Yowie sculpture, Kilcoy. Plaque states: "This Yowie was unveiled by the Mayor, Cr Alex Brown on Australia Day 26 January, 1998. It replaced the original Yowie which was erected in November 1980. The last reported sighting of the Yowie was in the Sandy Creek area in December 1979. Visitors from everywhere make the Yowie a talking point and it appears in Aboriginal folklore dating back thousands of years."

The Police Musuem in Brisbane hosted a lecture about the Kilcoy Massacre at the Police Museum in Brisbane today [31/5/09].

Professor James Lergessner, who has written a book about the massacre - 'Death Pudding' - outlined circumstances leading up the 1841 massacre, where up to 60 Aboriginals were poisoned, and discussed the aftermath.

Shepherds from the Kilcoy sheep station had continual clashes with local Aboriginals after they stole food and sheep from the station. In December 1841 the shepherds were mortified by the appearance of a large indigenous group and decided to take matters into their own hands.

Needless to say, it is a very complex tale. Here are a few points of interest Professor Lergessner covered about that time.

Following the 1838 massacre at Myall Creek (where 28 Ngarabal were killed by whites) ten people went to trial and got off. After seven people went to trial again and were convicted, and as they went to the scaffold (the only time in this country's history that this has happened after a felonous act of that type) they said they were just following orders.

The 'Sydney Morning Herald' questioned why the convicted had to be hung. Following the Kilcoy massacre of 1842 the 'Sydney Morning Herald' questioned why more wasn't being done to get to the bottom of the matter.

Ex-convicts couldn't give evidence, nor could indigenous people up to 1867. And that, together with a code of silence amongst the settlers, meant that there was never a satisfactory legal conclusion to the matter.

The actual murderers were colonialists (in today's parlance they would be "a few bad apples") and were working the perimeters at out stations - a fair way from the main station.

The native police who carried out a lot of rape and pillage were recruited from far away in the South, such as from the Riverina, and were known to be "a brilliant band of murderous little bastards".

Australians need to acknowledge and address the massacres as part of our history.

The Police Museum opens its doors to the public on the last Sunday of each month from 10am to 3pm in addition to the standard Monday to Friday 9am to 4pm opening hours. Monthly Sunday openings feature guest speakers from across the crime-solving spectrum.

Don't Look Down!

Up high and hard at work on Blighty's "Walk the Plank Wank Tank" Bridge [31/5/09]

Australian Real Estate Credulity Boundless

The more inflated it is, the more fun you'll have!

Australian house prices have bounced so high they have all but cleared the slate in terms of plummeting prices recorded in 2008, according to a report.

The report, which was released jointly by a bunch of - wait for it - real estate agents - states that house price values have risen around 2.8 per cent in the last four months.

Rock solid anecdotal evidence from these real estate agents clearly demonstrates the falls in Brisbane property values throughout 2008 are over, have reversed, and we are now in the midst of positive growth.

"I see these rising prices as if they were a can of diet coke cancelling out the kilojoules in a greasy burger," said Mr Slick Shiny-Suit from B.S. Data Analysis & Associates.

Mr Shiny-Suit also said that people in the market for property - especially first home buyers - should offer 2.8 per cent more than the asking price of a property.

Here's the bit at the end (that you hopefully won't notice) which says that data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics clearly refutes the above story.

Supermarkets Stock Up On Swine Flu Masks

I feel better, so much better ...

"Avarice and greed are gonna drive you over the endless sea
They will leave you drifting in the shallows
Drowning in the oceans of history
Travellin' the world, you're in search of no good
But I'm sure you're philosophic like I knew you would
Using all the good people for your gallant slaves
As your little boat struggles through the the warning waves"

'Ship of Fools', World Party [1986]

Ponds Institute Breeds Glow In The Dark Politicians

The transgenic politicians will be easy to spot

Scientists from the Ponds Institute's Species Deceases Unit say they have bred politicians that glow in the dark.

The scientists say that while other scientists have previously developed fluorescent politicians, their research has created the world's first politicians with self adjusting fluorescent capability.

The Fluorescent Luminescent Observable Politician "Yoo-hoo! Here I am, please don't run me over in your beeping earthmover!" (or F.L.O.P.Y.) Project is led by Professor Panic, who is also working on the Docile Bovine and the genetically modified banana projects.

Professor Panic says F.L.O.P.Y. eliminates the need for politicians having to wear fluorescent vests on building sites.

"Ve have also injected ze politicians heads vith ze genetic material from ze jabiru in order to thicken zeir heads so zat zere vill be no reqvirement for ze hardhatz," he said.

Professor Panic says F.L.O.P.Y. was initiated by the Ponds Intitute in response to a study undertaken by the Risk Management and Cynical Rectangular Framed Eyeglasses Unit, which revealed that although the electorate were clearly bored with their elected representatives appearing on the nightly news in fluorescent vests and construction helmets, the politicians were unwilling to do anything about it.

"Ve zink zat F.L.O.P.Y. iz a good compromise. Zee politicians may be fluorescent and have zik headz, and ve did our utmost to keep zeir heartz and minds untouched," said Professor Panic.

"Oh vot a verld ve live in, zis orgy of experimentation on animals, frankenstein science and ze development of technology such as robotic battlefied dogs - oh ze humanity!!!!" he added, before laughing maniacally and being huddled away by his assistant.

Community Consultation Ha Ha Ha He He He

From the Brisbane City Council website:

Community Consultation Process
Brisbane City Council has undertaken extensive engagement with the community regarding Howard Smith Wharves:

Phase One: Community Consultation (2006)
Phase Two: Community Consultation on preliminary concept plan (2007)
Phase Three: Community Information Sessions (2008)

When Corporations Want To Cuddle

From 'Inside Spin: The dark underbelly of the PR industry' by Bob Burton:

"Peter Sandman, one of the world's most influential but low-profile PR advisers, describes his work as being akin to that of an early childhood teacher: 'I don't think it is easily framed as spin-doctoring, it is much more like kindergarten-tell the truth, say you are sorry and share.' If Sandman's clients find telling the truth and saying sorry hard enough, perhaps his most radical advice is to share decision-making with activist groups. Where most PR tends to rely on communicating to critics and their supporters indirectly through the media, Sandman wants clients to involve them directly. To do this, he advises clients to invite activists and critics into forums where they are provided with information, their advice is sought, and they are even encouraged to help set standards for their operations. 'Lure them in to collaboration (by making the only alternative public unreasonableness and possible marginalisation). This is always worth trying, even if the group seems unlikely too prove willing. It can't hurt', he suggests. The benefit of such 'engagement', he argues, is in getting 'external groups to face hard choices, and of out-sourcing controversial decisions that would have little credibility if made within the company'. the flip side is that he urges activist groups to provide public support and encouragement when companies take their first tentatives steps towards reform."

Central to Sandman's strategy is a classification of 'stakeholder's and, in particular, how much 'power' they 'can bring to bear'. In Sandman's analysis, the stakeholders that PR managers need to pay most attention to are those who have the greatest overlap between 'passion' and 'power'. Depending on how they rank in these two areas, the company can choose one of four strategies: deflect, defer, dismiss, or defeat. (Sandman adds the qualifier that all the labels are 'exaggerations...but they capture something important'.) Stakeholders with power but no passion should be 'deflected', which involves 'keeping them out of the situation'. People with passion but no power, on the other hand, can be 'defetated'. Sandman suggests it is 'smarter to reach a compromise with them if you can', though he goes on to note that 'you can beat them if you have to'. And people with neither passion nor power are easier still. Just 'dismiss' them. The one occasion when Sandman says real reform is necessary is when dealing with people who have both high passion and high power. Those people, he says, are 'a force to reckon with', and the company will eventually have to 'defer' to their demands 'one way or another, to one extent or another'."

Climate Change To Kill Lucrative Gold Coast Ski Industry

"Weeeeee! I'm off to the surf club for an apre ski!"

The Gold Coast Ski Industry faces a grim future according to tourism leaders and international scientists who have warned that by 2030 there may be no snow on the glitter strip's ski fields.

Skiing attracts millions of tourist dollars to the Gold Coast every year, but Professor Krona from the Ponds Institute's Swedish campus says there has been little debate about the impact of climate change.

"Australia's coastal alpine regions will be significantly affected by climate change, with melting snow and 1,000s of unemployed ski instructers called Jurgen," he said, speaking from his beach chalet in Stockholm.

I am from Sweden, the world's most famous beach holiday destination, help me with my rucksack?"

Professor Krona's claims have been backed up by other eminent scientists who say climate change could also threaten Cairns' glaciers and Kakadu's world class ice-skating precinct.

A national conference on the Future of Tourism going forward and in terms of loss of biodiversity will be held on the Gold Coast later this year.

What Is Art?

Why is GoMA doing CD promotions in the toilet?

A distracting sunset on the M1?

The colours of Italian Week bouncing off the Treasury Building?

Alasdair Macintyre's 'Quo Vadis'?

Aviva Ziegler's documentary 'Fairweather Man' - about artist Ian Fairweather - was screened at the Gallery of Modern Art last night [28/5/09] and will appear on the ABC later this year.

When asked what he did all day, Ian Fairweather said:

"I'm painting, damn it!"

Yibbida Yibbida: Brace Yourselves

Democracy in Australia: That's All Folks!

Government Launches Hotline To Combat Taxis And Other Scourges

"Good Morning! You've reached the "Rupert Told Me And I'm Outraged" hotline! Do you mind holding?

Following hundreds of calls about taxis and other scourges, the Queensland Government has established a complaint hotline.

The "Rupert Told Me And I'm Outraged" hotline will deal specifically with complaints about taxis (with a focus certain taxi drivers - you know the ones we mean), state school teachers and left-leaning Professers, Islamic schools, the public health system, ABC bias, hoons, graffiti, wild weather (but not in the context of climate change), youths, public transport, pedophiles, pedestrians, greenies and human rights advocates.

A state government spokesperson said the "Rupert Told Me And I'm Outraged" hotline was an important step going forward in terms of reforms.

"Research from the Ponds Institute's Centre for Controlling Community Discourse shows that people feel powerless if they can't complain about things, and hotlines give them an outlet without governments actually having to respond to genuine community concerns," the spokesperson said.

"Plus callers will be offered a complimentary garlic bread or bottle of soft drink."

At the end of the year, all complaints to the "Rupert Told Me And I'm Outraged" hotline will be consolidated into a report which will be released to the only paper in town, and will form the foundation of yet another one of their pointless stories.

Religious Sculpture Controversy, Uproar, Outrage, Fury

The question is not is it or isn't it, but how big was his pecker?

Get Ya God In, with Dimity Doormat

A controversy has erupted in the art world over whether or not artists should depict the son of god as having a ginormous donger, a small cashew, or if in fact his appendage should be covered.

A nudey-rudey sculpture of a crucified fellow with a tiny penis has caused an uproar amongst fools, idiots, wankers and no-hopers. Sure, Jesus had a tiny pecker. So what? After all, isn't the whole premise of the Church that the dick or willy is of no use and shouldn't be used?

O.K. there may be some issues still extant today about Catholic priests molesting children (eg the Irish Church's revelations recently) but that doesn't diminish our diminuitive argument that a tiny pecker is a good and holy pecker.

After all, a teeny-tiny dick is a harmless dick, isn't it? Why would anyone get upset about this issue, unless they had an unhealthy Mary-Magdelene type fixation with our Lord's dick?

Some Greens Media Releases

Greens move for action, not delay, on climate [25/5/09]

The Australian Greens will move in the Senate to drive domestic and global climate action without the failed Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme dragging it down.

"Since the Rudd Government refuses to work with the Greens to fix the CPRS, we want to see this 'agreement to fail' rejected and get Australia moving with real climate action," said Australian Greens Deputy Leader, Senator Christine Milne.

"The Greens will move a motion in the Senate to give the Rudd Government a mandate to negotiate the strongest possible global agreement at Copenhagen.

"The CPRS's unrealistically conditional 25% is Australia once again thumbing its nose at the global community, requiring strong action from everyone else but refusing to take it on at home. A motion from the Senate would give the Government a much more positive message to take to Copenhagen.

"The tens of thousands of jobs in renewable energy waiting to be created would be delivered by the Government fulfilling its election promise tolift the renewable energy target. Why is the legislation to do that still being delayed?

"Instead of holding back a jobs boom with the failed CPRS, let's get moving straight away with the Government's renewable energy target and the Greens' more ambitious feed-in tariff bill."

The Greens oppose the CPRS because:

* It locks in at least $16 billion in corporate polluter welfare in the first five years alone instead of investing now in helping the community reduce emissions;

* It locks out the option of Australia agreeing to an ambitious target in Copenhagen, dragging down the chances of an ambitious global agreement and undermining the chances of protecting the climate;

* It locks out the chances of a swift transformation of theAustralian economy, with a low target driving short-sighted and unwise investments; and

* It locks out bold community action, encouraging apathy in the face of a crisis. "The Continue Polluting Regardless Scheme is an agreement to fail on climate change and an agreement to fail in transforming the economy. Its only possible impact domestically and globally is to drag down our level of ambition.

"Transforming Australia into a zero carbon powerhouse would create at least 800,000 jobs, but the CPRS would lock out the potential to create more than a handful.

