi Train, which will be driven by Iron Chef Japanese (who will also prepare the sushi), will run from Griffith University to Broadbeach.
The Iron Chef...a long way from kitchen stadium
Queensland's Public Transport expert Plastic Bertrand was not available for comment.
Confusion Over First Home Buyers' Grant
Earlier this month the Prime Minister announced the first home buyers' grant would be increased to $21,000 for new homes.
The grants are administered in each state by the Office of State Revenue. We have started hearing reports of people who are otherwise eligible, only getting $7,000 and having to postpone settlements because the Queensland Office of State Revenue hasn't approved the additional $14,000. Details are sketchy at this early stage but apparently some people have been told that the Queensland Office of State Revenue considers that it hasn't yet got the correct approval to release the increased amounts. We're making further enquiries and will keep an eye on developments.
We can't find anything about this story anywhere in the mainstream media. Apparently a journalist who was given the scoop on a platter showed little interest. Fascinating!
While The Cricket's Being Broadcast On The Radio
Steve Austin's special program - "Music you don't often hear on the radio" - is from 7.00pm till 9.00pm (Queensland time) Wednesay, Thursday and Friday this week.
Just click onto the streaming audio player on the 621 ABC Brisbane website:
http://www.abc.net.au/brisbane/radio/
Have We Stumbled Upon Some Genuine Public Art?
The World's Biggest Living Room: Hardgrave Park, Petrie Terrace: 12.30pm (29/10/08)
Speaking of art, 'Sink or Swim: Collaborations and other works on paper by Geraldine Berkemeier and Gary Shinfield' is currently showing at the Gold Coast Art Gallery.
The media release states:
"In 2005 the artists received a grant from the Visual Arts/Crafts Board of the Australia Council for their project to research specific maritime sites at the north and west borders of Australia. The west coast was the earliest point of contact for European voyages, whereas northern Australia provided the bridge for indigenous migration and more recently one of the last coastal frontiers and a major destination for refugees.
They went to the remote site of the landfall in 1629 of the ill-fated Dutch trading vessel Batavia on the Abrolhos islands. The ship, carrying a ballast of carved stories intended to be built as a graceful archway in the Dutch colony of Indonesia, had veered over 1200 miles off course and broke up on a reef so the passengers and crew unwittingly became the second group of Europeans known to land in this country.
The artists have absorbed the stories of the terrible events that followed, in a group of prints that combine references to the ship that was once the pride of the Dutch East Indies fleet, to the pensive moonlight night before disaster struck and then the maelstrom of terror and violence that rapidly unfolded.
Almost 400 years later they see Australia deemed as a place of refuge but with tightly controlled order barriers. The artists have explored the more recent journeys of "boat people" to our northern shores - Vietnamese in the 1970s and more recently those displaced by conflicts associated with the so called war on terror. These works are charged with political references to the time just before the 2001 General Election when there was an influx of Suspect Illegal Entry Vessels (SIEV)."
Berkemeier and Shinfield's splendid etchings, prints and paintings are intricate and colourful stories of not so well known maritime events and places. The works fill the room with billowy reams of colour, but also reveal much more about Australia's uneasy humanity.
In conjunction with this exhibition, the Gold Coast Art Gallery are holding a special screening of 'Hope', the story of Amal Basry and the SIEV X on Thursday, 6 November.
Nine Lives Of The Secret Cat
forever in my memory
you jump and leap and run
a tortoiseshell flash in the hallway
scrambling to a screeching halt
how you made us laugh
to begin with
nobody really liked you very much
such a feisty little thing
swinging your tail, and often shy
but
known to bite or scratch
if provoked
when you were tiny
you liked to knock things over
in the middle of the night
vases, ornaments, glassware
navigating the kitchen cupboard
or the bathroom cupboard
any cupboard really
and in any room
nothing stopped the secret cat
even the stiches in your belly
tickles under the chin were your favourite
you left fur on furniture all over Brisbane
climbed trees
scaled drains
defended your territory
and won us over
always up to mischief
even in your twilight years
scrambling across the keyboard
peering through the window
sizing up a cardboard box
assisting with the paperwork
jumping on the bed
lapping my glass of water
or drinking from the fountain
stretched so long on the back deck
catching the evening breeze
or up on the roof in the moonlight
meowing so loud at dinnertime
then purring so soft
making your special barpy noises
being hard to find
or keeping an eye on the chooks
clearing out the rodents
somersaulting
tapping us on the shin
for a pat
and our undivided attention
our little cat
and companion
tough but true
her nine lives are up
but I will hold her in my heart
snuggled by the fire
in my lap
happy and warm
R.I.P.
If you would like to read more about 'The Secret Cat', you can borrow her story from your local Brisbane library.
For your own copy, contact us at spring_hill_voice@hotmail.com
What's This Sh*t?
Why is the Australian Government unnecessarily terrorising elderly Australians by sending them these so called "Bowel Cancer Screening Kits" - complete with poo collection receptacle?
Disgraceful.
If the goverment stopped doing favours for the marauders of
the health industry, they might have some chance of fixing the Australian health
system.
Yungaba Action Group Letter To Premier: 8th October 2008
As yet there has been no reply.
Dear Premier
I am writing to seek an appointment with one of your senior advisors to discuss options regarding the Yungaba Immigration Depot.
You will undoubtedly be aware of ongoing community concern regarding the fate of Yungaba – specifically, whether the Deputy Premier and Minister for Infrastructure and Planning, the Honourable Paul Lucas, will approve the development application which he “called in” to assume political decision making responsibility.
Over the past month, the Yungaba Action Group has monitored a steady flow of letters to local newspapers and The Courier Mail. Kathleen Noonan, in her popular Saturday Courier Mail column, drew attention to the possible outcome – a heritage-listed public building turned into private luxury apartments – and urged her readers to write to the Deputy Premier. The Queensland National Trust has also voiced its support – its media release of 3 September stated: “Having the building go from public to private ownership is very disappointing for many who appreciate its significance. The Yungaba Immigration Depot is a very important community building – for many immigrants, this was their first home in Queensland.”
The perception of voters is that the Government is failing, specifically on the Yungaba issue and generally, with respect to the preservation of heritage sites in Queensland.
We have recently been advised that the decision to sell the Yungaba building and garden, along with the other Government land, to Australand was not what was recommended by the government officers of the Department of Public Works; indeed, it has been suggested that the final sale package which included the Yungaba building and gardens was in fact an error. Our belief is that there is still time for this mistake to be rectified.
This is an opportunity for decisive leadership. Give the people of Queensland a meaningful 150th birthday present that will truly acknowledge our immigrant origins – and through an archaeological dig, promote the indigenous heritage of the land on which Yungaba stands.
A restored Yungaba, open to the public with community support, will be a tourism winner, as are other heritage buildings across the world. Many of Brisbane’s other heritage buildings, such as Ormiston House, have “friends” whose fundraising assists in keeping them maintained and open to the public. It could so easily be the same for Yungaba.
Now is the time for your Government to approach Australand with an offer to swap Yungaba and gardens in return for allowing apartments in the third building of the development project presently designated for an auditorium and offices.
How much more special for visitors and locals to attend a concert or other artistic event at the beautiful Yungaba and its gardens, rather than a modern construction without soul or history?
Yours sincerely
Delene Cuddihy
President, Yungaba Action Group
This Is The Brisbane Sound
"Too many midnights, not enough dawns
Such ugly hunters for such pretty, pretty fawns
Everyone's high, but it's not the good stuff
Too many lovers, and not enough love"'Too Many Lovers', John Malcolm (2002)
Brisbane's Chinatown To Be Become A Special Economic Zone
Deng Xiaoping...community consultation specialist
Architects from Shenzhen in China - Brisbane's sister city - will be given $8 million to transform Brisbane's Chinatown into a special economic zone.
Following a community consultation, similar to that which occurs throughout China, the City Hall Leader and his offsider announced that work would begin on the special economic zone next month.
The Tang Dynasty style pagodas, which are co-incidentally structurally unsound, have recently been removed from Chinatown and are understood to be in the same place as the original Shingle Inn fitout.
"The pagodas were structurally unsound," said the offsider.
"Wasn't the orange plastic fencing enough for you?"
Council have hinted that the special economic zone will include huge posters of Deng Xiaoping, a replica "Great Wall" (which will traverse the length of the Chinatown Mall), and miniature Tianamen Square complete with pro-democracy protestors and tanks.
The Great Wall of China
Council has determined that the project will cost $8 million and not $100,000 as was initially prescribed. This is because the whole point of the exercise is to completely erase any memory of past connections to Guangzhou (Canton) and the People's Republic.
Plastic Bertrand To Instal CCTV Cameras On Buses
Plastic Bertrand...Public Transport expert
Plastic Bertrand is set to instal CCTV in buses around the state following a spate of cynical law and order politicking in the regional areas of Queensland.
Plastic Bertrand, who is fast becoming a public transport expert as he is going to drive the planned iconic Mt Coot-tha cable car, which was announced early this year, and the cable car from the Spring Hill windmill to the Southbank Big Wheel (see below), said he was excited to be involved - especially now he will be known as Big Brother Bertrand.
"Everybody knows the money could have been spent on anything else, but this is about annoying all the One Nation voters and pleasing the small minded folk who quite like the idea of being under constant survellience," he said in his inimitable French accent.
"And who knew there was public transport in the Glasshouse Mountains?"
"Pull Your Socks Up": Senator Barnaby
The Senator...spare the rod
Following the Xavier College (not in Queensland and not a State School) incident, Senator Barnaby has offered some suggestions to assist with the discipline crisis in Queensland's state schools.
Following his morning run and looking very manly, Senator Barnaby told assembled journalists to "pull their socks up", before proceeding to offer a selection of well worn, tired old educational cliches usually used by worn out, tired old teachers.
"Attention! Stand up straight! Eyes to the front!" he said.
Here are some socks...they need pulling up
The Senator who is outspoken, and also a maverick, then went on to ask where their uniforms were.
The Limited News "journalists" studiously took notes then returned to their desks to dutifully misinterpret what he had to say.
"Pedestrian Phase Out" Project Faces Blowout
Pedestrians...frightening
Council's "Pedestrian Phase Out" project has been stalled amid accusations that the cost has blown out to millions and millions of dollars.
"Pedestrian Phase Out" was announced last August as part of Council's five year plan to tackle climate change and peak oil: "Cars! Cars! Cars!: A Vision For Brisbane", in which by 2010 footpaths were also to be eradicated, along with all forms of public transport.
Drivers have praised the proposal to transform the Queen Street Mall into Queens Highway, but weren't so sure about the plan to shoot cyclists on sight.
"It's very frustrating that this plan has been stalled," said one motorist revving his engine and beeping his horn at a pedestrian trying to cross on the green man.
