It has been revealed that a political candidate is paying Google to ensure his website bobs up first when a constituent googles his rival.

This shocking discovery has outraged no-one - including politicians who google their own names.

"Where have I been for the last 23 years?" said the member for somewhere north of Brisbane who is looking forward to his big, fat retirement package.

But his rival had other things to say about the concept of honesty in that it has nothing to do with getting elected.

In the past, political parties have been known to set up websites promising to represent the interests of constituents. Shockingly, the claims made on these websites are often revealed to be false.

Nevertheless, horrified constiuents have formed another opinion, which revolves around the concept that voters don't vote a government in, they vote it out.

Creepy Crawlys On The March

No it's not an insect....but it's scary isn't it?

Queensland homeowners (not those horrible renters - they can go to hell!) have been warned by various "experts" that creepy crawlys are on the march throughout the state.

Creepy Crawly expert from the Not Mentioning The Entomological Response To Climate Change Unit of the Ponds Institute, Dr B. Tel, said the number of creepy crawlys was reaching plague proportions.

"The different breeds of creepy crawlys reproduce quickly and can give you a nasty bite which is often venomous," he said.

"They swarm from the suburb of Bowen Hills, breeding with varieties from other suburbs such as Mt Coot-tha and Toowong, and spread their influence from there."

The pharmaceutical popping Creepy Crawlys often stink, have sensory hairs on their hind legs, and although the old locals have developed ways of coping, unwary newcomers often get chewed out of town.

What's Your Vision For The Spit?

From the Gold Coast City Council website [28/1/09]:

Gold Coasters are one step closer towards being asked what their future vision for one of our city’s most iconic locations might be.

Councillors endorsed today, Wednesday 28 January 2009, a Community and Cultural Development Committee report to seek the community’s thoughts and ideas about the future of The Spit.

Chair of Council’s Community and Cultural Development Committee, Cr Bob La Castra said today’s decision meant that residents needed to start thinking about what The Spit meant to them.

Here's my vision. Can't you keep your grubby hands off one of the ever-diminishing unspoiled places on the Gold Coast? The Spit is a special place that doesn't need any further development.

I've seen dolphins frolicking in the Marine Stadium and would like to think future generations would be able to experience this too.

Leave it be.

How About The "Energex Extinction Garden" Or The "Clean Coal Climate Change Garden" Or The "Intelligent Design Garden"?

From the Queensland Museum website:

Dinosaur Garden Redevelopment
Closed for redevelopment until Easter 2009.

The much loved Dinosaur Garden at Queensland Museum South Bank has been a popular place to visit for over 20 years. [Especially for pigeons - Ed.]

Thanks to ENERGEX, South East Queensland's electricity distributor, the Dinosaur Garden at Queensland Museum South Bank is about to get a brand new look and you have a chance to give it a brand new name and win great prizes.

Name that space Competition!

To enter the competition, look at the plans for the new exhibition, think of a name and email your entry to namethatspace@southbank.qm.qld.gov.au with 'Name that space' as the Subject - it's that simple!

Make sure you include your name, address, phone number, date of birth and what you think the new exhibition space at Queensland Museum South Bank should be called.

The competition is open to all Queenslanders aged up to 17 years.

Audacious Hope We Can Change Our Belief In, Going Forward

This comment on 'The Oil Drum' says it all. I wonder how many other people feel this way?:

"The new President is NOT your friend. When are you going to get that the NY banksters bankrolled his budget-buster inauguration and his budget- buster campaign. Follow the money! Sorry to burst your bubble but with Barack it is business as usual. How do you know when a politician is lying to you? When his lips are moving! The HOPE, YES WE CAN guy is another lying sack of sh*t, just like his predecessors! They never really give a sh*t about the rest of us, they just pretend to care about the little people while they serve their true masters. When are you folks going to get it? His BAU nominees and his BAU policies speak louder than those lofty lying words. Never forget that the better liar always wins the election.

If I hear another "he has to do this so he'll get elected, then he'll show his true colors" rationalization from die hard Obama supporters, I will puke. He has to get reelected again doesn't he? So don't expect that he'll suddenly become what you think he is. He is bought, the RNC is bought, the DNC is bought. And your thoughts on the matter are NOT important to those who bought him and the other national "leaders".

Whatever brain function helped you to interpret over the past 8 years what George W Bush was really saying has been turned off. Turn it back on so that you can properly interpret The Real Program. Right now that program is "shovel what's left of the US Treasury into the bank accounts of Wall Street Thieves while promising it will help average Americans" - with no oversight from Congress because they've also been bought out by the banksters. Even when public opinion was massivley against the TARP, they STILL voted against their constituents.

Frankly I am sick and tired of everyone offering suggestions to the Obama campaign as if they really care what you think. The campaign inviting suggestions from the public is a neat trick: it is just a way to make you think eveything is going to be fine and keep you complacent while they rip you and your family off bigtime.

When Americans finally give up hope in false political leadership and get off their ass and take back their country from the big moneyed interests, that's when you'll finally see "CHANGE". [Not holding my breath.]"

Brisbane Writers Festival News

From a BWF email [29/1/09]:

Jonathan Fulcher, Chair of Brisbane Writers Festival's Management Committee, has announced that Michael Campbell will not be renewing his contract as Festival Director of Brisbane Writers Festival.

Following the highly successful 2008 festival, the established team at Brisbane Writers Festival is excited to be working together again towards continuing to surpass the standards set each year, especially to contribute culturally to both Brisbane's and Queensland's 150th celebrations. The BWF team remains the same as for 2008 - under the direction of a new festival director.

Having directed the past three festivals, Michael Campbell is moving to Sydney to pursue new ventures after his contract ends on 27 February 2009. Michael and the BWF team delivered an exciting and diverse literary program in the premium venue the State Library of Queensland based in the heart of Brisbane's cultural precinct, for a discerning and discriminating audience.

"I have loved my time as the Festival Director: it is a truly wonderful job. It has been my honour, and pleasure, to work with and for writers, contributing to the festival and to the broader community. I am extremely proud of the successes that the festival has achieved during my directorship."

The past successes of the festival will attract visionary and enthusiastic applicants for the role of BWF festival director. Until the arrival of the new festival director, there is much to be done by the BWF team to create the platform upon which the festival is delivered!

Operation B*stard Continues To Target Small, Foreign-looking Shopkeepers

"Just a coupla mugs
Selling drugs at the IGA
Centrelink pulled the plug
(We don't care)
'Cos now we get paid every day"

'Local Heroes' Schoolfight (2007?)

A member of the Operation B*stard team

A small, foreign-looking shopkeeper on the Gold Coast has been fined for not having complete control of his workers.

The shopkeeper appeared in court yesterday because he failed to meet the requirements of the Durries, Fags, Coffin Sticks and Smokes Act (1998).

He was found to have failed in his duty to train his workers to ask for fake ID from customers, and fined thousands of dollars.

We can't be sure, but it is likely that the small, foreign-looking shopkeeper was sprung by the Department of Sunshiney Wellness' "Operation B*stard" team, which uses a policy of entrapment.

Under the Durries, Fags, Coffin Sticks and Smokes Act (1998), small foreign-looking shopkeepers can be targetted and fined, while the smoking rates for young people remain the same.

Nevertheless, Acting Sunshiney Wellness Minister Fraser-Island said that it was vitally important that the government target shopkeepers, even though there were more pressing issues facing the Queensland Health system.

"Although the morality of 'Operation B*stard' is questionable, there are no other effective ways of reducing smoking rates in young people, but jeez I look tough," he said.

If you know anything about one of your fellow Australians doing something wrong, particularly someone you don't like very much, you can report it to the Tiny Minded Fascist Enabler Dobber Hotline: 1800 FUK WIT.

Clean Clothes Campaign Calls for Justice in Attack on Chinese Worker Advocate

CCC PRESS RELEASE [15/1/09]

(Amsterdam) The Clean Clothes Campaign calls on the Chinese government to ensure that a fair and open trial takes place in the important case involving Huang Qingnan of the Dagongzhe (DGZ) Migrant Worker Centre in Shenzhen. The trial is scheduled to begin tomorrow after an unprecedented delay.

In the fall of 2007, several attacks took place on the DGZ Centre and its staff. On November 20, 2007 staff member Huang Qingnan was seriously injured after being stabbed by two unidentified men. He suffered wounds - some more than 10 centimetres long - in his back, waist, and left leg resulting in a permanent handicap. The DGZ Centre is a valuable resource, providing a free library, labour law education and free legal consultation to migrant workers. It has been involved in raising awareness of China's new Labour Contract Law, which affords better employment protection for workers.

Five suspects, including local businessman Zhong Wei Qi who owns several factories, have been detained since January 2008. On December 24, 2008 a hearing was finally scheduled at Longgang District Peoples’ Court. Some 60 supporters from Mainland China, Hong Kong and abroad came to the court to serve as observers in this important trial, but the room was too small to accommodate the supporters and the hearing was postponed. The court has recently announced that a hearing will take place tomorrow, Friday, January 16, 2009.

“It is critical that justice prevails and that the perpetrators of the attack on Huang Qingnan are punished according to the law,” said Paige Shipman, coordinator at the Clean Clothes Campaign. “The Chinese government must show that it is committed to protecting civil society organisations from violence, enforcing the new labour law and maintaining harmonious labour relations.”

The Clean Clothes Campaign works with over 250 partner organisations worldwide to improve working conditions and support empowerment of workers in the global garment industry. The Campaign has offices in 12 European countries.

http://www.cleanclothes.org/news/09-01-15.htm

PM's New Work For Free Vision:

The Entrepreneurial Volunteer Corp

The Entrepreneurial Volunteer Corp: Happy for their tax dollars to be spent on the construction industry and the Christmas retail rush

by our Sydney Correspondent: A. R. S. Licka

The PM has announced he wants to recruit a volunteer army of doctors, teachers, nurses, aged care workers, policemen, fireman, mechanics and ambulance men.

Members of "The Entrepreneurial Volunteer Corp" will also be required to fix the environment and solve the homelessness crisis - problems that have arisen as a result of slavish adherance to neoliberal ideology.

They will also be able to work off their HECS debt by doing all the jobs members of the Miscellaneous Workers Union should be getting paid a fair wage to do.

"We used to be world leaders because we had free university education, but students now understand that we're all in this together," he said.

"Young Australians should consider working for free to do their part to help the free market economy in these troubled times."

It is understood that business leaders and religious welfare groups at the 2020 hindsight summit embraced the idea of saddling young people with guilt about the right to an education and getting them to work for free.

Only poorer youngsters would qualify to work for free under the scheme.

Tell GetUp! Your Vision For Australia

GetUp Vision Survey to Start 2009

The neocons may have the major parties in this country by the balls, but as The Whitlams said:

"I will not go quietly, I will not accept your rules."

Here are 'Spring Hill Voice's' suggestions for an improved democracy, and how to approach the financial crisis:

Bring back restrictions on media ownership.

Ban Rupert Murdoch from owning any media in Australia.

Bring back the staff representative on the ABC board.

Run an active campaign holding News Ltd. journalists to account.