"Study after study has shown that a serious plan to transform Australia into a carbon neutral powerhouse would create a jobs boom, but a weak target and $16 billion in handouts to the biggest and noisiest polluters can only lock out that boom and deliver barely a trickle."

Investment Review Board must reject China/WA deal [25/5/09]

Australian Greens Senator Scott Ludlam has written to the Foreign Investment Review Board (FIRB) asking it to recommend against a takeover bid for Western Australia's Lynas Corporation by a Chinese Government owned corporation, with significant mining investments in Burma.

He plans to take up the issue in Senate Estimates hearings next week. If approved by the Treasurer on the advice of the FIRB, the deal would make the China Non-Ferrous Metal Mining Group (CNMC) a majority shareholder in Lynas, providing $500 million for the Mount Weld project in Western Australia.

"The Chinese Government controls CNMC - it is not an independent entity in any sense. CNMC is a sole investor in two of the biggest mining operations in Burma, exploiting the resources of this long-suffering people and providing crucial revenue to the brutal military regime,"said Senator Ludlam who is co-chair of Parliamentarians for Democracy in Burma.

"I've written to the Foreign Investment Review Board asking them to recommend against the deal on two of the Government's decision criteria: the company is controlled by the Chinese Government, and it does not conform to common standards of business behaviour, due to its unethical conduct in Burma."

"Australia has a responsibility to show leadership on the issue of Burma. In particular, it has a key role to play in encouraging China to end its support for the morally bankrupt Burmese dictatorship. The Government has an important opportunity here to back its words with action, in rejecting corporate interests in the exploitation of the Burmese people," concluded Senator Ludlam.

Save the Goulburn River Drip and Brett Whiteley mural from coal mining [25/5/09]

Greens MP and mining spokesperson Lee Rhiannon has called on the NSW government to expand Goulburn River National Park to protect the unique local environment and heritage sites under threat from the push by Felix Resources to expand the Moolarben Coal Mine near Mudgee.

"The magnificent natural formations - the Goulburn River Drip and Corner Gorges will be under threat if Felix Resources is allowed to expand open cut coal mining in this area," Ms Rhiannon said.

"The NSW government should back today's call by the Mid Western Regional Council for these environmentally unique areas to be excluded from Felix Resources plans to expand their mining lease.

"There has been a strong local campaign to save this unique area for years.

"If this area is not protected the famous Brett Whiteley mural painted on the face of the Goulburn River Gorges could be irreparably damaged."

Mid Western Regional Council Mayor Percy Thompson has urged the government to incorporate the Drip and the Corner Gorges into the Goulburn River National Park.

"There is substantial evidence that long wall mining damages cliff faces and river beds. It would be irresponsible for the government to allow Felix Resources to mine in areas that would result in extensive damage to unique natural formations and local waterways.

"The Environmental Assessment Report for the Moolarben Coal Mine is a flawed document as many of its conclusions are based on inadequate data and assumptions.

"This report should not be used to justify granting this mine expansion on the terms set out by Felix Resources.

"This area and the surrounding landscape have a complex and extensive groundwater system.

"This iconic landscape is of national significance and the area should be safeguarded for future generations," Ms Rhiannon said.

Intriguing Brisbane City Council Media Releases

(1) Council Libraries Support National Simultaneous Storytime

Pete the Sheep ... and friends

Brisbane City Council's youngest visitors will join more than 100,000 children across Australia in reading the picture book 'Pete the Sheep' a spart of this year's National Simultaneous Storytime. [Baaaaaa Baaaaa .... Get 'em while they're young! - Ed.]

Twenty-three Council libraries will take part in this year's event, which supports literacy and numeracy skills in young people through a simulated storytime on Wednesday 27 May at 11:00am.

Family and Community Services Committee Chair Geraldine Knapp said this unique program provided a fun and entertaining platform for children to recognise the important role of libraries in education. [How'd that bikepath down at Ithaca Creek fare during the flood? - Ed.]

"The National Simultaneous Storytime celebrates and acknowledges the vital work being done by libraries, schools and communities to develop young people's literacy and numeracy skills," Cr Knapp said. [That's great, but you'd better not sell them off to pay for the stinkin' tunnel - Ed.]

"Now in its ninth successful year, this collaborative event demonstrates the importance of reading and literacy for children and supports our vision of a smart, prosperous city by 2026. [It'd be great if they could have more than one paper to read too - Ed.]

"The National Simultaneous Storytime provides a great opportunity to involve parents, grandparents and friends and highlights the importance of Australia's book industry and the significant role of libraries." [Isn't 'Pete the Sheep' published by Harper Collins? I think you'll find that's owned by Rupert Murdoch - Ed.]

In 2008, approximately 110,000 children at over 830 locations took part in the simultaneous reading of Arthur written by Amanda Graham and illustrated by Donna Gynell. An initiative of the Australian Library and Information Association, National Simultaneous Storytime 2009 will explore the world of 'Pete the Sheep' written by the award-winning author, Jackie French and illustrated by Bruce Whatley.

For further information on Brisbane City Council library events or The National Simultaneous Storytime log on to www.brisbane.qld.gov.au or phone Council on 3403 8888.

(2) Public Speaking Finalists Prepare For Greenfest

A Brisbane City Council initiative encouraging youngsters to speak out about sustainability will see more than 50 school children battle it out in the CitySmart public speaking finals at Greenfest 2009.

Held on World Environment Day, Friday 5 June, in the City Botanical Gardens, finalists representing 24 Brisbane schools will present thought-provoking speeches to inspire festival goers about sustainability.

Lord Mayor Campbell Newman said he was delighted to see Brisbane students getting involved, and looked forward to hearing the thoughts and opinions of the next generation. [But it's the monomedia which gets his undivided attention - Ed.]

"We have received an overwhelming response to this year's public speaking competition with almost double the amount of school children wanting to take part compared to 2008," Cr Newman said.

"Under the GreenHeart CitySmart program, this event offers young people a wonderful platform to share their knowledge and opinions on our environment and sustainable initiatives. [Get your hand off it - Ed.]

"Creating fun and entertaining ways for kids to learn how to reduce, reuse and recycle plays a significant role in developing a sustainable world for the future.

"Council encourages education of the natural environment and recognises its importance in achieving an environmentally friendly, eco-efficient, carbon neutral city by 2026." [R.O.T.F.L.M.A.O. - Ed.]

Judged in three age categories ranging from grade four to 10, nominated finalists will have a few minutes each to discuss their opinions on topics including 'Planning for Our Future', 'When Fossil Fuels Run Out' and 'Convert to Solar Power Now!'. [Shame we're not engaging in a dialogue about these topics in the adult world - Ed.]

"This year's speeches will be presented on the Green Heart stage to hundreds of Greenfest visitors, encouraging them to live more sustainably and reduce their carbon footprint," Cr Newman said. [Don't forget your green bag! - Ed.]

The Green Heart stage is located within Council's 'Green HeartZone' - a one-stop-shop of information and tips for people wanting to adopt simple, cheap and effective ways to save energy and cut down carbon emissions. Winners will be announced at 2:30pm and presented with a gift pack and trophy. Winners will also have their speeches published on the CitySmart website for the world to see!

Greenfest is Australia's largest green festival and a key event within this year's CitySmart Innovation Festival, which aims to develop sustainable solutions and promote innovation hubs and networks. [Greenfest is brilliant - we went along last year - unfortunately nothing has changed in Brisbane, the car centric capital of Australia where greenwashing reigns supreme. For example, next month he will be presenting a seminar titled " The Economic Crisis: is it time to play it safe on the environment?" at the Brisbane Institute as part of the CitySmart Innovation Festival, which "has been exploring the opportunities for sustainable technologies to bring about the next wave of economic growth while addressing the pressing needs of the environment" -weasely, waffly blah blah blah - Ed.]

Event details What: GreenHeart CitySmart Public Speaking Competition Finals Where: City Botanic Gardens, Alice St, Brisbane When: Friday 5 June 12:00pm - 12:30pm (registrations) 12.30pm - 3.00pm (event)

Troll's Parting Shot: "Australia's Phone System Racist, Backward"

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I'm crying."

'I Am The Walrus', The Beatles [1967]

Australia's richest neoconservative foreign worker on a visiting visa, Troll Suheo has packed up his millions of dollars and has slipped overseas in the dead of night.

"See Ya!" said nearly every Australian, which prompted his parting shot that the country's phone system is "Racist and backward."

Speaking from his mansion in the United States, and on his Optus telephone, Mr Suheo said that the other Australians - the good ones - have approached him and expressed embarrassment that their fellow countrymen were so mean.

"Australia's phone system is ineffecient, overpriced, it's shares are useless - I did a good job," he said.

"I hate Australians, but their money's alright!"

Policeman Bites Dog, Dog Tasers Policeman

Pouffeney ... acupuncture appointment

A dog with stun gun has shot a policeman with a taser after the policeman became aggressive.

The dog deployed a taser when the policeman wouldn't give him a scratch under the chin, a tummy rub or open a new bag of meaty bites.

The taser worked, but the barbs fell out and the policeman bit the dog.

The dog reportedly said "Hey! You're being a bit Ruff Ruff Ruff - stop biting me you big oaf!"

Spokesdoggie for the Poodle Liberation Organistion (P.L.O.), Pouffeney, said that the headline didn't actually match the story.

"Thankfully, I'm not a large staffy, and if you're not wearing your *rsehat, you can draw many important lessons and messages from this story," she said.

"Anyway, I have an acupuncture appointment - toodles!"

The dog was taken to Furry Friends Hospital, but it remains unclear if the policeman was captured, got away, or put down, or whether he will undergo behavioural therapy at Dr Panic's Species Deceases Unit at the Ponds Institute.

This Would Never Happen In Brisbane!

'Running Interference' from 'Inside Spin: The Dark Underbelly Of The PR Industry' by Bob Burton:

"In 1997, Seph Glew and his business partner, Paul Tresidder, bought the old Arnott's Biscuits factory site in the Sydney suburb of Homebush, just a hop, skip and a jump from the site of the 2000 Olympics. Glew and Tresidder's company, Kirela Pty Limited, had grand plans to redevelop the property into a huge $250 million office, entertainment and retail complex that would vie for customers with Westfield Holdings Burwood Centre a few suburbs away. But before Glew could proceed, his company needed the site to be rezoned from industrial land to one that allowed the development of office space, restaurants and retail developments.

A few months after lodging their rezoning application with Concord Council in early 1998, they received a copy of a brochure that had been distributed among local residents by the North Strathfield Resident Action Group (NSRAG), warning that the developer's plans for a shopping complex would cause a major increase in traffic and even drug dealing. In common with many small local residents groups, NSRAG was not incorporated, but more puzzling was that no one locally had ever heard about the group. Soon other newsletters were in circulation, one authorised by a 'Mr. K Mason', which listed a phone number, but Glew's attempt to contact him was unsuccessful. By a stroke of luck, however, a council officer mentioned that she had written to the residents group and had been contacted by a Ken Hooper, who had left his contact details. Glew unsuccessfully tried to make contact with Hooper.

Frustrated by his inability to find out who was behind the campaign against his proposal, Glew did a company search and hit pay dirt. Ken Hooper was listed as one of two shareholders in the PR company, Hooper Communications. Hooper, who had been a high-level media adviser to state Liberal leaders Nick Greiner and Kerry Chikarovski, had gone into the PR industry. In a bid to flush Hooper out, Glew faxed him a draft copy of a brochure he proposed distributing in the local community. In response, Hooper's solicitor warned that any damage to Hooper or the company's reputation from the publication of the brochure could result in a substantial damages claim. The letterboxing efforts of NSRAG ceased but a new group, Sydney Independent Retailers (SIR), emerged. Their brochure claimed that Glew's proposal would 'threaten the viability' of existing retail outlets, cause 'traffic chaos' and result in 'Cabramatta-style drug haunts.'. This time, however, it was authorised by Hooper from his Woollahra address. Why would a PR consultant from leafy inner-city Woolahra be all that interested in a development in Homebush?

Glew launched legal action in the Federal Court of Australia under the Trade Practices Act provisions outlawing false and misleading conduct. He argued that the covert campaign was likely to constitue a breach of the Act, and accordingly sought access to key documents to enable him to determine whether further legal action was meritied. Glew had included a colleague of Hooper's, Jim Photios, as a respondent to the legal action. After the legal action was launched, Photios had approached Hooper's client, the shopping centre developer Westfield, and sought legal indemnity for his role in the covert campaign. After being rebuffed, Photios turned to Glew and agreed to testify in return for indemnity against legal action. In a sworn affidavit, Photios spilled his guts.

Attached to his affidavit was a 'highly confiential' May 1998 memo from Hooper that revealed the scheme to create a front group to mask Westfield's role in the operation: 'This week we will undertake to obtain a Post Office Box, as a contact point for flyer reference for local residents and will issue the first of a series of flyers, designed to establish a legitmate protest group.'..."

High Tide On The Gold Coast [23/5/09]

View from John Laws Park, Burleigh Heads.

Frank Miles' 'Sun Spirits' sculpture, Elephant Rock, Flat Rock Creek.

You Can't Tell Me What To Do!

Ode To The Aussie Worker

where have all the workers gone?
the carpenters, plumbers, electricians
who used to wear King Gees
and once had workplace conditions

they'd drive reliable old utes
and drink full strength beer
but now the ABCC
fills them all with fear

corporate obedience is rewarded
ingenuity is penalised
the government's new workplace laws
are an interesting compromise

we can't withdraw our labour
or collectively organise
breaches of ILO standards
right before our eyes

there are no workers in Australia
just contracted serfs
with duel cabs, blue tooths, ABNs
and fluorescent shirts

Bummer.