"Shooting the cyclists is a bit controversial - but as long as they don't target the aggressive lycra clad types with cashew willies who ponce about at Merlo - I'm cool with it."
A spokesperson from the peak body representing citizens for pedestrian eradication - Pedestrian Eradication Now or I'll Scream (P.E.N.I.S.) - said pedestrians were "frightening".
"They are out of control - the way they just, I don't know, walk," he said.
"Thankfully some of them are are discouraged by the appalling state of our footpaths."
A footpath. Still there...just
According to emerging evidence and an understanding uncovered by me, a developer was supposed to provide a couple of million to get the Creek Street cul-de-sac underway, but things just didn't work out.
The Council Opposition Leader looked through some top secret briefing notes which appear to suggest the City Hall Leader wants to fell some more trees before allowing the project to proceed.
"I'm starting to wonder whether this project was ever going to happen at all and I can't believe we didn't realise that it's not even part of the master plan," she said.
"Perhaps if we let him fell those trees and tell him he can build another tunnel, the City Hall Leader might get this much needed project underway."
A tree...ewww, yuck
You Are What You Eat
Download Greenpeace's "Eating in the Dark" Report here:
http://www.greenpeace.org/australia/resources/
"Government Will Not Guarantee Melbourne Cup TAB Bets": Ternbill
Fine Cotton will win this year's Melbourne Cup
The leader of the Federal LNP opposition, Mr Ternbill, has condemned Kevin Swann and Wayne Rudd for failing to commit to a pledge to promise a determination to offer a guarantee of all of 2008 TAB tickets at this year's Melbourne Cup.
Mr Ternbill has decried this failure as "completely un-Australian", citing his view of history in which every Aussie battler wins a few billion dollars on Phar Lap.
"Every Australian loves to win money on the Melbourne Cup every year. I've never won less than a billion dollars whenever I've placed a bet, and it's that kind of certainty that ozzie battlers are entitled to demand from a Rudd Government. A Howard Government could never have made such a bold promise because we were too busy delivering on our promise that interest rates would always be lower under us than under them. But now Australians are entitled to reap the benefits of our policies and it is imperative, in these difficult times, that the 'Chairman Rudd' (tee hee hee) mob guarantee that nobody will lose a penny on this year's Melbourne Cup. To do less would be communist, socialist and un-American," he said.
All bets would be 150% underwritten by the public teat under the FLNP plan proposed by The Member for the battlers of Wentworth.
Did You Enjoy Your McFlurries? You McF*ckwits
Obviously couldn't be Mc f*cked walking to the bin. Gold Coast Spit [27/10/08]
Conference On Killing Arrives In Town
"Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks"
'Masters Of War', Bob Dylan (1963)
http://www.dsto.defence.gov.au/events/lwc2008/
UPDATE: Co-incidentally, the Queensland Government (one of the sponsors of this conference) have spent more than half a million dollars on holding parliament up in Cairns this week. An empty chamber will be set up in Mareeba to represent the Upper House!
Millions of Dreamy Dollars
50 million dollars
is a lot of money
how it's going to save the reef
strikes me as kind of funny
is there any point
in throwing money about
when the future of this natural wonder
is under a cloud of doubt?
it's kind of hypocritical
to open another coal mine
then tell the farmers up north
it was their fault all the time
this throwing money about
is starting to get strange
$28.6 million for a behaviour program
that's really out of our range
don't we have are own experts
in the lucky country?
couldn't we have hired more teachers
with all that lovely money?
especially when the therapy
clearly isn't working
haven't these Yanks got it made
with our gherkins they are jerking?
their program appears to be designed
to decimate public education
like what's happening with public health
across our wide, brown nation
millions of dreamy dollars
being spent in the wrong way
and certainly not for your benefit
on any given day
Get Religion Out Of Our Parliament
From: Chapter 6 'The Roots of Morality: Why Are We Good?' in Richard Dawkins' book 'The God Delusion':
"Posed like that, the question sounds positively ignoble. When a religious person puts it to me in this way (and many of them do), my immediate temptation is to issue the following challenge: 'Do you really mean to tell me the only reason you try to be good is to gain God's approval and reward, or to avoid his disapproval and punishment? That's not morality, that's just sucking up, apple-polishing, looking over your shoulder at the great surveillance camera in the sky, or the still small wiretap inside your head, monitoring your every move, even your every base thought.' As Einstein said, 'If people are good only because the fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.' Michael Shermer, in The Science of Good and Evil, calls it a debate stopper. If you agree that, in the absence of God, you would 'commit robbery, rape, and murder', you would reveal yourself as an immoral person, 'and we would be well advised to steer a wide course around you'. If , on the other hand, you admit that you would contintue to be a good person even when not under divine surveillance, you have fatally undermined your claim that God is necessary for us to be good. I suspect that quite a lot of religious people do think religion is what motivates them to be good, especially if they belong to one of those faiths that systematically exploits personal guilt.
It seems to me to require quite a low self-regard to think that, should belief in God suddenly vanish from the world, we would all become callous and selfish hedonists, with no kindness, no charity, no generosity, nothing that would deserve the name of goodness. It is widely believed that Dostoevsky was of that opinion, presumably becaus of some remarks he put into the mouth of Ivan Karamzov:
[Ivan] solemnly observed that there was absolutely no law of nature to make man love humanity, and that if love did exist and had existed at all in the world up to now, then it was not by virtue of the natural law, but entirely because man believed in his own immortality. He added as an aside that it was precisely that which constituted the natural law, namely, that once man's faith in his own immortality was destroyed, not only would his capacity for love be exhausted, but so would the vital forces that sustained life on this earth. And furthermore, nothing would be immoral then, everything would be permitted, even anthropophagy. And finally, as though all this were not enough, he declared that for every individual, such as you and me, for example, who does not believe either in God or in his own immortality, the natural law is bound immediately to become the complete opposite of the religion-based law that preceded it, and that egoism, even extending to the perpetration of crime, would not only be permissible but would be recognized as the essential, the most rational, and even the noblest raison d'etre of the human condition.
Perhaps naively, I have inclined towards a less cynical view of human nature than Ivan Karamazov. Do we really need policing -- whether by God or by each other -- in order to stop us from behaving in a selfish and criminal manner? I dearly want to believe that I do not need such surveillance -- and nor, dear reader, do you...
It is often cynically said that there are no atheists in foxholes. I'm inclined to suspect (with some evidence, although it may be simplistic to draw conclusions from it) that there are very few atheists in prisons. I am not necessarily claiming that atheism increases morality, although humanism -- the ethical system that often goes with atheism -- probably does. Another good possiblity is that atheism is correlated with some third factor, such as higher education, intelligence or reflectiveness, which might counteract criminal impulses."
Cartwheel Ban Enforced Across State
This person was arrested soon after doing a cartwheel
Where else but Queensland? with Polly State
The ban of cartwheels at a North Queensland school has been extended around the state, and will now also include other schoolyard games such as Red Rover, Elastics, Sevens and Brandy.
Anyone doing a cartwheel or engaging in any other non-commercial, spontaneous physical activity will be tasered and sent to Christmas Island.
The new ban conflicts with the Federal Government's: "You are a fat bas*rd" advertising blitz and the Federal Minister has criticised her Queensland mirror image. The Federal Minister said:
"We are against some aspects of this policy. The part we support is the idea that kiddies should take excercise only if the free market is involved in the transaction and only if it somehow enforces ideals of subservience to power and violence against the 'other'. That's why we are proposing a solution. Our solution is that instead of such free, foolish, frivolous and spontaneous outbursts of youthful physical exurberance as these, the Federal Government will spend $110million dollars to bring "skirmish" into the schoolyard."
"Skirmish", also known as "paintball", involves teams dressing up in army style camouflage and shooting each other with pellets of paint fired from military style guns. The usual form of such activities is based on the premise that one team should take a meaningless piece of land from the other while defending an identically meaningless piece of land from those they are seeking to overwhelm.
The Federal Minister has defended the new plan by explaining that it perfectly prepares today's young Australians for the futile waste of lives and resources routinely taking place in the Middle East now and into their future. A fearless journalist from the 'Spring Hill Voice' asked:
"Minister, isn't this mindless waste of lives and resources for no reason or gain and against no real enemy be exactly the kind of thing these children should be taught is wrong?"
The Minister had only just started to answer the question ("Who asked that? I don't know you, you don't work for Rupert, the ABC, AAP or Reuters. How did you get in here?") when her tazer accidently went off and the resulting 24,000 volts erased the rest of her answer from our reporter's tape.
Our reporter is recovering in a safe house and should be back to normal duties shortly.
Advertisement from the Campbell Newman supported 'B Mag' (March, 2007)
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word (Especially In Queensland)
"We've seen in the space of four years a police officer arrest an innocent Aboriginal man who went to the Palm Island watch house and within a very short time was dead."
"Yet here, we have four years later another Aboriginal man, innocent, convicted of a crime that he did not commit."
"It's business as usual in the sovereign state of Queensland." - Sam Watson
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/10/24/2400985.htm
"I believe Lex is a good man with leadership ability, who clearly wants a better future for his people and has put effort into helping others in making that happen. It’s hard to see what good will come from him being jailed. It is also obvious what message many people – black and white – will take in comparing this verdict and the police response to the uprising, alongside the lack of any consequences from the death of Mulrunji and the way the police investigation into that was conducted." - Andrew Bartlett
http://blogs.crikey.com.au/bartlett/2008/10/24/verdict-in-trial-of-lex-wotton-palm-island-leader/
"An Aboriginal man from Palm Island, Terrence Kidner gave evidence against Mr Wotton during the trial, claiming that the accused handed him a drum of petrol and ordered him to torch Snr Sgt Chris Hurley's police residence.
Judge Shanahan warned the jury that they needed to assess Mr Kidner's evidence “with great care” because the jury may decide that Mr Kidner had sufficient motivation to lie in his testimony.
Mr Kidner served 10 months of a four year prison sentence after pleading guilty to torching the residence. Judge Shanahan noted that Mr Kidner was an “accomplice” to the crime, and he warned the jury they needed to consider whether Mr Kidner had lied to lessen his role in the uprising, and receive a lighter sentence.
He told the jury Mr Kidner was “likely to be a person of bad character” given his role in the offence and he also drew their attention to Mr Kidner's perceived level of intelligence, and his difficulties with the English language (through his evidence, Mr Kidner was very difficult to understand)." - Chris Graham, 'National Indigenous Times'
http://www.nit.com.au/news/story.aspx?id=16387
Surprise Indy Stunt Stuns Spectators
Burning up Surfers Paradise
The Gold Coast Indy held a surprise event today which stunned spectators who were wearing very large lanyards and feeling very ripped off.