No more tax payer dollars to big business.

Tax cuts for lowest income earners, increase the aged pension and unemployment benefit to make it liveable.

Free public transport to help lower income earners commute and to take pressure off roads and therefore reduce the need for hyper-expensive road projects.

Abolish all subsidies to the fossil fuel industry and massively increase subsidies to the renewable energy sector.

Massively fund TAFE positions so people can retrain.

Public Can Get Rooted: Government

Many jobs will be created by this PPPointless PPProject

The announcement of a new park at Kangaroo Point reveals that the government wants the public to get rooted.

"But we've chosen a green root," said the Captain.

The new park will be known as "PPPending Park" and will include PPPlaces to barbeque your snags, PPPay toilets and a PPPlayground for children. There will also be a modest multi-national fast food outlet and coffee shop, although it remains unclear why the spin doctors think the rooted public actually believe this bogus story about green spaces, when the government has spent its time destroying as much public space as possible.

"The rooted public, families and tourists will be able to enjoy the PPPriceless views of the New Year's Eve fireworks as we consolidate our interests because we are rooted too," said the Captain.

The leading Canned Do said yesterday he gave his full support, and that Council would be in charge of "PPPending Park".

"Everybody knows what the first rule of development is," he said.

Is Tamworth More Progressive Than Triple J?

Given that Kasey Chambers and Shane Nicholson's 'Rattlin' Bones' won album and song of the year at Tamworth, and Kings of Leon topped the Triple J Hot 100 with the cr*ppest song of 2008 - I'd say - yes.

Here's why:

Smoke don't rise
Fuel don't burn
Sun don't shine no more
Late one night, sorrow come round
Scratching at my door
But I cut my hands
And break my back
Draggin' this bag of stones
Till they bury me down, beneath the ground
With the dust and rattlin' bones

Left my home and left my love
Caught on a rusty nail
Devil rose up, heavy with gold
My soul's not for sale
Then a holy man in a house of God
He offered me a book of prayer
And when I left my home I left my love
I left my faith back there

Shuttin' my eyes and hang my head
Darkness makes no sound
Climb it up, bottom there
Earth's on the way back down
When a sadness falls on the morning bird
Wonder what the day will bring
But I'm shuttin' my eyes and hang my head
At least that bird can sing

Smoke don't rise
Fuel don't burn
Sun don't shine no more
Late one night, sorrow come round
Scratchin' at my door
But I cut my hands
And break my back
Draggin' this bag of stones
Till they bury me down, beneath the ground
With the dust and rattlin' bones

Till they bury me down, beneath the ground
With the dust and rattlin' bones

Now that's a work of art! As opposed to this supremacist narrative of someone getting a dick rammed down their throat. An empty and degrading (probably fabricated) sexual experience:

Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound
I know they're watching, they're watching
All the commotion, the kiddie like play
Has people talking, talking

You, your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley, the breaking of day
The head while I'm driving, I'm driving
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying, you're dying

You, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I could just taste it, taste it
If it's not forever, if it's just tonight
Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest

You, your sex is on fire
And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

One song is a really great fresh piece of Aussie culture that the most jaded listener can identify with. The other is essentially a "wanking song" for the huddled middle-class masses. Can you guess which is which?

The Law Clocks Land Speed Record On Inner City Acronym

"Ooh superman where are you now
When everythings gone wrong somehow
The men of steel, the men of power
Are losing control by the hour."

'Land of Confusion', Genesis [1986]

The Law...plans to take the Chris Craft Stinger 390 for next year's Australia Day Emergency Services Classic on the Gold Coast Broadwater

The champagne corks were popping as The Law clocked a land speed record for the inaugural Australia Day Emergency Services Classic on the Inner City Acronym today.

The Law won easily after clocking an amazing 346kph top speed across the finish line. The Ambos came second, and the Firies put in a respectable third placing hampered by their heavier vehicles.

The Chief of the Law was humble about the victory.

"I didn't even know it was a race," he told reporters.

"I was simply getting a lift to a function and, because I was a bit late, I asked at the station for a quick lift over to Toowong and next thing I know there is all this fuss. Really, I didn't do anything."

After the victory, and before the press conference, the Chief's car did some very impressive circle work leaving huge clouds of grey-blue smoke and several black circles on the road. The Chief was similarly humble about this popular trick, telling reporters:

"Well, we were making such good time and I simply said to the driver 'how about some donuts on the way?' I had nothing to do with all this fuss."

The Australia Day Emergency Services Classic aims to raise awareness of speeding and send a clear message to the community that the government and The Law take this issue seriously.

Brrmmmm...brrmmmm...donuts

You Don't Know How Lucky You Are

Antarctica is melting
or so the scientists say
on the western side
more icebergs slide away

but aren't all directions north
in that icy frontier?
the economy is melting too
so let's just have another beer

for Dokic is our hero now
and we all hate that bl**dy Roy
hang on a minute…why is that?
could it be a ploy?

that while the Japs are out at sea
killing all the whales
frogs are threatened with extinction
'cos the French won't stick to snails

let's dredge up a remark
only SBS viewers will know
that the Islamic cleric made it
some five years ago

a predictable, unsubtle, annual stunt
that's useful nevertheless
for the PR folks to poke
into your consciousness

because in modern Australia
there are things you cannot say
you could land in hot water
just ask Michael Backman

but appearing on a postage stamp
and expressing your delight
that you'll be licked by millions
we all know that's alright

and how to get the blood pumping
around the economy
the PM tells us we must now fork out
for the construction industry

the spinning just goes on and on
when sorry doesn't mean a thing
yet the blackfellas manage to celebrate
that they are still surviving

social analysts and experts
say the patriotic phenomenon
is an organic response to financial despair
and healthy when things go wrong

it's not very convincing
and a strange conclusion to draw
we know how nationalism is manipulated
because we've all been there before

you'll turn around and tell me
if you don't love it go away
but would you know if I asked you why it is
you celebrate today?

I don't think you appreciate
just how lucky you really are
stupid skippy driving around
with a flag stuck to your car

when all you did was buy a carton
from the bottlo
or perhaps you bought the 'Sunday Mail'
it's not like we don't know

Blockbuster09

'Spring Hill Voice' caught the last 10 or so auctions of properties on sale at Ray White's "Blockbuster09" at the Gold Coast Convention Centre yesterday [24/1/09].

Plenty of expensive, glossy catalogues were piled around the foyer and nary an anxious expression crossed the faces of the real estate agents, most of whom were very stylishly attired young women who spent most of the auction striding about in their tailored outfits and high-heeled shoes.

The auction of each property was preceded by a highly produced property video which featured a real estate agent spruiking the property's virtues and lovely lingering shots of flying geese and manicured landscapes. About half of the properties were empty and many had ceiling fans. "Renovated beyond comprehension" and "Bristling with sensation" were some of the more intriguing property descripters and for some reason, auctioneers are now calling "Vendor's Bid", "Seller's Bid".

The blurb in the order of sale brochure states:

"Today's Auction will provide an insightful window into the market sentiment that we can expect in 2009. The auction is quite unlike any other on the Gold Coast and completely unique in terms of the advice and support provided to prospective purchasers."

Here's what we observed:

26/137 Scottsdale Drive, Robina - passed in at $410,000 with a Seller's Bid
Penthouse, 'Ocean Pacific', 25 Surf Pde, Broadbeach - no bid
2 'Josin Court', Broadbeach Waters - no bid
26 Healy Court, Mudgeeraba - passed in at $600,000 with a Seller's Bid
1/72 Heeb Street, Benowa - passed in at $450,000 with a Seller's Bid
10 St Tropez Terrace, Sorrento - passed in at $2,650,000 with Seller's Bid
2/11 St Kilda Avenue, Broadbeach - passed in at $800,000
6 'Bridgeton', Rhode Island - passed in at $650,000
58 Sky Royal Terrace, Burleigh Heads - sold prior to auction
10/40 Ventura Road, Mermaid Beach - passed in at $195,000
27/137 Scottsdale Drive, Robina - passed in at $390,000
111 Petrel Avenue, Mermaid Beach - sold prior to auction

Anyway, it was nice to get out of the stifling heat for a little while, so at the end of the auction, many of the attendees prolonged their visit to the air-conditioned Gold Coast Convention centre by ducking into the CD and Book Sale being held in an adjacent hall.

There were a few gems amongst the numerous copies of Paul Sheehan's 'The Electronic Whorehouse' and Tess Livingstone's biography of 'George Pell'. We bought 'Grass Roots: Col Dunkley's Guide to Local Government' by Geoffrey Atherden and 'The Journalist's Companion to Australian Law' by Geoffrey Gibson for $5.

Although the foreward to 'The Journalist's Companion to Australian Law' is written by David Flint, this A - Z reference guide contains some very useful information, including the Journalist's Code of Ethics - remember those?:

(1) They shall report and interpret the news with scrupulous honesty by striving to disclose all essential facts and by not suppressing relevant, available facts or distorting by wrong or improper emphasis.

(2) They shall not place unnecessary emphasis on gender, race, sexual preference, religious belief, marital status or physical or mental disability.

(3) In all circumstances they shall respect all confidences received in the course of their calling.

(4) They shall not allow personal interests to influence them in their professional duties.

(5) They shall not allow their professional duties to be influenced by any consideration, gift or advantage offered and, where appropriate, shall disclose any such offer.

(6) They shall not allow advertising or commercial considerations to influence them in their professional duties.

(7) They shall use fair and honest means to obtain news, pictures, films, tapes and documents.

(8) They shall identify themselves and their employers before obtaining any interview for publication or broadcast.

(9) They shall respect private grief and personal privacy and shall have the right to resist compulsion to intrude on them.

(10) They shall do their utmost to correct any published or broadcast information found to be harmfully inaccurate.

The Gold Coast Convention Centre is very similar to the Brisbane Convention Centre - a stark and unwelcoming post modern architectural horror - but there are some interesting aspects to the interior. This mural for instance:

Waterhole Mural by David Malangi, Raymond Meeks and Avril Quaill, Gold Coast Convention Centre

The adjacent panel to the mural states:

"Yatamalamarra means the place of the waterlily which is synonymous with the evening star. It is David Malangi's mother's land. Close to the beginning of time two spirit women came to Yatamalamarra, shaping the land.

Here they made a special waterhole which came to life with catfish, birds, tortoises and waterlilies which they collected and caught. They moved through the water with their digging sticks hunting. One of Malangi's wives' names is Gindjimirri which means the waterlily (evening star). The waterlily is also a special women spirit for the Kombumerri people of the Gold Coast."

The Gold Coast's Water Future

Did you know that one of the potential water sources and initiatives considered by the Gold Coast City Council included damming the Broadwater?

Neither did I, until the other day when I picked up a copy of the 'Gold Coast Waterfuture Strategy 2006 - 2056', copies of which were displayed alongside the electoral enrolment forms in the library foyer.

The report was produced in March 2006, and some of the truly bizarre "significant intiatives" - along with Desalination (and hasn't that been a great success) included:

"Damming the Broadwater. construction of a series of embankments across the Broadwater to separate it from the ocean and to create a large freshwater storage."