Pandoro Bakery, Southport. Best bakery on the Gold Coast. Gone.

Kitten Saved From Marshmallow Factory

A Fluffy Cat in a Fluffy Situation

RSPCA workers have saved a tiny kitten from certain death when they heard tiny meows for help only moments before they were to demolish a marshmallow factory.

The Fluffy Wuffy Mallow Factory at Underwood had been declared an unsafe building and council were eager to knock the structure down to make way for a car park. Demolition workers had rigged the building with explosives and cleared the area when they heard a soft meow being carried by the breeze...

Villains Shaking In Their Boots As Queensland Adopts New Laws

If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear

The good citizens of Queensland will have their Pubic Interests Monitored as part of new phone-tapping legislation passed in State Parliament this week.

The Fear And Loathing Wasn't Joh Awful Act 2009 allows police and officers of the independently independent CMC to investigate villains of the very worst kind, but thankfully their Pubic Interests will be monitored first.

"If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear," said the Attorney Dick.

"We should be very suspicious of anyone who doesn't think these laws are a good idea."

Mr Villain from the Villain Advocacy Group said he was "shaking in his boots".

Other legislation passed when you weren't paying attention was the Throwing Rocks At Vehicles Was Previously Illegal WTF???? Act 2009.

Like the Smoking Four Metres From A Doorway Act, and the Terrifying Graffiti Utensil Search and Destroy Police Powers Act, these laws give the power to the police to do whatever they want, whenever they want, using whatever excuse they want.

A Queensland Civil Liberties person said something but no-one paid any attention because it was probably all the usual boring old stuff he says about rights.

Imagine

'I have a dream', from Elizabeth Farrelly's 'Blubberland: The Dangers of Happiness':

"Around the central blocks a light rail system describes a complex loop, one car every two minute, 24/7. Where there are six lanes, the centre strip is undercut by deep stormwater swales connecting to an artificial aquifer beneath the town. Above ground, the centre strip is given over to cafes and restaurants, interspersed with fruit trees, vegetable gardens and grapevines. The necessity to guard these gardens has given rise to a new job niche, the city night-watchman, and this in turn encourages pedestrian activity throughout the night, as well as the day.

Within these main blocks the city is criss-crossed by narrow laneways, accessible only to pedestrians and bicycles. Some of these lanes tunnel through the arcaded bases of tower buildings, others are open to the sky, but all are overtly public space, never closed, and lined with shops, cafes and bars.

These changes are supported by regulation. A special city ordinance requiring retail along all street frontages has decimated retail rents from the old days. This, more than compensated for in value terms by the extra tower heights, has combined with the huge fuel prices to replace the old street-level monoculture of banks and chain stores with a vast and variegated array of on-street retail outlets, including the fresh produce markets that have sprung up at every street corner. People shop on foot; daily for food, and locally for almost everything, so streets constantly bustle with shoppers. At the same time, since it is no longer viable to import vast quantities of alcohol, most wines and even spirits are locally produced, and licensing laws having been changed to encourage small hole-in-the-wall wine bars and licensed cafes. Running a small bar or shop has therefore become something many people, often cooperatives or groups of students, do for a few years, semi-experimentally, before going on to other things. This has entirely transformed not only the streets, occupying what would, in the old cities, have been leftover or unused basement nooks, but also the music and performing arts scene. Casinos and large, pokie-dominated pubs still exist, but are relatively rare, having been outpaced by the all night cafe culture, in which a thriving live music, street poetry and performance art scene has become an essential element..."

It's All Good. Until It Isn't

Serves the horrid bastards right! F*cking misogynistic rapists that they are. Not those who are not, of course, such as the more principled amongst them, but generally - it would be fair to describe them as *rseholes.

So they lose a sponsor who is probably going broke anyway, big whoop! Who cares? The fact that the whole NRL is simply a Murdoch construct designed to further damage Australian culture by pretending that we are all mercenary American wankers willing to sell-out our friends and family to profit Murdoch's fascist globalised corporate 'buddies', is proof that we really need to take back ownership of OUR media in this country.

Making Mischief

Vegas, 2000

"I know the family well and went to every day of the trial," he said.

"There is no way he did it."

I believed him. I still do.

We sipped our beers and pondered the evening traffic on Elizabeth Street.

Everybody had stories, but some knew more than others. In this town, if you were powerful, you either used the knowledge to your advantage or sniggered about it in the right circles.

The so-called journalists maintained the status quo of nastiness by omission while some escaped interstate or overseas. No one squealed and while many comrades muttered an awful lot about conspiracy theories, some thought they could make changes from within. In either case, victims were irrelevant while preserving one's place in the pecking order of academia or a government department. Besides, there were always enough small gaps of uncertainty to allow plausible denial.

Others, including him, were deeply affected by the injustice and hypocrisy of things they were not able to control. They could never let go and suffered for it.

He took a drag on his cigarette.

Many of our colleagues found him rude and took his cynicism the wrong way. A suffocating conformity evident in most workplaces throughout the town meant that everyone knew everyone else's private business, and there was a general awareness that he'd plumbed the depths of despair. Interestingly, while some of our more tiny minded colleagues avoided him because they were put off by this unmentionable and supposed character flaw, others appeared quite threatened by it and took great delight in making his working life very difficult.

Although his brusque, aggressive manner could be confronting, he was one of the gentlest, most sensitive souls I'd ever known. And his struggles with addiction, job loss and subsequent spells of homelessness and court appearances for drink driving weren't solely the result of a recently troubled mind.

The process of bullying and grinding down an independent mind begins in childhood.

Eventually he curtailed what others deemed to be the more unsavoury aspects of his personality. He craved acceptance, peace of mind and a better life. Yet two years later he died in a house fire and I found myself at his funeral along with a bunch of people he despised, cringing through a service he would have hated.

Bjelkeville, 1971

The little girl sat quietly on a rug playing with her dolls beneath the mango tree in the large backyard. The meat ants scrounged about but hadn't bitten her. She missed her pet lamb, but it had grown too big and had taken to knocking her over so had been given to a neighbour and was destined for Sunday roast.

Her mother hummed a Dionne Warwick tune as she unpegged clothes from the hills hoist. It was a sunny autumn afternoon and the little girl could hear her father talking to the man inside the house.

Like her father, the man was a teacher. He taught in the one teacher school in the next district and would regularly swing by in his sports car for a chat.

The man was flashy and ambitious, cultivating friendships with the influential and taking them out on his boat. He claimed Gough had told him he wanted him to run for federal politics.

On one of the many days the man didn't turn up to school, the little girl's father rang him pretending to be the Director General and gave him a serve.

The man was mortified.

How they laughed over that!

Fat, Sweaty Politicians at a Fortitude Valley bar, 2005

She didn't know what she was doing there. It was the middle of winter but the bar was packed full of exuberant "journalists", politicians and hangers on and the air was thick, but not with smoke.

They were all talking smut and sauce while strutting among their kind. They were often talking about losers.

Was it satire or a bad joke?

Only a small group had witnessed what happened on George Street back in 1990, but the stench of it followed them wherever they went.

Her friend was up at the bar buying the next round. Life had become a lot easier since she'd started sitting on her boss' lap.

A middle-aged lady sidled up and gave a soliloquy about her husband working at the only paper in town. She was only there to drive him home.

Catch 22, 2009

The father and daughter sat in the lounge room. There hadn't been any music in the house for just over a year, and it seemed to her that he was still paralysed and unable to move on - although he maintained a cursory interest in politics.

"I think they are making mischief," he said, alluding to the latest manifestation of the scandal.

"All I'm saying is that if any teacher in a one teacher school did anything untoward, by the next day it would be all around the district and the teacher would be banished," he said.

It was a sweltering afternoon and he was talking common sense, not whispers and rumours.

She was thinking psychology and childhood, where there were tests the lucky children, including her, could never pass.

Such as why the hearing nurse needed to put her hand down your pants.

"There's no need to tell anyone about this."

Or why a particular adult had to watch you in the shower on a Brownie camp.

"I'm just here to make sure you don't burn yourself with the hot water."

It didn't make sense at the time, but looking back, she could now see why one of the girls refused to sleep, sitting bolt upright on her bunk all night.

"That kind of person always inveigles their way into situations where they have access to children," she said.

She knew that the entrenched network had nothing to do with the sad creeps persecuted by the media, but it was interesting how the label could be used as a weapon.

"If they wanted to fit him up, why not invent a financial scandal or something like that?" she asked.

"Because it's the killer punch," he said.

Scientists Discover Missing Link

Scientists have unveiled a skeleton of what they say could be the ancestor of humankind.

Doctor Reverend Revelation from the Earth Science Studies Unit of the Ponds Institute says the creature, known as Hairyassus Gruntus, lived millions of years ago.

"It has a tail, opposing thumbs, arms, legs and googly eyes so we think it originates from the Crapocene Epoch, and therefore explains the meaning of life," he said.

"It looks a little bit like a monkey and therefore proves that God invented life."

The fossilised creature, which has been dubbed "Idunno", was preserved through the ages before being discovered as another missing link.

Theologians from the Institute for Public Affairs and employees of Rupert Murdoch have unanimously denounced the new finding as "not fair" because they didn't think of it first.

"I'm Never Retiring": Kevin 24/7

"Can you imagine when this race is run?
Turning up our faces into the sun,
Praising our leaders getting in tune,
Music's played by the mad man

Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever forever,
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever"

'Forever Young', Alphaville [1984]

Warning! Old people! ... but don't worry, fear will keep them in line

Australia's Prime Minister has today announced that raising the eligibility age for the aged pension has meant that he will never retire.

"I also plan never to get old," he said.

"Who wants to be old in terms of productivity, economic growth, long-term structural reform and the financial integrity of budgets?"

The PM said in order to solve the serious problem of ageing, all Australians should take his example and stay young before they die.

"The government has given Australians plenty of warning in terms of ageing and they should get used to it," he said.

"Feel The Burn While You Learn": Senator Barnaby

Sport: Health body, healthy mind and all that ...

Student Affairs, with Angus Anxious

Maverick Senator Barnaby says university students should only be permitted to pay student fees if they refrain from discussing politics.

The proposed Two Party Preferred Amenities Bill would allow universities to charge students $250 per year, but Senator Barnaby says students should feel the burn while they learn.

"These days universities are hotbeds of political activity and it would be preferable if students expended their energy in healthy wholesome ways," he said.

"Students should not become political footballs, but should play volleyball, netball, football - any kind of ball game."

The Marxist Knitting Collective, the Al Qaida Chemistry Club and the Pin Heads for Peter Costello could not be contacted for comment.

"We were going to have some democracy, but we couldn't get a permit," said Miss Silent-Majority from the Heads Down Bums Up Association.

Unsourced names from within political science departments have confirmed that the Senator's suggestion that the Yarn Spinning Club be exempt from any controls whatsoever, and receive a 200% tax deduction on expenses, has received bi-partisan support. They say it will be passed by both houses without delay, independently of any consideration of the substantive legislation.

It is understood that the special bill could be introduced as the Churn Don't Learn Bill [2009].

U.S. Public Health Community Begins Discussing Peak Oil

From 'The Energy Bulletin' [6/5/09]:

"By Rob Content, Community Solutions

On Thursday, March 12, the Johns Hopkins University Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore hosted the world's first gathering devoted to Peak Oil and Health, with support from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta. These are two of the nation's most prestigious institutions in the fields of public health and health education, and about a hundred people attended in person, with a larger number tuning in to the simultaneous web-cast. The audience was offered a wealth of information about the many ways in which today's health care services rely on infrastructure and practices that depend upon petroleum. The most likely impacts of peak oil on public health were discussed, along with opportunities for public health professionals to prepare for the roles they will play in a post-peak oil world.

Early in the program Congressman Roscoe Bartlett reviewed the evidence for the coming peak in oil production, adding "We can't say we haven't been told." Five federal government reports from four different agencies have unanimously concluded that peak oil will happen, and informed us that the consequences will be dramatic, he said. At the same time, Bartlett reported that he's seen no evidence that the Obama administration understands that we are approaching the end of the era of fossil fuels. In Bartlett's view, today's federal government efforts to prepare are inappropriately focused on trying to fill any future energy supply gap with substitutes for fossil fuels-although there is in fact no set of substitutes that can make up the difference. "We are still in a phase of irrational exuberance over alternatives," he concluded, "despite the failure of hydrogen only a few years ago, and despite the recent failure of corn ethanol."

The conference program was structured as training for health professionals. The early morning sessions built on Bartlett's introduction to make the case for a near-term peak in global oil supply. A survey of the socioeconomic impacts was also offered. Peak Oil activists would have recognized many of the charts, reports, sources, and authorities cited to bring newcomers up to speed on the "big picture" that peak oil is real, it is imminent, and it will change the way most of us live our lives…"

Read the rest at: http://www.energybulletin.net/node/48895

Queensland Offers A Set Of Steak Knives With State Assets

Queensland ... But wait, there's more!

Don't You Worry About That, with Mr Scoopit

Next month's State Budget may involve offering a set of steak knives with Queensland's publicly owned assets.