Today, Will Power and the other race car drivers were presented with "Yo" cards by some bikini girls (who have intriguing parentage) before embarking on a TransLink Bus which proceeded to set a world record (and world first) for Formula One bus driving.
Even though he can only speak in a French accent, Plastic Bertrand, who drove the TransLink Bus, said it was an honour.
"Maybe next year we we'll try it without the "YO" cards," he said.
Later in the day, the broadwater aquaducks tore up the racetrack in another surprise race.
Quack!
Of course there were no electric, or solar powered car races, but it is understood that next year the race will take on a whole new meaning as the oil starts to run out.
The 2009 Gold Coast Indy
King Tide
it's a dark and empty room
the sun beating hard on your door
feel emotion roar within you
you're flesh and blood like anyone
make some sense of your life
move your hand and make the mark
I don't know why you're so confused
you're flesh and blood, there's no excuse
and, the hunger inside
won't go away it's starting to rise
and the longer you hide
the more you deny
and the sea rushes in
the wind is howling at your back
the past is always overturned
it's a dead man who would refuse
and twice the man to fill his shoes
and, the hunger side
won't go away it's starting to rise
and the longer you hide
the more you deny
and the sea rushes in
into my world
(Neil Finn, Robert Moore, from the 1998 album 'Try Whistling
This')
Free Market Closed For Self-Funded Retirees
Peak oil and climate change aside, charging interest ain't going to work anymore.
Did you try checking your superannuation balance today [24/10/08] only to find that "significant market movements" have meant that your balance has not been updated?
Have they told us all to stay in these funds in order to fleece us? We now see such "Free Market" events as the freezing of redemptions, the delay of "Q-Super" fundholder information and transactions.
Weirdos thought that the free market was ruled by "supply and demand", so that you could buy and sell whatever you had at the price set by the market. Simple folk who subscribe to this ideological fallacy are now asking: "But, hang on a minute, I did everything I was supposed to, I subscribed to this ideology and my super is taking a bath. Why isn't this system working? What can possibly be going wrong? Who is to blame?"
The screaming shame for these people is that the answer is: "Sorry, it was all a massive scam. You have been had. Unfortunately you have also given your undying support to the ideological crazies (in power on both sides of Western politics) who are responsible for your own woes. You will probably never understand or accept that your mindless support of these clowns, when other people were trying to warn you against the insane excesses that drove this drunken joy-ride to this wreck, is the reason that these people have been able to get away with sending your life savings down the dunny."
They will never descend upon the headquarters of the newspapers which have pushed them into this brainless subservience brandishing pitchforks and demanding retribution. Why? Because they are so hopelessly brainwashed into buying the neo-con line they have subscribed to.
What Happened To The George Street Festival?
From the 'National Trust Journal' - October 1991:
"The Colonial George Street Festival is as much a part of Brisbane's past as is John Oxley sailing up the Brisbane River.
Unlike John Oxley, the Colonial George Street Festival will return to the streets of Brisbane on Saturday, 5th October, between 10 am and 7 pm.
For six years the Colonial George Street Festival has proven to be Brisbane's most popular free one day festival, reviving the colonial spirit of days gone by.
The concept of the Festival is to promote Brisbane's historic buildings which have been restored by the State Government at a cost of $25 million.
Visitors to the Festival will find the majority of historic buildings opened for public inspection with the most popular in previous years being Parliament House.
Renovators of 'old Queenslanders' can marvel at the restoration of buildings which has respected the concepts of the colonial planners with landscaping, porphyry-kerbed footpaths and replicas of cast iron gas lights resembling those originally used.
Those interested in colonial crafts can witness historical displays and traditional craft, demonstrations of blacksmithing, cooperage, violin making, lacemaking, stonemasonry and woodcarving.
And Festival goers just interested in a great day out can choose to dine on damper and billy tea, shop from over 200 colonial stalls, relive colonial school days at the Education Department's pioneer school, ride on a horse drawn wagon or be entertained by the 500 entertainers engaged for the day's festivities."
Is Your House Going To Be Repossessed?
Don't wait for the only paper in town to call and let you know:
http://www.courts.qld.gov.au/esearching/party.asp
Don't Worry About The XYZ Taskforce
A task force has been set up to deal with the possible and probably unlikely event that XYZ child care centres are going broke.
Captain Bligh said the task force had been set up just in case something happens (but emphasised not to worry because it won't) as the child care centres appear to be experiencing financial difficulty.
"Don't panic!" she said.
"I am confident, and besides XYZ haven't assured the market that everything will not be ok, and perhaps, maybe nothing will happen, so I ask parents not to panic because there may or may not be contingency plans."
XYZ were established during the reign of King John The Last to open up to corporate profiteering the provision of child care services to families whose mummies go to work to pay for the privilege of having underpaid young female workers care for their squeakers. A big merry-go-round of that wheel within a wheel called the "Service" economy.
However a confidential document leaked to the 'Spring Hill Voice', by a shadowy chap with a deep voice who insisted we meet late at night in the King's Parkade, sets out the task force findings. The details are sketchy, but it seems that the task force has already placed orders with a Chinese firm for fifty thousand little white hard hats and matching kiddy-sized fluoro yellow vests.
The document hints that fifty thousand infant-sized clear protective plastic glasses have also been ordered. The task force has stipulated that the State Government logo will appear on the tiny hard hats and that the fluoro vests will bear wording on the back saying: "Infrastructure Youth".
It seems that tens of thousands pint sized "STOP/SLOW" signs are also on order along with a few hundred tiny weeny notebooks and itsy bitsy craypas, to make the rescue package complete. The working title of the task force's report is "Little Big Package To Bail-out Failed Neo-Con Enterprises".
The Captain hasn't been asked to respond to our question: "Will work make them free, Captain? Or is this some weird amalgam of socialism, nation building, corporatised media propaganda spin and PPPs?"
In related news, someone wants to continue the Northern Territory intervention - and it isn't real Australians.
Milton Tennis Court To Be Rebuilt
The Milton Tennis Courts...a new lease of life
The Government has today revealed that the Milton Tennis Courts are to be rebuilt and will again become the State Tennis Centre.
Although the new home for Queensland tennis was to be at Tennyson, the government has changed its mind at the last minute.
"Pat is a very easy going guy, so he'll understand," said Captain Bligh.
The sudden change will all make sense when the grandstand at the Tennyson tennis centre is declared unsafe in the near future. The Tennyson tennis centre will then be demolished and lie derelict for a number of years, and some kids will skateboard upon it before it is redeveloped as a power station.
It is understood that the Government will soon announce a competition to name the Milton Tennis Centre.
So far, suggestions have included the Go-Betweens Tennis Centre or the John McEnroe Centre for Good Sportsmanship.
More About Milton
The good times don't roll here anymore!
The suburb Milton is named after 'Milton House', a Georgian beauty built in the early 1850s for Queen Street Chemist, Ambrose Eldridge. In 1885, the farmland surrounding 'Milton House' was subdivided and sold for residential development. McDougall, Manning, Walsh and Crombie Streets were named after 'Milton House's' previous owners and/or occupiers. 'Milton House' is now part of the Kings Row Corporate Park.
As well as the well known cafes and restaurants of Rosalie Village and Park Road, Milton is home to famous Queensland icons and attractions including the XXXX Brewery, Old Bishopsbourne and Lang Park. The beautiful, 1930s era Milton State School sits on leafy Gregory Park and many examples of traditional domestic architecture line the suburb's streets.
A stroll or bike ride along the Coronation Bike path will lead you to the Christ Church, which was constructed with timbers from the Esk Valley and opened in 1891. The fascinating graveyard on the church site is all that remains of Queensland's first major public cemetery.
Back along Coronation Drive is the eye-catching Cook Terrace, which was
constructed in 1889 by Joseph Blain Cook Formerly known as Milton Terrace then
Gloralgar Flats, it was used as army accommodation during World War Two and
provided lodging for students in the 1960s and 1970s.
The Milton Tennis Centre at Frew Park, Milton Road was the home of Queensland Tennis from 1915 until the 1990s, hosting tournaments such as the Davis Cup as well as musical concerts and boxing. Who can forget those bottom-numbing seats in the grandstands? Or getting up close to see Martina Navratilova warming up on the practice courts?
Other Milton landmarks include the Coronation Motel, famous for its seafood, and where many a young couple spent their wedding night. It was demolished and rebuilt a few years ago. The site upon which the Arnotts Biscuit Factory stood is now 'Vue' apartments. (In a reverse stroke of fate, some of the factory's solid beams form the foundations of a tree house at Cedar Creek.) If you went through primary school in Brisbane you'll remember magical baking aromas and big vats of pink icing destined to top yummy iced vo-vos on one of those obligatory school excursions.
Don't Be Allarmad By The Drama, There's Large Llama On The Loose!
A llama, sans placard
Alpaca Your bags and get out of here!
A large llama has been spotted all over the South East Queensland today - and he's cranky. First reports from shocked citizens state the llama was seen in the Ipswich mall with large placard holding a lone protest against the imminent demolition of the CBD. He was then observed running down the inner northern busway after purchasing a box of Kreepy Kremes, before heading along the Clem 7 and later making his way to Mr Gravatt.
An army chopper creating a special kind of Indy noise pollution on the Gold Coast
Army helicopters have been flying over the Gold Coast, as the Llama is thought to be headed to the Indy to protest the outrageous government support of a mindless and excessive event, while teachers and nurses struggle with limited resources.
Authorities have warned citizens not to approach the llama, as he has eaten an entire box of Kreepy Kremes.
heart of empire
they say Dubai will be
the new heart of empire
but I'm not sure this will be the case
and now I'll tell you why
I went there the other day
to earn some tax free dollars
along will a plane full of other hopefuls
wearing stiff white collars
when I arrived I found out
they'd been trying to contact me
the project I was working on
had run out of money
first I felt ripped off
it had stuffed up my plans
but spending only two days there
was more than I could stand
sure they have the tallest buildings
but it's rotten to the core
you can't have sex upon the beach
they'll arrest you on the shore
the luxury shopping and bars
is illusory exclusivity
where everybody has a slave
but they're all in captivity
Wild Weather On The Northern End Of The Gold Coast
2 cm hailstones at 2.15 pm [22/10/08]
playing dirty
in a one paper town
there are lots of witch hunts
where stalking is journalism
perpetrated by c*nts
invading privacy
destroying reputations
thuggery meets
political machinations
the news value lies
in fuelling innuendo
you are fair game
and there's nowhere to go
Another G.O.n.A.D. Art Coup
"Picasso And The Contents Of His Shed"... roaring success
Following the roaring success of the sellout Warhol and Picasso and the Contents of His Shed exhibitions, G.O.n.A.D. will host a collection of New York artworks that have no place to go. The exhibition - Art Without A Home - will be well promoted in the only paper in town and will also be a roaring success.