"Evaporation control. Creating some form of cover over a surface water storage (dam) to reduce the quantity of water that is lost from the surface as a result of evaporation."

"Use of recycled water for environmental flows. Pumping treated water to just downstream of the dam wall to provide an alternative source of environmental flow would free-up dam water for drinking water supply purposes."

Along with the downright dangerous and experimental :

"Recycled water. Wastewater that has been highly treated to appropriate standards for non-drinking purposes."

Unfortunately the most sensible initiative "Rainwater tanks", has been largely ignored and not encouraged.

Nothing about fluoridation of course. The general public certainly don't need to know about that!

Grass by Carl Sandburg

Pile the bodies high at Austerlitz and Waterloo.
Shovel them under and let me work -

I am the grass; I cover all.

And pile them high at Gettysburg
And pile them high at Ypres and Verdun.
Shovel them under and let me work.
Two years, ten years, and passengers ask the conductor:

What place is this?
Where are we now?

I am the grass.
Let me work.

A Clean Coal Message To Save Us From The Future

An extract from Peter Cook's "Miner" soliloquy ("Sitting on the Bench") From 1964's 'Beyond The Fringe'.

Part I

"Of course it's interesting work grabbing hold of lumps of coal all day. Coal is a very interesting substance you know, it was created in a most unusual way. 'Cause God didn't just say 'let's have some coal' like he did with most of the other amenities. He went about it in a more round about, and interesting, way to make the world a bit more interesting for us all. He blew all the trees down. He did, he got a good wind going and blew them all down. And then, very gradually, over a period of 3 million years, he changed them into coal. So it wasn't noticeable to the average passer-by. And this was all part of his wonderful, long term, scheme of things. Part of his wonderful overall plan for the universe.

Of course, at the time, people didn't quite see it like that. People who were standing under the trees for example, they rather missed the point. And instead of shouting out 'hurrah, coal in 3 million years time' they tended to exclaim more along the lines of 'oh dear, trees falling on us. That's the last thing we want', and of course for most of them it's the last thing they got. Their prayers were answered, in a round about way, because if you ask you're always given it.

But it is an interesting substance, and it's a wonderful substance to work with, coal. I've written a book about my experiences down the mine, written a book based on the experiences I've had down the mine. It's called 'My Experiences Down the Mine.' It's a wonderful story. It's the story of a man who goes down the mine, and he sees a lump of coal quite near him. 'Aha' he says, 'the very thing I'm looking for.' And, he bends down and picks it up, and he lifts it up to about his stomach level. And then he shoves it away into a trolley, and the trolley wheels away down a long dark tunnel and he never sees it again. That's the story. It's very short, but it is extremely boring.

I took it along to a publisher, he agreed with me. He said 'this story is extremely boring, this is the most boring story that has ever been written in the whole history of the universe', and he's not a man who is given to superlatives. He said 'the main trouble with it is everything. And most of all, it lacks the sex element so vital in these troubled times when over us all hangs the black shadow of the hydrogen bomb.'

So I've re-written it now to put in a bit of the sex element into the novel. Into 'Experiences Down the Mine' I've put in some sex elements into it. It's the same story but it's livened up a bit by three nude women, Beryl, Stella and Margaret. Three nude ladies who've come down the mine for a bit of a dance, and I've left everything the same, I've just put in a few new paragraphs saying things like '…meanwhile the nude ladies continued to dance about…' It's done wonders for the book I can scarcely put it down now.

Wonderful story. Of course, that's the wonderful thing about being an author, you can put as many nude women in as you like. My next book is called 'A Million Nude Women.' It's a mining story, it's the story of a million nude women who are wandering about in the desert, looking for somewhere to sit down…"

To be continued…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofUZNynYXzM

Gee, They Must Really Want to Lose The Election!

Never mind unpopular, undemocratic government, have a fridge magnet!

Why should our taxes and public space be given to a small bunch of ultra-rich foreigners?

"The Queensland Tourism Minister says she believes a 'superyacht' marina is still an attractive option for the Gold Coast.

Desley Boyle has released a list of nine proposed tourism investment projects identified in a regional plan to be released at the end of March.

The list includes a master plan for the Southport Spit precinct and Mrs Boyle says a superyacht facility could be included.

"The size of superyachts just gets bigger and bigger around the world every year, they are yachts that start at to construct, $30 million," she said.

"They like to come to the southern hemisphere during the northern winter, they like to cruise the waters of Queensland and to base here at a marina on the Gold Coast. How good would that be?""

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/01/23/2473073.htm

And as for the Gold Coast City Council's purchase ($7 million) and proposed demolition of Tipplers Resort on South Stradbroke Island. Can't we just leave it as it is? So what if only bogans go there? Can't there be places for everyone?

Worse Than An Earthquake

From 'Voices For Creative Non-Violence' [21/1/09]:

"Rafah—Traffic on Sea Street, a major thoroughfare alongside Gaza’s coastline, includes horses, donkeys pulling carts, cyclists, pedestrians, trucks and cars, mostly older models. Overhead, in stark contrast to the street below, Israel’s ultra modern unmanned surveillance planes criss-cross the skies. F16s and helicopters can also be heard. Remnants of their deliveries, the casings of missiles, bombs and shells used during the past three weeks of Israeli attacks, are scattered on the ground.

Workers have cleared most of the roads. Now, they are removing massive piles of wreckage and debris, much as people do following an earthquake.

“Yet, all the world helps after an earthquake,” said a doctor at the Shifaa hospital in Gaza. “We feel very frustrated,” he continued. “The West, Europe and the U.S., watched this killing go on for 22 days, as though they were watching a movie, watching the killing of women and children without doing anything to stop it. I was expecting to die at any moment. I held my babies and expected to die. There was no safe place in Gaza.”

He and his colleagues are visibly exhausted, following weeks of work in the Intensive Care and Emergency Room departments at a hospital that received many more patients than they could help. “Patients died on the floor of the operating room because we had only six operating rooms,” said Dr. Saeed Abuhassan, M.D, an ICU doctor who grew up in Chicago. “And really we don’t know enough about the kinds of weapons that have been used against Gaza.”"

http://vcnv.org/worse-than-an-earthquake

Threadworm Outbreak Threatens Brisbane's Bicycle Revolution

Oooh La La! Viva La France! Sacre Bleu! Let them eat cake! Long live the revolution!

Even though there are plenty of bike bits going to landfill and also plenty of people willing and capable of re-cycling those bits into new bikes, and even though Brisbane has only the p*ss-weakest nod to cyclepaths, our leader still subscribes to the free market ideas for a solution.

Reputable benevolent French company, JCDecaux, will provide 200,000 bicycles for Brisbane absolutely free of charge. Cynical people have been quoted as describing this generous gesture as "Bullsh*t", but the Brisbane opposition has vanished. Surely they could come out in support of any idea for how we can get toll-payers into that tunnel before the city goes completely broke?

Anyhow, until we get a clear directive from King Rupert we will adopt our usual position of rubbishing cycling by raising some fears, maybe we could do a beat-up about threadworms? But what if we are supposed to support this? Oh cr*p, uncertainty is foreign to us here in the mainstream.

No, wait a minute, this is a commercial profit-making enterprise backed by the Lord Numan which will cleverly demonize our ideological enemies whilst getting clowns to pay money just to confirm their clown credentials and be 'Green' at the same time.

We support this entirely secret commercial arrangement! What are you looking at? Do you hate the environment?

Glory of Women

by

Siegfried Sassoon

You love us when we're heroes, home on leave,
Or wounded in a mentionable place.
You worship decorations; you believe
That chivalry redeems the war's disgrace.
You make us shells. You listen with delight,
By tales of dirt and danger fondly thrilled.
You crown our distant ardours while we fight,
And mourn our laurelled memories when we're killed.
You can't believe that British troops 'retire'
When hell's last horror breaks them, and they run,
Trampling the terrible corpses - blind with blood.

O German mother dreaming by the fire,
While you are knitting socks to send to your son
His face is trodden deeper in the mud.

Archaeology's Grim Future?

"We would like to remind the administrators that universities are not for-profit businesses, rather they are institutions of research and teaching whose component parts need to be supported and protected, especially in tough financial times. While calling for the reinstatement of the researchers, we also recommend the establishment of a Archaeological Research Grant Support Office in the University Museum. This will encourage the units to become more financially self-sustaining while at the same time provide guidance and grant-application support for the research specialists to alleviate some of the burden that comes with the arduous process of preparing grant applications. In addition, one of the criticisms directed at such research positions has been their disconnection from the teaching environment at Penn. We suggest then that it would be helpful to redefine these positions with greater interaction with students, some teaching responsibility, and greater public outreach."

http://www.petitiononline.com/Penn2009/petition.html

Judge Makes Silly Comment About Democracy

"It's good for the flu
It's good for asthma
Good for tuberculosis
Even umara composis

Legalize it - don't criticise it
Legalize it, and I will advertise it"

'Legalize It', Peter Tosh [1976]

A judge

A judge who suggested a man should contact politicians to change unfair and ridiculous laws has apologised for making such a ludicrous suggestion.

"It was just a spur of the moment comment, I didn't really think it through and I apologise to all State and Federal MPs and, I should add, to all lobbyists," the judge said in a prepared statement.

"People should just understand that politicians make all the laws and they know best, even if the laws seem ill-conceived, unjust, wrong, undemocratic or designed to benefit the commercial interests of narrow interest groups. Politicians are advised to make laws by very smart people who know how the world works. Just because some people don't like having fluoride in their water, a dam in their area, tazer-weilding police zapping them willy nilly, not doing Mexican Waves at the cricket or any other law, they should never try to ask a politician to change the law."

A Dean of Law said that it would be wrong for people to think that they should have any genuine say in how they are governed.

"It's a slippery slope to outright anarchy. If you are going to let people actually get involved in the political process you would undo years of hard work and open a slimy can of worms. Best leave things as they are, write to your local mayor if you must get involved," he advised.

Pole Dancing Clubs: Good Exercise For Wankers

"Are you human, or a dud?
Are you human, or d'you make it up?"

'Human', Goldfrapp [2000]

With Brisbane's favourite feminist intellectual blogger: Annie Anywhere Anytime and Anyhow

Hi everyone! I've bobbed up again like a bad penny, so welcome back to another pumping year of Annie Anywhere Anytime and Anyhow. 2009 is going to be a really exciting, sexist pig of a year, so don't be glum about the economy, and whatever you do, don't explore more enlightened and progressive ways of living, get out there and submit your body, mind and soul to the patriarchy.

I know I won't be questioning the system. I'm going to try out all kinds of things that men like and write about them in my blog. It's an extensive list, so my blog is looking really promising as masturbation fodder for sad, lonely men.

According to the impotent creeps I work for, cosmetic surgery, having an affair, kissing a girl, threesomes and being a prostitute are just the start. And although I said last year that I was going to grow my bush for Bush, well, now he's gone - I'm going to grit my teeth for the sisterhood and get a brazilian.

But this week it's Pole Dancing!

Now, my article is not going to analyse why it is that dancing suggestively around a pole has morphed into a legitimate form of exercise - that would be so boring - and I'd have to grow my armpit hair.

