Queensland Real Estate Market Still Booming! (Apparently)
"Come to me now
And rest your head for just five minutes
Everything is good
Such a cosy room
The windows are illuminated
By the sunshine through them
Fiery gems for you
Only for you
Our house, is a very, very very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
'Cause of you"
'Our House', Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young (1970)
If you believe whatever you read in the paper, the real estate market is booming, especially in Rupert Town suburbs like Give A Fig Pocket.
The Unreal Estate Institute of Queerland (U.E.I.Q.) has released figures which suggest Give A Fig Pocket is very leafy and way upper class.
It's just that cheeky buyers are making cheeky offers, and greedy sellers are being - well - greedy.
Real Estate Agent Mr Dick Dodgy said it was interesting that sellers thought their houses were worth more than the current market is willing to pay.
"The market is booming I tell you. Why, just look at the figures for yourself here in the 'Daily Rupert' where it says that buyers are offering 30% less than sellers want for their houses. See? That doesn't mean the market is collapsing, it means that buyers are out of touch with what sellers think. Those buyers are out of touch and not listening to the corporate media and developers. Fools."
Do You Buy It?
(Dedicated to the ABC's 'Lateline Business', Alan Kohler, and my husband)
client in a client state
on your career trajectory
the corporate media makes you dumb
and work won't set you free
mergers
acquisitions
jobs vanish offshore
customer satisfaction
lying to the core
what about the share price?
products
profit
sales?
slavery in the free trade zones
is lost in the details
they sell us market forces
though laissez faire's not so fair
the chicago boys proved that
with their lessons in despair
you're a consumer not a citizen
in our world of globalisation
which revolves around share prices
and imperial machinations
so never mind you western serf
about the price of oil
we should all give thanks for now
bombs aren't raining on our soil
Martians Visit Northern Territory
Territorians from all over the Northern Territory have reported Martians in the sky at night.
The Martians, who have also been eyeing off Queensland (see story below), are reportedly very interested in the Northern Territory.
It is thought that the stories about visiting Martians, which have recently appeared in the limited news, could be a metaphor for things Australians don't need to know about - like military survellience and testing.
Spokesperson for the Martians - Gorg - denied these claims.
"We are running out of places to grow asparagus on Mars, so we are just checking out what's available. That railway that you have running from Darwin to Alice Springs would be perfect to transport asparagus," he said.
"There is no truth to the rumours that the northern part of Australia is the perfect terrain to test weird military gear before we use them on our Arab friends. There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of."
Gorg said he was also impressed with the Australian Government's implementation
of unofficial aparthied in North Queensland and the Northern Territory.
Outrage Over Offensive T-Shirt
The Offensive T-Shirt
A young man on Queerland's Cold Toast has been charged with offensive behaviour under the summary Offences Act 2005 for public nuisance.
The young man was walking along the road in Biggera Waters the other day wearing a T-shirt with writing on it when he was spotted by a police officer.
"I thought it was offensive so I arrested him," said Sen Sgt Uptight.
"These god botherers have infiltrated all aspects of our lives, shoving their brainwashed nonsense down our throats. The great thing about having no rights is that we can arrest anyone for anything, how else are we going to protect people from things?"
Police stampeded the shop where the T-Shirt was being sold and tazered the owner, then booked him in for voluntary chemical castration.
In related news, Gordon Ramsay is a very wealthy man.
An Analysis Of The BrisConnections Product Disclosure Statement: Prepared by Raedar Research Pty Ltd [25/6/08]
Under the seductive promise of "smarter ways to move" BrisConnections Product Disclosure Statement makes for interesting reading.
On the same day I downloaded BrisConnections' PDS the price of light sweet crude oil bounced around $US136 a barrel and Prime Minister Kevin Rudd reminded all Australians that the Opposition also has a policy of including transport in any Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS).
And yet the traffic modelling furnished by ARUP (with a supporting cast of consultants including Sinclair Knight Mertz, Access Economics, Spiller Gibbins Swann, UrbisJHD, The Hensher Group, IMIS and Sd+D) and with further input from the Brisbane City Council and the Queensland Department of Main Roads, fails to account for impacts of escalating petrol pricing nor carbon emission pricing on actual traffic modelling.
Amongst other jobs, ARUP also provided traffic forecasts for the Lane Cove Tunnel - "The credit agency Moody's last night issued a market alert downgrading Connector Motorways, which owns the tunnel, after projected traffic numbers proved wildly inaccurate." (SMH 20June2008).
Now that's a turn of phrase, "projected traffic numbers proved wildly inaccurate".
Instead of actually modelling traffic under the pressures of skyrocketing petrol prices or an ETS Mr Trevor Rowe, Chairman of BrisConnections, earns his $200,000 fee for "work done prior to this" by issuing a caution under perceived "traffic risks":
And if Mr Rowe's prior work wasn't sufficient then the experiences of interim Chief Executive Officer, Mr Mark Snape could have proved crucial. The PDS reports that Mr Snape is an alternate Director of Connector Motorways Group - owner of the Lane Cove Tunnel toll-way.
If this role wasn't informative enough then Mr Snape could always draw on his experience as "a Member for the Joint Venture Management Committee which constructed, owns and operates the Alice Springs to Darwin railway." This is the same railway that "following years of mounting debt and underperformance...has been put up for sale by owner FreightLink, on orders from lenders.." (SMH 19 May 2008)
Nonetheless both Mr Rowe's and Mr Snape's experiences and judgment have provided the following risk disclosure, only:
6.2 Traffic risks
6.2.1 Traffic volumes
"If any of these assumptions prove to be materially incorrect, the actual traffic volumes may vary significantly from the projected levels.
A summary of the Traffic Experts’ Report and projected traffic volumes are set out in Section 10.
Unitholders will bear the risk that traffic volumes and revenue may be adversely affected by various factors including but not limited to:
"A substantive shift in user preference for public transport including that resulting from increasing costs associated with car ownership and utilisation, such as higher fuel prices and the introduction of carbon pricing;"
"The impact of a significant and sustained increase in fuel prices on traffic volumes is a risk that should also be considered. Increased fuel prices may lead to a reduction in car ownership, car utilisation and a shift in modal share to public transport, walking, cycling or motorbikes and scooters."
So the next question becomes: what could a reasonable person conclude is a reasonable impact of those assumptions on the actual traffic volumes?
What are the perceived financial risks associated with paying BrisConnections $3 for a stapled security? I'm asking what factors may reasonably be expected to affect traffic modelling and how should these be taken into account?
And then, how should this traffic information be presented to prospective investors into a toll-way venture?
The likely introduction of a national carbon emissions trading scheme is one such material event. Another material event is the impact of escalating petrol prices on "car ownership and utilisation".