"We've really been stomped upon by the international art world," said the Minister.
"We rate second to none when it comes to being mindless cultural consumers. We expect thousands of braindead locals to pay big dollars for their turn to drag their sorry backsides through the exhibition and then spend even more money on cheap garbage at the 'merch' stands afterwards. They do it every time without fail, morons. I couldn't be happier with the financial success of treating people like idiots, I admit I never thought they'd fall for such nonsense, but the tills are always overflowing when we put on these crazy shows."
The New York Gallery was contacted for a comment but they said they knew nothing about it. It turns out they thought the art was simply put in storage while they had the painters and decorators in.
Shrinking Sperm Count Leaf Blower Link
Penis substitute?
Groundbreaking research conducted by a fertility expert from the Bogus Distracting Saucy Stories Unit of the Ponds Institute, Dr Spank, has found that men are the centre of the universe and they really like their tools.
But while leaf blowers, large plasma televisions, obscene 9-burner barbeques, jetskis and cars that go "pssshhhhht" might make those who can produce sperm feel more manly, Dr Spank said there was a risk they are being used as penis substitutes and could cause an overheating of the scrotum.
His research also revealed that when New Zealand won the Rugby World Cup in 1987, their sperm count was really high but now their sperm count is really low, whereas Australian and US sperm counts are the best in the world (US sperm counts are just that little bit better - of course).
Dr Spank said his research was all about conveying messages about virility and empire.
"It's all about reinforcing the emasculation of a neighbouring country," he said.
"When these ideas enter the lexicon of mainstream dialogue we have succeeded," he said.
Dr Spank said that the release of his research results had nothing to do with the trans-tasman circle jerk meeting which was co-incidentally taking place at the same time.
Council Will Announce Free Cable Car Service
Plastic Bertrand: "Ca plane pour moi, Ca plane pour moi."
Sometime today Council will announce a new, cable car service which will travel from the Spring Hill windmill to the Southbank Big Wheel.
The cable car will be driven by Plastic Bertrand, who is also going to drive the planned iconic Mt Coot-tha cable car, which was announced early this year.
The new Spring Hill to Southbank service will be free and Plastic Bertrand said it would be utterly useless.
"Only those with private health insurance will be allowed to travel on my cable car," he said with a french accent.
The cable car will be an additional service to the equally useless inner-city loop service.
Top Police Officer Defends Evidence Falsification Claims
Defective Inspector Plastic...very busy
Crimes and Punishments: with Dottie Evski
Queensland's top police officer - Defective Inspector Plastic - has defended evidence falsification claims which have rocked the police force.
Whistleblowers have revealed that some Gold Coast police are fabricating evidence to obtain search warrants.
"Der Freddy," she said.
"How else can we round up all the hooter dealers on the coast?"
Defective Inspector Plastic said law and order and due processes were a woolley headed concept.
"It doesn't matter if it's falsified or not - it's evidence - what's your problem?"
"You probably like criminals, or perhaps you are one yourself?"
The very busy Defective Inspector Plastic heads the Public Assembly and Surfers Paradise Civil Libertarian taskforces, is responsible for the Gold Coast's new Meter Maids (now known as "Traffic Mistresses"), is also in charge of the new security patrols on Gold Coast beaches, as well as being responsible for the controversial Public Transport Taskforce based in Brisbane.
Brisbane Exposed:
'Spring Hill Voice' Celebrates 150 Years Of Beauty And Secrets
Astor Terrace, Gregory Terrace, Festival Hall
SGIO fountain and theatre
What Lies Beneath
Wayne Watson's article 'Drain tells city's story' - 'The Telegraph' (7/5/1982):
"Workmen on the controversial Dods House redevelopment site in Spring Hill have uncovered part of Brisbane's history that the protestors did not know about.
An old porphyry stone stormwater drain they found a metre below the ground level has been confirmed by Brisbane City Council works department officers as one of the city's first.
The building site was the scene of a major campaign by conservationists at the beginning of this year to prevent the destruction of an old fig tree and tearing down of the house designed by pioneer Brisbane architect Robin Dods.
Works and Heritage Committees president, Ald. Joe St Ledger, said today the old drain had been built during the 1870s at a cost of 850 pounds.
"Old drains such as this one are terrible interesting because it can trace a city's development," he said.
What remains of the Wheat Creek Culvert - demolished to make way for the INB
Berry Street, Spring Hill (1968)
One of the newspaper headlines says: "Copter Losses In Vietnam"
Aussie Couples Don't Know What Goes Where
"And that's why birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love"
'Let's Do It, Let's Fall In Love', Cole Porter (1928)
Australian couples have no idea that the economy is f*cked, according to a new study. The study, by the 'Political Studies, Fierce Independence & Press Release Journalism Division' of the internationally respected Ponds Institute, has shown that a huge percentage of applicants for IVF are regular consumers of commercial television current affairs, the nightly ABC news 'health' piece and the 'Courier-Mail', and that they have no idea about the simple basics of conception.
Speaking at the 'Business in Fertility' conference at the Reserve Bank, Professor Norm Coitus said that couples didn't know the basics about market fundamentals. Professor Coitus said that the free market had all the answers to all problems and that if people just had more freedom from government stimulation packages they may find some stimulation of their own.
"They know all about pole dancing, legal brothels, lap dancing, sex toys and Pay-TV porn, but they cannot visualise themselves as the girl getting screwed over for money and power", he said.
"If they can't understand what is going on in the greater world how can they even begin to understand why they can't have those six thousand dollar babies all their friends are having? To use a simile-like metaphor: the neo-liberal free market model is like using a condom on an inflatable doll - it will give you a certain result."
Bradd and Geniffer Halph-Witt, from a local suburb, confirmed the Professor's assertions. Mrs Halph-Witt said:
"We've tried everything, I took pole dancing lessons, I got liposuction and a boob job, we spent a fortune at Hardly Normal on sex toys, Plasma gadgets, X-Box, Nintendo, Playstations, Waxing, and so on but we haven't had a baby yet, I just don't understand it."
Mr Halph-Witt agreed:
"It's all her fault. I've been buying all the beer and spirits advertised, I got a hot Holden ute, I went into more debt to get my Tattoos and jet-ski with all the 'jet-pilot' stickers, but she still hasn't given my parents a grandchild. Dad even tried to sell his 'ThermonuclearProtection' Oakley sunglasses and windscreen sticker on e-boy but she still didn't have a baby. Don't tell her, but I reckon I'll get a divorce if she doesn't have a baby in the next couple of months, we need the money."
The study is being presented around the country - and is in Brisbane today [21/10/08].
The Hinze Dam from the lower Numinbah Valley [18/10/08]
Stormy Weather: I Heard The News Today, Oh Boy!
Ray kissed all the corporate bums
and gave Rupert's boys a wave
O'Brien frowned, as did Holmes
and Olle rolled in his grave
be still my beating heart
before you rip it out
that I have tossed this mortal coil
please be sure there is no doubt
hot girls at the indy
but not on the balconies
plastic tits and botox lips
all yours for some money
censoring the internet
when we're surrounded by degradation
has nothing to do with keeping wankers
from their materials for masturbation
Gabriella scoops the ARIAs
another Bronco in a scuffle
as the Aussie dollar slumps
doing the Wall Street shuffle
does anybody really care
Madge and Guy have called it quits?
or fake yarns about cows and goats
getting amorous?
sayonara Northbank
fishing bans in Moreton Bay
the first flight for the A380
what will Merri say?
Beattie is in Brisbane
to talk infrastructure opportunities
in Latin America of all places
what about our country?
they say November 30
will be the Gold Coast's D-day
but there's plenty of water in the Hinze Dam
I don't care what they say
no-one likes the missos
at Peel Street or Bowen Hills
when they do all the hard work
and struggle to pay their bills
decisive action for the unemployed
56,000 training places
can you see the joyful looks
on 200,000 faces?
when fire burns down your ABC
where will the children play?
I can feel it in my bones
stormy weather's on its way
An Unspectacular Auction
'Spring Hill Voice' toddled along to the Ray White "Property Auction Spectacular" at the Brisbane Convention Centre today [19/10/08]. When we first arrived a few properties were "knocked down under the hammer", as they used to say, and we thought this show could be interesting.
Last time [ http://www.springhillvoice.com/october2007.html ] we described the show as: "This was no 'fire sale', more like a hopeful 'last hurrah' to squeeze some more life out of a market that may not be dead but isn't very well, let's say" and this time it was much the same. The difference was that the TV crews were there and were showing great interest in the million dollar properties, it was as if this time the media really wanted to tell people that the Brisbane market still has a pulse.
We caught the last part of Section 1 (10.00 am - 11.30 am)
and all of Section 2 (11.30 am - 1.00 pm).
2/18 Hutchins Street, Kedron SOLD at $390,500, and
6/211 Baroona Road, Paddington, eventually SOLD at $431,000
After a tortured process, 42/1596 Wynnum Road, Morningside SOLD for $282,000
and
12 Gladstone Road, Highgate Hill SOLD for $730,000.
They moved onto section 2 but came back to the tail end of
section 1 with this property:
17 Macalister Street, Ipswich: sought instructions at $380,000, bid raised to
$430,000, then $438,000, sought instructions a $445,000... then we had to go.
"Tortured" describes the process on that one, which was one of two
conjoined properties. A fellow spectator, (an ex-agent who lives nearby those
properties) advised us that at that price the vendors would be taking a heavy
loss.
The rest of the section went as follows:
1/82 Boundary Street (River Place) passed in at $1.35 million
117/100 Bowen Terrace, SOLD $425,000
113 Philip Street, Hawthorn passed in $740,000
7 Royal Avenue Spring Hill (A vacant block since heritage house fell through
its stumps during an attempted renovation in 2004) passed in $725,000
23 Boomerang Street, Lutwyche SOLD $626,000
Nicely fitted-out and furnished 651 & 655/420 Queen Street (65th floor of
'Aurora'), passed in at $2.4 million
11/151 Lytton Road, on the water, East Brisbane, no bids.
416/8 Cordelia Street (SOHO), passed in: $280,000
60 Nobel Street, Clayfield, passed in: $500,000
2/12 Norman Avenue, Norman Park ("walk to one of Brisbane's best Thai restaurants"),
SOLD $500,000
25 Regatta Street, Chelmer last bid was the auctioneer's bid at $2.3 million,
a hundred grand above what 'the market' had offered!