In the past, women were paid to dance around a pole, now we're emancipated and in touch with our sexuality, we fork out wads of cash for the privilege. Which means, here's another opportunity to show you my crack, giggle and reinforce stereotypes about leering men and objectification.

So tick that off your list.

Here's me pole dancing...whoar!

Prince Alfred's Most Excellent 1868 Visit To Australia

Wow! A terrorist assassination attempt by an aggrieved victim against a violent empire, summary justice and a quick execution for the alleged evildoer. 2009? No, this cr*p has been going on for ages. From 'Wild Ride: The Rise and Fall of Cobb & Co' (Chapter Nine: Expansion into Queensland) by Sam Everingham:

"The 1868 visit of Prince Alfred, Queen Victoria's second son, was the first time a member of the British Royal family had set foot in Australia. This inaugural Royal tour - taking in Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane - produced an outpouring of national exultation that the Australian colonies were at last to be inspected by a son of their queen. However, the celebratory mood was cut cruelly short. On 12 March 1868, during a picnic at pretty Clontarf Beach on Sydney's Middle Harbour, a madman attempted to murder Australia's royal hero. Prince Alfred was shot in the back, just to the right of his spine, by Irishman Henry James O'Farrell, who was arrested on the spot.

One writer described the scene at Clontarf beach as 'terrible beyond everything - Women and men fainted and sobbed and the criminal was nearly torn to pieces on the spot and with difficulty saved from Lynch law'.

The Prince made a quick recovery, and was able to leave Australia by early April. O'Farrell's conviction was rushed through the courts, and he was hanged less than seven weeks after the attack.

The damage to the standing of Irish Australians, particularly in country areas, was immense. Having little faith in his own, mostly Irish police force, the New South Wales premier, Henry Parkes, had carried out his own investigation against O'Farrell, searching the fellow's hotel room. Parkes' theory was that O'Farrell was a member of the Fenians, an Irish secret society intent on ending British domination in Ireland. Parkes used the shooting to gain public support for his personal prejudice against the Irish and Catholics, whom he dismissed as 'jabbering baboons and disruptive troublemakers'.

Most Australians felt that the scandal had shamed them in the eyes of the world, which were turned upon them because of the Royal tour. Sorrow, shame and rage swept through the colonies. Spontaneous public 'indignation' meetings were held around the country, with around 20,000 people attending one in Sydney the day after the attack. A day later, new mayor James Rutherford had to face a crowd of two thousand locals in the Bathurst town square - a frightening proposition for a man who hated large gatherings. The Bathurst townspeople raised motion after motion of sympathy, condolence, horror and loyalty, which they insisted Rutherford pass on to the Queen's representative.

Perhaps this ordeal was a catalyst in making Rutherford realise he was not cut out for such a public role, and was better suited to concentrating his energy on forces he could control. Given the increasing scale of his business interest, being mayor was always going to be problematic. Sure enough, Rutherford resigned a few months later, after just six months in the role."

James Rutherford was one of the enduring partners of Cobb & Co.

Sam Everingham presented a talk about 'Wild Ride: The Rise and Fall of Cobb & Co' at the Brisbane Square Library today [21/1/09].

Everingham's new book 'Gordon Barton' (the Allen & Unwin website states it's about the man who founded the political party that eventually became the democrats, founded 'Nation Review' and built a vast commercial empire with interests in transport, mining, insurance, hotels, casinos and book publishing and retailing) will be released next month.

Is He Black? I Didn't Know That!:

Since When Did Australians Care About The US Presidential Inauguration (in-orgew-rayshun)?

"Mr Obama's father was from Kenya, beyond doubt" - says handmade doll

Neo-Con Prejudiced Affairs Reporter, Al K. Seltzer:

The Queensland representative of the "Handmade Dolls From The Fifties" support group has spoken out against racism.

"Barrack O'Bama is a black man," he was quoted as saying.

"What is your big problem with his DNA? Are you that backward that you think it matters whether he had an ancestor who was a slave, or whether his father was a Kenyan diplomat?"

"When I was knitted in the 1950s and filled with useless old laddered nylon stockings dumped on Aussie girls by US servicemen, I knew pretty early on what was happening to Australia and the world. At that time Negro Americans weren't even allowed on the north side of the Brisbane River and there were plenty of them killed right here in Queensland by US military police for bucking the system."

"The fact that I can sit here and talk to you just like any other hand-made doll from the fifties without anyone batting an eye or getting hysterical about my depicted race is a testament to how far Australia has come. We can't help it that we were made this way, and in fact we are proud of it. I wouldn't be stitched up in any other way. Who would want to look like one of those 1980s, factory-made, pasty-faced cabbage patch dolls?"

"Handmade Dolls From The Fifties" is reaching out to people to understand that everything is alright and that they do not need to get so uptight about everything. They also have a secondary agenda which is, once everyone has thrown off that baggage and relaxed a bit, to make everyone aware how totally stuffed everything is. Their motto is:

"We're all stuffed now!"

The Pelicans by Val Vallis (1916 - 2009)

Are you assembled as a solemn jury
To try me---guilty in my gasping boat
Of fumes and thunder and a cancerous scar
Across the texture of the tide's smooth face;
And all these crimes to gain five knots an hour?
I fear your verdict, jury, that has known
The incantation of a wavering fin
Bewitch a salmon to a shooting star.

Or have you donned your academic dress,
Old senators, with white descending beards
And paunches well fish-lined, merely to grumble?
You answer with a blur of chattering wings,
White-quivering darkness as a shore-borne wave
Some lurking reef has mauled; and then, spume-high,
Span out in idle flight, gliding to rise
With beauty Youth has only met in dreams.

From 'Songs Of The East Coast' (1997)

Is Adam Being Ironic? Or Does That Puma Look Like A Flying Kangaroo?

Puma Military Cap, as worn by the Chairman of the Australia Day Council

Enter 'Spring Hill Voice's' No Rules Literary Competition

This competition was inspired by an unsolicited submission from a reader.

Deadline 30 January, 2009.

No prize - apart from the glory of having your work published on 'Spring Hill Voice'.

Email entries to: spring_hill_voice@hotmail.com

Sculpture Shenanigans

Someone has pillaged the metal pieces from the popular xylophone sculpture at Harley Park on the Gold Coast.

There's a real story behind this, but you're not going to get it from your local monopoly rag - they're just pushing the line it's been vandalised.

Lord Mayor Recognises Brisbane's Quiet Achievers:
BCC Media Release [19/1/09]

Lord Mayor Campbell Newman announced the winners of his 2009 Australia Day Awards at a ceremony held in Brisbane City Hall last night.

The Lord Mayor's 2009 Australia Day Awards recognise the achievements of those who significantly improve the lives of others and contribute to the city's vision of a harmonious and strong community.

Cr Newman said there are many things to celebrate about the wonderful city we live in but the greatest thing about Brisbane is its people.

"The 2009 Citizen of the Year, Pastor Russell Witham has been helping the homeless and needy of our city for the past 14 years and the conditions are tough and often life-threatening," Cr Newman said.

"Young Citizen of the Year Alan Huynh has worked tirelessly for 10 years providing learning opportunities for young people who are often marginalised by society while Senior Citizen of the Year Sister Anne Josephine Howley has been working for 25 years as a grief counsellor.

"I would like to congratulate both the winners and the nominees for the 2009 Australia Day Awards and thank you for the extraordinary difference you have made to the people of this city."

Citizen of the Year
Pastor Russell Witham - Eight Mile Plains
Russell's passion has driven him to work up to 16 hours per day helping the homeless and needy of Brisbane. Leading a team of 60 people he feeds, clothes and encourages 2,000 homeless and disadvantaged people of Brisbane on a weekly basis. Russell's inspirational talks have helped hundreds of men and women break free from drug addiction and low self esteem.

Senior Citizen of the Year
Sister Anne Josephine Howley - Geebung
Sister Anne has touched the lives of hundreds of people in need as a grief and bereavement counsellor. She set up the first of her many Loss and Grief Support groups in 1984, working tirelessly to improve the lives of people living silently with their pain.

Young Citizen of the Year
Alan Huynh - St Lucia
At 25 years of age, Alan is a committed community issues campaigner and youth advocate who has demonstrated considerable thoughtfulness and compassion for people in the community who are less fortunate. He was recently elected as the youngest Vice-Chair of the Ethnic Communities Council of Queensland and was selected as a delegate to the Australia 2020 Youth Summit.

Community Event of the Year
Centenary Rocks! Festival - Jindalee
The Centenary Rocks! Festival is an annual community-based event held at the Rocks Riverside Park. The festival is coordinated by a group of volunteers from the local community. Last year's festival - themed Get into the Rhythm - attracted more than 10,000 people and was a showcase of Brisbane-based and international talent.

Lord Mayor's Green Heart Award
Ed Parker - Mt Ommaney
For more than 20 years Ed has been an active community member in the Centenary Suburbs. He has founded and played key roles in numerous conservation organisations, including the Community Garden at Rocks Riverside Park, Centenary and District Environment Action Incorporated, Friends of Pooh Corner, Save Our Riverfront Bushland and the Westlake Riverhills Bushcare Group.

Lord Mayor's Green Heart Event Award
Green Fest
Green Fest was created in 2008 and was based on the idea that people wanted to come together and express their hopes and concerns for the future and make positive changes together. It brought together more than 30,000 people of all ages, cultures, industries and interests for three days of fresh energy and was Australia's largest free green festival.

Cultural Award
Katrina Mothershaw - Camp Hill
For ten years Katrina was the conductor for the Queensland Youth Orchestra's Wind Ensemble. She gave her time every week to the ensemble and encouraged Queensland's young, talented, up-and-coming wind musicians. Katrina has a passion for music, contributing thousands of hours to the Wind Ensemble.

Sports Award
Ruth Frith - Algester
At 99 years of age, Ruth is the oldest person to register for the 2009 World Masters Games to be held in Sydney in October. She currently holds the 95-99 age group World Records in her five events: Discus (9.85 meters), Hammer Throw (11.37 meters), Shot Put (4.72 meters), Weight Pentathlon (5544 points) and Weight Throw (5.11 meters).

Achievement Awards
Kathleen Albert - Wavell Heights
Kathleen, at 80 years of age, has been Club Captain of the Toombul Croquet Club for the past 10 years. She is heavily involved in promoting and encouraging people within the community to play croquet, giving her time to various community activities, including Brisbane City Council's Growing Old, Living Dangerously (GOLD) program.

Tony Alexander - The Gap
For more than a decade, Tony has been volunteering at the Veterans Support and Advocacy Service in Toowong. The volunteers at the Veterans Support and Advocacy Service assist veterans and serving members of the Defence Force who are seeking assistance to have medical conditions related to their time in the armed services recognised by the Defence Department or the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Sergeant Jim Bellos - Upper Mt Gravatt
Jim is a Cross Cultural Liaison Officer with the Queensland Police Service. In 2005 he identified a need for a formalised link between the multicultural community, police, support agencies and non-government organisations. Jim developed a positive and unique sporting event, For the Love of the Game, which aims to promote inter-racial harmony by using a non-traditional and friendly approach to resolve conflict.