I'm a little worried that the same firm, ARUP, whose "projected traffic numbers proved wildly inaccurate" (SMH, 22 June 2008) on one toll-way is not bringing the lessons learnt from that exercise to bear in this project.
Without the full disclosure of traffic modelling conducted by ARUP that accounts for petrol price increases and an ETS, not merely a vague, slight understated warning, but modelling that actually accounts for material factors such as petrol prices and an ETS then nobody can make a reasonable assessment of this type of investment proposal.
And if I can't do so from this PDS then I'd certainly be asking my bank upon what information its making its assessment and upon what basis it is deciding to allocate shareholder funds to purchase these securities?
Either all the information is available to all prospective investors, institutional and retail, or this begins to smell like a great way to destroy shareholder value and personal wealth alike.
Maybe it would prove better for shareholder value to back-end some of these fees and payments to the long list of consultants, advisors and those with a vested interests, i.e. those with payments linked to the close of the IPO, to the actual achievement of the performance targets, especially those revenues generated from the projected traffic volumes?
In its current form, this proposal appears to indicate that a lot of people get a lot of money very early in the piece, sometimes even before the project is built. And the prospect of paying construction parties, identified as large unit holders, large traunches of borrowed money for early distributions is also a little worrisome.
So who's going to ask Mr Rowe for the full traffic modelling - the ARUP traffic modelling that includes the reasonable impacts of higher petrol prices upon the revenues generated by this toll-way?
Brisberg Icon To Be Demolished For Cruise Ships
A cruise ship of the future..bound for Botany Bay!
The Gateway duplication is under threat as bigtime cruise ship liners play hard ball with the Queerland government.
Cruise ship liners catering to cashed up boga.. I mean baby boomers, have pretended to put the hard word on our government to demolish the Gateway Bridge. Clearly, they aren't interested in Brisberg as a serious destination because the only thing to do in Brisberg is go to the Picasso exhibition, but the point is to talk about providing infrastructure for coal exporters.
In related news, the Queerland sugar industry is currently being f*cked over by neocons - oh well.
"I'm A Heartless B*stard Too": Minister
"Look around such beauty
So why such cruelty?
Look around such beauty
So why such cruelty?
Look around
Look around
Look around"
'Look Around', stringmansassy (2004)
The Minister for Veranda Sandstone has lashed out at media reports that he bears an ounce of compassion toward refugees on bridging visas.
"Australians need to know that I'm a heartless b*stard too," he said.
The Minister denied there were plans to change the guidelines so that individuals on bridging visas could temporarily fill labour shortages at fast food restaurants.
"Although Australians would probably like that idea, I needed to confirm to the sheep who read limited news publications that these individuals would remain persona non grata," he said.
In related news, a new report has revealed that Queerlanders don't give a flying f*ck about climate change, but are very interested in radio announcers' boobies.
Captain Moonlight Rides Again!
"I never go to school, hardly need to work at all
The world has got no rules, it's just a coloured ball...
Surf and mull and sex and fun"
'Surf and mull and sex and fun', Mental As Anything' (1984)
Captain Moonlight...How many cents a day again?
Today's [24/6/08] 'Bullshittin' has run a scathing criticism of Fortitude Valley catching Captain Moonlight off guard.
The criticism is in reponse to Captain Moonlight's recent episode - 'Take the Piss' - a scathing criticism of Surfers Paradise.
Captain Moonlight has recently embarked on an expose of all organised religion (starting with a suburb in the northwest of Brisberg) throughout Queensland prior to the upcoming State election.
Captain Moonlight is well known for his exploding expose 'Don't Blame It On The Moonlight', which exposed and exploded unknown corruption throughout Queerland forever and ever...amen.
Captain Moonlight's expose is certainly a positive and welcome move toward a secular state.
Every Australian Should See This Movie
http://www.hopedocumentary.com.au/hope/seivx.htm
'Hope' is screening at the Dendy, George Street in Brisbane - take a handkerchief - there wasn't a dry eye in the house at the Sunday afternoon screening.
Deny And Delay
in terms of
absolutely
going forward
it's all good
outcomes of a framework
issues understood
decimate the meaning
spin another line
give us all awareness
to facilitate the lie
Anti-war Veterans Group Welcomes Home Troops,
Condemns False Withdrawal: Media Release, Stand Fast [23/6/08]
A parade through Brisbane streets on June 28th marking the return of last Australian Battle Group from Southern Iraq is being falsely heralded as a withdrawal of Australian troops from Iraq.
“Stand Fast, welcomes home the troops that have recently returned from Southern Iraq,” said Hamish Chitts, former Australian infantry soldier, East Timor veteran and founder of Stand Fast, a group of veterans and former military personnel who oppose the current wars of occupation in Iraq and Afghanistan.
“We are glad that they are no longer being placed in harm’s way for the sake of oil and the interests of global corporations. Unfortunately this so called withdrawal is less than one third of the Australian military personnel currently in Iraq. The other two thirds will continue to remain in harms way supporting this unpopular and unjustifiable occupation.”
Chitts explained that “it is far from a withdrawal - it is a re-shuffling. Most of the troops who have recently returned will soon be used to bolster Australian military efforts to defend the corrupt puppet government of Afghanistan and U.S. government and business interests in that country.”
63% of Australians today are opposed to the war in Iraq and over 50% oppose the war Afghanistan. Chitts asked, “How can Kevin Rudd claim to be acting for democracy when a majority in this country want all the troops bought home? And it is not just democracy here that is being ignored; the majority of Iraqis and the majority of Afghanis don’t want foreign troops occupying their land. That’s why the people of Iraq and Afghanistan will keep resisting the occupation of their countries.”
“So while we welcome home these troops, we continue to condemn the criminal politicians who sent them to Iraq, who kept them there and are continuing to send troops to participate in the bloody US-led occupation. Those who truly support our troops should join our call to bring all the military personnel, from all the countries involved, home from Iraq and Afghanistan.”
http://www.stand-fast.webs.com/
Brisbane Ratepayers Suck Eggs
Why bother? The deal is done.
A group of Brisbane ratepayers held a rally today, which was organised and conducted by Cr. Neverbemayor, to vent their fury at the recent hike in rates.
Although only property owners were permitted to attended the rally, the inner city residents said they were really p*ssed off.
No mention was made of the fact that the increase in rates is because Brisbane is veering toward bankruptcy as a result of the dodgy NSBT contracts.
That the blame for the rate hikes mostly lies with the only paper in town (which enthusiastically spruiked the tunnels) and the ALP and Liberal Party (who signed off on the tunnels) is beside the point.
"Phar Lap's Painful Death Cruel and Unnecessary": Mr Ed's Revelations Shock Racing Circles
Mr Ed..."Good news, the Yanks didn't kill Phar Lap so we can send more troops to Afghanistan!"