51/13 Esperance Court, Cleveland - withdrawn
53 Chermside Street, Newstead passed in: $1.25 million
74 Montpelier Street, Grange, SOLD $820,000
58 Pear Street, Greenslopes, SOLD $440,500
615/8 Cordelia Street (soho), South Brisbane "sought instructions"
at $465,000
171 Shore Street North, Cleveland, passed in $1,650,000
13 Parish Street, Spring Hill, "sought instructions" at $640,000 (we've
been to an auction at this property before where we're pretty sure it was passed
in closer to $700,000)
203/21 Pixley Street, Kangaroo Point, "sought instructions" at $900,000
2 Willey Street, Ipswich, passed in $295,000.
From our point of view, this "spectacular" was all about wringing
the last of the dreamers out of the over capitalised segment of the market.
We reckon that the "mortgagee in possession" auctions over the next
year will be a better measure of this market. But if you don't like that you
could always buy a back copy of the 'Sunday-Mail' from a few weeks ago, look
for the headline: "Property Set To Soar" and you'll be OK!
Your Democracy: King Clown Talks To The Clowns
"Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want,
Sorry my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns,
Don't bother, they're here"
'Send In The Clowns' written by Stephen Sondheim (1973) and
made popular by Judy Collins (1975)
King Clown
King Clown had an audience with a sea of clowns on Sunday night to explain the economic crisis even though he didn't do this in parliament last week.
As the Ringmaster said, "This is direct democracy."
Amidst the advertisements for mortgage providers, toothpaste, craft and quilt fairs, oil guzzling monsters, cr*p shows and Jack Thompson, King Clown answered about five well screened questions about the economic crisis from a bunch of clowns who claimed - among other things - to be self employed tennis coaches, mature aged students and chartered accountants. Spooky.
The Ringmaster
King Clown expressed concern about remuneration levels for the CEO's of financial institutions, but couldn't answer the most important question - why can't self-funded retirees unlock their superannuation funds, so they can invest them in real estate, or their own homes?
The audience: A bunch of clowns
The Emporer Clown has now called for a meeting of King Clowns around the world.
Smells like the scam of the century, and it's a shame about Ray!
"We've turned into this nation of overfed clowns, riding around in clown cars, eating clown food, watching clown shows. We've become a nation of cringing, craven fuckups."
James Howard Kunstler, author of 'The Long Emergency'
Weasel Words "The Way Of The Future": Academic
"We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher, leave those kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone
All in all it's just another brick in the wall"
'Another Brick In The Wall', Pink Floyd (1979)
The Education Revolution: with Tor Taulogy
Adjunct Professor in Mixed Metaphors at the University of Create An Industry says a new improved study proves students are entering University with the intention of becoming writers and journalists, but they don't have the basic skills going forward.
"Some of them come to us with stars in their eyes and a passion for truth, but they can't even construct a tortuously meaningless sentence. Many of them have read too much Noam Chomsky or John Pilger and have no idea of the fundamental financial basics of unquestioningly repeating publicity materials. You get these kids who don't understand the fallacy of climate change, the importance of nuclear energy and the infallible science of clean coal. I'm sick and tired of having to explain that journalism is first, last and always about money, power and a sea of un-rocked boats. They have to learn how vital these essentials are to modern journalism. If they want to work for Rupert, we have to provide a supplementary course in writing for twelve-year-olds," he said.
"We need to aimify outcomes orientated in terms of incentivating the fundamentals of benchmarks, going forward," he added.
The Professor said the way of the future was to teach students how to write and say things that either don't mean anything, or convey mixed messages.
"It's an outrage, but it's all good. We need to teach values based grammar, expression and inflammatory cliches," he said.
The author of the new improved study, Sir Cumlocution from the National Curriculum Unit at the Ponds Institute said too many students entered University with the erroneous impression they would learn basic journalism skills.
"They have this bizarre idea that journalism is about objectivity, fair and balanced reportage and speaking truth to power," he said.
"I slam this outrage."
The City View Hotel
City View Hotel, cnr Leichhardt Street and Wickham Terrace, Spring Hill (1968)
Bar Chat In the City View Hotel
"You have an interesting face." I said to the elderly man in the Public Bar.
He moved his beer and himself farther up the counter.
"Watch it!" He scowled, alarmed.
"No, Mate. don't get me wrong. I'm an artist and I'm interested in anything unusual. Especially faces."
He moved a further two yards away.
"Like I said, watch it. Artists are the worst kind."
"No, mate. Fair kinkum. I mean fair dinkum, I'd like to do a sketch of you, if you'll let me."
"In your cosy little studio, I suppose. On the couch. Not bloody likely. I know all about you artists. I've heard all about this Vee Bohemian."
"You got it all wrong, mate. I'm looking for a particular character to put in this painting I'm doing, see, and you're just what I'm looking for."
"What a bloody story. I wouldn't let you scratch me tomcat's rump."
"No. I mean it. I want you for me painting."
"I don't care what you want me for, you ain't geting me. Now piss off!" ...
From 'Spring Hill Re-Sprung' (Clare Glazebrook and Jack Murphy, 1980)
Credit Crisis Hits UK
"Would one like freedom fries with that?"
New Community Policing Initiative Targets Ipswich's Naughty Element
Roboenforcer: "Comb your hair and pull up your socks"
Ipswich Council has established a new policing initiative - "You Will Obey" - to target the city's naughty people.
The city's mad scientist - Dr Smith - has developed the "Roboenforcer" - a humanoid camera/robot/law enforcer that will wander the city's streets, identifying scallywags, ruffians, guttersnipes, rogues and ne'er do wells and yelling at them.
Dr Smith has programmed the "Roboenforcer" to yell such phrases as:
"Stop dragging your feet!"
"Get a haircut!"
"Comb your hair and pull up your socks!"
"Get a job!"
"Stop doing that you little turd!"
"There will also be a daily "tasering" with details reported by the daily propaganda sheet," he said.
The "You Will Obey" initiative forms part of a Queensland Government strategy to rebrand the "Sunshine" or "Smart" State into a "Police State".
"This is not Big Brother. I repeat. This is not Big Brother," said the Mayor.
"People have had enough of being terrorised by disobedient little children."
Brisbane's Media Shuffle: Rumours Of Rumours Are Rumoured
"Now it seems they're telling me
You've changed your wicked ways
But should I give you a second chance
Baby, I'm too afraid"
'I Heard A Rumour', Bananarama (1987)
Brisbane's media elite are reeling after rumours have started circulating about an overhaul in the media landscape.
Sources close to the 'Spring Hill Voice' have revealed some of the more controversial changes. Evidently "Agro" will read the nightly news bulletin on the ABC, "City Kat" will present 4ZzZ's 'Anarchy Show', and the Radical Radio Collective will host 'Stateline'. 'Eco Radio' will be presented by Ms King, the Poo will return to Brisbane as Editor of the only paper in town, and the very popular "Emily Everywhere" column will be replaced with "Bruce Gets Around".
In national media news, it has been reported that the Managerial Class has reined in ABC Radio National programs such as 'The Media Report'. This Orwellian coup comes after the successful infiltration and decimation of ABC radio and television in Brisbane.
The Managerial Class will discuss the importance of mono-media and staying on message in his forthcoming lecture series on the ABC, and every Australian politician will genuflect.
"Axing certain programs is not political - that's why
we are retaining all the shows that glorify trivial knowledge, perpetuate stereotypes
and lull Australians into state of obedience and self satisfaction," said
the person in charge.
Adelaide Airport Trials The "Rudie Nudie Terror Pervometer"
Officers undergoing special "Rudie Nudie Terror Pervometer" training
Would be nudists will be on high alert as Adelaide Airport trials the "Rudie Nudie Terror Pervometer" this month.
The device, which has been installed at security checkpoints throughout the airport, will identify any travellers who might be latent nudists, or belong to sleeper nudist cells.
Mr What-tha from the Department of Unecessary Measures said officers would undergo special training and that he was confident this new measure would deter nudists.
"It will be initially a voluntary exercise, but we hope the trial is a success and the "Rudie Nudie Terror Pervometer" will be soon operating in Airports around the country," he said.
"We don't want nudists here - there is a beach on the Sunshine Coast if that's what they want to do."
Head of the Civil Liberties Association Sir Real wasn't so sure the "Rudie Nudie Terror Pervometer" would do anything other than inconvenience travellers.
"It looks like those x-ray glasses they try to sell you at the back of comics," he said.
It's True:
Aussies Are The Bestest, Most Excellent And Richest In The World
"The night is young and full of possibilities
Well come on and let yourself be free
My love for you, so long that I've been savin'
Tonight was made for you and me
You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell"
'Ring My Bell' Anita Ward (1979)
A new report produced by the Irrational Hubris Unit at the Ponds Institute has found that Australians are the bestest, most excellent and richest people in the world.
The report's author, Dr Des Traction says that Australians are lucky they live in such a prosperous, egalitarian society.
The research identifies that reality is not important, but it's how people feel about the jingoistic reality presented to them by the mainstream media that counts.
"The methodology of our research was simple, yet complicated," he said.
"We knew the answer, but we just had to ask the right question, and ignore the "R" word - and by that I don't mean rissole!"
Dr Des Traction compiled a Prosperous Index of countries in alphabetical order, and his assistant Fanny Fudgeit was given the challenging task of scribbling out Africa and Argentina.
"We then found Australia at the top of the Prosperous Index," he said.
"And what a remarkable coincidence that Deltra Goodrem rang the Wall Street Bell the other day! My research is vindicated by this symbolic gesture which puts our awesomeness beyond any doubt! Oi! Oi! Oi!"
Shock Doctrine Psychosis
a $10.4 billion
domestic stimulus
decisive decisive action
half the budget surplus
will they save the market
with a viagra suppository
making us spend and spend and spend
to save the economy?
interest rate cuts prolong
the death of globalisation
attempts to postpone fate
with bailouts and nationalisation
all the lovely billions
nation building remedy
propping up the unsustainable
and the grand mythology
irrational exuberance
and economic growth
when there is no manufacturing
isn't this a joke?
what is Infrastructure Australia?
it smells like a scam
all the people on the board?
will make money for jam
a nation gripped with fear and panic
terror survellience technology
free drinks in the bar?
or economic security strategy
they say we've reached the bottom
and there's a glimmer of hope
but the paradigm's collapsing
and on us has been the joke
you and I will watch
the lining of the pockets
as those who got us into this mess
disappear just like a rocket
as we move toward
a one world reality
they've privatised the government
how extraordinary!
What's This Got To Do With Wet Weather?
BCC - Updated Traffic Alert: Lights Go Off On Coronation Drive [13/10/08]
Brisbane City Council advises motorists that, due to recent wet weather conditions, the Coronation Drive tidal flow traffic management system lights will now be switched off on Tuesday 14 October.
The gantry lights signage will be deactivated from 10pm on Tuesday as part of ongoing work to remove the Coronation Drive Tidal Flow System. The dismantle and removal of the system is expected to be completed by early November 2008 and Coronation Drive will remain open to daytime traffic throughout the duration of this project.