Russel Denton - Boondall
In 2001 Russel did work experience with the Downfall Creek Bushland Centre and the Boondall Wetlands Environment Centre and has been volunteering at both Centres ever since. Russel's passion for the environment was further honed when he trained as an interpretive guide at the Boondall Wetlands Environment Centre.

David T.E. Floyd - Tarragindi
Since 1976 David has served the community through his membership and involvement in Lions Clubs International. He has received numerous awards in recognition of his service, including being awarded a Lifetime Membership, a Melvin Jones Fellow and a Ray Phippard Fellow.

John Fox - Kedron
In 2000 John launched Group 61, a not-for-profit organisation, based in North-Brisbane, dedicated to bringing empowerment, understanding and fullness back into the lives of people struggling with mental illness.

Jane Geltch - Geebung
For the past 20 years, Jane has given tirelessly to the local community through her support of families and people with a disability. Recognising the limited opportunities available for people with high support needs and severe impairments, Jane spearheaded a small but dedicated team of volunteers to establish the Kingfisher Adult Learning Programs (KALP).

Hilary Lauder - Ascot
Hilary started The Bub Hub in June 2001 when she personally discovered the difficulties in getting information about certain products and services. The Bub Hub is an online directory with 34,000 members, which covers more than 120 topics and lists organisations providing direct support for parents.

Lewis Meng Poh Lee - Sunnybank Hills
Lewis has been involved in the multicultural activities of his local community for more than 12 years. As a qualified architect, he has donated his architectural design services to the Chinese Methodist Church in Australia at Eight Mile Plains, the tuckshop at Sunnybank Hills State School and produced a design concept for the proposed Queensland Chinese Museum.

Don McDonald - Yeronga
For the past two years, Don has given his time three to four days each week to volunteer at the Greenslopes Private Hospital. Don visits rooms daily, providing companionship for patients and continually going out of his way to ensure people feel welcome and at home in the hospital environment.

SOWN Nursery Volunteers - The Gap
The Save Our Waterways Now (SOWN) Nursery has been in operation in The Gap since 1994 and has always been managed and staffed entirely by volunteers. These volunteers underpin many of SOWNs activities and provide the resources for SOWN to continue the rehabilitation of Enoggera Creek.

Susan Frances Perry - Algester
Susan has given her time to improve opportunities in the community for children with disabilities for the past 15 years. She has worked tirelessly on numerous school boards, as a fundraising coordinator, a parental advocate, and a volunteer at MontroseAccess.

Ivy Winifred Sexton - Mansfield
Ivy has been an active member of the Uniting Church Womens Fellowship for many years and for 25 years she has visited the TriCare Mt Gravatt Nursing Centre. She has helped organise transport, morning tea and musical entertainment for the residents.

John Andrew Sexton - Mansfield
Jack held the position of Treasurer of the Mt Gravatt Meals on Wheels for 23 years. Jack has dedicated a great deal of his life to the service of others, often going above and beyond to ensure that the vulnerable people in our community are looked after.

Bod Sudbury - The Gap
Bob has given many years of service to improve the safety and security of his local community. Bob has been a member of The Gap Neighbourhood Watch since its inception in June 1975 and was Area-Coordinator from 1995 until his retirement in August 2008.

Rachael Torepe - Jindalee
Rachael has been contributing to the Australian Breastfeeding Association since 2001 and has been a counsellor with the Association for the past four years. She selflessly gives her time providing proactive and professional support to those in need with great knowledge, expertise, patience, commitment and sensitivity.

Robert Wiltshire - Bardon
Robert has a 15-year association with the Rotary Club of Indooroopilly. As a teacher at Indooroopilly State High School, he has been the coordinator of the School's Interact Club for 12 years. In this position Robert ensures the school's Junior Rotarians understand Rotary ideals and play an active role in community service projects.

For further information about Council's Australia Day events log on to www.brisbane.qld.gov.au or
phone Council on 3403 8888. Hands up everyone who gives a f*ck!

Why Should Topless Sunbathing Be Banned?

Back of the bus, Southport [20/1/09]

The Property Poem

first you say that house prices
are on the up and up
this endless growth will never end
and overfloweth are our cups

buy another property
hell, why not buy the street?
don't worry about over-leveraging
your portfolio's looking sweet

who cares about the tenants?
if they can't pay it's tough
put the rent up 50 per cent
that should be enough

but when you've got a bubble
one day it's gonna pop
and conflicting confusing media reports
cannot make it stop

last week you reported
we should buy up on the Gold Coast
they're offloading their holiday units
those retirees, they are toast

today you say the glitter strip
is among the most expensive ten
you quote a mortgage payment report
that contradicts again

you can quote as many figures
or from real estate reports,
but the clearing rates at auctions
are surely out of sorts

the pollies cannot solve it
with grants for first home buyers
or opening up more tracts of land
to put out the fire

a half-hearted housing plan
for the homeless folks
to be completed in a few years
what a bloody joke

the truth is no-one's buying
because the prices are inflated
folks have overcapitalised
negative geared and

The sh*t is about to hit the fan!

Raytheon Resistance in Bristol, Dublin, and Brisbane: Jim Dowling

A small group returned to Brisbane’s Raytheon offices today [19/1/09] after two of it’s members went to court for occupying the companies lifts last November.

The group held a banner reading, “Raytheon bombs Gaza’s Children”, among other banners and placards.

They claimed there is little doubt Raytheon missiles would have been used extensively by Israel in their recent slaughter of over 1000 people, including over 300 children, in Gaza. (A Raytheon bomb was proven to have killed 28 civilians in a single bomb attack in Israel’s 2006 invasion of Lebanon)

No one was arrested, and Bernie and Jim were remanded to appear in court for another mention on 16th February, a date on which the group will undoubtedly return to the scene of Raytheon’s criminal activities.

Meanwhile:

In Bristol, England, a small group has been occupying the roof of Raytheon for 40 days.

And

In Derry, Northern Ireland, on 12th January, 9 women chained themselves the doors inside the Raytheon building (the same building, where activists had previously thrown files and computers out of the window and been acquitted by a jury).

The women left after the head of police agreed to accept all their information on Raytheon and study it to see if Raytheon should be charged with war crimes.

You can read more of these other stories by checking Indy Media sites (Bristol and Ireland)

Peace

Come In Spinner

From 'Noam Chomsky On Gaza' in 'Information Clearing House'

CHOMSKY: It's a tragedy which is made right here. The press won't talk about it and even scholarship, for the most part, won't talk about it but the fact of the matter is that there has been a political settlement on the table, on the agenda for 30 years. Namely a two-state settlement on the international borders with maybe some mutual modification of the border. That's been there officially since 1976 when there was a Security Council resolution proposed by the major Arab states and supported by the (Palestinan Liberation Organization) PLO, pretty much in those terms. The United States vetoed it so it's therefore out of history and it's continued almost without change since then.

There was in fact one significant modification. In the last month of Clinton's term, January 2001 there were negotiations, which the U.S. authorized, but didn't participate in, between Israel and the Palestinians and they came very close to agreement.

DOSSANI: The Taba negotiations?

Yes, the Taba negotiations. The two sides came very close to agreement. They were called off by Israel. But that was the one week in over 30 years when the United States and Israel abandoned their rejectionist position. It's a real tribute to the media and other commentators that they can keep this quiet. The U.S. and Israel are alone in this. The international consensus includes virtually everyone. It includes the Arab League which has gone beyond that position and called for the normalization of relations, it includes Hamas. Every time you see Hamas in the newspapers, it says "Iranian-backed Hamas which wants to destroy Israel." Try to find a phrase that says "democratically elected Hamas which is calling for a two-state settlement" and has been for years. Well, yeah, that's a good propaganda system. Even in the U.S. press they've occasionally allowed op-eds by Hamas leaders, Ismail Haniya and others saying, yes we want a two-state settlement on the international border like everyone else.

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21788.htm

Spring Hill Voice's Micro-Brewery

Interestingly the man at the Home Brew shop tells us that the home brew mix has become slightly more expensive because Coopers are having to use imported wheat!

Did Mr Eternity Make It To The Gold Coast?

"Eternity" At The Southport Gospel Church, Scarborough Street

Australian Economy Set To Soar: A*sehat Economics

A*sehat Economics

Australia's economy is on the up and up according to a report by leading apolitical economic forecasters A*sehat Economics.

The quarterly report, "Anxious Rich B*stards Going Forward", states that the economy is only going to get better as we head into 2009.

Queensland's sunshine smart state economy is on the fast track for the fast lane as clean coal technology creates 1,000s and 1,000s of jobs, that could have escaped into the evil renewable energy sector.

"Strap it on. Economic growth is accelerating and we are looking at the largest boom Australia has ever seen," the report says.

The report also maintains that the Prime Minister can speak Mandarin, and that tax cuts and bailouts for the wealthy are the way to go.

The Opposition Ternbill agreed.

"Yes, he can speak Mandarin, but so what?" he said.

The A*sehat Economics spokesperson is always on television although his shillery during the Howard years should mean he is discredited, he's still bobbing up and giving his two cents worth.

Queensland's Fat Kids Are Fat: Inquiry

A typical Queensland kid watching a junk food advertisement on TV

A list of recommendations relating to the issue of Queensland fat kids being fat has been compiled.

The recommendations follow an inquiry and feedback from the community and industry groups.

It is anticipated that the recommendations will be considered but won't have any impact on junk food advertising.

"There are issues," said a spokesperson for The Captain.

"Hopefully the issues can be debated when The Captain returns from holidays - did you know The Captain was on holidays?"

The Association For Flogging Junk Food To Fat Kids warned there would be hell to pay if they were restricted from doing what they do best i.e. weasel words, Orwellian doublespeak and the economy.

Yet a study undertaken by the Medicalising Childhood Unit of the Ponds Institute has revealed that fat kids who sit in front of the television all day will probably get even fatter.

Meanwhile, Mr Shark and Mr Crocodile from the Queensland Centre For The Promotion Of Eating Disorders In Later Life For Fatty Boombahs have spoken out about the issue of Queensland fat kids being fat.

"It is true that fat Queensland fat kids are fat, but they are also very tasty, so the more the better," said Mr Crocodile.

"I agree with Mr Crocodile and encourage fat Queensland fat kids to take up surfing at Fingal," said Mr Shark.

Mr Crocodile and Mr Shark have spoken out about fat kids

In related news, the fact that fat kids are fat, is similar to the ongoing pokie issue. Both are problems which could be easily remedied with some sensible public debate and genuine independent analysis of the impact of rampant consumerism and greed, followed by the implementation of regulations relating to limiting the advertisement of junk food during children's viewing times.

Similarly, we could introduce legislation which limited pokies to clubs, where the revenue could be used to benefit members and communities, like the olden days.

But that would cause too many heads to explode.

Mr Smith Goes To Washington

An excerpt from Sidney Buchman's screenplay of the 1939 film 'Mr Smith Goes To Washington':

The scene dissolves to TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE, with Taylor, Paine, Cook, Griffith and three Congressmen under great nervous strain. Desks have been moved into the suite, telephones are teletype are being installed.