Following the presentation of his scathing report into last year's horse flu outbreak (see story below), Mr Ed has revealed he knows who killed legendary race horse Phar Lap.
Speaking at a press conference, where he whinnied a great deal and was fed sugar cubes and apples, Mr Ed said that prior to that fateful day in 1932, he and Phar Lap held a secret meeting in a Los Angeles bar where Phar Lap revealed he had been having ongoing health issues, and wanted to die.
"His owners and backers were only interested in squeezing out every last dollar they could," said Mr Ed.
"Phar Lap was quite lucid, so I took pity on him, and trotted down to Mexico to obtain the necessary prescription."
Mr Ed is expected to face court proceedings in a political trial that will take place over several weeks, and further diminish the rights of the terminally ill to die a peaceful and dignified death.
In related news, pro U.S. propaganda courtesy of Fairfax and your A.B.C., is becoming increasingly prevalent and irritating.
Vampires Descend On Country School
"She said, "Hello Country Bumpkin.
How's the frost down on the pumpkin?
I've seen some sights, but man you're somethin'.
Where'd you come from country bumpkin?""
'Country Bumpkin', Cal Smith (1974)
Bloodsuckers...working hard for democracy
Cowpat State School, southwest of Ipswich, had a visit from some Brisbane bloodsuckers this week.
The bloodsuckers, from Bowen Hills and George Street, displayed remarkable concern for the respiratory health of a bunch of country school kids and the environment.
They descended on the Cowpat State School to divide and conquer a lucrative portion of National Party heartland before the next election.
The Bowen Hills bloodsucker was keen to emphasise what a waste it is to spend $3.3 million on a bunch of country school kids - especially state school kids.
Quotes were obtained from a district resident, but no mention was made that he was formerly the elected representative.
Minister Sparetherod said there was no alternative but to strategise in terms of the community and demolish the historic school building going forward.
"The deal has been done," he said.
Danielle Jones Wins Songwriter Of The Year
Australia's best song for the last financial year was awarded to Danielle Jones at a glittering ceremony last night.
The song - 'Snorting Lines' - resonates with many Australians who listen to Triple J and enjoyed Andrew Denton's bizarre religious interrogation of David Attenborough the other night.
"I did not smoke a joint with Uncle Pete and I am not gay," said Danielle.
Why Danielle Jones won the award is curious, and is certain to create controversy in this era of four beers - especially because he appeared to be off his face when accepting the award.
The fact that Jones' anointed co-writer sold out to the car industry might have something to do with it.
Fascism.
Martians Set To Save Queensland's Tourism Industry
"Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look a the Law man
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
It's the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?"
'Is There Life On Mars?', David Bowie (1973)
No, it's not a Picasso painting, it's a Martian,
and he wants to spend his dollars in the Sunshine State!
Queensland's flailing tourist industry may yet be saved by an unexpected group of holidaymakers.
According Dr Hal Ucinate from the Centre for Extraterrestrial Research (C.E.R.), the Sunshine State is being eyed off by Martians from outer space.
"The C.E.R. have recorded Martians flying around Queensland in their U.F.O.s, checking out tourist destinations such as the Great Barrier Reef," he said.
"I have seen their lights in the sky late at night, and I'm convinced they want to go to Dreamworld."
Spokesperson from Queensland Tourism Mr Soontoberedundant said he was pleased the Martians had shown an interest in Queensland.
"I suspect they want to check out the Barrier Reef before it is destroyed by climate change," he said.
"It's good to see the serious media following up on this important story."
'We Work The Black Seam', Sting (1985)
"Our conscious lives run deep
You cling onto your mountain while we sleep
This way of life is part of me
The is no price so only let me be
And should the children weep
The turning world will sing their souls to sleep
When you have sunk without a trace
The universe will suck me into place
One day in a nuclear age
They may understand our rage
They build machines that they can't control
And bury the waste in a great big hole
Power was to become cheap and clean
Grimy faces were never seen
But deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon fourteen
We work the black seam together"
Kevin Releases 10 Commandments
"We danced like New Year’s Eve
We danced from sheer relief
Everything must change
Nothing stays the same
Nothing stays the same"
'The King Is Dead', The Herd (2008)
The Government today released 10 commandments to guide workplace relations in conjunction with the It's All Good Amendment (Going Forward) Bill 2008.
The commandments, which form part of a 50 page report that nobody will read, include: Thou shalt work a 38 hour week (unless thou boss instructs thou to stay back every night), and Thou shalt be entitled to request flexible work arrangements if thou hast procreated (which can also be knocked back if thou boss is a mean b*stard).
With the Australian economy in free fall, and petrol prices at an all time high, the release of the 10 commandments are sure to make working families feel more secure about their prospects, and not drink so much beer.
Striking workers around the country are especially glad the 10 commandments have been released. They were worried that over 100 years of hard won workers' rights had been lost forever under the previous regime.
Aussie Girls Not Good Enough For Sir Michael?
"Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny;
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny nonny.
Sing no more ditties, sing no more
Of dumps so dull and heavy;
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy...
'Much Ado About Nothing', William Shakespeare (1594-99)
Sir Michael Duff-Ous has caused a stir with his latest rigorously intellectual column in this weekend's [14/6/08] 'Sydney Moaning Harold'. Sir Michael argues that there has been a terrible beat-up about 'sex-slaves' and that this beat-up has had unjustly harsh consequences for legitimate foreign sex workers in Australia.
The Australian Sex Industry Organisation (A.S.I.O.) today released a statement which says in part:
"We are disappointed that such a well regarded journalist would denigrate Australia's whores.
"A.S.I.O. believe that the government should introduce regulations to ensure we completely and utterly exhaust supplies of Australian whores before we accept whores from overseas. Call it protectionist if you like, but we believe our proud multi-cultural society can already offer the full array of women from all racial backgrounds.
"Only someone with a dick the size of a cashew would dare to suggest anything else.
"If anyone is gong to be f*cked for money, it's going to be us," said spokesperson for A.S.I.O, Sheil B. Right.
"Foreign whores may not know what is expected of them. This is one case where we really must stand up for our local industry. This is the thin edge of the wedge, next we'll have foreign actors coming over here to make films on the cheap and driving down pay and conditions."
Sir Michael wasn't available for comment on whether or not he has a cashew dick. But it clear that he is in favour of "bringing them home" as far as sex workers go.
In related news, aesthetes breathed a sigh of relief today as the Brisbane government banned art deco buildings under its new "green building" guidelines. Also, if you drink more than four beers a day to take your mind off the fact that you aren't meeting your mortgage repayments, and can't afford to buy petrol, you are a p*sshead and deserve to die.
So there.