Works requiring major lane closures, including gantry removal, will be undertaken at night to reduce the impact to busy daytime traffic. Council encourages motorists to avoid the area at night during this necessary program of works.
For further information phone Council on 3403 8888.
World Market Turmoil Is No Excuse To Wee In Pristine Island Lakes: Minister
"Make a morning pledge
To the hum of the city quiet
Pray the daybreak sun
Can fill up the halls of a sleepless night
Bring one good face into this house today
Hourly, daily."
'Hourly, Daily', You Am I (1995)
Minister Fraser-Island-Lake has warned Queenslanders that just because they may lose their jobs in the face of the world market turmoil, does not mean they are entitled wee in pristine island lakes.
"I don't swim in your toilet, so don't p*ss in my lake," he said.
"I'm going to review this in the middle of the year, and use the opportunity to say we need more houses, yes, more houses is the key"
But the Opposition Tim said he wanted more detail.
"Our very slim surplus certainly isn't an excuse to wee in any body of water," he said.
"Even the beach at Southbank where everybody wees."
Federal Government And Opposition Agree With World Wide Neo-Con
Guys
The Minister for Deregulation held a press conference this morning. He was keen to point out to the press gallery that they should not succumb to a herd mentality and strongly urged them to come up with their own reportage of the current situation. At one point he alluded to the Australian people's relationship with news outlets. He said:
"If I could turn the page
In time then I'd rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day to believe in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(you can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
Although I'm not making plans
I hope that you understand there's a reason why
Close your, close your, close your eyes
No more broken hearts
Were better off apart lets give it a try
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(you can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
If I could turn the page
In time then I'd rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day to believe in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(you can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(you can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me, tell me lies)"
The Minister for Deregulation made no reference to the well known song: 'Tell Me Lies' by Fleetwood Mac.
The Opposition Shadow Minister For Even More Market Deregulation told the assembled press that the Minister's comments were an affront to both the freedom of the press and the constitutionally guaranteed freedom of speech enjoyed by former Australians such as Rupert Murdoch. To drive home her point she quoted the lyrics of a famous Australian rap crew, when she said, in reply:
"I see your shadow on the street now
I hear you push through the rusty gate
Click of your heels on the concrete
Waiting for a knock coming way too late
It seems an age since I've seen you
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days
So you come in and put your bags down
I know there's something in the air
How can I do this to you right now
If you're over there when I need you here
My happiness is slowly creeping back
Now you're at home
If it ever starts sinking in
It must be when you pack up and go
It seems an age since I've seen you
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days
I hope that time hasn't changed you
All I really want is for you to stay
I know, I know, I know what is inside."
The Shadow Minister did not make any reference to the song: 'My Happiness', by Powderfinger.
Both the Minister and the Shadow Minister agreed that Australia is in the "grip of a bipartisan crisis".
Markets responded positively by soaring 1% on the news. Stockbrokers all around the world today bumped up against modern unbreakable windows in a ringing endorsement of the Buy-Partisan approach to the mild flutter in markets.
Meltdown Threatens Vital Brisbane Infrastructure Projects
Victoria Bridge handrail job...threatened
Vital infrastructure projects around Brisbane may be placed on the backburner as the world financial meltdown tightens its grip upon the city.
An important handrail job, which had a promised completion date of October this year, has been delayed and Brisbane residents are not happy.
"I am bitterly disappointed, especially given that this particular handrail job was a budget promise," said Brisbane resident Benny Bridgewalker.
"I've been waiting for this handrail job since August. It's a disgrace. If they've run out of money, can't they organise a PPP or something? I'm seriously reconsidering my vote for the next election."
But the City Hall Leader maintains that despite the economic crisis, Council will continue to deliver services and infrastructure to Brisbane's citizens.
"These signs are vital and any revenue shortfalls won't prevent Council from continuing to put them up around the city," he said.
"We will also continue to spend money on tasteful signs such as those in the Queen Street Mall, that inform people about littering fines, along with expensive advertisements and other propaganda in the limited news press."
Something To Think About
RICKY: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was just... dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realised that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. Ever.
From the Academy Award winning 'American Beauty' (1999) written by Alan Ball and directed by Sam Mendes
Nominate Yungaba For One Of Queensland's Top 150 Icons
Go to: http://www.q150.qld.gov.au/CelebrationHighlights/q150Iconnominations.aspx
Select the category "State-shapers" or "Locations" from
the drop down box and nominate Yungaba Immigration Depot, Kangaroo Point.
Syd's Pies: Curiously Popular
Perhaps on your travels along the M1, you've noticed this recent addition to the highway landscape at Loganholme?
Syd's Pies displays an eyecatching sign claiming to have Brisbane's Best Pies (as voted by 4BC listeners), so last Friday the Spring Hill Voice editorial team decided it was time to do a pie review.
After the logistical nightmare involved in actually getting to the shop - we were travelling from Brisbane, and it's much easier to get to if you're travelling the other way (just take Exit 31) - we purchased two steak and guinness pies from a fairly wide selection.
They were doing a good trade for a Friday lunchtime - it seems that dropping by Syd's Pies is becoming a bit of a habit for Gold Coast - Brisbane commuters and other travellers.
The pies had a nice, light, flaky pastry and a reasonable amount of chunky filling, but I wouldn't say they were Brisbane's best. But then, I wouldn't say Yatala Pies were Brisbane's best either - although the pies from the bakery on Newmarket Road Ashgrove are better than average.
In any case, Pandoro Bakery at Southport is our favourite bakery - they sell all the authentic Italian breads and desserts plus very decent pies and pastries - and you can get a good coffee there too.
If you are out and about buying pastries, don't ever buy a vegetable pastie at Caloundra on Boxing Day - I did in 2006 and nearly died.
A Nuclear Power Joke
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?" and he smiles.
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
What The Paper Says (12/10/08)
kookaburra sits in an old gum tree
hey! get off that balcony
only commodified sex at the indy
but bank deposits are now guaranteed
so why not sell some property?
and survive the crash in your seventies
put it on your fridge so we all can see
though the house shortage is a fantasy
we all hate that Ronan Lee
cloudland emerges in the valley
you are fat oh can't you see
Sarah Murdoch gets a job with fox tv
Tania and Ben are now pal-ley
oh give me a vegemite sandwich or three!
There's Life In The Old Girl Yet
"We are a rock revolving
Around a golden sun
We are a billion children
Rolled into one
What will I think of me
The day that I die
Saltwater wells in my eyes"
'Saltwater' Julian Lennon (1991)
We were a little early for the screening of Kim Kindersley's film 'Whaledreamers', which screened at the Greenfest on Saturday (11/10/08) evening. This meant we caught the end of a forum where one of the speakers urged the crowd to make sure we had our own water supply, food, and to think about where we live and how we get around. Important things to consider - even though Brisbane's media queen maintains the community only have "lingering concerns" over climate change in the face of the worldwide economic crisis. (To digress, her latest column - about law and order - fails to point out how the paper that she writes her weekly establishment apology for perpetuates this lack of understanding and promotes extreme views.)
Needless to say, although Quest Newspapers (owned by News Ltd.) were a Greenfest sponsor, don't expect any of the News Ltd. family to endorse the universal message of 'Whaledreamers' - their job is to manipulate ignorance, tokenism, fear and hate.
This beautiful and inspiring movie - the crowd at the Southbank Piazza gave it a standing ovation - will get you to thinking about humanity, your connection to the environment and its wondrous creatures, and why we should listen to indigenous people whose wisdom holds the key to an awakening in us all.
Prior to the screening, Kindersley gave a moving speech about finding common ground, how the Greenfest was a great idea, and that it is you and me who have to do something about our environment's crisis, because "the government won't, business won't, and the mainstream media won't".
"This feels like the first time we're screening the film for real, and this is the right place," he said, referring to Greenfest, and praising the festival's organiser.
Bunna Lawrie, a song man from a dispossessed aboriginal tribe, then gave a powerful speech where he called on us to listen and understand what the world's indigenous peoples have to share, before performing a rousing ancient prayer to the whales.
'Whaledreamers' centres around the personal journeys of Lawrie and Kindersley, traversing a decade from the remarkable meeting of indigenous people from around the world where the Nullabor meets the Great Australian Bight. It's dreamtime stories intertwined with a contemporary study of the devastation (murder, genocide and environmental degradation) wrought in the name of christianity, colonialism and imperialism.
Narrated by Jack Thompson, 'Whaledreamers' was fifteen years in the making, and was supported by Julian Lennon - who appears in the film and whose song 'Saltwater' is the film's theme. Evidently, before John Lennon died he told Julian Lennon: "If anything ever happens to me, look for a white feather and you will know I am there for you, always looking out for you."
During an Aboriginal ceremony which Julian Lennon had agreed to take part in, a tribal elder handed him a white feather.
Mother Earth is fragile - she's hanging in there - but is sending us the message that we need to act before it's too late, and this doesn't mean buying a green bag, lightbulb or hybrid car - it means reconnecting with our living planet and acting together as a community.
As the film says:
Do Something.
Do Anything.
"Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you
Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world"
'Everybody Wants To Rule The World', Tears for Fears (1985)
Investment Advice Gold Coast Style!
October 11 Is International Nothing Day
On October 11 take the time to celebrate International Nothing Day.
This special commemorative day celebrates nothing and won't raise awareness for anything or any funds for research into nothing at all. It won't have a corporate or government sponsor, media partner or celebrity endorsements.
There will be no dress code and no gimmicks, no stickers, pens, ribbons, badges, noses or bandanas will be sold in the lead-up to the special day.
Gather your friends and family together to do nothing, think about nothing, say nothing and revel in the hollowness.
Whisper sweet nothings to your beloved, while you stare into the void and ponder your meaningless existence.
There are infinite possibilities for International Nothing Day. It could become International Nothing Week, Month, Year or even a U.N. decade of nothing.
After all, nothing lasts forever.
"Bug House" Celebrates Closure With 'Mad Max'
He got his start in an independent Australian movie
A live performance of the Australian classic 'Mad Max' will be held as part of the gala closing celebrations of Brisbane's "Bug House" next month.
'Mad Max' himself will drive onto the stage in his hotted up Falcon, and audience participation will be compulsory in the recreation of the 1979 thriller.
"I just can't get it clear in my head, Jess. He was so full of living, you know? He ran a franchise on it. Now there's nothing. And here I am trying to put sense to it, when I know there isn't any," he said.
Following the apocalyptic action, 'Mad Max' will hold a question and answer session, but no-one will ask him what's going to happen to the statue of Augustus Caeser in the foyer. He probably won't know what's going to happen to the adjacent coffee shop, and doesn't care that it is one of Brisbane's best.