TAYLOR (yelling) Where's that Jackson City long distance?

COOK (placatingly) Wait now--Hendricks stepped out--

TAYLOR (furiously) Why isn't an editor at his desk where he belongs?

PAINE Jim--the boy's talking to that State-- the story is out--!

TAYLOR (viciously) Sure! The fight's in the open now-- to a finish--!

PAINE And if he can raise public opinion against us--if any *part* of this sticks--

TAYLOR He won't get started! I'll *make* public opinion out there in five hours. I've done it all my life! I'll blacken this punk until-- (Breaking off) Joe--your job is back in the Senate-- keep those men fighting him *there*.

PAINE I hit him from the floor with everything I knew!

TAYLOR Keep doing it! This is the whole works, Joe--we're out of business or bigger than we then we ever were. We
can't miss a trick--we can't stop at *anything*--till this yokel's smashed up and buried so deep he'll never--!

The phone rings, and Griffith picks it up.

GRIFFITH (into phone) Yes--*yes*! (To Taylor) Jackson City--Hendricks!

TAYLOR Joe! Will you go back to that Senate!

Paine turns abruptly and hurries out. Taylor grabs for the phone.

TAYLOR Hendricks! Line up all the papers in the State! Don't print a word of what Smith says--not a word of any news story coming out of Washington! Understand? Defend the machine. *Hit* this guy! A criminal--convicted by Senate--blocking relief bill--starving the people. Start protests coming. Wires. Buy up every minute you can on every two-watt radio station in the State. Keep 'em spouting against Smith! McGann's flying out--be there in five hours. Stop your presses--yank out the stories you got in 'em now--and get going--*get that whole State moving*--!

In HENDRICK'S OFFICE:

HENDRICKS Okay, Jim. Goodbye. (He hangs up the phone, then flips a dictograph key) Stop the presses!

The scene dissolves to the JACKSON CITY PRESS--a huge printing press--slowing down--and men leaping on it and beginning to tear out sheets being printed; then to a RADIO STATION where a man is broadcasting.

MAN --Jefferson Smith is guilty! This filibuster is a cowardly attempt to turn your attention from the true facts--!

We see ANOTHER MICROPHONE, at which another man is thundering:

MAN (foaming) --it's an open-and-shut case! Jefferson Smith was--

In MA SMITH'S SITTING ROOM, Ma is seen in a rocking chair, surrounded by kids--some of whom hold papers. All are listening to the radio--the voice of the preceding scene:

RADIO VOICE (continuing from above)--caught red-handed--stealing from boys!

A yowl goes up.

BOYS (wildly) They're lying! A bunch of lies!

RADIO VOICE (continuing--but lost in uproar) A Committee of the United States Senate found him guilty! Like the blackguard he is! He is trying to save what's left of his name--by attacking Joseph Paine, Willet Dam! He doesn't care what it may cost the people of this country--!

BOYS (continuing unbrokenly; waving paper) Why don't they tell us what Jeff's saying! Yeah! What about Jeff? They can't say that! What's *Jeff* saying?

We see ANOTHER MICROPHONE and a man broadcasting.

MAN--to gain his own contemptible ends, this man is blocking a bill--

Then a ROOM, with a group of people--a family--listening.

RADIO VOICE (continuing from above)--vital to you and this entire nation. Relief will be stopped! Men will be thrown out of jobs--!

Through the last line of the above, the man of the family yells:

MAN I always knew that Smith was a phoney!

Then the HOPPER DINING ROOM, with the family at dinner. Four of the boys are crowded around Happy Hopper, at the head of the table, where a portable radio is blasting away.

RADIO VOICE--and to save his own hide, this is what Jefferson Smith is going to do! He's going to destroy everything Joseph Paine and his political party have done for this State. Joe Paine has brought us great Federal grants, prosperity--and now the Willet Dam. But Smith will destroy that, too--!

KIDS It's a lie! It's a dirty lie! Jeff never destroyed nothin'. What do you mean--'destroy'? How do you get that way?

http://home.online.no/~bhundlan/scripts/MrSmithGoesToWashington.txt

Queenslanders Fail "Smart State" Test

The Opposition Springboard: "I'll show you spin"

Queenslanders don't know what the "Smart State" initiative is because they're stupid.

A recent survey of Queenslanders with "Tweety Bird" number plates has revealed that they don't know much but this has nothing to do with the suffocating control of information in the state.

The survey, which was kept secret, apart from a need to know basis, also found that keeping Queenslanders stupid has been profitable for a clique of rich, old, insiders.

Vote: What Is The Smart State all about?

The Opposition Springboard said he perceived that the only paper in town was starting to portray him in a positive light, while the Acting Deputy Captain had the last word.

Graffiti Taskforce Obliterates Genuine Brisbane Art

This work of art appeared in early July last year beneath the Countess Street Railway Bridge in Brisbane. After a couple of weeks, the Council and State Government graffiti taskforce painted over it.

$6 million to remove these spontaneous and organic works of art is wrong. Arresting the artists who create them is also wrong.

If you don't understand why, you are probably a clown.

Taking Mary to the Marginals:

Save The Mary River Media Release [16/1/09]

The Mary River and the controversial Traveston Crossing Dam will become a state election issue as Save the Mary supporters bring their campaign into some of Labor’s most marginal seats.

Challenging claims from within the Labor Party that the dam “isn’t an issue to people in Brisbane”, the group will letterbox drop postcards in eight key Brisbane seats, including that of the Treasurer, over the next few weeks with plans to move further afield after that.

Also in their sights is the seat of Hervey Bay, one of the state’s most marginal, currently held by Sustainability Minister Andrew McNamara.

Save the Mary spokesperson Ian Mackay drew parallels between Mr McNamara in his electorate at the mouth of the Mary River and that of a previous Environment Minister Molly Robson who lost her seat over Goss government plans to widen a highway through Daisy Hill koala habit.

“Last election the dam cost the government two seats on the Sunshine Coast and it’s since been pivotal in Indooroopilly MP Ronan Lee’s decision to defect to the Greens. Hervey Bay will be number four but we’re not stopping there” he said.

“We have a steady stream of Brisbane people visiting our Information Centre in Kandanga each week, happily signing letters in opposition to the dam. They’re incensed as much by a government spending around half a billion dollars on a project that has neither state nor federal approval as they are by the loss of good farming land and the environmental threats,” Mr Mackay said.

Save the Mary River Coordinating Group President Glenda Pickersgill said the Committee was gearing up for an election that could be held as early as February.

“Recent independent reports commissioned for Federal Environment Minister Peter Garrett support what we’ve been saying all along. We’ve won the argument on sound science, now we just need to win it on politics,” she said.

"We Get Paid To Stir Up Hatred": Well Known Brisbane Media Luvvie Speaks Out About Corporate Media's Moral Equivalence Agenda

One of Brisbane's media elite has contacted 'Spring Hill Voice' to express their frustration at being represented by lefty, pinko, muslim-loving, working class gays in the MSM as intolerant and bigoted. The media elite person, who wished to have no name, said that it just isn't fair.

"It just isn't fair", the person complained.

"You have no idea what it's like. We get paid to stir up hatred, to ensure that the debate is controlled, to ensure that reason has no voice apart from the strangled squeaks leaking out from beneath our cushioned behinds like the emanations from so many mischievously placed metaphorical whoopee cushions on the seat of power. It is not only distracting and disturbing but also lessens our sense of certainty, and that must never be tolerated. You do see, don't you?"

"You, 'Spring Hill Voice', are a small part of that chorus of smelly-sounding emanations. Commentary and critique beyond the talking points not only endangers our earnings, but could also enable people to begin to think for themselves and what could that lead to? I'm sorry, but even though your website is the only place I can explain how I feel, you must be destroyed so that we may be saved. No hard feelings?"

"I have a mortgage and some kids at private schools," the elite person concluded, before saying: "Wow, I'm glad I got that off my chest, you won't report this little outburst on your site, will you?"

He was last heard to say: "Why don't they just get a boob job, botox and a facelift like freedom-loving Western women?"

From statistics, it appears that there have never been any bank robberies involving people dressed in burkas. But many ex-police officers have been found guilty of all sorts of heinous crimes including murder.

Gabba Laser Incident Makes Everyone Yawn

Why has sport become so unsportsmanlike?

"But shoot it in the right direction
Make making it your intention-ooh yeah
Live those dreams
Scheme those schemes
Got to hit me
Hit me
Hit me with those
Laser beams"

'Relax', Frankie Goes To Hollywood (1984)

Gabba spectators are yawning very loudly at the prospect of a security crackdown following this week's controversial laser incident.

YOUR SAY: Does the laser incident make you want to go to the cricket or does it make you yawn?

Australian cricket officials are reeling with embarrassment and have apologised to the South African team for not adequately segregating spectators.

"Rest assured the security people are on the lookout for any spectators flashing white and laser pointers," said one official.

The police have deduced that somebody sitting next to the person who pointed the laser would probably know who pointed the laser and that anyone acting suspiciously should be reported immediately.

"This matter shows how the Stadium Act has enhanced sportsmanship," said Minister Judy.

"We were going to have body searches, but everyone started yawning again, so we decided against it," said the cricket official.

HEY DOBBER DO OUR JOB FOR US: Tell us who the laser lout is

Slums Affordable: Research

"It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
Put your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again!
Let's do the time warp again! "

'The Time Warp' [1973]

Experts predict that over the next few years slum living will become increasingly more affordable in Brisbane.

One expert says a large number of people would like to live in a box rather than a McMansion.

YOUR SAY: Could you live in a cardboard box?

"Unfortunately, there just aren't enough boxes to go around," he said.

Recent research from the Economic Growth or Death Mantra Unit of the Ponds Institute has revealed the corporate media had nothing to do with promoting McMansions, and that they are not as popular as they once were.

Another surprising finding was that there is an abundance of spare bedrooms and therefore everyone should rush out and buy a one-bedroom unit.

"McMansions are like, so yesterday," said the expert.

"It's all about housing data, rental returns, affordability and a shift in focus. Oh man, I don't know how much more I can make up."

Australia Beats U.S.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

The Top 10 countires in the 2009 Index Of Economic Freedom, according to The Heritage Foundation:

1. Hong Kong
2. Singapore
3. Australia
4. Ireland
5. New Zealand
6. United States
7. Canada
8. Denmark
9. Switzerland
10. United Kingdom

Yay! We're bigger suckers for the free market capitalist fundamentalists than the seppo's! And it's working out so well for all Rudd's working families, too. It was interesting that the CIA's Zimbabwe came last of 179. The report card apparently said: "could improve"!

Minister Fraser-Island Quells Election Speculation

Community engagement on the Gold Coast

The billboards are booked, the brochures and letters are out, the minor parties have been issuing flurries of half-hearted emails to members and the electoral commission's out doorknocking, but the Minister for Fraser-Island says Queenslanders shouldn't expect an early poll.

"You just wait until The Captain gets back from holidays," he said, looking very relaxed even though he was wearing shoes.