Two industry sources, who may or may not have been sitting at my table during the Opposition Ternbill's address to the Queensland Media Club today, speculate that the government are considering offering a set of steak knives as a bonus gift if you buy a port or regional airport.

Unsurprisingly, Minister Fraser-Island declined to speak about the bonus steak knives gift, but he did say he was very busy massaging the budget.

"You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in, and you shake it all about," he said.

The Opposition Fang Doctor said scrutiny of the steak knives was very important, but could not suggest whether or not they would be sold, or whether it would be worthwhile offering another set for $9.50 plus postage and handling.

More Calls For Free Public Transport For Queensland Seniors

From the May edition [Vol 9 - Issue 4] of 'Gold Coast/Tweed Seniors Newspaper':

"Camira resident Ron Anandappa wrote to Seniors to inquire if free travel for seniors was to be introduced in Queensland.

Unfortunately it's wishful thinking at this stage, Ron, although WA and SA have started the ball rolling. In WA free public transport by bus, train and ferry for seniors, aged pensioners and disability support pensioners became a reality in April. The scheme, accessible only through SmartRider card, operates between 9 am - 3.30 pm Mondays-Fridays and all day Saturdays and Sundays. About 320,000 seniors and pensioners are expected to benefit.

Previously free travel in WA has been limited to seniors only on Sundays, public holidays and during Seniors Week.

In Adelaide from July 1 seniors will be able to ride trams, trains and buses free between 9.30 am - 3 pm weekdays, all weekends and public holidays.

However in Queensland the issue of free public transport may be on the government's future agenda as Transport Minister Rachel Nolan announced on April 21 she was considering a plan to introduce free offpeak rail travel for commuters travelling from Ipswich to Brisbane before 7 am, a proposal supported by Opposition transport spokeswoman Fiona Simpson.

The proposal is based on the similar successful Melbourne experience.

It's tempting to hope that if the machinery was to be put in place here, certain interest groups such as seniors (and students) could hop on the bandwagon, so to speak.

From a senior's point of view the answer to free public transport, especially in the current economic downturn, has to be "why not?"

The idea is attracting support world-wide.

Earlier this year Welsh MPs endorsed free public transport to end the isolation many communities and people face and to link everyone into the opportunity for jobs, links to culture and to other communities so vital for well-being.

In 2007, 28 towns and cities in Europe and US had zero-fare transport.

Hasselt in Belgium has had free public bus tranport for all since 1997, resulting in patronage being 13 times higher by 2006.

The usual argument against free public transport is that it would be too costly. In the Queensland context Ms Nolan said providing free travel before peak hour would cost about $12 million. Yet taking Hasselt as an example of what is occuring in other towns, expensive investment in streets and parking facilities, and security against fare evasion were found to be unnecessary after bus services were increased..."

Why I Love The Gold Coast

"Karma is karma baby. All stealing is bad karma."

"Stealing brings bad karma. We stole over $400 from this store. If you know who we are, tell someone at the counter, or call back later & karma will reward you." - Window display, Happy High Herbs, Southport.

"Sandwich, pie, samosa, coffee", The Queens Convenience Store, Southport

A place where every "K" over, is another dollar for safety!

*Australia's Future Looks A Little Bit Brighter*

The West Leads The Way, Again: Greens Media Release [17/5/09]

Today, Federal Greens senators for WA Rachel Siewert and Scott Ludlam joined WA Greens Upper House MPs Giz Watson, Robin Chapple, Alison Xamon and Lynn MacLaren on the steps of the WA Parliament to congratulate Adele Carles on her historic win of the seat of Fremantle.

"This is the first time the Greens have ever beaten the ALP on primary votes," Ms Carles said.

"The people of Fremantle have entrusted the Greens with their first seat in the WA Legislative Assembly.

"This is a victory for the people of Fremantle and for democracy. We have forever shattered the two-party myth in Australia.

"The voice of the community has finally come through in Fremantle. People have dared to look beyond the old parties that have continually let us down.

"What has happened in Fremantle makes history but it also the shape of the future. I am committed to working towards the vision of Fremantle being Australia's first truly green city."

Federal Greens Senator Rachel Siewert congratulated Adele on breaking down a crucial barrier in Australia's political history by winning the country's first lower house seat in a State Parliament in a single member electorate for the Greens.

"With two Federal senators and now five WA members of Parliament, WA is now represented by more than any other State and it is because the Greens are the party that truly delivers on environmental, economic and social justice," Senator Siewert said.

"People know that we will stand up for their human rights; their rights at work and the right of everyone in the community, whatever their background, to be looked after.

"Adele's victory in Fremantle is as significant as 26 years ago, when West Australian Green Jo Vallentine won a Senate seat in 1983," Senator Siewert continued.

"The Greens have gone from strength to strength because Australians value a Greens voice in Government.

"There are good reasons why more and more people are voting Green, and yesterday we received a renewed mandate.

"Both the WA and Federal Governments should hear this message from the people of Western Australia. It is time both Liberal and Labor spent less time being led by big business and more time overcoming our biggest challenges such as climate change, economic recession and building the green economy."

WA Greens MLC Giz Watson said WA's track record in holding balance of power in WA's Upper House had led to better decision-making.

"It has broken the Liberal-Labor monopoly and improved the level of debate in our democracy," Ms Watson said.

"We work with government when its efforts can be improved, and we are not afraid to voice strong opposition when necessary.

"With four members in WA's Upper House and now Adele in the Lower House, I am delighted that we now have official party status."

http://www.greensmps.org.au/content/media-release/the-west-leads-way-again

It Takes The CEO Of A Corporatised Park To Tell Us How To Improve Brisbane's Public Space?

A Better 'Public Brisbane'

The public realm of a city is its common ground. Properly planned and executed it offers an inclusive setting for exchange yet the benefits of a high quality public environment are perhaps not as evident in Brisbane as they are elsewhere.

Malcolm Snow, Chief Executive Officer of South Bank Corporation, and one of Australia's leading city planners and landscape architects, will offer his personal views on this topical issue as well as the opportunities available to position Brisbane as a leader in this area.

For most of his career, Malcolm Snow has worked in areas of the Government and private sector in Australia, the United Kingdom and Asia.

Malcolm has been both the designer and leader of some of the most significant urban design projects built in Australia. He has won more than thirty national and state awards for urban management and design excellence.

Previous appointments and achievements include:

Head of Design for the City of Melbourne 1988 - 1998
receiving the Prime Minister's Award for Urban Design for the Melbourne CBD Revitalisation Strategy
Director of UrbisJHD, a leading international property and planning consultancy
urban design adviser to the Victorian, South Australian and Queensland Governments and to the Federal Government
Hear more from Malcolm Snow at this evening seminar

DATE: 26 MAY 2009

TIME: 6.15 P.M. (REGISTRATIONS FROM 5.30 P.M.)

VENUE: THE ART GALLERY, CUSTOMS HOUSE, 399 QUEEN STREET, BRISBANE

COST: $25; $15 CONCESSIONS. FREE TO SUBSCRIBERS AND SPONSORS OF THE BRISBANE INSTITUTE. FREE TO STAFF AND STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF QUEENSLAND.

RSVP: 25TH MAY 2009

BOOK ON LINE: www.brisinst.org.au or Tel. 07 3220 2198

Aung San Suu Kyi Needs Your Help

Amnesty Reports [15/5/09]:

"Just two weeks before her house detention was due to expire, Burma's pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi was arrested on highly dubious charges.

Ms Suu Kyi and two female companions are facing trial in connection with a recent incident in which an uninvited intruder swam across a lake to her home in Rangoon and stayed there for two days.

We must use the influence of those around Burma neighbours to pressure the military junta to free Aung San Suu Kyi immediately. The Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) is best placed to make representations within the country."

http://www.amnesty.org.au/action/action/20988/

China Exposes Rudd's 25% Climate Fig Leaf:

Greens Media Release [16/5/09]

Prime Minister Rudd's attempt to green-wash his Carbon PollutionReduction Scheme with a 25% conditional target has been exposed as disingenuous by China's top negotiator, Su Wei, Australian Greens Deputy Leader Christine Milne said today.

When Prime Minster Rudd announced his climate back-down to the coal industry earlier this month with a delay in the start date by one year,a $1.1b increase in compensation for big polluters, and a fixed $10 carbon price in the first year, he tried to cover it with a highly conditional promise of a 25% reduction in greenhouse gas below 2000 levels by 2020.

"It was in complete breach of the Kyoto Protocol and all negations since- seriously undermining his first act as Prime Minister, which was to sign Kyoto with great fanfare."

"The bargain of Kyoto was that developed countries accept and meet mandatory reduction targets before developing countries took on mandatory targets."

"By making Australia's target 25% conditional upon developing countries accepting a mandatory target of 20% below business-as-usual, Mr Rudd knew full well he was putting up conditions that would never be agreed."

"As Sue Wei has indicated today, Australia going against the spirit ofthe Kyoto Protocol and the subsequent Bali roadmap, will see increase danger and frustration in developing countries and undermine the prospects of a global agreement."

"Kevin Rudd was happy to get the accolades in Bali by ratifying the Kyoto Protocol, but is clearly not happy to take the responsibilities,and do the heavy lifting, that his signature implied."

Senator Milne said the rest of the world would see straight through what Australia was doing.

"Why should China accept climate demands by Australia, when Australia remains one of the highest per-capita emitters in the world?"

"Why will the European Union accept that developed countries cut their emissions by 40% in aggregate, but that Australia should not take its fair share of that cut because Mr Rudd wants to protect the pollutingcoal industry?"

http://www.greensmps.org.au/content/media-release/china-exposes-rudds-25-climate-fig-leaf

The Dark Art Of Empire

Professor Stephen Eisenman takes a unique approach to the study of imperialism in his book 'The Abu Ghraib Effect' (2007). He deconstructs the Abu Ghraib images while engaging in an analysis of Western visual art to illustrate how the images resonate with the symbolism of empire. Eisenman argues that since ancient times, artistic representations of torture and individual subjugation have aggregated in the collective memory, and this explains why contemporary westerners were generally so unaffected by what happened at Abu Ghraib.

At a time when Americans are torturing people without any international recriminations, this book bears witness and forms an important part of the explanation:

"The torture photographs from Abu Ghraib precisely enshrine objectification and heteronomous thought: the idea that certain people by virtue of race, religion, nationality, gender or sexual preference may be denied rights to basic freedoms of action, association and thought (or even to life itself), and that the greatest ethical imperative is to follow orders."

Eisenman articulates that this "pathos formula", which eroticises violence, rationalizes torture and celebrates slavery and punishment, is evident throughout history, and particularly in Ancient Greek and Roman sculpture and painting.

"Imperial authority, however, in Italy and abroad, was not only exercised by military means; it was also culturally enforced. The dissemination of the Latin language and Roman customs, political structures, kinship systems, property relations, law, art and architecture--in short, an entire cultural infrastructure--functioned to cement ties between the imperial centre and the colonial periphery."

The works of the grand masters--including Raphael and Titian--also emphasise theatricality and display. Raphael's Battle of Ostia depicts the image of the "infidel who willingly embraces his own chastisement and captivity." While, Titian's Philip II Offering the Infante Don Fernando to Victory "with its beautifully poised, bound Turk in the foreground - again recalling the Trojan Column and the Gemma Augustea--is another monument that embraces Classical, and subsequent Pauline and Augustinian precepts concerning divinely sanctioned torture and enslavement."

Eisenman draws parallels between a 1925 post card showing African Americans 'scrambling for money' before amused, Southern, white male onlookers, with the Abu Ghraib image of a pile-up of Iraqis and the broad grins of the US soldiers, Charles Graner and Sabrina Harman.

Both pictures were intended to be funny. In the first instance, the putative humour derives from the contrast between the patronizing calm of the white men with straw hats who face us, and the frenzy of the black men, seen mostly from behind, who dive for coins. In the second, the humorous intention is similar; the white people look out at us with knowing grins, while the prisoners with hoods form an ugly and indecorous mass...The humour is frankly racist, and we can guess how the white instigators of this joke would respond to stares of horror or incomprehension: 'What, don't you get it? Where's your sense of humour?' In colonial or settler contexts--whether domestic or exotic--nearly all humour is racist.

More recently, James Bond movies, and television shows such as 24 display elements of the pathos formula.

Eisenman says that although the pathos formula may have been a dominant feature of Western visual art--and is especially apparent under fascist regimes--it hasn't remained unchallenged.

"The representation of introverted oppression, eroticised chastisement or rationalized torture disappeared from painting and sculpture most quickly in those places in which absolutism--the idea that the monarch is above the law and unconstrained by human sanction - was weakest."

Over the years, many artists--Goya, Picasso, Shahn, Golub and Hogarth--have sought to subvert the mass culture tradition. (Eisenman also includes crockery king and abolitionist propagandist Josiah Wedgwood in his group of rebels.) A tapestry version of Picasso's Guernica (it protests the bombing of the defenceless Basque town of that name during the Spanish Civil War), which hangs at the entrance of the United Nations, is so potent in its message that US State Department officials deemed it "inappropriate for Colin Powell and UN Ambassador John Negroponte to be photographed in front of the tapestry on the day they presented mendacious testimony concerning Iraqi mobile weapons labs and weapons of mass destruction."

Eisenman also refers to Gillo Pontecorvo's 1966 film 'The Battle of Algiers' as a "repudiation" of the pathos formula.