Bligh Creates Waves In The Big Apple
The Big Pineapple in the Big Apple
Captain Bligh has created waves in U.S. diplomatic and business circles with her suggestion that New York's Big Pineapple is not as good as Queensland's Big Pineapple.
During a speech to "big wigs" at a high powered lunch at the Big Pineapple in the Big Apple, the Captain said that the Big Apple's Big Pineapple "was pretty good, but not as good as Queensland's Big Pineapple."
"In fact, the Big Apple's Big Pineapple looks like the Chrysler Building, which is an Art Deco skyscraper."
Many "big wigs" in the audience were unimpressed with the Captain's remarks.
"Who is that?" said a particularly loud "big wig".
The Captain, who is currently on a whirlwind tour of the U.S. to sell Queensland to the highest bidder, apologised to the "big wigs":
"Our taxpayers are your taxpayers."
The Captain then sailed off to visit San Diego's Great Barrier Reef giving her predecessor a wide berth.
Captain Bligh...Selling Queensland to New York
Act II: "I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman"
"You made a fool of me, but them broken dreams have got to end.
Hey woman, you got the blues, 'cos you aint got no one else
to use.
Theres an open road that leads nowhere, so just make some miles
Between here and there.
Theres a hole in my head where the rain comes in,
You took my body and played to win,
Ha ha woman its a crying shame,
But you aint got no one else to blame.
E-evil woman, e-evil woman, e-evil woman, evil woman"
'Evil Woman', E.L.O., (1975)
Fair minded Queenslanders were so full of compassion toward their former leader, they could barely eat their scrambled eggs this morning [15/6/08].
Tears rolled down cheeks and into their cups of tea and coffee, as they pondered why they were being subjected to this tawdry masquerade.
As they hopped in cars and headed off to the Picasso exhibition, they also wondered what the next instalment will bring - knowing full well that it won't be the truth.
The Great Distraction
"Thorn in my side
You know that's all you ever were
A bundle of lies
You know that's all that it was worth
I should have known better
But I trusted you at first
I should have known better
But I got what I deserved"
'Thorn In My Side', Eurythmics, 1986
Queenslanders crunched into their cornfakes in shock this morning [14/6/08], as they read part one of a well orchestrated coverup.
The script suggests that two former members of the upper echelons were engaged in an illicit liaison. The writers and producers reckon that the unfolding details of this fabricated love affair will be enough to distract us from the heart of the matter.
The real drama lurks just beneath the surface and is much nastier than a couple of our elected representatives having it off.
Mister Ed Slams Quarantine Service
"A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And no one can talk to a horse of course
That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed"
Theme song from TV show 'Mister Ed' (Jay Livingston and Ray
Evans), aired on CBS from 1961 to 1966
Mister Ed..."Byzantine"
Star of the hit 1960s television show of the same name - Mister Ed - has finally presented his scathing report on last year's horse flu outbreak in Australia.
Mister Ed blamed breathtaking indifference, gross ineptitude beyond your wildest imaginations and a plethora of inexcusability relating to quarantine and biosecurity.
"Byzantine," he neighed.
Although scapegoated heads will roll, and Mister Ed's report illustrates what happens when neo-conservatives take over important regulatory authorities, it is expected that comprehensive inquiries into customs and the AFP won't be necessary.
This Saturday, Mister Ed will assist in the transportation of racegoers to the Ipswich Cup because - surprise, surprise - the Queensland Government has decided to undertake track maintenance on the Ipswich line that day.
Flashers Entice Sydneysiders To Queensland
Bl**dy Hell!
The Queensland Government has recruited flashers from the Botanic Gardens in an effort to address the devastating effect of dwindling tourist numbers.
The flashers have been running rampant through the streets of Sydney flashing their wangers and yelling:
"Queenslander!"
Although "flashing" is an offense, and the ABC have conducted serious interviews with Desley and Martin, it is still unclear why the tourism industry should be given tax payers' money for bogus marketing campaigns.
Will Home Delivery Solve This Problem?
Dear Coles,
Last week my Father shopped at Coles, Rode Road at Stafford Heights.
He purchased a dozen eggs - which appear on his shopping docket - but feels he may have left them at the checkout, as they were packed in a separate bag.
My Father called the supermarket and they said there hadn't been any eggs left behind, yet he searched the car and the house to no avail.
The next day he went down to the supermarket with the docket, but they refused to do anything about it.
I wondered if you would be able to help us with this predicament.
Thanks,
I was wrong to think they cared:
Good afternoon ,
Thank you for your email regarding missing a dozen of Eggs purchased some time last week at Coles Rode (Stafford Heights) store.
I regret to hear that your father may have forgotten to take his paid product at the checkout. Upon returning to the store, you were refused a few times at various occasions for a replacement. Unfortunately, this is the store's discretion and I apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Yours sincerely,
Coles Customer Relations
Bligh Government Tramples Community Rights To Impose Over-Development
James Sinnamon, of "candobetter.org", writes:
At the elections of 15 March, pro-developer councils were trounced in Redland City and on the Sunshine Coast, but this popular rejection of over-development means little to the State Labor Government of Anna Bligh and the property developers she serves.
On Thursday 5 June the Bligh Government announced its intention to push aside objections from the Redland and Sunshine Coast Councils in order to fast track developments in 17 South East Queensland sites purportedly to “improve housing affordability”. Of course, the obvious measure of selling land directly to the public in order to spare them the cost of extravagant developers' margins, as suggested by at least one correspondent to the 'Courier Mail' recently, has not been taken up.
On 9 June Anna Bligh announced further measures to clear impediments to housing development in South East Queensland. The 'Courier Mail' article 'Green Space Land Grab' reported:
"The Bligh Government is set to take the brakes off urban sprawl by making it easier for developers to build on South East Queensland's precious open green space.
Just three years after the Beattie government put protections in place to control rampant development in the region, a review of those controls is now flagging big changes.
Among them is a proposed expansion of the so-called “urban footprint” in a move that would allow new housing and commercial developments to sprawl beyond the existing boundaries."
Against previous undertakings to allow local communities plenty of chances to have their say on future planning, it was announced that discussion of the expansion of SEQ's urban footprint into surrounding green spaces would be kept secret until the release of a draft plan in December, supposedly because this knowledge is “commercially sensitive”.
The Office of Urban Management, which was set up with the stated goal of keeping rampant development in check, has been abolished. (The link to www.oum.qld.gov.au returned with the Google search term "Office of Urban Management" is now redirected to www.dip.qld.gov.au/seq.)
This accelerated development is proceeding well ahead of infrastructure upgrades necessary to accommodate the extra population. Earlier, on 5 June it was reported in the 'Bayside Bulletin' story 'Transport projects “too far away”' that Redland City Council had raised concerns over the long wait for public transport and road upgrades which could be 10 to 20 years away. On 2 June the 'Bayside Bulletin' story 'Call to upgrade roads' reported growing traffic congestion in the Redlands area and increasingly long travel times along the major routes to Brisbane.