With the impending closure of the Regent Cinema, the future looks rosy for cinema goers in Brisbane's CBD - especially those who like souless multiplexes and Hollywood blockbusters.
The fewer the outlets for independent Australian cinema the better!
Will Brisbane Be Australia's First No Paper Town?
Media Comment: With Polly Nopoly
Does the city's only paper have plans to slip into oblivion?
Free screensaver offers, online surveys and competitions, and referrals to the latest online news and blogs, appear to indicate that the city's only paper may not be with us for much longer.
And would it really matter? Probably not.
City Hall Leader Reveals Howard Wharve$ Development Plans
The old water police building...termite threat on the horizon?
The City Hall Leader has announced that Brisbane's historic Howard Wharve$ will be soon be developed into a boutique hotel, cafes and retail outlets.
"A development application has been lodged and will soon be approved and then we will pretend to engage in an expressions of interest process," he said.
"This follows Council's expensive community consultation process in late 2006 where we discussed plans for a boutique hotel, cafes and retail outlets with local businesses and residents and ignored any other ideas they came up with - especially those with an inclusive community focus or an emphasis on non-commercial public space."
The current heritage legislation will allow the Howard warehouse buildings or "sheds" to be transformed until they are barely recognisable. Alternatively they will be removed from the Heritage Register and/or found to be structurally unsound or riddled with termites and therefore have to be demolished.
The valuable timber beams in the Howard Wharve$' warehouses will be purloined and the overall design will feature pokey out awnings, strange metal sculptures and pissweak artwork depicting sanitised aspects of the wharve$' history.
The old water police building will be demolished and an anointed recreational business will charge exorbitant fees for clowns to climb up and down the cliffs. The air-raid shelters will be retained for the forthcoming war, and the "boutique" hotel will topple into the river when the sea levels rise.
The City Hall Leader said that the development will include 80% parkland where wealthy inner city residents can walk their poufeneys and hold their personal training and boot camp classes.
The recent closure of the River Boardwalk offers a hint of what the Howard
Wharve$ development is all about - and this has nothing to with the connectivity
between New Farm and the city - and more to do with creating yet another exclusive
enclave.
It's His Decision (It Isn't Easy Being Green)
Eeny meeny minie mo, who will be the next to go?
I don't think it's Dean and definitely not Pat
And there's no way that Judy's a rat.
Robert wouldn't jump
And neither would Grace
Stirling and Kerry
Are still in the race
Brown says that Peter
Would do well to turn Green
But in this place without a postcard
What would that mean?
Could it be McNamara
Who wants to be free
To represent his constituents
Like Ronan Lee?
Brave New World For Australian Seafood Industry
Professor Panic's Space Ship - the Noahs Ark (II) - at the Ponds Institute
Researchers at the Species Deceases Unit of the Ponds Institute have discovered that an exciting future lies ahead for Australia's seafood.
"Vith climate change upon us, ve are looking at a brave new world for Australia's zee creatures," said Professor Panic.
"My research indicates zat some of Australia's prawns and fish vill swim down to Antartica and zen ven it becomes too hot zere, zey will fly to the moon in specially dezigned space craft I have called the Noah Ark (II), where zey will interbreed in the sea of tranquillity and create a utopian society of fish monsters."
Mr Prawn, a deep sea dweller, said he was looking forward to the brave new world, but was a little concerned about the space flight.
"I'm rather anxious about it, but Professor Panic assures me that we will all be ok," he said.
"I just want to get out of here, it's getting too hot and there's too much competition."
Mr Prawn was referring to those freaky foreign peeled prawn wheels and the genetically engineered soylent green fish a.k.a. Blind Mullet, which is currently being sold in Australia's seafood outlets and supermarkets as "Bassa Dory".
His friends, Mr Barramundi and Mr Tuna agreed.
"They say the industry has to adapt to climate change, well that is the most ridiculous thing I've every heard. It's clear nobody cares about me, and there's no way the yanks are going to get their hands on me - I'm outta here!" said Mr Barramundi.
"F*ck them all, they have plundered the seas and destroyed our environment," said Mr Tuna.
"When's the last time you were able to buy a tin of Australian tuna at the supermarket? For the past few years, Australian tuna has been sent to the U.S., while Tuna from Thailand is being sent to Australia - we just want to be free."
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world
You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your f*cking khakis
You have to give up, you have to give up
You have to realise that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless
I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever arts
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may
From: 'This Is Your Life' by The Dust Brothers (1999)
Take Note West End And Woollongabba
"Spring Hill is one of Brisbane's oldest suburbs; ageing, broken down, but still colourful. It looks like and has something of the reputation of an ex-madam. Pot plants and colourful gardens are cosmetic touches hiding sagging foundations while the occasional renovated house is a startling reminder of better and more lively days.
There is no hiding the other ravages of ill-fortune and haphazard destruction, however, and the large, empty blocks of land and the aggressively ugly office blocks are prominent landmarks in Spring Hill. It is a suburb in transition, but the form and direction of its future are not yet clear...
The new Town Plan, recently released after two years delay, could be seen as some sort of reprieve for reidential Spring Hill. Specific planning initiatives for the Central City area include moves towards an "urban style development" of the older area surrounding the inner city. The aim of this policy is to encourage and strenghten the inner city areas as an economically and socially vital centre.
Any attempt to do this must give emphasis to reversing the current population decline of these residential fringes of the inner city, and to discouraging the inclusion of commercial land uses onto such areas. The zoning of most of Spring Hill as "Residential C" is therefore a positive move to reverse the trend of inner city decine, and an attempt to ensure the continued residential content of suburbs such as Spring Hill.
The bad news for the older and more historical parts of Spring Hill is that the motive behind the new zoning regulations is not really concerned with the preservation of what already exists. The attitude of the City Council towards the suburb, as outlined by a Council Officer, is "To make Spring Hill an attractive area for people to live in..[which] means highrise apartment buildings with good facilities and landscaped surroundings."
The Town Plan describes the older areas of the city such as Spring Hill in terms of inadequate local streets, which are poorly designed and experiences heavy traffic flows. Total redevelopment involves complete change and remodelling, a proposition not too far from Archbishop Duhig's suggestion of 50 years before.
It means the completion of the piecemeal destruction of old Spring Hill and the growth of new middle class modern town houses -- a return to the concept of "respectable" and "fashionable" inner city living...
Although rezoning has secured what is left of Spring Hill as a residential area, the direction of the development of the suburb is still undecided. The cynical recall the lack of success of earlier Council planning regulations.
Already much of the old Spring Hill is gone. The windmill, the art galleries, and the Main Roads Department building are now the major landmarks, and construction is about to begin on the corner of Fortescue Street and Leichhardt Street where two houses and two blocks of flats were knocked down a month ago. What is left of the original suburb, and a few beautifully restored houses are worth seeing. It may not be The Rocks or the Latin Quarter, but it has a uniqueness and a place in Brisbane's history which makes its present state and likely future, a tragedy for Brisbane."
From Dianne Jensen's article - 'Spring Hill: The Return to Inner City Living' - 'Time Off' (31/5/1979)
At the end of the story is an advertisment for "Back copies" of 'Time Off' - stories include:
'Egan Cops Out: Inside the Police Mind', 'Premier Joh, the Private Man', 'Birth Control by Astrology', 'Flag Fall Part 1, 2 and 3: Confessions of a Taxi Driver', 'Moreton Island, The Peel Report, Russell Island Scandal', 'New Zealand: Maori Power on the Rise', 'Nuclear Testing and Leukemia', 'Sex Probe for Women Traffic Offenders, 'Gay Prison Ruling at Wolloongong', 'Drug Driving: Pull Over Dope Smoker', Profile: Dave Warner, Post Graduate From the Suburbs', 'Malcolm Fraser's Horoscope, 'The Demise of Brisbane's Rock Venues', 'Harrisburg and The China Syndrome', 'Voice of the People: The New Male Contraceptive Pill', 'A.S.I.O. Secrecy', 'Photojournalism: Nick Udovic Visits Brisbane's Railway Stations, 'Illegal Money from Land Dealings: Syndication', 'Tom Waits', 'Mediawatch: Drugs and the Courier Mail "Investigation"', 'The Belle Vue: Photographic Memoirs by Nick Udovic', 'Waynee Poo Speaks Out', 'Police Ignore Demolition Laws', 'National Horoscope: Gloomy', 'Blackbirding: Cheap Labour Rip-Off by Queensland Government', 'Environmental Anarchy', 'The Regent Theatre Can Still Be Saved', 'Profile: Johne Bronhill, A Gypsy Songbird', 'Alfred Grant and the Civil Liberties', 'The Politicisation of Qld's Public Service: Jobs for the Boys', 'Job Discrimination: Special Branch Files Abused', 'Q.I.T. Fumigation Fears', 'Photojournalism: May Day, 'Sir David Muir: Qld's New Ombudsman', 'Computer Cover-Up', 'Federal Politician's Astrology Charts: Hawke, Hayden, Peacock', 'Qld's New Gun Laws: A Serious Threat To Civil Liberties'.
Haven't we come a long way in 29 years?
World Has Failed To Learn From Eighties Movies: Kevin
Kevin: Lessons not learned from eighties movies
Speaking at a lunch with some important people over the weekend, Kevin has said that eighties movies are to blame for the world's woes.
"Although the world should have learned its lesson from eighties movies, it hasn't, and their all pervasive influence continues to cause all the problems in the world today," he said.
"It's all about greed, and that Michael Douglas has a lot to answer for, particularly in relation to the financial crisis."
Kevin went on to explain that among others, Molly Ringwald, Tom Cruise, Demi Moore and Dan Ackroyd should also be held to account.
He said that the simplistic small town plots and nationalistic symbolism played a significant role in ruining the world's economy, environment and have caused every conflict and war.
"I can't look at a pottery wheel without feeling funny," he said.
Kevin also said soundtracks to eighties movies left a lot to be desired.
"Don't get me started on that angle - highway to the danger zone? I had the time of my life? Just hear it for the boy? Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters! Give me a break!" he said.
"And that "Can you get my kitty cat out of the tree" scene is supposed to be funny?"
Of course there's an exception to every rule, and Kevin said there was one movie that couldn't be faulted.
"I think 'Porkys' was a beacon of enlightenment in Hollywood's darkest decade," he said.
The Real Arts Bandits Stand Up
"Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to laugh a lot, oh don't you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard?
When we had imaginings and we had
All kinds of things and we laughed
And needed love... yes, Ido
Oh and I remember you"
'(Remember the Days of the) Old Schoolyard', Cat Stevens (1977)
CONTROVERSY, DISGUST, REVULSION and OUTRAGE has ensued as Australia's politicians line up to prove how basic and hypocritical they are.
Speaking to media outlets over the past few days, the politicians have been doing their embarrassing best to outconform each other.