"A group of Frenchmen stand around, smoking, chatting, joking, while an Algerian is being tortured. It is a job for them. They take a measured pride in their work, and when they achieve a success--the tortured man talked--they are pleased. They call their boss, they extend congratulations all around, including to the torture victim, to whom they now offer comfort and encouragement, the same men who a few minutes before were burning him with cigarettes, subjecting him to electric shocks, or plunging his head into water until he nearly drowned--a technique called 'water-boarding'. "

It's a fine line. Stephen Grey, who wrote 'Ghost Plane: The untold story of the CIA's torture programme' was reportedly thanked by CIA officers for letting people know what's going on.

So there can be no confusion, Professor Stephen Eisenman places what the United Nations Convention Against Torture defines as the term 'torture' at the beginning of the book:

"any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind, when such pain or suffering is inflicted by or at the instigation of or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or other person acting an official capacity."

When the Federal Attorney General announced Australia was going to ratify the United Nations Convention Against Torture last year, he made it clear that this would not preclude the use of Tasers. It was a bizarre clarification, but then again, the Great Southern Land is hardly a Shangri-La for human rights. Only a civilized society would find the use of tasers abhorrent.

There is a debate about whether it's time Australia had a Bill of Rights. We don't need any more tokenistic appeasements from our political representatives. Australians, and everyone else, need to be legally protected against the outrages of torture and cruelty described in this book. Even if you can't read, just look at the pictures!

Presented in a slim, stylish volume of 142 pages with sixty-six black and white images, 'The Abu Ghraib Effect' isn't a long read, but it traverses revolutionary terrain in its unravelling of the function of artistic metaphor in the justification of imperialist power.

Transfink Pty. Ltd. Slugs Thomas The Tank Engine $6.7 Million

Thomas The Tank Engine ... fined

"And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To blow up the pokies and drag them away
'Cause they're taking the food off your table
So they can say that the trains run on time

Another man there was made the trains run on time."

'Blow Up The Pokies', The Whitlams [1999]

Thomas The Tank Engine was fined $6.7 million for not running on schedule throughout 2007 and 2008, and is probably going to be fined a similar amount next year.

Why Transfink Pty. Ltd. is able to fine Thomas The Tank Engine makes no sense at all, but has something to do with Transfink Pty. Ltd. being a corporate entity and reality being suspended.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, Thomas The Tank Engine said he was doing his best to run on time, but it wasn't easy given that there aren't enough trains and the rail network needs urgent upgrading.

"I get the feeling that our neoconservative business leaders and politicians, along with their handmaidens in the corporate media, want to privatize me and divide me up like a sad old locomotive. If they want us all to be like Gordon then we have to be properly funded," he said.

"I don't know how they expect me to pay the fine," he added.

Transfink Pty. Ltd.'s CEO - the Fat Controller - said the money, which would actually come from the taxpayer's pocket, would go toward publicity, PR, their flashy website and free travel to and from corporate football games.

Raytheon Resisters Receive $500 Or Ten Days

Two people who occupied the lifts Of Raytheon office last November yesterday received $500 fines in Wynnum (Brisbane) magistrates court.

Another trial before theirs enabled a small group to picket the courthouse for two hours with signs such as "Put Raytheon on Trial". They also placed bright Yellow canisters around the front of the court. Each canister contained information about the Raytheon cluster bombs which they resembled.

Bernie Moloney and Jim Dowling are part of a group engaged in ongoing resistance to the presence of Raytheon in Brisbane. Raytheon are the world's largest manufacturer of Guided missiles, as well as manufacturing four types of cluster bombs, and various other weapons of mass destruction.

During the trial Bernie and Jim were able to describe and show pictures of Raytheon slaughter, as well as cross examine a Raytheon security worker Kevin Smyth.

Kevin had been with Raytheon for ten years, but claimed only to be made aware of Raytheon's manufacture of cluster bombs etc, by the trial. When asked if it concerned him that Raytheon was responsible for the carnage depicted in the photos in front of him, he replied, "No not at all". His disturbed appearance belied his answer, however.

All the police witnesses were also obviously disturbed by their role in defending such a corporation. However appeals to higher consciences as well as the Nuremburg Principles of International Law, met with the usual numb response. The magistrate himself remained stoic throughout the proceedings, while giving Bernie and Jim considerable leeway to ask questions many magistrates would have not allowed.

Bernie and Jim both informed the magistrate that they would not be paying any fine.

Jim Dowling [16/5/09]

Woman As Temptress

From 'The F Word: How We Learned To Swear By Feminism' (Jane Caro & Catherine Fox):

"Women are, once again, held responsible for male sexual behaviour, and to blame if such behaviour is exposed. This attitude is not confined to formal religion, but reveals itself in all sorts of traditional and tribal cultures.

The recent prosecutions of many Pitcairn Islanders (descendants of the Bounty mutineers) for endemic child sexual abuse are another example of this. It was the women who made the complaints who were demonised on Pitcairn, rather than those they accused. Australian author Colleen McCullough who is married to a Bounty descendant rationalised the abuse by saying 'It's Polynesian to break your girls in at 12' ('Author backs sex islanders', Edinburgh Evening News, 16 November 2004). Even the language used by McCullough is revealing; who wants to be 'broken in' after all?

Perhaps in each of these examples as Simone de Beauvoir suggested in The Second Sex men are projecting their own unacceptable feelings and emotions onto 'the other'; thus women are held responsible for the behaviour and reactions of some men. Sheikh Feiz Muhammad's controversial comments, for example, blame a woman's appearance for making a man rape her. There's a breathtaking lack of logic here. Does the Sheikh believe the rich make poorer men steal just by being rich, and that this is an acceptable defence? Of course he doesn't, and nor does his (or any other) religion. In Islam, according to Sharia law, it is acceptable to cut off the hand of a thief, no matter how flagrantly the person who has been robbed was flaunting their wealth.

It has become commonplace to see fundamentalist Christian preachers fall spectacularly from grace when some sexual peccadillo of their own is brought to light, to the point that whenever we hear someone fulminating about sex and morality, we now automatically suspect them of being in denial about kinky sexual behaviour. Naughty of us, we know - just like the men who cannot help but respond to the incitement of Western dress - we can't help ourselves. Feminism is helping women recognise this process: the unfairness of this blame and the moral guardianship it imposes on women."

And there's no impetus for change - it's business as usual, as evidenced by the cover of today's [15/5/09] 'Gold Coast Bulletin', featuring a picture of Scott Prince and his family, juxtaposed with a picture a couple of scantily clad young women striking their best "bad girl"poses:

"Rugby league has taken a battering this week but the heart of the game remains with people like Titans co-captain Scott Prince and his family as he plays his 200th NRS game tonight, along with aspiring Gold Coast models Zoe Bradforth and Charlotte-Ann Burbidge contesting footys Face of Origin quest."

Who Will Go And See The 'Baader Meinhof Complex'?

"Will anyone go to see this movie? If you care about the world then yes. If you are considering supporting violence do- it may make you consider a different path. Don't mirror your enemy leave them alone. As the only person in the cinema on the night- the film has resonance for today and is timely in being released. Do support the film but please do not agree with the violence."

Heather McIlwain
Sydney, NSW

Greens Budget In Reply Speech, Senator Bob Brown: [14/5/09]

At a time when the community is facing unprecedented environmental and economic challenges, this Budget should be transforming Australia to a low-carbon economy.

This Budget should be, but is not, a Green New Deal for Australia.

When the recession ends Australia should be in place to reap the benefits of the global green jobs boom, not at the back of the queue. Instead this budget is a clear demonstration of the Rudd Government's commitment to the old economy; a commitment that will delay Australians the opportunity of the new jobs, innovative research and developmental opportunities, ecological security and social benefits that would come from the move to the New Green Economy.

This is an opportunity that has been seized by governments around the world, like the progressive decisions made by President Obama in his multi-billion billion Green New Deal stimulus package for the United States. Tonight I will set out some of the ways the Greens would grab this transformative opportunity with both hands.

The Prime Minister has called on the Senate to pass this budget in its entirety. Well Prime Minister, the Senate is the House of Review. We're not here to be a rubber stamp and this Budget is far from perfect. It fails single parents, the unemployed and the environment. So the Greens will responsibly scrutinise and improve it, and move to improve it in the Senate.

Australians do not want an early election, and nor do the Greens. We say to the Prime Minister, let's work together to improve this budget, in the same way the Greens worked with the Government to improve the economic stimulus package earlier this year...

http://www.greensmps.org.au/content/speech/greens-budget-in-reply-speech

Flouride Spelling Blunder Outrage

Thousands of Brisbane households had to wait two weeks before being told that they had been subjected to the misspelling of the word fluoride.

Blighty's spin doctors were working their little bums off last night, in terms of a risk aversion strategy going forward, to counteract a blunder associated with a delayed routine test.

Some residents did not know they had been exposed to twenty times the permissable limit of flouride misspellings earlier this month.

Flouride is a harmless and non-existent chemical which isn't added to Queenslanders' taxes every year as an off-book expense. Weirdos, conspiracy theorists and ignorant journalists with crazy agendae often confuse flouride with the various molecular manifestations of the 9th element on the periodic table, fluoride.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Do you feel stupider than usual because of the flouride, or do you feel just as stupid as you were before?

The peak body for advocating the fluoridisation of SEQ water, the "Fluoride Users Coalition Knowledge Yes-men Obfuscation Unit" (F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.), released a press release from an unsourced source attributing the leak of information to a faulty component of their failsafe PR department.

Spokesperson, Ms Ima Shameless-Shill, said that the leak was probably due to the reporting requirements imposed by the completely harmless legislative and regulatory scheme "governing" the industry, and was quick to point out that there were no real threats posed to either corporate journalism or government departments by the completely safe failure of the anti-spin protection device.

"F.U.C.K.Y.O.U. spells this out," said the spokesperson.

The appropriate Minister was quick to agree, and the intern from the Brisbane branch of the Ponds Institute, who has been appointed to monitor the Queensland Government's promises of safety over the issue was quick to add some scientific support saying, "it's all good. I have a clipboard, trust me. I spent three years doing a degree at a Uni. I did the new Science/PR degree which is all the rage at the old sandstone unis because it brings in the most funding and corporate and media attention. I even met that guy who invented warts for girls, he was so cool and he even got a medal or something, and he was on TV", she added, mindlessly ignoring the possibility that thousands of Queenslanders are probably getting stupider by the minute thanks to the "Flouride Scourge Outrage: Fury".

The Opposition Fang Doctor and the Blighty were extremely quick to agree with each other that this is so totally a non-issue and that everything is OK.

In related news, the Government is rumoured to have devoted $1 million in the upcoming budget toward the promotion of a Tori Spelling Bee to raise awareness of issues.

The Gold Coast: Home Of The Tribute Band

If you're into tribute bands, Southport Sharks, Southport RSL, Surfers RSL, Gold Coast Arts Centre, Village Theatre Sanctuary Cove, Club Helensvale and the Runaway Bay Tavern are the places to go. Here are some of the more recent acts:

Queen, It's A Kinda Magic, the Australian Bee Gees Show and Acca Dacca

Rumours, Highwaymen, Abba Re-Bjorn

Forever Everly, Neil Finn tribute, Inexcess

Achtung Baby, Cajun Country Revival

Collective Insanity

As you ponder why it was that 4ZzZ played the Hoodoo Guru's 'What's My Scene' on their 'Brisbane Line' show today, compare and contrast how the Lacey brothers were gently escorted to and from their court appearances, and the violent manner in which authorities at Parliament House treated the young women who interrupted the Treasurer's speech to the National Press Club yesterday to protest Government inaction on climate change.

Then contemplate why it is that South East Queensland needs more roads and "football stadiums", and yet we must um and ah about urgently needed public transport. Fairfax reports [14/5/09]:

"Plans to widen Brisbane arterial Kingsford Smith Drive to six lanes are in doubt following the city's failure to secure the $350 million vital to the project in Wednesday night's Federal Budget, Lord Moray Campbell Newman said yesterday."

"A project manager will be appointed soon for Brisbane's cross-river rail project, Queensland Transport Minister Rachel Nolan said yesterday.

The Federal Government allocated $20 million in last night's Federal Budget to develop a detailed feasibility study for the project."

Perhaps you might consider why it is that Australia's Prime Minister said Bill Henson's art (which the classification bodies found to be acceptable) was "Absolutely Revolting".

Then think back to September last year when the media reported on a spate of violence against animals - a bird left with its wings torn off, bashed koalas and countless attacks on cats and dogs - particularly a video which showed a wallaby being bashed senseless while the the person filming laughed.

Your Prime Minister didn't say anything about this psychopathic cruelty to animals, and yet after whipping up a frenzy about supposed arsonists in Victoria who he said could "rot in jail for life", he proclaimed that people smugglers were "scum" who could "rot in hell".

Yet he offered this jumble of weasely waffle in response to the gang rape of a woman:

"Speaking on ABC Radio earlier in the day, Mr Rudd said players, coaches and teams needed to take "every reasonable and practical step to underline the absolute importance of treating women with respect".

"It's very important for all leaders of sporting organisations, all sporting clubs, and all sporting teams in everything they do, to show proper respect for women," he said.