On 5 June, on hearing of the new state Government mandated developments in the Redlands area, a local taxi driver in a post to the 'Bayside Bulletin' wrote:
"Our state government has learnt absolutely nothing about infrastructure being in place before known growth - pushing for SE Thornlands development 11 years before an upgrade of the Cleveland-Redland Bay Road in 2019 is absolute stupidity. Redlands voters will have much to remember, none of it good, at the next state election."
Sunshine Coast Mayor Bob Abbot said it was “madness” to turn big areas of land into housing estates when proper transport links had not been established.
The expansion of the urban footprint was made in spite of assurances only two years ago that there was already enough land within the existing urban footprint to acommodate growth. Bligh claimed that the fast tracking of the review was prompted by the new population forecasts showing that the region was likely to be home to an extra 1.5 million people within 18 years. The ‘new population forecasts’ undoubtedly were the direct result of Federal Immigration Minister Chris Evans' announcement on 14 May of a massive increase of the annual immigration to 300,000. Both the Queensland Government and the pro-population-growth 'Courier Mail' have been curiously silent on the increased immigration rates. As one example, for a whole week following Friday 16 May, when a single opinion piece in favour of Pacific Island guest workers was published, there was a news blackout in the 'Courier Mail' as its pages were full of stories about the chaos caused by existing population growth. This was in marked contrast to the reporting in 'The Australian' (the national newspaper) which, like the 'Courier Mail', is owned by US citizen Rupert Murdoch. All along 'The Australian' has stridently pushed the pro-immigration barrow.
It's as if both the Queensland Government and the 'Courier Mail' don't want the Queensland public to draw the link between high international immigration into Australia and the resultant inter-state immigration which Bligh insists makes her trampling over the rights of Queensland communities necessary.
James Sinnamon
http://candobetter.org/jameshttp://candobetter.wikispaces.com
When Will This Pothole Be Fixed?
This pothole appeared on the corner of Walpole and Raven Streets, McDowall several weeks ago.
If our elected representatives can't fix a dangerous pothole on our suburban streets, surely we shouldn't allow them to spend more of our taxes and rates to pay for unecessary tunnel and road networks?
Cold Toast Mayoral Race Heats Up
"And I think I will travel to Rio
Using the music for light
There's nothing I know of in Rio
But it's something to do with the night.
It's only a whimsical notion
To fly down to Rio tonight
And I probably won't fly down to Rio
But then again, I just might."
'Fly Down To Rio', Mike Nesmith (1977)
Candidates in the Cold Toast Mayoral race have engaged in a war of words over rates and broken promises.
Although Mayor Marathon won the Mayoral election in March this year, his rivals believe they can still win the Mayoral race.
"The 'Bullsh*ttin' is pressing Mayor Marathon to resign, and that's what democracy is all about," said Mr Resort.
"Mayor Marathon broke a promise about rates, and we all know that politicians never break promises," said Mr Mohawk.
When asked whether they would freeze rates after Mayor Marathon resigned, Mr Resort and Mr Mohawk turned simultaneously to look at each other, paused, blinked in unison and then collapsed with laughter.
"Oh, wow that's a good one. We thought you were being serious, sorry but the way you asked, with a totally straight face really had us for a second. Yeah, good one."
Mr Resort and Mr Mohawk have generously agreed to rule the
Cold Toast should Mayor Marathon resign, even though what they are threatening
to do is known as a "coup d'etat".
The Master Arrives In Brisbane
Picasso...a master at being grumpy and unpleasant
"Well he was only 5'3"
But girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole
Not in New York"
Lyrics from 'Pablo Picasso - originally by the Modern Lovers and featured on the soundtrack of 'Repo Man' (1984) performed by the Burning Sensations
Picasso is a world famous artist who paints ugly paintings that no-one understands. Your three-year-old could probably do better paintings than him.
He is also a very grumpy and unpleasant person and doesn't like women very much. You can tell this by his paintings which feature facial profiles with googly boogly eyes.
During one of his pretentious "periods", Picasso got weird and started painting hoes and calling himself a cubist.
Anyway, you will throw your money at this exhibition, just like you did for Warhol, because the only paper in town tells you to.
If he feels like it, Picasso will be giving a series of talks about his work, followed by a Wolfmother concert.
In related news, Billy Kelty's hairdresser has been awarded an Order of Australia for his service to taming Kelty's wild and crazy locks.
Study to look at infrastructure needs of boaties
and marine industries: Department of Infrastructure and Planning Media Release
[6/6/08]
The State Government has announced the start of a study into the current and future infrastructure needs of boaties and marine-related industries on the Gold Coast and southern Moreton Bay.
The findings of the $500,000 study will be used to guide the development of a marine infrastructure master plan for the study area.
The study area stretches from the Southport Broadwater to the southern part of Moreton Bay (near Coochiemudlo Island), and upstream of the Coomera, Albert and Logan rivers, back to the Pacific Motorway.
“The study will assess the infrastructure needs of marine-related industries and identify future industrial sites suitable for development,” said the director-general of the Department of Infrastructure and Planning, Colin Jensen.
“When completed, the master plan will provide a 20-year blueprint for marine-related development on land and water, including dredging, and the infrastructure and skills needed to support the rapidly growing marine industry.
“In the process, it will help cement the Gold Coast and Southern Moreton Bay’s position as one of Australia’s major hubs of marine activity.”
Queensland’s boating industry has a $2.6 billion annual turnover. In 2005–06 it employed 11,000 people and more than 13,000 vessels were built, generating $400 million in exports—80 per cent of the Australian total and most of it on the Gold Coast.
Since 2000, the number of recreational vessels in Queensland has grown just over five per cent a year—nearly eight per cent a year on the Gold Coast.
“This growth, and the increasing size of recreational vessels, has increased demand for more navigable channels in the Southport Broadwater, northern Gold Coast waterways and southern Moreton Bay, as well as infrastructure and skills to service this growth,” Mr Jensen said.
The study, being conducted by international engineering and planning firm KBR, will investigate the most environmentally and economically suitable locations for, and types of, marine infrastructure development.
“The master plan will not replace the need for environmental impact assessments of individual projects.”
Key issues to be addressed by the study include:
accessibility for an increasing number of larger vessels
safety, especially vessel speeds
depths and siltation of waterways (dredging)
traffic volumes (land and water)
water quality
dry land and water-based development
environmental protection and physical capacity of study area.
“From tomorrow until August 2008, the study project team will be consulting with industry, environmental groups, business leaders and the broader community,” Mr Jensen said.
Looking ahead, he said private investment would be critical to the successful implementation of the master plan.