"Those weirdos at Bowen Hills can't tell me what to do."

VOTE: Have you ever actually set eyes upon your state member apart from once or twice in the local monopoly rag?

As well as convincingly quelling the early election rumours, the Minister for Fraser-Island pointed out that winning an election was not just about bobbing up and down for five minutes and pretending to the care about the community.

"A good candidate knows how to put together a nice brochure with pleasing images and no information about fluoride," he said.

"I've asked the folks at Bowen Hills and they tell me I'm not thinking about the election at all, and that I am very ambitious in my own right."

Sleep Linked To Increased Cancer Risk

"Everybody knows sleep gives you cancer": Expert

A recent study published in the highly esteemed Journal Of Personal Responsibility has linked sleep with cancer.

Experts have also discovered that other everyday human activities which cause cancer include reading non-news reports about radio broadcasts that have contradicted government propaganda, or annual scare stories about everyday consumer items.

"Our research shows that the act of falling asleep and actually being asleep causes cancer," said one expert.

"But the most important aspect of our research is to ensure that the community understand that universal health care is evil, cancer is their own fault and is absolutely not caused by external factors beyond their control - such as environmental carcinogens."

The expert then went on to explain that creating cancer awareness and fear was the key, especially with regard to attracting funding for research.

"Although we're yet to find a cure, we've certainly had breakthroughs in keeping the lucrative cancer industry alive and making the community understand that they should expect to pay top dollar for so-called treatment and care if they get cancer," the expert said.

In related news, it is understood that the next non-story beatup will be whether or not schools should run sex education classes.

Easter Eggs In Stores Early Story: Warning

"Here comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppin, Easter's on its way"

'Peter Cottontail' Gene Autry [1950]

Don't be deceived by his cute looks ... he just wants to ram Easter eggs down your throat

Taking the Moral Highground with Elysa N. Fields

In what appears to be an outrageous and shocking act of crass consumerism, some supermarkets have already begun stocking their shelves with Easter eggs.

Although Christmas has only just been and gone, the Easter Bunny has already made his deliveries.

A supermarket spokesman said it was very helpful that the corporate media trotted out the same old stories every year.

"It's so predictable, it's almost as if they're on some kind of schedule," he said.

A spokesperson from another supermarket chain said:

"Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns! One a penny, two a penny, Hot cross buns!"

While yet another said they were sure Australia Day and Valentines Day were the next marketing opportunities.

Have your say: Why didn't they ask a religious leader what they think about consumerism, and why it is that the celebration of Christmas has become meaningless?

Crow Calls For Gaza Ceasefire

Mr Crow...solitary protest

Mr Crow called for a Gaza ceasefire during the match between Radek Stepanek and Robin Soderling at the Pat Rafter Arena in Brisbane this afternoon [9/1/09].

Radek Stepanek managed to win the match despite Mr Crow going "Ark! Ark! Ark!" 770 times to mark the number of Palestinians murdered in the last 13 days.

The crowd couldn't understand how Mr Crow could disrupt the Brisbane International tournament over such a trivial matter.

In response to Mr Crow's protest, which was televised around the word, the UN Security Council voted to call for an "immediate, durable" ceasefire in the Gaza Strip.

Mr Crow then flew back to Milton to reminisce about the good old days when Brisbane hosted exciting tennis tournaments.

Light Beer Rage Out Of Control

Light Beer...good in a shandy at the church fete

A slump in the sale of light beer throughout Victoria has sparked a worrying trend in the social phenomenon known as "Light Beer Rage".

In the past, "Light Beer Rage" often occurred at parties and barbeques when the host ran out of full-strength beer, and resulted in expressions of exasperation such as:

"F*ck, only cats piss left!"

In the last few years "Light Beer Rage" has been transformed as the astounding correlation between the drop in light beer sales and increasing violence is made by the corporate media, the peak health body in Victoria, and the people who sell beer.

""Light Beer Rage" is an astounding leap of logic and a useful panacea for all our social problems," said the Chief Grand Master Spin at the Victorian Department of Health Outcomes.

"The increasing violence in Australian communities has nothing to do with 10 years of neo-conservative rule and the attendent exploitative, individualistic and aggressive culture that breeds, the economic downturn or involvement in illegal imperialist wars."

"The only way to solve this crisis is to cut tax on light beer" he added.

When asked whether it wouldn't be a better idea to leave the light beer tax as it is and instead increase the tax on heavy beer to raise more money for the public health system and curb excessive consumption, his head exploded.

A spokesman for the Australian Liquor Sellers Associations Mr Seamus O'Flaherty-Murphy-Potato-Famine agreed.

"Whatever sells more beer, as long as profits are protected," he said.

What's Wrong With Australia? (Part II)

The youth of today have no respect for authority - especially on the Gold Coast. The local propaganda outlet today [8/1/09] reported that:

"A Gold Coast teenager has been fined $2,500 for impersonating a police officer, after he and two mates pulled over 10 cars, including one motorist who was cautioned for driving too slow on the M1."

And that the Magistrate said:

``This brings the integrity of the police force into question, if not into ridicule. That's a serious matter.''

Indeed. I just don't know why that is:

"A Queensland policeman who used a taser on a teenager after she ignored a police order will not be disciplined.

The 16-year-old girl was charged with obstructing police in April last year.

She had refused an order to move on at Brisbane's Southbank because she was waiting for an ambulance to treat her sick friend.

The Children's Court threw out the charge in November.

The Queensland Police Service (QPS) says a complaint was not lodged about the incident, but it identified issues with the officer's training in the use of tasers.

In a statement, the QPS says the policeman has received extra instructions and that it has improved training for all officers."

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/01/08/2461698.htm

"We can chase down all our enemies
Bring them to their knees
We can bomb the world to pieces
But we can't bomb it into peace"

'Bomb The World' Michael Franti and Spearhead [2003]

Tennessee Coal Sludge Disaster

"On December 22, over 1 billion gallons of toxic coal sludge came cascading through Eastern Tennessee. The tidal wave of sludge toppled houses and dirtied rivers and streams. This toxic coal ash has been stored in an open 40-acre pond next to the 50-year-old power plant. According to State authorities, after the spill there are 54,000 people with contaminated water in Roane County alone, and many more outside the county may also have tainted drinking water."

http://www.1sky.org/blog/2009/01/tennessee-coal-sludge-disaster-think-this-could-not-happen-to-you-think-again

Public Urged To Take Ownership Of Dengue Fever

The elimination of Dengue Fever is in your hands

The public is being recruited to take ownership of the Dengue Fever outbreak issue in North Queensland going forward.

According to scientists and experts from the Centre for Government Shillery And Intellectual Dishonesty at the Ponds Institute, Queenslanders must urgently change their behaviour because in terms of the Dengue Fever outbreak, it is all their fault.

"The Dengue Fever outbreak has absolutely nothing to do with climate change," said one of the experts who knows where his bread is buttered.

The expert was keen to point out that proliferation of Dengue Fever is caused by water tanks and not related to the increasing temperatures or changes to habitat that result from climate change.

"With the help of the corporate media, we need to reinforce to the filthy unwashed ma...I mean...general public, that the problem originates in their back yards," said the expert.

"If I say anything about vectors, I'll be in deep doo doo. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to lunch with some Coal Industry executives."

Appointment Of New Electoral Commissioner: AEC Media Release [8/1/09]

Mr Ed Killesteyn commenced his five year appointment as the Electoral Commissioner, Australian Electoral Commission (AEC) on 5 January 2009.

Mr Killesteyn said he was pleased and honoured to be appointed to the position of Electoral Commissioner, and looked forward to continuing the AEC’s strong and well deserved reputation for delivering an electoral system that serves well Australia’s democratic heritage.

Mr Killesteyn has held a number of senior Public Service positions, including four years as a Deputy Secretary at the then Department of Immigration and Indigenous Affairs, and most recently as the Deputy President of the Repatriation Commission and a Deputy Secretary at the Department of Veterans’ Affairs.

Follow The Money

"A decade back, the British oil firm BG International discovered a huge deposit of natural gas just off the Gaza coast, containing 1.2 trillion cubic feet of gas valued at over $4 billion. Controlling security over air and water around Gaza, Israel quickly moved to negotiate a deal with BG to access Gaza’s natural gas at cheap rates."

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21670.htm

Right Wing Magazine Hoax

"Would you believe..."

by I. D. O'Logg (reality-based-community-affairs correspondent)

Notorious right wing magazine 'Hydrant' is an elaborate CIA hoax according to experts.

Emeritus visiting Dean of Antethics at the Pond's Institute, Lord Lapitup, a renowned hoax expert[1] has been following the tone, direction, ideological biases, illogical biases, neo-conservative carping and blatant double-speak of 'Hydrant' for the last decade, and has concluded that the entire enterprise is an elaborate hoax perpetrated on the Australian public by the CIA.

"This is laughable, how could anybody take any of this tripe seriously?" said Lord Lapitup.

But according to his blog[2], 'Righty-Ho', the editor of 'Hydrant', Keith Blainey-Flintshuffle[3], the report "smells funny, it just doesn't feel right and I think someone is behind it."

He later added, "I think that cardigan-wearing Jonathan Holmes needed something for the first 2009 episode of 'Media Watch'."

In response, the federal government has announced that it will immediately double 'Hydrant's' funding and will match all CIA funding dollar for dollar.

[1] Wikipedia has a lot of information about things, it's worth a look.

[2] Have you ever wondered what would happen if you Googled "Google"?

[3] This is his real name, op cit ibid.

Are The Oscars Coming To Queensland?

"If you do want me
Gimme little sweet talk
If you don't want me
Don't lead me on girl
But if you need me
Show me that you love me"

'Gimme A Little Sign', Peter Andre [1992]

Bert Newton

Queensland's peak tourism body says it is interested in hosting the Academy Awards on Bribie Island in 2010.

While the Oscars are always held in Hollywood, the site for the 2010 Oscars remains to be seen.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Do you wish Australia's so-called news outlets would actually report some news?

A very glamourous and fast talking spokeswoman for the Oscars said that she had been approached by the peak tourism body, and was in negotiations for incentives.

"It is within the realm of possibility," she said.

"Look over there - a flying pig!"

Yesterday's national propaganda sheet, which was never owned by the Packer family, reported that as well as Bribie Island hosting the Academy Awards, the peak tourism body was also in negotiations to host the Emmys on Coochiemudlo and the BAFTA awards at Redcliffe.

In related news, the Gold Coast Skyview Wheel is maybe probably going to be erected on the Pacific Motorway overpass at Helensvale, or perhaps next to the Wiggles Ride at Dreamworld.

So make sure you fork out some dough for a ride, and while you're at it, spend some money on consumer items - like a house - and don't forget to go and see Baz Luhrmann's 'Australia'.

What's Wrong With Australia?

Wilson Street, Labrador

Over the holiday period, someone painted a fake pedestrian crossing on this Gold Coast street.

Since then, the Gold Coast City Council has erased the white lines.

From the local propaganda outlet [6/1/08]:

"...Mayor Ron Clarke said whoever did it should be charged for the cost.

"We should be hitting them with the cost of painting over it," said Cr Clarke.