Given that professional rugby league represents some of the most rich and powerful interests in this country, and it's got a bit of an image problem at the moment, it's good to know you can count on the Prime Minister to help you spin your positive messages:

"You know something, I have a great affection for our friends in New South Wales, because we share the same religion, and that's called rugby league," he said."

I suppose he has a point. Religion and corporate football both involve bizarre sexual practices inflicted on powerless people.

Clowns Surprised At EKKA Redevelopment

Sideshow Clowns ... gobsmacked

Sideshow Clowns have expressed surprise at today's announcement that 10,000 apartment buildings are to be constructed on Brisbane's iconic and historic RNA showgrounds.

"My colleagues and I are gobsmacked," said Head Sideshow Clown, Mr Ball-Gobbler.

After everyone in Brisbane has caught the flu at this year's EKKA, a $3 billion redevelopment of the Bowen Hills site will also deliver reinvigorated "Wall-Street" fairy floss, dagwood dogs, strawberry ice-creams, woodchop and a creative and cultural chairlift experience precinct.

The manure walk and Rip-Off showbag features will be retained as part of the heritage compromise negotiated by the developers and investors.

EKKA executives say that the RNA development will allow residents to immerse themselves in a unique clown experience.

Mr Ball-Gobbler agreed and said he was looking forward to sharing the showground with other clowns. And, of course the whole thing will be 'developed' by the Borrow-n-Rent Corporation.

And You Think You Know What's Next

From 'The Automatic Earth' [12/5/09]:

"Ilargi: Picture this: you get the feeling that you're hanging, no place special, weightless and suspended in mid-air, and something tells you this may last quite a while. For all intents and purposes, you should be falling, and gaining speed while you do. But it doesn't happen, and you're not Wile E. either. What's more, you’re incessantly being promised that you’ll never fall as long as you keep moving your arms and legs. And though you wonder what fate will have in store once you get too tired of swimming, you try very hard to believe that the breaststroke and the butterfly, when executed properly, nullify gravity, because you think you know what's next if you don't. Nothing to do but to keep swimming and tell yourself you have faith. Mind over matter and all that.

Yeah, and whatever you do, don't look down, or so they say, but that's easier said then done. You peeked, you couldn't help yourself, who do they think they're fooling, after all it's your life too, and more than it's theirs, and you see "they" are losing over a third in their life blood tax income, while they rake up debt as if it's cotton candy, the kind that you can feel is being spun out of your living tissue, and you're afraid that might start hurting something bad sometime soon. And if that would happen, you now realize that no medicare is all too bleeding very likely to pay for your medical bills, and the insurance that came with your job is sure to leave with it too, and one out of every 6 of your neighbors is out of work already and once it's one out of every five you're pretty darn sure it'll be your turn too.

And you might get up and shout, and vent your doubts and anger, or so you think, and so you keep repeating in your head, if only you were sure you would not have to be alone. What, you ask, is bound to become of the one who is the first to lose the belief? Is that one destined to fall into the bottomless pit reserved for ye of little faith and none at all, or will it be a ritual tearing off of life and limbs by the hands of the truer followers? What are the chances that the first head to stick out above the evenly waving fields of grain will be hailed as a liberator, and not cut off at the neck in order to let what everybody knows their place is to go on and on and on?

For now you see no other way, no choice or option, than to believe that believing will keep you from falling, like everyone else around you tells you they do, and you do feel somewhat comforted by the notion that ever since the days of old, those who live in their faith have pledged they will take care of their own. But mostly, if you're open and lucid and honest, you're just simply scared out of your wits. And what you're most afraid of above all is that somewhere high above the waving fields of grain, your very fear will freeze you, no place special, in mid-air, suspended and weightless and unable to keep on moving your arms and legs. And you think you know what's next."

http://www.theautomaticearth.blogspot.com/

Weird!

"Mission Australia is challenging office workers, school kids and community groups to experience what it's like to be voiceless, by not speaking for an hour (or more) on Friday, May 15th 2009. At the same time, you can raise much needed funds for Mission Australia's homeless services by getting sponsored to "HUSH"."

http://everydayhero.com.au/event/hush

A Room Full Of Journalists, And Nobody Blinked

Treasurer Wayne Swan delivering his "Post Budget Address" to the National Press Club today [13/5/09]

Just prior to launching into a discussion of the "behind the scenes action" of the Lehman Brothers collapse, protestors could be heard shouting in the background. The treasurer pushed on, only slightly raising his voice, but will any of the so called journalists in attendance report on this incident and tell us what happened?

Home To The Heartland

From 'The Greatest Story Ever Sold: The Decline And Fall Of Truth From 9/11 To Katrina' (Frank Rich):

"Once in office, Bush turned the presidency into an ongoing festival of audiovisual cognitive dissonance. The succession of misleading propaganda ploys had an almost farcical quality. In a single week, the president appeared at two national parks, Sequoia and the Everglades, dressed in more earth tones than Gore at his most craven. The message was that Bush liked hugging trees almost as much as he did African American kids, but in reality his environmental record in the White House remained as un-green as ever. The National Parks Conservation Association had given him a D rating, observing that his modest increase in the parks budget was more for buildings and roads than for preserving nature. Bush also posed in front of a sea of police officers in Philadelphia just as the administration was submitting a budget calling for a 17 percent decrease in COPS, the federal program that provides money for police salaries.

His repeated presidential visits to various Boys and Girls clubs, touting them as an example of how the government can "facilitate programs" for children and promote "the universal concept of loving a neighbor," occurred as his budget slashed the clubs' federal appropriation. Even the First Lady enlisted in these bait-and-switch shenanigans, appearing at a Washington public library in April 2001 to kick off a "Campaign for America's Libraries," just one week before her husband's budget cut the federal outlay for libraries by thirty-nine million dollars. While photo ops were nothing new in the modern American presidency, there had been a time when they were at least occasionally used to dramatize a president's policies rather than almost exclusively to disguise them. Now a smiling Bush appearance to bless any cause, program, or habitat was tantamount to a visit from the angel of death."

Swan's Budget Surprise

With our Canberra Correspondent, George Tingle

This year's Budget had a real surprise - it's going to happen again next year.

The Ponds Institute will receive $20 million for research to help plan going forward, seniors will have to work until they collapse into their graves, clean coal research will receive $50 million to beef up their security against Greens protestors and to buy weapons of mini destruction (WMDs) to use against dissenting people trying to exercise democratic rights.

Senators Barnaby and Xylophone did their best to upstage with their silly ad about selling out to China, and the Opposition Grey Goose Cocktail went "Harrumph", in an orchestrated effort to yank his ratings up into double digits again.

Nothing in the budget indicated when we could expect genuine journalism or when we might actually get representative government. Shills received the lion's share of the money, but that doesn't show up in the official figures, of course.

All in all, just another US sanctioned budget for the clowns down there is Ossie!

Council And State Government Clash Over Revamped Regent Plans

Inner City Cultural Venues ... Heritage Protection in action

Brisbane City Council and the State Government are set to clash over revamped plans for the historic and iconic Regent Theatre.

The new plans, incorporating the transformation of the four cinemas into a football stadium, will be approved at today's Council meeting.

Council's "Screw All The People In Your Neighbourhood" Committee say the football stadium will have to comply with a ridiculous and insane league schedule.

"Everybody knows that if you list something on the Queensland Heritage Register it is doomed," said the Committee Chair.

The new Minister for Construction Helmets and Fluorescent Vests said that he was the only person in Brisbane who thought that no-one went to see movies at the the Regent anymore, while the Chief Blighty said it was the job of government to build as many sporting stadiums as humanly possible.

Councillor Neverbemayor said he would exercise his wide ranging influence to minimize the football stadium's impact on the community.

It is understood that an attitude change and education programs will reduce the number of unfortunate and embarrassing "group sex incidents".

Some Greens Media Releases

Watch out for recycled green spending! [12/5/09]

There may be no new money for green initiatives in today's Budget, the Australian Greens warned today.

"The Greens are all for recycling, but the Government can't claim greenie points for reallocating money they failed to spend over the last year," said Australian Greens Deputy Leader, Senator Christine Milne.

The 'leaked' green initiatives in today's Budget are re-announcements of old initiatives. The green loans scheme was announced in last year's Budget but was not implemented. The re-announcement appears to be a downgrading of the scheme.

The $1 billion 'clean energy' spend is almost certain to be a re-announcement of last year's unspent allocation.

"The green loans scheme announced last year has been a complete mess, with key ministers and bureaucrats unable to answer the simplest questions about how it will operate in Senate Estimates hearings.

"If the loans scheme goes ahead now in a weaker form, it will be better than nothing, but the Government really needs to get moving properly on household energy efficiency. The Greens' proposed Energy Efficiency Access and Savings Initiative (EASI) to roll out efficiency upgrades across the country is where they should start.

"Big ticket spending on one or two major renewable energy projects is one part of the solution, but adopting a renewable energy feed-in tariff would reduce emissions much more and create far more jobs for far less money."

http://www.greensmps.org.au/content/media-release/watch-out-recycled-green-spending

Gunns “ridiculous” says Brown [11/5/09]

Gunns' description of a legal opinion by University of Tasmania law lecturer Michael Stokes as "ridiculous" is an attempt to avoid an extremely serious failure of governance which means that the Tamar Valley pulp mill cannot be built, Greens Leader Bob Brown said today...

http://www.greensmps.org.au/content/media-release/gunns-%E2%80%9Cridiculous%E2%80%9D-says-brown

No reason to delay paid parental leave [10/5/09]

Greens Senator Sarah Hanson-Young today welcomed the Rudd Government's long overdue commitment to introduce paid maternity leave but rejected the delay until after the next election.

Senator Hanson-Young also called for an extension to 26 weeks and sought clarity on whether the scheme would apply to dads as well as mums.

"There can be absolutely no justification for delaying paid parental leave until beyond the next election," said Senator Hanson-Young.

"At a time when so many Mums and Dads are feeling the pinch, we need a government-funded paid parental leave scheme in place as soon as possible to give young parents the support they need...

http://www.greensmps.org.au/content/media-release/no-reason-delay-paid-parental-leave

Democracy Is Not A Spectator Sport

"Alan Clements: What is the single most difficult moral dilemma that you have ever faced in your life?

Aung San Suu Kyi: (long pause) I wouldn't say there is a single most difficult moral dilemma. I think one faces moral dilemmas all the time, especially if you are involved in politics. One should always remember that politics is about people. If you start forgetting that, then you turn out to be like Stalin or Hitler, just manipulating people. But the moment you acknowledge that politics is about people, it means that you have to take into consideration their human weaknesses and feelings. Sometimes of course that interferes with the efficiency of the work. And that is a constant dilemma."

'The Voice of Hope' is a series of conversations compiled throughout 1995 and 1996 between Burma's democratically elected leader - who remains imprisoned under house arrest by the country's State Law and Order Restoration Council (SLORC) - and journalist and author Alan Clements, who was the first American to become a Buddhist monk in Burma where he lived throughout the 1970s and 1980s. Despite Aung San Suu Kyi's ongoing incarceration, and a lifetime of resistance to the military junta, the conversations reveal a surprisingly optimistic philosophy, which incorporates non-violence and the pursuit of human rights.

Aung San Suu Kyi is the leader of the National League for Democracy, which won a landslide victory in the 1990 elections. Born in 1945, she is the daughter of Daw Khin Kyi (Burma's only female ambassador to India and Nepal), and General Aung San (who was assassinated in 1947 after negotiating Burma's independence from the United Kingdom).

Since 1962, members and supporters of the NLD have been persecuted, imprisoned, tortured and killed during countless uprisings. Thousands of Burma's citizens have been killed during peaceful protests, including that of 8-8-88, and more recently (September 2007) when a crackdown ordered by General Than Shwe resulted in the shooting, arrest and torture of students and Buddhist monks as well as the storming of monasteries.

Yet Aung San Suu Kyi's philosophy of loving kindness, peaceful protest, compassion, the search for truth and awareness prevails, and this book offers a unique insight into the mind of one of the great leaders of our generation. Indeed, though I don't agree we are living in an increasingly secular age (quite the opposite) those politicians who claim religious virtue would do well to consider which aspects of Aung San Suu Kyi's religious beliefs are important as far as the formation of political ideology:

"AC: It's a matter of debate, but politics and religion are usually segregated issues. In Burma today, the large portion of monks and nuns see spiritual freedom and socio-political freedom as separate areas. But in truth, dhamma and politics are rooted in the same issue-freedom.

ASSK: Indeed, but this is not unique to Burma. Everywhere you'll find this drive to separate the secular from the spiritual. In other Buddhist countries you'll find the same thing - in Thailand, Sri Lanka, in Mahayana Buddhist countries, in Christian countries, almost everywhere in the world. I think some people find it embarrassing and impractical to think of the spiritual and political life as one. I do not see them as separate. In democracies there is always a drive to separate the spiritual from the secular, but it is not actually required to separate them. Whereas in many dictatorships, you'll find that there is an official policy to keep politics and religion apart in case, I suppose, it is used to upset the status quo."

Although her mind is obviously engaged in more important matters, I couldn't help wondering what she would make of the recent debacle at St Mary's church in West End, Brisbane, where a progressive Catholic Priest was ousted and not one politician - including our Prime Minister (whose seat within which the church resides) who is always interviewed on a Sunday morning exiting church - made a comment.