“Accordingly, the project team will be enlisting the help of the Institute of Business Leaders (IBL) to promote the study among its vast network of business contacts and encourage their input.”
The IBL and project team will jointly conduct workshops with business and industry leaders as part of the consultation program.
For more information or to get involved, contact the project team on smbmasterplan@kbr.com.
To have a say or for project updates, visit the Southern Moreton Bay Marine
Infrastructure Master Plan project page.
CMC Reveals Its “Double Blind” Method Of Investigation As The Farce Ends
Dear friends, for those of you with a long memory, on 30th September 30 2005 I had my face ground into a concrete floor by police for merely attending a public meeting, a debate between my local member, Peter Dutton and civil liberties lawyer Terry O’Gorman.
Over two and a half years later I received a final letter from the Crime and Misconduct Commission telling me that there was no evidence that police did anything wrong in turning my face into bloody mess, and that they had “acted in good faith” in arresting me.
Now after more than 2 ½ years of wondering what was going on with the so called ”investigation” into my complaint, I have come to realise the CMC must be a very scientific body and were using the “double blind method” of investigation.
You see, the CMC finally informed me for the first time that my complaint really hinged on the magistrate hearing the police charges against me. They were waiting for Magistrate Kerry McGuiness to make a statement condemning the police for assaulting me etc. Now of course, neither I nor the magistrate Kerry McGuiness knew that this was the experiment the CMC was carrying out (the double blind aspect). In fact Ms McGuiness was probably unaware that my CMC complaint even existed! But at last the CMC informed me that this was what they were relying on to come to their very scientific conclusion as to whether I had been viciously assaulted by police without reason, as I claimed.
In my naivety, I thought someone would investigate my complaint by doing an interview with me and the numerous witnesses who saw me being dragged out of the public meeting for no reason. I thought they might want to talk to the 3 people who were prevented from entering the room in which I was being assaulted. When the “investigating” police officer (the CMC passed my complaint on to the police to investigate themselves), Sergeant Hahne, finally rang me 14 months after the event to tell me he was investigating the incident, I asked him when he would be interviewing me. He replied that it would not be necessary.
Now of course, if the magistrate or I had known the CMC was depending on her to investigate and rule on my complaint, then either of us may have allowed our personal prejudices to influence the matter. For instance I may have asked her to make an adverse comment against the police. Mind you she did say in her summing up that the evidence of my 9 witnesses (including numerous lawyers and former attorney general Michael Lavarche) was perfectly credible. And given that their evidence totally contradicted the evidence of police and security guards, one can only assume that the latter lied. Of course Magistrate McGuiness did not say directly that the police lied in her summing up and the CMC could not dare deduce this themselves given that they had appointed MS MsGuiness main investigator (unbeknownst to herself). So the CMC ruled that the police “acted in good faith” in arresting me, despite Ms McGuiness clear statement that I had done absolutely nothing wrong!
So there we have it. The CMC will never let a little blood, cuts, bruises and emotions get in the way of a simple scientific investigation! Many thanks to the Queensland justice system. If it wasn’t for real I am sure I would have had quite a few laughs.
Jim Dowling
2nd June 2008
Wrinklies Welcome Pokie Overhaul
Queensland's pubs and clubs will soon be required to refit their pokie lounges with one ATM for every poker machine, as part of the government's new gambling reforms.
Minister Fraser-Island said the reforms were necessary, but only to the extent that they don't offend the gambling industry.
"See my cover shot on the cover of that glossy weekend magazine?" he said.
"If you don't stop gambling, you might end up like that too!"
Queensland pensioners have welcomed the reforms.
"I always do my banking in pokie lounges," said Mrs Penny Shon-Spend, staring at the flickering pokie screen and rummaging in her handbag for her ATM card.
"It's so safe and secure here I never want to leave, until they kick me out."
Where The Bl**dy Hell Are They?
Queensland's Big Pineapple...lonely
Face it. Our tourism woes go a lot deeper than cutting a few international flights. The world economy has slumped, 11 years of Howard and a lack of media diversity has transformed our society into an anti-intellectual paradise for racists, religious bigots, unscrupulous social climbers and environmental vandals. We are the world's quarry, have apartheid by default, a bunch of uncultured wowsers, neocons and *rselickers in all levels of government, and if the pedophiles, child pornographers, rampaging backpacker rapists, murderers, sharks and cyclones don't get you, the anti-terrorism legislation will!
You cannot mask this ugly malaise with a clever, million dollar marketing campaign. Remember the television advertisement for Ben Ean Moselle in the 1970s featuring the young couples relaxing on the beach laughing and quaffing wine?
"Who wants to be a millionaire?
I don't.
Who wants uranium to spare?
I don't.
Who wants to journey on a gigantic yacht?
Do I want a yacht?
Oh, how I do not.
Who wants a fancy foreign car?
I don't.
Who wants to tire of caviar?
I don't.
Who wants a marble swimming pool too?
I don't.
And I don't 'cos all I want is you."
'Who wants to be a millionaire?', written by Cole Porter for the 1956 film 'High Society'
That was our international image - such a simple, yet effective piece of marketing that just wouldn't work in today's aspirational Australia.
Sad really.
Rupert Town's Public Transport Boost
"Don't the sun look good today?
But the rain is on its way.
Watch the butcher shine his knives
And this town is full of battered wives."
'Streets Of Your Town', The Go-Betweens (1988)
Brisbane's Proposed Mass Transit Feasibility Initiative Will Be Studied
In celebration of yesterday's [5/6/08] "World Environment Day", the Queerland Government and Brisberg City Council have announced a proposed study into a million dollar mass transit feasibility initiative.
By 2010, each Brisbane household could be issued with a horse and sulky, while residents of inner-city high rises will be given the option of roller blades or a skateboard. The mass transit feasibility initiative is a cynical attempt to deflect attention away from the tunnels, which are bankrupting the city.
The citizens of Newstead and West End could finally be united by this unique transit system.
"I don't care what that Garnaut character says," said Captain Bligh.
"With this new and convoluted proposal, you couldn't accuse us of fiddling while Rome burns."
The City Hall Leader said that a few government consultants would do very well from the proposed feasibility study.
"The secret is to make sweeping statements about proposed studies into public transport infrastructure and millions of dollars," he said.
"Then scare the living daylights out of ratepayers by suggesting their properties might be resumed."
Newstead and West End residents connected by mass transit
Old Farts To Power Tugun Desal Plant
Labrador resident "Poufeney"..."Poooooo"
The Queensland Government is negotiating with the Gold Coast City Council to find a solution to recent protests over the overhead powerlines being installed to run the Tugun desalination plant. Proponants of the Desal plant insist that it can be run 100% on fossil fuel, and that all that is required is sufficient PR spin to make the protesters believe that this can be offset by renewable sources of electricity.