Apparently David Marr's new book is all about the overblown furore and censorship calls that surrounded the media beat-up now called the "Henson Affair", but the only talking point they can come up with is that Henson was allowed into a school.
We're not even told when this happened or given any other context from the book.
The screamers are tripping over themselves to declare that we have to be careful who is allowed into schools. The fact that a bunch of fundamentalist freaks were allowed into 20 state schools throughout NSW to brainwash vulnerable young women is not relevant and is therefore forgotten.
This is not all about morality, decency, protection of children or even, surprisingly, censorship. This is about blind obedience to the dictates of the conservative fundamentalist forces that control our body politic and public discourse.
As before, nobody is allowed to even think about what weird kind of person thinks of sex when they see a picture of a child.
Another Waste Of Money: Brisbane City Council Media Release [3/10/08]
Brisbane City Council has taken the first steps towards easing congestion on Coronation Drive this week as work begins on the decommissioning of the tidal flow traffic management system.
Initial work to remove tidal flow line marking, gantry signage andother features of the Coronation Drive Tidal Flow System began onTuesday with further ongoing works taking place from 11pm to 5am this Sunday [5/10/08].
Motorists are also advised that, weather permitting, the system’sgantry lights signage will be switched off from Wednesday 8 October.
The removal of the system is expected to be completed by early November2008 and Coronation Drive will remain open to daytime traffic throughout the duration of this project.
Works requiring major lane closures, including line marking removal andreplacement, will be undertaken at night to reduce the impact to busydaytime traffic.
Council encourages motorists to avoid the area at night during this necessary program of works.
For further information phone Council on 3403 8888.
"Coming down off the nova somewhere near the boiled egg that is the Royal Albert Hall, we watch Paul's sun crossed with John's star and hold ice cream hands. Someone slipped on a cassette as the one you wanted left with someone else but somehow it was cool because as the music filled the shadows, you heard a sound that was a million miles away from fakery and a step away from your heart.
Just like it always did, this sound puts the swagger back into your step, the rush into your blood but somehow, and I don't know how, they had become deeper, wider, soulful, better at their craft, inspired by so many things like a world that is tiltng who knows where and the applause they always knew was theirs but waited so impatiently to receive. Words cut you from all angles, backed up by a monumental sound that rises high, high and high to crash against your rocks and then changes, majestically and magically to soothe the wounds inside.
As you are dragged inside on this trip abandon, you hear a council estate singing its heart out, you hear the clink of loose change that is never enough to buy what you need, boredom and poverty, hours spent with a burnt out guitar, dirty pubs and cracked up pavements, violence and love, all rolled into one, and now all this.
At the end you flip over and start again because now you are not isolated. They have gone to work so that you can go home. High above the day turns pink and you feel your feet lift above the ground as new roads open up in front you. In this town the jury is always knows the truth. Believe, Belief. Beyond. Their morning glory."
P.H. in the summer of '95, in the cover notes of the Oasis album (What's The Story) Morning Glory?
(According to one source, P.H. is Paulo Hewitt, biographer
to Paul Weller and friend to both him and Oasis.)
Sandpit Troubles
"Everyone's watching, to see what you will do
Everyone's looking at you, oh
Everyone's wondering, will you come out tonight?
Everyone's trying to get it right, get it right
Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody wants a little romance
Everybody's goin' off the deep end
Everybody needs a second chance, oh"
'Everybody's working for the weekend', Loverboy (1981)
The Captain and the Board...troubling times
The Captain and the Board traded blows, clashed, and threw nasty tantrums in the sandpit yesterday.
"She buried my plastic farmyard animals and I can't find the farmhouse, farmer, his wife and the children," said the Board.
"She and her mates always resort to ridiculing rural pursuits when they are desperate," he added, before falling on the floor wailing.
Speaking at a Little Lunch to her bestest bestest friends, the Captain said the Board wouldn't play construction hat with her.
"I know I can speak freely here - being among my bestest bestest friends," she said.
"It's not my fault my construction helmet is better than his and no-one pays attention to him - I'm not inviting him to my party," she added, stamping her feet.
The tantrums come after dubiously sourced polls indicate that although the Captain had more friends than the Board, he was catching up.
It has also been reported that Clive - one of the key players in the sandpit - preferred to share his fruity rollups and vegemite sandwiches with the Board.
Brisbane Shoppers Haunted By Queen Street Mall Ghost
Queen Street Mall Ghost...Woooooooooooooooooooooo
Retail Therapy: with Connie Shoema
Shoppers in Brisbane's iconic and historic Queen Street Mall have heard rumours that a ghost is haunting them.
The ghost is believed to be the ghost of a shopper who died while shopping in the olden days - many years before Queen Street became a mall.
Other rumours suggest the ghost could be that of an old retailer such as old Mr Darryl Lea, who liked his sweets so much, it is rumoured he refuses to leave.
Ghost rumours are usually associated with old buildings, and there aren't many of those left in Brisbane - so don't be scared! However, the Brisbane Arcade is rumoured to be an old building which is rumoured to be haunted by the ghost of Colonel Sanders.
Although no shoppers could say they had actually seen an apparition, one shopper said she'd thought about the ghost rumours while shopping in the Queen Street Mall.
"But look, I've been to every retail outlet in the Queen Street Mall and spent heaps of money at the Brisbane Arcade," she said, swinging her shopping bags.
Another Gem From The Queensland Shakespeare Ensemble
Treading The Boards: with Emily Exiled
The Queensland Shakespeare Ensemble's production of 'Twelfth Night' opened last night [2/10/08]. On a gorgeous spring evening, what better to do than explore the universal themes of love, and assorted human foibles, ranging from madness, revenge and toadyism to downright bastardisation?
And the Roma Street Parkland Amphitheatre is the perfect location for it.
Directed by Rob Pensalfini, this production is a delight from start to finish. Shakespeare never fails to resonate with a modern audience, and the confident players obviously have an exemplary understanding of this classic. Their performances have an authentic chemistry - so important in revealing the heart of the matter.
As with previous QSE productions, the staging was simple and unintrusive, yet thankfully for this production the mini grandstand has been replaced by a horseshoe shaped seating arrangement, which is less formal and enhances the intimacy of the performance.
The musical accompaniment was delightful. The versatile players are also good musicians and 'off-stage' time often involves playing the keyboard, strings, wind and percussion in the background. The choreography was carefully executed - especially the energetic sword fights! But although there's good use of the stage, on the rare occasion there was a problem with sound carrying across the stage, and at times the snappy dialogue raced - but that may have been first night nerves.
The cast sparkled in an eclectic selection of colourful costumes. Aside from the overly simplistic representation of Sebastian (Philippe Klaus) and Cesario/Viola (Ruby Drewery) who we are supposed to believe are identical (that's Shakespeare's fault), the costumes work well with each of the character's roles, including solemn, clown, dowdy, lordly and serious pretenders.
In any case, Olivia (Rebecca Murphy) was a knockout in her elegant black dress, and everybody enjoyed Malvolio's (Gavin Edwards) orange tights and his final exit with his lap top! Feste (Angel Kosch) was in excellent voice, Fabian (Kathleen Iron) suitably cheeky and expressive, while Malvolio (Edwards) and Olivia (Murphy) held the audience in their thrall with that unmistakeable star quality.
What an uplifting evening! The QSE's production of 'Twelfth Night' is lighthearted, yet thought provoking. Indeed, it should be compulsory for all Australians to catch a Shakespearean play once a year - especially local productions such as this one!
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey-ho, the wind and the rain;
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
'Twelfth Night' is on at the Roma Street Amphitheatre, Thursday
to Sunday during October 2-5, 16-19, and 23-26
Government Should Line The Pockets Of Weight Loss Centres: Doctor
"Are you gonna take me home tonight?
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin' world go round"
'Fat Bottomed Girls', Queen (1978)
Boombahs should take our taxpayer dollars and get their fat *rses off to weight loss centres according to Dr Bureaucrat from the Department of Illness Cancer Keynesian Economics Sucks (D.I.C.K.S)
"Over half of us are boombahs and we would do well to enrol in weight loss centres - not mentioning any particular weight loss centre of course," said Dr Bureaucrat, winking and nudging.
"Although it has been proven that individuals who enrol in weight loss centres may initially lose weight - because the food is so terrible - most of them eventually put the weight back on - that's the whole point of the weight loss industry."
Yesterday, Dr Bureaucrat told a federal parliamentary inquiry on boombahs, that the weight loss industry needed the government's assistance.
"The next thing they'll be offering is rebates for boob jobs and facelifts - where else but Queensland?" said the Head of the Doctors Who Shake Their Heads In Disbelief 24-7.
"Our health sector is in crisis, can we please have some decent policies and action?"
Federal politicians either kept quiet or leapt at the opportunity to pick on overweight people and express their support for the weight loss industry, but no-one asked the Greens what they thought because everybody knows they would say something sensible.
No-one asked a dietitian either, but a spokesperson from the How Can We Make Money From Sick People They Are A Real Nuisance Unit of The Ponds Institute said people need to be reminded that if they have a health problem, it is always their own fault.
"We can learn things from the weight loss industry - not mentioning any particular weight loss centre though," he said, nudging and winking
"They know how to turn a buck!"
Brisbane Archaeologists Make Astonishing Discovery
Could this have been a House of Review?
History and Heritage: with Dee Velopment
Brisbane's archaeologists have made an astonishing historical discovery at the Botanic Gardens end of George Street, and are trying to piece together what it was used for.
"It's quite a lovely old room, which appears to have historical significance, but its purpose is a mystery - although I have a feeling it may be linked to bicameralism," said Mr Col Vert from the Department of Incredibly Large Lanyards (D.I.L.L.)
"I attempted some onsite excavation, but was thrown out by security."
Mr Vert and his colleagues will devise an archaeological blueprint of the city, which is ten years too late and which everyone will ignore.
"Discussing convict history is safe and apolitical - very important things to consider when you are a government historian or archaeologist. My recent discovery might have something to do with this," he said.
Mr Con Vict - a colleague of Mr Vert's - said that people generally didn't give a toss about Brisbane's history and its heritage buildings.
"Look at how tastefully we preserved elements of the Wheat Creek Culvert and the WWII bunker - We are so lucky the government and developers give us these opportunities," he said.
"Brisbane is just like Sydney and Melbourne in that regard."
Your Historic Brisbane:
Brisbane Square is an architectural monstrosity - what happened to the original Shingle Inn?
Brisbane's Supreme Court is another architectural abomination, as is the design of its planned replacement.
Suncorp Stadium is LANG PARK.
The Queen Street Mall has lots of shops, emos and fascist council signs about littering.
There are large prisons on Brisbane's outskirts run by private companies - at least the government ran them in the olden days.