Conquering fear forms the basis of her revolutionary thought and there's an undeniable purity evidenced by her response to Clements' question of revenge:

ASSK: It goes back to what I just told you about waving a dollar note above a grave: people who think that anybody can be bought, that human minds and hearts are mere commodities subject to the laws of supply and demand, such people would not be able to understand other human beings who work for a cause and are prepared to sacrifice themselves for that cause."

As well as a useful chronology of historical events, which puts much of the discussion in context, 'The Voice of Hope' concludes with interviews with colleagues U Tin U and U Kyi Maung, who make an interesting reference to Orwell:

"Alan Clements: Sir, there is a twist of irony to the fact that George Orwell was a police chief in one of Burma's major cities during the 1920s and then to hear you at Sunday's public talk explain and decode a few Orwellian concepts from his book, 1984. As you had said, "all under the watchful eye of Big Brother." Were you inferring that Orwell's 1984 was similar to SLORC's "1996"?

U Kyi Maung (Deputy Chairman of the National League for Democracy): Of course, all the elements of 1984 are here in Burma today. Perhaps slightly watered down, but they are here. Thought-control is the bulwark of a totalitarian regime, although not confined to that system alone. It can operate even in democratic societies, at more subtle but equally effective levels. The manipulation of the public mind through propaganda and disinformation is a vast, fascinating topic. It's important for us all to understand how control occurs; control of the masses through tortured terminology and abstruse concepts used by governments, PR firms, advertising agencies and hidden censorship. There's control through education systems and within religions. We have to learn to question...to learn ways of protecting ourselves and to be vigilant in peeling away the layers of distortion. Not to be imprisoned, in other words, by propaganda. But let's stay here in Burma with our SLORC's brand of Big Brother."

As Clements points out in the preface to this latest edition to 'The Voice of Hope', "Burma's struggle for democratic freedom is in fact a microcosm of the larger picture - the world's struggle to overcome tyranny, to end violence, and to establish free societies."

One of the most important lessons resonating from this book is that democracy should never be taken for granted - it's an ongoing ideal that all of us must strive toward lest it be snatched away - albeit gradually. We may not yet be living under the tyranny of totalitarianism as the Burmese are, but Australians might want to bear in mind that freedom is never static.

www.EverydayRevolution.org

Journalism In Australia Dead: Survey

No, nothing else happened in the world today

The latest national health and wellbeing survey from the Ponds Institute's Fear and Conformity Unit reveals that Australians are a bunch of fat *rsed pissheads.

But although the size of the average Australian *rse has increased significantly since 1995, no-one admits to smoking anymore.

The survey also found that many of us have chronic health conditions or cancer (clearly our own fault) and have psychiatric problems - probably because the mainstream media inflicts these mixed messages about health upon us nearly every week.

Researchers say that this story will appear on tonight's news accompanied by a series of waddling fatties munching on junkfood, and a group of young women wielding Bacardi Breezers while lurching along the street.

"I Just Wanted Some Me Time": Adelaide Zoo Orangutan Speaks Out

"Ask a monkey, why he's swinging from a tree
And he says, "Dunno, I'm just doing it.""

'Ask The Dragon', Yoko Ono [1995]

Escapologist...The Adelaide Zoo Orangutan

An orangutan which made a daring escape from Adelaide Zoo over the weekend has denied her actions were sparked by a zoo visitor remarking on her uncanny resemblance to a former Queensland Premier.

Speaking at a media conference this morning, the orangutan apologised to zoo staff and visitors.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I just wanted some me time."

The orangutan explained that as well as growing weary of being kept in an enclosure so that people could point and laugh at her all day long, she wanted to highlight the insanity of pitting environmental protection against the economy.

"To say that my parrot friends in NSW are putting hundreds of jobs at risk is beyond belief," she said.

"I'm also opposed to my four legged friends being used by the fascists to sniff out drugs at Gold Coast night clubs."

Although still very homesick, the orangutan refused to be drawn on whether or not she would attempt another escape.

It is understood she will undergo re-education sessions with Dr Panic at the Ponds Institute's Noah's Ark Unit.

Giorgio Polo Mural, Fortitude Valley

Apparently, this 80 metre long mural (between Gipps and Gotha Streets in Fortitude Valley) created by Giorgio Polo was a gift to the people of Brisbane from the people of Sardinia.

While it's bright and colourful, it feels out of place and doesn't really say anything. Maybe that's the point? And if so, perhaps it should be relocated to the Myer Centre or something like that?

I would not be surprised if someone soon comes along and draws willies, devils horns and satirical speech bubbles on the silhouettes.

No offense Mr Polo, but it would have been more appropriate - and far more inspired - if Brisbane's graffiti artists were given the opportunity to use this canvas to showcase their creativity.

Completion Of The Span

Sunset Over Blighty's Walk The Plank Wank Tank Bridge

Reclaim the Pink

These are my Mother's camellias. Yesterday I picked a bunch and placed them near her plaque on the Columbarian Wall at Sherwood Cemetery. She passed away last year after a decade long battle with cancer. My mother dedicated her life to her husband, her daughters, her friends and teaching 100s of primary school students. She and my Father took out private health insurance because all Australians have been sold the lie that if those who can afford it don't, too much pressure is placed on the public health system.

And yet despite having top shelf private health insurance, in her last months she was treated like shit.

Profit is what drives corporate charity, private hospitals and private health insurance companies. Any hope for a cure for diseases such as cancer is lost in the dollars being made, along with government and industry obfuscation about cancer clusters.

Health care is a right and not a privilege.

Full Moon Over The Gold Coast

Narrowneck, the Broadwater, "Scotty are my hand-painted clogs finished yet? I really miss them" (Central Avenue)

Common Criminals Better Off Pursuing Professional Football Careers

"Baby, do You Understand Me Now?
Sometimes I Feel a Little Mad
But Don't You Know That no One Alive Can Always Be An Angel
When Things Go Wrong I Feel Real Bad."

I'm Just a Soul Whose Intentions Are Good
Oh Lord, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

'Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood' by Bennie Benjamin, Gloria Caldwell and Sol Marcus, first recorded by Nina Simone [1964]

The Free Market Superleague Economics Division of the Faculty of Capitalism of the Ponds Institute has conducted a study which proves beyond reasonable doubt that the public good is best served by globalisation, monopoly media and deregulation.

The study - "Governance has no place in our government" - involved the testing of footballers and found they were thugs who believed they could do whatever they like with no recriminations.

Researchers analysed recent court cases and their studies show that, in terms of sentencing outcomes, common criminals would be better off pursuing professional football careers. Normal criminals were sentenced about 50% more severely than NRL players over the range of offences studied - violent crimes, alcohol & drug charges, rape, indecent dealing, assault, drink driving, shoplifting and jaywalking.

Researchers found that the judiciary, prosecutors and the general public's attitudes to NRL footballers were at odds with editorial attitudes at all of the Murdoch mono-media outlets. A surprising aspect of the research revealed that the government is firmly in the grasp of the Murdoch mono-media and says whatever they are told to say by their ex-Murdoch-mono-media-media-PR-spin-advisers. Awesome!

And in breaking news: Look! AFL players are probably worse! (from a source who didn't wish to be identified because it would show they were untruthful).

And don't bother watching 'Four Corners', it's all rubbish!

Australian Culture Will Improve Without Parallel Import Restrictions

Mark Twain ... globalised cultural icon

A so called free market approach to the sale of books in this country is a wonderful idea - think of the profits and the jobs. Big W, Target, Coles, Dymocks, K-Mart and Bob Carr are right - a relaxation of parallel import restrictions is exactly what Australia needs. Books will be much cheaper and there will only be minor - and mostly unnoticeable - changes according to cultural bias.

Take the first few stanzas of this classic Australian Poem:

The Dude From Icy Rapids

by

Hank Lawless Jr. III

There was action at the ranch, and folks were talkin' jive
That the hawse from Repent-Repent had slipped through border security,
And had joined the wild ponies --- he was worth a thousand bucks,
So all the cowpokes had posseyed up.
All the best and brightest cowboys from the ranches near and far
Had corralled at the mansion overnight,
For the 'pokes love hard ridin' where the wild ponies are,
And the buckin' bronco snuffs the rodeo with delight.

There was Dick, who made a fortune when S'cuseme won the Derby,
The old dude with his hair as white as the white house;
But few could ride beside him when he was pumped
He would go wherever hawse and dude could go.
And Chucky of the Colorado came down to earn a buck,
No better dude ever wore the chaps;
For no buckin' bronco could throw him while the saddle-girths would stand,
He learnt to ride while shootin' on the prairie...

(With apologies to Banjo Patterson and 'The Man From Snowy River')

He's Gonna Save City Hall?

The Minister for Midnight Oil ... you can mention that he played Cloudland, but not Festival Hall

"Who's gonna save me?
I pray that sense and reason brings us in"

'Blue Sky Mine', Midnight Oil [1990]

The Minister for Midnight Oil has announced that Brisbane's iconic, historic and symbolic City Hall is going to be saved.

City Halls around the world are generally known for being the centre of civic life in a city. In Brisbane, City Hall is known as the neglected, crumbling, sick and sorry old building in the middle of town, which is riddled with concrete cancer and urgently needs millions of dollars worth of refurbishments, renovations and/or a major upgrade.

HAVE YOUR SAY: You can tell that we don't, but do you give a f*ck about City Hall?

The Minister for Midnight Oil, who has a long and close association with Brisbane's City Hall, having been born and raised in Sydney, has pledged $10 million toward saving the much loved building.

"I can't speak for the Deen Brothers, but the Pope and Mick Jagger will be pleased," he said.

It is expected that from December, City Hall will lie empty and derelict until it finally sinks into the swamp upon which it was constructed.

Though the hypocrisy is staggeringly obvious, it is expected that Brisbane ratepayers will fork out from their own pockets to save their City Hall.

Brisbane is renowned for protecting its heritage and significant buildings

Would Henry Lawson Have Been Published Without Parallel Import Restrictions?

'Middleton's Rouseabout' (by Henry Lawson first published in 1896)

Tall and freckled and sandy,
Face of a country lout;
This was the picture of Andy,
Middleton's Rouseabout.

Type of a coming nation,
In the land of cattle and sheep,
Worked on Middleton's station,
'Pound a week and his keep'.

On Middleton's wide dominions
Plied the stockwhip and shears;
Hadn't any opinions,
Hadn't any 'idears'.

Swiftly the years went over,
Liquor and drought prevailed;
Middleton went as drover
After his station had failed.

Type of a careless nation,
Men who are soon played out,
Middleton was: - and his station
Was brought by the Rouseabout.

Flourishing beard and sandy,
Tall and solid and stout:
This is the picture of Andy,
Middleton's Rouseabout.

Now on his own dominions
Works with his overseers;
Hasn't any opinions,
Hasn't any idears.

Missing Sculpture: Carey Park, Southport (UPDATE)

Councillor Crichlow has responded to our inquiry about the missing sculpture in Carey Park (see below):

Thank you for your email - my apologies for the delay in replying.

The Sculpture and surrounds was part of a Rotary project and part of the Rotary Park which was split in two many many years ago (when Athol Patterson was Alderman for the area) with the MRD construction of what is now Ada Bell Way. There is now a need for some major repairs there to make the area safe and Rotary have been meeting with council to decide on what to do. The decision has been made to remove the Rotary plaque and to make a place for it across in the original remaining Rotary Park area near Queens Park.

Kind Regards

Dawn

Cr Dawn Crichlow OAM

Segregation For Queensland Taxi Drivers

Be alert and alarmed when you hop in a taxi

Your weekly dose of hate mongering, with Ima Whitey

In order to solve a growing problem in the community, Queensland taxi drivers will be soon segregated according to whether or not they can sing the theme song to the television series, 'Skippy the Bush Kangaroo'.

A 'Spring Hill Voice' investigation can reveal the problem relates to unsubstantiated complaints and revelations about certain taxi drivers.

Imagine one of those noisy foreign markets where goats run free and street vendors ply their evil trade in fake licenses and local cuisine, then read the rest of my story.

YOUR SAY: We know you're not racist, but tell us your taxi experiences

If prospective taxi drivers are unable to sing 'Skippy the Bush Kangaroo', they will be required to display a sign 'Ask Me Where I Got My License Ha Ha Ha' in the window, and undergo a special training course which involves intensive John Laws and the bargearse diet.

There is an ongoing shortage of taxis on the Gold Coast, but that's not the real story.

"One thing that makes art different from life is that in art things have a shape...it allows us to fix our emotions on events at the moment they occur, it permits a union of heart and mind and tongue and tear."

Marilyn French (1929 - 2009)

The Wise Man

From 'Bubble Man: Alan Greenspan & The Missing 7 Trillion Dollars' [2005] by Peter Hartcher:

"Greenspan's life had been shaped from birth by the stockmarket. He was born into the family of a Wall Street stockbroker on March 6, 1926, as one of the great bull markets of American experience was becoming fevered with speculation. It collapsed, as all bubbles must, in the Great Crash of 1929. Brokers' incomes rise and fall with the level of activity in the stockmarket. After 1929, the US market fell into an extended stasis, stressing the family finances and contributing to the failing marriage of Greenspan's parents, Herbert and Rose. The divorced when Alan was five years old.