Multi-storey retirement resorts on Queensland's Gold Coast are set to become the key solution to this multi-layered problem. Mr M. Ethanegas from Town Pacific, the developers of the high rise old-peoples' homes (and a huge political donor), has entered into a Public Private Partnership (or "PPP") to harness all the methane produced in his Grande Cashing Inn Towers developments at Southport and Labrador, and sell it to the Captain Bligh government to power a wind farm which will collect so many "Carbon Credits (registered Trade Mark)" that the Tugun Desal enterprise will completely pay for itself in State and Federal grants and tax breaks several times over before it even produces a single cistern full of fresh, clean, pure and potable flushing water.
Mr C. Ellout, from the "We Love All Bogus Front Groups For Corporate Advancement" group (WLABFGFCA), has heartily endorsed the move. He says, in a media release from his ex-Limited News PR hack, that:
"WLABFGFCA strongly endorse this move, we believe that it is vital to the continuation of rampant and unsustainable 'development' that all Queenslanders remain ignorant of the real costs and effects of this foreign project upon their State and its economy. It is vital that nobody becomes aware of the real environmental or fiscal costs of this foreign-owned and controlled project, and the collection of methane from these old folks' cash sponge developments will handily achieve that goal and deliver the desired outcomes, in terms of diverting attention from the hopelessly bankrupt nature of this project."
Town Pacific is technically insolvent. The entire project is morally bankrupt. There is no real prospect that the methane farm in the 'Cashing Inn Towers' can work, and yet it will all be approved and spruiked by the State Government, the Local Council and the Limited News papers as the best thing since sliced bread. As Mr Beattie famously said:
"The deal is done."
Queensland Week
From the Department of Premier and Cabinet website:
Queensland Day commemorates the day that Queen Victoria signed Letters Patent separating Queensland from the colony of New South Wales.
http://www.premiers.qld.gov.au/awardsevents/events/queenslandweek/about/
Some Extraordinary Queensland History
'When Parliament House Was Raided' from 'Three Decades of Queensland Political History' by Clem Lack [1962] - pp 661 - 666:
"An extraordinary incident unique in Queensland Parliamentary History, and combining the elements of drama and farce, was a raid carried out by 37 men on a pre-sessional Caucus meeting of the Parliamentary Labor Party at Parliament House on the morning of 4 August 1939. The men who represented themselves as members of the League for Social Justice arrived at Parliament House in cars, and brushing alarmed messengers aside, marched up the stairs of the main entrance. They forced their way into the old Legislative Council Chamber on the first floor where the Labor Caucus meeting was in the process of electing a new Minister.
The intruders carried batons, coils of barbed wire and hammers, and wore on the lapels of their coats small discs bearing numbers and strips of green and blue ribbons.
"Out of the Way, Brother!"
One messenger, describing the rush up the stairs, said that the leader, raising his baton, exclaimed, "Out of the way, brother, and we won't do you any harm!"
Astonished by the dramatic interruption of men brandishing batons, some bewildered Parliamentarians were at first under the impression that a sight-seeing party had taken the wrong turning. They realised their error when a tall man gave orders to his followers to encircle the room. The men took up their positions at the rear of the seats on which members of the Party were sitting.
Members who attempted to rise to their feet were pushed back into their seats. One of them was the Treasurer, the late F. A. Cooper. Mystified, he turned to the man who pushed him and asked indignantly,
"Who are you - a detective?"
The man did not reply.
The leader shouted to the Parliamentarians, "Keep your seats!"
"What do you mean by this?" demanded the Premier (Mr. W. Forgan Smith), rising from his chair at the head of the centre table.
"Told Premier To Sit Down"
"Sit down!" commanded the tall man.
"I refuse to be instructed by you!" retorted the Premier, whose demeanour was calm and determined throughout. Walking the length of the chamber and standing in front of the man he exclaimed,
"What do you mean by this invasion of a meeting of the Labor party assembled in Parliament House?"
"You will know in a minute; our leader is coming," the man in charge replied.
A tense situation was developing, but the Premier who remained calm throughout this extraordinary incident, urged his colleagues to restrain themselves.
Addressing the tall man, Mr. Forgan Smith said, "I am astonished at this display of force. This is a country in which such a demonstration is absolutely uncalled for."
"A Display of Fascism"
The man in charge muttered some remark about a deputation to discuss grievances, whereupon the Premier retorted: "There is a constitutional method of approaching me for a deputation. This is a display of Fascism. I will not countenance such an outrage in Queensland. I refuse to be intimidated by you, individually or collectively, and I ask you to withdraw."
The intruders refused to do so, and the leading man exclaimed, "Have you heard of Culloden Moor?" [The Battle of Culloden Moor (April 1746), where the Duke of Cumberland's army defeated the Highland clans who had risen in rebellion in support of the Young Pretender, Charles Edward Stuart. Culloden ended the rising.]
"I have," said the Premier.
"Well, my ancestors fought there. They were rebels and I have a right to be a rebel!"
"If you are a rebel you will have to take the consequences of being one!" retorted the Premier. He was still talking when the police arrived.
Police Were Telephoned
With considerable presence of mind, the Minister for Health and Home Affairs (Mr. E. M. Hanlon) had slipped out of the room unnoticed in the excitement, and using a back entrance leading to the Premier's room at Parliament House, telephoned the Commissioner of Police (Mr. C. J. Carroll) apprising him of the situation and instructing him to send a strong party of police to the House immediately.
Meanwhile, the Clerk Assistant (Mr. R. L. Dunlop), had also telephoned the Roma Street police station.
Making his way down a back stairway, Mr. Hanlon went around to the front gate and met the police whom he ordered to surround the building to prevent anybody from leaving. Policemen swarmed into the building and took charge. Six luckless visitors to Parliament House, including a prominent business man from Mackay, were detained for more than an hour and a half before they were able to satisfy the police that they had no connection with the affair.
All of the men who had caused the disturbance were taken into custody and placed in the large committee room on the ground floor under guard.
"You Will Need This!"
A Gilbertian touch in a scene which had all the elements of a melodrama was provided when one member of the "deputation" dropped his baton just as the police rushed into the Chamber. The Treasurer, Mr. Cooper, picked the baton up and handed it to its owner, courteously remarking, "You will need this, won't you?"
The men were packed into the Black Maria and other cars and removed to the watchhouse at 3.30 p.m. after warrants for their arrest had been issued. Never has the Brisbane watchhouse had so many inmates at the one time.
A large number of batons and other paraphernalia were collected by the police. All the batons were stout pieces of hardwood about 18 inches long, strung with white cord to enable the holder to get a firmer grip. In addition to the supply of barbed wire which the visitors brought in cars, trophies of the police search included knuckle dusters, torches and shaving kits.