"It's other ratepayers' money being used for something they put up which was irresponsible and against the law.

"It's graffiti to be painting on roads or public places anyway, so there's some pretty substantial fines for that."

Gold Coast district Superintendent Jim Keogh said residents had raised concerns about speeding with the police since the crossing was painted and police would look into it.

But he said while some residents were frustrated, they needed to contact police rather than make their own road markings.

"It's very unsafe, apart from being an offence," he said.

"What they've got to understand is before any of these road signs are put in place there's careful consideration and research undertaken by the appropriate authorities.

"We can't condone this practice and common sense will tell you if these crossings are put in people could cross at what they perceive as a safe area, though it may not be safe at all."

In summary: "How dare you not blindly submit to authority! How dare you assert a creative response to a situation in which you feel powerless (i.e. you know that even if someone is killed after being knocked over by a car, your political representatives and the police aren't going to do anything to introduce a speed limit in your street so that the community in which you live is safe for everyone!)"

Mostly, "how dare you question, even obliquely, the supremacy of the car."

Bin Art: Southport [5/3/09]

Not Enough Adult Shops In Queensland: Defective Inspector Plastic

Defective Inspector Plastic... hyper-sexualised environment advocate

Queensland's best known Police Woman has spoken out against recent calls for the regulation of Adult Shops put forward by the P & C.

"I don't know what their problem is - but I suspect most of them are uptight, hairy-armpitted, lefty, lezzo man haters. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, there just aren't enough adult shops around the place," said Defective Inspector Plastic, who despite her very busy schedule, manages to moonlight in an adult shop display window.

"And there is a dire need for more explicit window displays," she added.

Defective Inspector Plastic advocates a hyper-sexualised environment so that kids learn healthy messages about relationships.

"Billboards advertising erectile dysfunction remedies and bus shelters featuring advertisements with women licking plates are a good start," she said.

"But it's not enough. We need to saturate our public spaces with sexual imagery - especially the kind that objectifies women's bodies and presents women as merely on this planet for male enjoyment."

HAVE YOUR SAY: Who is the biggest bogan from Logan?

Defective Inspector Plastic, who heads the Public Assembly and Surfers Paradise Civil Libertarian taskforces, is responsible for the Gold Coast's new Meter Maids (now known as "Traffic Mistresses"), is also in charge of the new security patrols on Gold Coast beaches, as well as being responsible for the controversial Public Transport Taskforce based in Brisbane and Taskforce Wee Wee.

It is understood that the state government is pretending to care about the P & C's concerns regarding the proliferation of adult shops as there's an election on the horizon, and that those supposedly god fearing weirdos on the Council don't care.

Brisbane's CBD To Get A New Name: "Brisbane"

Brisbane's CBD

"Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me"

'I've Never Been To Me', Charlene [1977]

The State Government has just this very moment released details of plans to rename Brisbane's CBD "Brisbane" because of the commercial considerations and ratepaying ramifications for some important folks.

The Minister has asked for suggestions for the new name for Brisbane's CBD, even though it will always be known as "Brisbane", or "the City", or to older folks getting on the bus, "Town, please".

"One of my staff suggested "Eleanor Schonell", but that has already been taken, while another said, "How about the Go-Betweens? That always sells and has the added advantage of being popular with funding bodies. Maybe even "Stranded", or "Robert Forster" or just "The Saints"?"

"Andrew Stafford City" was put forward, but apparently it has already been taken.

Whatever happens, you can be sure that the real story will never be told," said the Minister.

"Since 1975, we have all lamented the sacking of Gough Whitlam," he added.

Other Australian cities haven't yet experienced issues with nomenclature, but the Minister said some rich folks wanted to sort out their property boundaries before the next state election.

Groovy Undercover Cops Issue Offense Notices At Music Festivals

Groovy Undercover Cops...impossible to spot in the crowd!

The 30,000 revellers at last weekend's Festival du Paris in her Hoodie on the Gold Coast Spit couldn't tell if they were having fun or being nabbed for drug possession by groovy undercover cops.

Depending on whether you live in Brisbane or on the Gold Coast, the groovy undercover cops spent their time at the annual dance music festival evicting bikies, making arrests, issuing liquor notices, or expressing happiness at the event's success and remarking on the fantastic behaviour of the crowd.

According to Gold Coast reports, Ambulance Officers were in general agreement that festival goers were well behaved, while in Brisbane everyone hates the missos.

So if you're travelling from Brisbane, be sure to keep in mind that the groovy undercover cops will be out in force at upcoming music festivals this summer. But if you're on the Gold Coast, bring as many ecstasy tablets as you can - it's what makes or breaks a festival - just be sure to drink plenty of H20!

Secularism Is The Answer

'The Atheist Manifesto: The Case Against Christianity, Judaism and Islam' by Michel Onfray:

"At this hour when the final battle--already lost--looms for the defense of the Enlightenment's values aginst magical propositions, we must fight for a post-Christian secularism, that is to say atheistic, militant, and radically opposed to choosing between Western Judeo-Christianity and its Islamic adversary--neither Bible nor Koran. I persist in preferring philosophers to rabbis, priests, imams, ayatollahs, and mullahs, Rather than trust their theological hocus-pocus, I prefer to draw on alternatives to the dominant philosophical historiography: the laughers, materialists, radicals, cynics, hedonists, atheists, sensualists, voluptuaries. They know that there is only one world, and that promotion of an afterlife deprives us of the enjoyment and benefit of the only one there is. A genuinely deadly sin."

2009 Kicks Off With A Bang

every man for himself
no peace in sight
they're dividing the world
and spoiling for a fight

what a great start
to the new year
as we gear up for
more bloodshed and fear

the fighter jets
are crossing the sky
while missiles rain down
and the children cry

cold-hearted reportage
from your ABC
just who calls the shots
in this country?

in other places
the stars had their say
Annie, Alexei,
in the UK

so which of our artists
musicians and writers?
will speak truth to power
yeah, probably Antony Loewenstein again [update: the corporate media are happy to wheel him out as a sideshow to give the appearance of balance, and the so-called "blogging revolutionary" seems happy to play that role)

if only the earth would stand still
for a day
perhaps Keanu
could have his way

Mystery Flowers On The Gold Coast Broadwater

Fury At Gitmo Outrage

Obituaries with Andrew Wrong

The Australian government has declined the generous offer by the fascist US government to clean up, and be an accessory after the fact to, its war crimes and illegal torture and imprisonment of innocent people at Gitmo.

A member of the humiliated and rejected previous Australian government, George Brandis QC, has for some reason been given the time of day to comment on Australia's decision. He said he was "pleased" but it was "preposterous" and "inconceivable."

A Greens person agreed with Malcolm Fraser's suggestion that it would be "acceptable."

Nobody was "furious" and the word "fury" doesn't appear anywhere in this story but, who cares? Everyone knows it isn't a headline unless it contains "fury" and "outrage."

Look out for my scoop PR piece for this year's Earth Hour. I get paid for this!

Optimistic Reflections On Brisbane's Vanished Buildings

Share your memories of Festival Hall, Cloudland, the Bellevue Hotel, Skate Arena and the Victory Hotel

Economic Crisis Sees Housewives Replace Yummy Mummies

The ideal housewife

"My baby takes the morning train
He works from nine till five and then
He takes another home again
To find me waitin' for him"

'9 to 5', Sheena Easton with lyrics by Florrie Palmer [1980]

Hey girls, get your knitting needles out - the era of the backyard abortion is back!

Now that we've economically and culturally reverted to the 1950s, with the added bonus of "sexual emancipation", the patriarchy has returned with a vengeance.

Shocking new data released by the Barefoot And Pregnant Unit of the Ponds Institute has revealed that young women are casting their careers aside and becoming housewives rather than yummy mummies.

Take our poll: Should female "journalists" know their place by writing bogus stories that pander to male egos?

A study headed by Professor Y. F. Bacher shows that young women are reaching for their rolling pins in droves.

"Instead of being yummy mummies, they are now obedient housewives who know their place," he said.

"It's all about authoritarianism, John Howard's white picket fence and dysfunctional nuclear families."

Professor Y.F. Bacher said the rising popularity of sewing, knitting, growing your own vegies and owning your own chickens has nothing to do with the current culture of making do, self-sufficiency or D.I.Y., but everything to do with putting women in their place.

"It's so nice that young, female "journalists" understand their important role in validating this message," he said.

Spring Hill Voice's Summer Holiday Reading Supplement

one year on

yet my anger has amplified
when I should be remembering my mother
her love
special qualities
sacrifices and accomplishments

but I am still blinded with rage
at how she was treated
the suffering she endured
is with me still

no-one said death was meant to be easy
but I lied to friends and relatives
I told them she died peacefully
when she died in agony
her starving body wracked with pain, and her mind confused

no rosy pink glow, fluffy pillows, kindly doctors, singing angels or adequate morphine

certainly no mercy

it was torture
and I cannot forgive, and will never forget

a conveyor belt of experimentation for middle class westerners
the pointless cruelty of a "cancer journey"
unless you consider how it bankrolls the private school education and overseas trips of an exclusive few
not to mention the luxury cars

how many days of dying does it take to turn a profit?

there's a timebomb in our communities
and everyone's buying pink ribbons and watching news bulletins about biotechnology breakthroughs

but someone's rubbing their greedy hands with glee

they're going to make a killing

Happy New Year!

Ben Lee, The PM And Coca-Cola Say: "We're All In This Together"

Southport [31/12/08]

50th Anniversary Of The Cuban Revolution

"The Cuban Revolution was a revolution that led to the overthrow of the dictatorial government of Cuban President General Fulgencio Batista on January 1, 1959 by the 26th of July movement and other revolutionary organizations. The Cuban Revolution also refers to the ongoing implementation of social and economic programs by the new government since the overthrow of the Batista dictatorship, including the implementation of Marxist policies."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuban_Revolution

Jim Kunstler's Forecast For 2009

"...Apart from "cleaning up Dodge," so to speak, and from issues of collective character-and conscience-in-office, I worry that the avalanche of troubles already ongoing will overwhelm Mr. Obama and his people. It's also well worth worrying whether they will pursue policies similar in kind to the ones pursued by Bush, namely throwing money at everything and anything, and it sure looks like they are planning to do just that. I am especially concerned about an "infrastructure stimulus" project aimed at highway improvement at the expense of public transit. This would be the epitome of a campaign to sustain the unsustainable. We need to begin planning right away for a transition away from automobiles, not in order to be good socialists but because Happy Motoring is at the core of our unsustainability trap. The car system is going to fail in manifold ways whether we like it or not, and it will fail due to circumstances already underway. For one thing, it will cease to be democratic as the remnants of the middle class find it impossible to get car loans, or pay for fuel, or insurance, and that will set in motion a very impressive politics-of-grievance setting apart those who are still able to enjoy motoring and those who have been foreclosed from it. Contrary to what you might make of the the current situation in the oil markets, we are in for a heap of trouble with both the price and supply of petroleum (more on this below). And there is no chance in hell that any techno rescue remedy to keep all the cars running by other means will materialize..."

http://jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/

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