The experience apparently was a powerful one. Alan Greenspan seems to have kept some sense of empathy for stockbrokers even in his later life. He committed his first major gaffe by expressing sympathy for brokers over and above poor folks. On September 19, 1974, Greenspan was serving as the head of President Gerald Ford's Council of Economic Advisers, and appeared at an economic summit as a representative of the President. America was in dire economic circumstances. Inflation was rampant and unemployment punishing. The summit sought solutions.

A union leader complained that the Ford Administration's policies favoured rich bankers over poor citizens. Greenspan responded in part: "If you really wanted to examine who percentage-wise is hurt the most in their incomes, it is the Wall Street brokers. I mean, their incomes have gone down the most. So if you want to get statistical, let's look at what the facts are."

Boos rang out. A participant jumped up and shouted: "That's the whole trouble with the administration!"

A gorup of house-builders in Oregon lampooned Greenspan by setting up a charity with the name "Save Our Brokers". This group of concerned builders mailed handkerchiefs and paper cups to the suffering stockbrokers - the handkerchiefs for them to weep into, the paper cups to drink their champagne from in these tough times. The union movement's umbrella body, the AFL-CIO, nominated Greenspan for its annual "dubious distinction" award. He apologised in a Congressional apprearance: "Obviously the poor are suffering more."

The lessons? Don't be too visible, and don't be too revealing about your honest opinions."

What Happened To Van Gogh's Ear?

Vincent Van Gogh ... would have given Tiger Woods a run for his money

"They would not listen
They're not listening still,
Perhaps they never will."

'Starry Starry Night', Don McLean [1971]

Vincent Van Gogh may have painted extraordinary portraits and impressionistic masterpieces throughout his life, but he is mostly remembered for being a complete nutter, and supposedly chopping off his ear.

But a new book has revealed that fellow artist Paul Gauguin may have sliced off Van Gogh's ear by accident while playing an aggressive round of golf.

The book, 'Why No-one Ever Played Golf With Gauguin', says Van Gogh and Gauguin were playing a round of golf at the world famous St Andrews course in Scotland. It was during Gauguin's tee-shot on the seventh when his famously wild follow through tore off Van Gogh's ear. They played on, but Van Gogh went on to thrash Gauguin convincingly finishing two over par.

"The idea that Van Gogh lost his ear during this golf game is more plausible than the theory that his ear disappeared during a brief stay at an old people's home in Toowomba," said an Australian art critic.

The book's authors refer to an exchange of letters between the two artists which they say illustrates they had agreed to keep the incident quiet.

In one letter, Van Gogh tells Gauguin: "If you don't go to 'Who Weekly', I won't either."

Southport Library Exhibits Brian Kennedy's Paintings Of Queensland Explorers

"Got any spare underdaks on board?" Thomas Pamphlett waving hello to John Oxley

"I had a funny feeling flogging all those people was a bad idea!" Captain Logan fleeing for his life!

Broadwater Kite Surfing

On the northern end of the Gold Coast it's extremely windy about half the time. Imagine if every household had a wind turbine!

Imaginary Businessman Pays Money For Stupid Fruit: Media

The fruit in question: stupid

AUCKLAND: An imaginary New Zealand business man bought a fruit arrangement for $1,000 on the condition that this story received world-wide coverage in the imaginary media. Seems he got his wish.

Today, nothing happened in the world. As a result of this shocking development in the media business we are forced to resort to facile feel good stories promoting a New Zealand website. The story started with a bogus PR media release about a fruit arrangement and it just gained traction from there. With the wonders of modern journalism together with the simplicity of the internet, nobody checked this story for factual content. Voila! News.

Tomorrow we will bring you a great deal of follow-up stories from New Zealand because you are obviously fascinated by what goes on over there.

Just kidding, of course we won't. Tomorrow it will be a hermaphrodite goat from the Balkans, or maybe a story about a split pea from Indonesia. Whatever it is, you can be sure that the international media is on the case and reporting the important news you need to know in order to function in a modern free-market capitalist market oriented democracy.

World Parties: Recession Over

If I had some shoes I'd do the Charlston! Nevermind kids, from now on it'll be KFC rather than GFC for us!

"Happy days are here again
The skies above are clear again
So let's sing a song of cheer again
Happy days are here again"

'Happy Days Are Here Again', Milton Ager and Jack Yellen [1929]

With our chief bullshitter in New York, Con Artiste*

Stocks are surging, home sales are upbeat, Chinese data points to economic recovery and "hopes are up for trousers down with the hostess on the business flight".

The Dow Jones Industrial Average, blue-chip index, Nasdaq, Standard & Poors and S & P index are things you probably don't understand.

"The market is rallying and we've seen the bottom of home sales," said Barry Spiv from Independent Business Newsletter 'Trust, Me & Associates'.

"The recovery appears to be V-shaped," said Hank Goldenwatch from 'I'm Just Gonna Squeeze The Last Little Bit Of Your Super - Investment Services Group'.

A number of important financial institutions such as Yank Bank have all rallied after denying reports indicating they were in difficulty.

Key stocks forming the backbone of the Military Industrial Complex have also reacted positively, while Bonds - and my willy - have firmed.

The message is loud and clear. The recession is over, there's never been a better time to buy, get a loan and then get another loan, buy as many Bris-Connections units as you can afford and party like it's 1999. Confidence is all we need because the fundamentals are sound.

* Con Artiste is Chief PR man for the Hedge Fund Vested Interests Group.

Rudd Gives $2.2 Billion More To Big Polluters; Greens' Offer Still Stands: Greens Media Release [4/5/09]

The Rudd Government has browned down its emissions trading plans even further today with $2.2 billion more support to big polluters in the first five years, the Australian Greens said.

The great bulk of today's announcement by the Rudd Government makes the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme friendlier to big polluters, with an almost irrelevant green distraction of a hypothetical 25% target to undermine criticism.

"If you add a little bit of green to brown, you still get brown," said Australian Greens Deputy Leader, Senator Christine Milne.

"Today's announcement will give Australia's big old polluters an extra $2.2 billion in support through the massive increase in free permits.

"By delaying the start of the scheme and capping the carbon price at $10 a tonne for the next year, the Government has ensured that there will be essentially no climate action in Australia until July 2012 at the earliest.

"Any action that individuals, companies or state governments take will simply make it cheaper for big polluters to keep polluting. Today's shift supposedly aimed at taking account of voluntary action will actually do nothing of the sort.

"By weakening their scheme even further, the Government has ensured that there will be no new jobs and new industries ready to employ those workers who will lose their jobs.

"Raising the prospect of a 25% cut that the Government has no intention of meeting does not outweigh the huge boost in corporate welfare to big polluters and the delay to the start of the scheme.

"If the world agrees to act in Copenhagen, Australia will have to sign up for 40% cuts by 2020 to play our fair share. We must put 25% on the table as our minimum, unconditional offer if we want the world to take us seriously at all.

"The Greens want to work with the Government to deliver a scheme that will at least point Australia in the right direction.

"The question now is whether the Government wants an effective scheme or whether it wants to work with the party they have consistently labelled climate sceptics to pass this critical piece of climate legislation," Senator Milne said.

The Greens are today launching a television commercial to air nationally criticising the CPRS as it stands and calling on the community to help fix it.

Yes. Another Sex Education Outrage Story

The ideal family: only one Beaver

A book about hairy-armpitted dykes using turkey basters is being marketed to two-year olds as well as being endorsed by some stinky lefties in the NSW government.

The controversial, outrageous and scandalous book - 'My Mums Are Lezzos' - includes a chapter titled: 'My Dads Are Poofs'.

Another chapter tells the two year olds: "Sometimes uptight manhaters really want to have a baby but they don't like dick - probably because they are mental."

Outraged family groups say the book is not suitable for two-year-olds, who are known for purchasing books on sex education.

"The book's descriptions of sexual intercourse are not suitable, and besides children should not find out where babies come from until they are married. This is just more lefty filth," said the group 'Outraged Family Group' in a press release attached to the press release containing this story.

Cranky Cows Too Chewy (Apparently): Research

How now brown cow?

"Loaded onto a truck,
Where he rode to his fate
But then he was captured
Stuffed into a crate"

'Cows With Guns', Dana Lyons [1996]

New research from the Ponds Institute's Species Deceases Unit has revealed that cranky cows produce chewy steak.

The $1.35 million Docile Bovine Project is led by Professor Panic, who is also working on the genetically modified banana project. He has isolated the gene which he says causes cranky behaviour in cows.

Dr Panic said that it although it would have made more sense to research how the brutal and stressful conditions in which cows are transported from farm to slaughterhouse impact on the quality of steak, genetic engineering was the way of the future.

"Vis zis groundbreaking discoveree vee vill soon be able to remove zee cranky gene in all zee cows and zen ze steaks vill be more juizee," he said.

"I have plans to expand zis research to humans vich vill be..."

At that point Dr Panic was interrupted by the Minister for Steak 'n Eggs 'n Hay 'n Hoo Haw, who was clear to point out that the announcement of the Docile Bovine Project was not PR for Beef Expo.

Missing Sculpture: Carey Park, Southport

I don't have a picture of the sculpture, or any details about the artist, but it was an elegant depiction of the female form which blended beautifully with the surroundings of the park.

Where has it gone, and why?

We've asked Councillor Crichlow, the elected representative for the Gold Coast City Council's Division 6, and eagerly anticipate her response:

Dear Councillor Crichlow,

We noticed that the sculpture in Carey Park has recently been removed.

Are you able to advise what has happened to the sculpture and why?

Government Scraps Climate Change

Daryl Somers and Ray Martin...loved by the common people who don't need to know about the ETS and Ian Plimer

"'Cause she's living in the love of the common people,
Smiles from the heart of a family man.
Daddy's gonna buy you a dream to cling to,
Mama's gonna love you just as much as she can.
And she can."

'Love of the Common People', John Hurley and Ronnie Wilkins [1967] made famous by Waylon Jennings, Nicky Thomas and Paul Young

Mixed messages and weasel words, with our Melbourne correspondent Ed G. Haircut

Here is a clever little sentence about an advertising campaign, the (controversial) Emissions Trading Scheme and the Federal Government quietly walking away from global warming, which if you have been paying attention to your ABC and the nation's broadsheet, may or may not exist.

'Spring Hill Voice' can reveal we were given documents outlining spending on advertising, agency fees and production costs - sure they were provided to a Senate Committee - but hey, did you know that the Climate Change call centre was also canned?

But what does this all mean? Is global warming too big to tackle? Does it even exist? If you read what I've written closely, you'll get the impression that the Government has scrapped Climate Change.

And what about those of us who watch the Logies? Have we been substantially penetrated by the market? Will we remain aware, or is the Government still treating us with contempt?

Although the Shadow Special Minister of Eric said the advertising was a waste of money, a few questions remain. Will Rebecca Gibney win the covetted Gold Logie this year? And if she does, will she be inspired by Annie Lennox's performance and take the opportunity to urge the government to actually do something about climate change in her acceptance speech, thereby enlightening and empowering about 5 million Australians?

Australia To Spend Billions On Ginormous, Phallus-Shaped Killing Machines

Australia's new and enhanced regional capabilities

The Government is set to increase the number of Australia's ginormous, phallus-shaped killing machines by spending billions of taxpayer dollars.

The recently released Wipe Paper sets Australia on a collision course that will also ensure the ginormous, phallus-shaped killing machines we already own are upgraded.

The Wipe Paper outlines possible threats to Australia's security in relation to the seppos' pronouncement that we're on our own and the yellow peril.

The Wipe Paper says the upgrades will boost Australia's capacity to move our ginormous phallus-shaped killing machines en-masse, including a number of unmanned ginormous, phallus-shaped killing machines like the ones you see in the movies.

There will also be a new fleet of ginormous phallus shaped ANZAC class biscuits.

ANZAC Cookie Class Killing Machine

In an era of high-tech killing of various types of brown people in foreign lands, the Wipe Paper reveals the armed forces will get many more ginormous, phallus-shaped missiles, which can easily reach our friends in the pacific if they need democratic guidance.

The Wipe Paper says Australia might have to "act independently in the face of threats to coconut imports in relation to ANZAC biscuits."

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

From: http://www.storyarts.org/library/aesops/stories/boy.html

There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, "Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!"

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy," said the villagers, "when there's no wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill.

Later, the boy sang out again, "Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.

When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "Wolf! Wolf!"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.

"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, "Wolf!" Why didn't you come?"

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.

"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the youth, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!"

Queensland Teachers To Learn How To Read And Write

"This is my kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people too
People who smile at you"

'My Kind of Town (Chicago Is)' Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn (1964)

Professor International Expert

What Rupert and the Neocons want, with Shillery Nosoul

Queensland Teachers will be forced to learn how to read and write if the findings of a report: "Educational Challenges: How to counteract legitimate concerns about the provision of education" are implemented by the Queensland Government.

Professor International Expert found that although Queensland Teachers undertook training at university in order to meet the requirements of their profession, many of them couldn't read or write.

"What this report reveals is that we need to quantify and qualify standards and outcomes going forward - particularly those in state schools," he said.

"Demonising teachers is the key because they are agitating for decent pay, working conditions and classroom sizes."

The Chief Blighty said the recommendations might be controversial, but wouldn't be drawn on what Barristers having to sit a bar exam had to do with teaching a classroom of children.

As usual, I won't ask the Teacher's Union what they think about the report because they are a bunch of whinging socialists who want to teach your children critical thought - just ask Rupert!

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