Farmers were numerous in the party, some of them coming from Canungra, Redcliffe, and Kingaroy. Five of them, farmers from Kingaroy, had arrived on the previous morning.
The fact that the discs on their coats bore numbers as high as the 160's suggested that the League had a membership much greater than the party which invaded Parliament House.
"20th Century Magna Charta"
Pamphlets which they distrubuted stated that the League comprised farmers, unionists, small business men, and church members. The improved conditions they sought included a stabilised price for all primary producers; a 40 hour week; co-operative control by the farmer of all primary industries; full-time work for the unemployed; the removal of all road and bridge tolls; reduction in taxation and rates; public finance without debt; no alteration in legal hotel hours without a referendum. "The League for Social Justice wants a 20th Century Magna Charta," stated the leaflet, which did not bear a publisher's imprint.
On the evening of the day of their arrest, the 37 men were brought before Mr. A. H. O'Kelly, P.M., at a night court which sat until midnight. The men were charged on warrant with having assembled together and being so assembled conducted themselves in such a manner as to cause the subjects of our Sovereign Lord the King in the neighbourhood to fear on reasonable grounds that they would tumultuously disturb the peace.
They were remanded without bail. At this and subsequent police court proceedings, astonishing evidence was given by the police and other witnesses, including Ministers of the Crown and Parliamentary officers.
Police evidence was to the effect that the men were members of the body known as the League for Social Justice, which was said to be closely allied with the Social Credit Party. The men, who came from various parts of the State, had assembled in Brisbane on the day of the raid. They had engaged a public hall in the city--apparently, another ludicrous touch this--giving out that they were pineapple growers who had assembled to discuss the staging of their exhibit for the Brisbane show. After the meeting they left in private cars and taxis to carry out their filibustering expedition to Parliament House.
The number of men charged was increased to 38 in the Police Court on 7 August, when a Church of England clergyman appeared on the same charge. Police evidence was to the effect that an arrangement had been made for the clergyman to go to an office in a certain part of the city and wait until he had received advice from the "deputation" that they had seized Parliament House. He was then to advise the newspapers and the police.
On 21 August, evidence was given that the intruders intended to barricade themselves in for a sit-down strike of 24 hours. One of the men told a policeman it had been their intention to erect a fence around the railing of the room upstairs with ten rolls of single-strand barb wire of a total length of 50 chains.
After lengthy police court evidence, to which the newspapers devoted several columns each day, Mr. P. M. Hishon, P.M., committed the men for trial at the next sittings of the Supreme Court."
On 10 October, the 38 persons appeared at City Hall for the swearing in of the jury as 600 jurymen had been summoned.
The trial continued for nine days at the Supreme Court before His Honour pronounced a Not Guilty verdict for the 38 persons on 18 October.
"On 17 November 1939, the Premier (Mr. W. Forgan Smith) initiated in Committee a bill amending the Criminal Code of Queensland.
One of the objects of the measure was to give the Crown the right of appeal in criminal cases, but the other part of the Bill was a direct sequel to the raid on Parliament House. Offences against members of Parliament and disturbances that might take place in the vicinity of Parliament House were covered in the new section. The Code was amended to make a disturbance in Parliament House when Parliament was not sitting an offence."
There was almost unanimous approval of the Bill and only one member of Parliament, Mr. T. Nimmo (U.A.P., Oxley), argued against it.
For Lease: One City Hall
A special report by 'Spring Hill Voice's' Financial Correspondent A. Lin-Coaler
City Hall will be renamed 'City Mall', and is set to become a mini version of the Queen Street Mall, as exorbitant rents on Brisbane's premium shopping strip have forced Council to offer some of its rooms to retailers.
At today's Council meeting [3/6/08] Councillors were in unanimous agreement that retailers who have missed out on choice spots along the Queen Street Mall should be given first dibs on spaces such as the Ithaca Room and the Main Ballroom.
Although there are "for lease" signs all around the CBD, and many commercial premises are vacant, the tight commercial rental market was cited as a reason to put City Hall up for rent.
Addressing today's Council meeting, the City Hall Leader said that more high rise commercial buildings would also need to be built to meet the phantom demand for commercial and retail rental space.
"There is an urgent need for these to be constructed by my mates...er.. I mean developers," he said.
"The huge crowds that turn up for those Hardly Normal and discount designer jeans sales prove there is a role for City Hall as a Brisbane retail icon, rather than a symbol of civic pride and endeavour like Rodeo Drive."
The Opposition City Hall Leader agreed, and said that "no-one would notice" if Councillors had to abandon their fortnightly meetings and offices within City Hall.
"The pigeons will keep pooing," she said.
New Icons Planned For Gold Coast
In the wake of a swathe of new icons being announced for Brisbane, such as the Mt Coot-tha cable car and Under River World at Northwank, Queerland's Tourism Council have announced that the Gold Coast will soon have some proposed new icons too.
"We didn't have any trouble coming up with ideas for new Gold Coast icons," said Mr Barry Reefer, Chief of the Tourism Council.
"And as an added bonus, we can save money on the proposed Gold Coast Under Water World if we don't do anything about climate change," he added.
Mr Reefer said the Tourism Council was also investigating the possibility of having a cable car ride from the Tugun Bypass to the Tugun Desalination Plant.
Plastic Bertrand, who will drive the Mt Coot-tha cable car as well as the Tugun cable car (see 'Spring Hill Voice's May scoop: 'Plastic Bertram To Drive Brisberg's Iconic New Cable Car'), said he thought the Tugun cable car ride would "attract lots of tourists" because it would "really showcase Queensland's beautiful environment".
Enough Is Enough: Cold Toast Hoon Plague
"Jump in my car, I wanna take you home,
Jump in my car, it's too far to walk on your own."
'Jump In My Car', Ted Mulry Gang (1975)
Characters from the hit Australian television series 'Cop Shop', who were recruited from Riverside Police Station in April to help out with the Cold Toast's bad dudes, say hoons are out of control.
Detective Mike Georgiou said efforts to eradicate hoons had failed, and that the number of hoons on the Cold Toast were multiplying.
"Hoons have been popping up unexpectedly at places such as Harbour Clown," he said.
"Councillor Crackpot might think she can solve the problem by closing the gates and throwing them to the lions, but the hoons are out of control - and sometimes I just don't know what she's going on about," he said, raising his very masculine eyebrows and shaking his lustrous locks.
Detective Mike Georgiou...hoon epidemic
The foxy Constable Amanda King and Detective Danni Francis agreed with their rakishly handsome colleague.
"Like every single politician on the Cold Toast, we feel as though we're surrounded by hoons to the point that you have to suspect every single driver." said Constable King.
Constable Amanda King and Detective Danni Francis... foxy