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Not Enough Adult Shops In Queensland: Defective Inspector Plastic

Defective Inspector Plastic... hyper-sexualised environment advocate

Queensland's best known Police Woman has spoken out against recent calls for the regulation of Adult Shops put forward by the P & C.

"I don't know what their problem is - but I suspect most of them are uptight, hairy-armpitted, lefty, lezzo man haters. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, there just aren't enough adult shops around the place," said Defective Inspector Plastic, who despite her very busy schedule, manages to moonlight in an adult shop display window.

"And there is a dire need for more explicit window displays," she added.

Defective Inspector Plastic advocates a hyper-sexualised environment so that kids learn healthy messages about relationships.

"Billboards advertising erectile dysfunction remedies and bus shelters featuring advertisements with women licking plates are a good start," she said.

"But it's not enough. We need to saturate our public spaces with sexual imagery - especially the kind that objectifies women's bodies and presents women as merely on this planet for male enjoyment."

HAVE YOUR SAY: Who is the biggest bogan from Logan?

Defective Inspector Plastic, who heads the Public Assembly and Surfers Paradise Civil Libertarian taskforces, is responsible for the Gold Coast's new Meter Maids (now known as "Traffic Mistresses"), is also in charge of the new security patrols on Gold Coast beaches, as well as being responsible for the controversial Public Transport Taskforce based in Brisbane and Taskforce Wee Wee.

It is understood that the state government is pretending to care about the P & C's concerns regarding the proliferation of adult shops as there's an election on the horizon, and that those supposedly god fearing weirdos on the Council don't care.

Brisbane's CBD To Get A New Name: "Brisbane"

Brisbane's CBD

"Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me"

'I've Never Been To Me', Charlene [1977]

The State Government has just this very moment released details of plans to rename Brisbane's CBD "Brisbane" because of the commercial considerations and ratepaying ramifications for some important folks.

The Minister has asked for suggestions for the new name for Brisbane's CBD, even though it will always be known as "Brisbane", or "the City", or to older folks getting on the bus, "Town, please".

"One of my staff suggested "Eleanor Schonell", but that has already been taken, while another said, "How about the Go-Betweens? That always sells and has the added advantage of being popular with funding bodies. Maybe even "Stranded", or "Robert Forster" or just "The Saints"?"

"Andrew Stafford City" was put forward, but apparently it has already been taken.

Whatever happens, you can be sure that the real story will never be told," said the Minister.

"Since 1975, we have all lamented the sacking of Gough Whitlam," he added.

Other Australian cities haven't yet experienced issues with nomenclature, but the Minister said some rich folks wanted to sort out their property boundaries before the next state election.

Groovy Undercover Cops Issue Offense Notices At Music Festivals

Groovy Undercover Cops...impossible to spot in the crowd!

The 30,000 revellers at last weekend's Festival du Paris in her Hoodie on the Gold Coast Spit couldn't tell if they were having fun or being nabbed for drug possession by groovy undercover cops.

Depending on whether you live in Brisbane or on the Gold Coast, the groovy undercover cops spent their time at the annual dance music festival evicting bikies, making arrests, issuing liquor notices, or expressing happiness at the event's success and remarking on the fantastic behaviour of the crowd.

According to Gold Coast reports, Ambulance Officers were in general agreement that festival goers were well behaved, while in Brisbane everyone hates the missos.

So if you're travelling from Brisbane, be sure to keep in mind that the groovy undercover cops will be out in force at upcoming music festivals this summer. But if you're on the Gold Coast, bring as many ecstasy tablets as you can - it's what makes or breaks a festival - just be sure to drink plenty of H20!

Secularism Is The Answer

'The Atheist Manifesto: The Case Against Christianity, Judaism and Islam' by Michel Onfray:

"At this hour when the final battle--already lost--looms for the defense of the Enlightenment's values aginst magical propositions, we must fight for a post-Christian secularism, that is to say atheistic, militant, and radically opposed to choosing between Western Judeo-Christianity and its Islamic adversary--neither Bible nor Koran. I persist in preferring philosophers to rabbis, priests, imams, ayatollahs, and mullahs, Rather than trust their theological hocus-pocus, I prefer to draw on alternatives to the dominant philosophical historiography: the laughers, materialists, radicals, cynics, hedonists, atheists, sensualists, voluptuaries. They know that there is only one world, and that promotion of an afterlife deprives us of the enjoyment and benefit of the only one there is. A genuinely deadly sin."

2009 Kicks Off With A Bang

every man for himself
no peace in sight
they're dividing the world
and spoiling for a fight

what a great start
to the new year
as we gear up for
more bloodshed and fear

the fighter jets
are crossing the sky
while missiles rain down
and the children cry

cold-hearted reportage
from your ABC
just who calls the shots
in this country?

in other places
the stars had their say
Annie, Alexei,
in the UK

so which of our artists
musicians and writers?
will speak truth to power
yeah, probably Antony Loewenstein again

if only the earth would stand still
for a day
perhaps Keanu
could have his way

Mystery Flowers On The Gold Coast Broadwater

Fury At Gitmo Outrage

Obituaries with Andrew Wrong

The Australian government has declined the generous offer by the fascist US government to clean up, and be an accessory after the fact to, its war crimes and illegal torture and imprisonment of innocent people at Gitmo.

A member of the humiliated and rejected previous Australian government, George Brandis QC, has for some reason been given the time of day to comment on Australia's decision. He said he was "pleased" but it was "preposterous" and "inconceivable."

A Greens person agreed with Malcolm Fraser's suggestion that it would be "acceptable."

Nobody was "furious" and the word "fury" doesn't appear anywhere in this story but, who cares? Everyone knows it isn't a headline unless it contains "fury" and "outrage."

Look out for my scoop PR piece for this year's Earth Hour. I get paid for this!

Optimistic Reflections On Brisbane's Vanished Buildings

Share your memories of Festival Hall, Cloudland, the Bellevue Hotel, Skate Arena and the Victory Hotel

Economic Crisis Sees Housewives Replace Yummy Mummies

The ideal housewife

"My baby takes the morning train
He works from nine till five and then
He takes another home again
To find me waitin' for him"

'9 to 5', Sheena Easton with lyrics by Florrie Palmer [1980]

Hey girls, get your knitting needles out - the era of the backyard abortion is back!

Now that we've economically and culturally reverted to the 1950s, with the added bonus of "sexual emancipation", the patriarchy has returned with a vengeance.

Shocking new data released by the Barefoot And Pregnant Unit of the Ponds Institute has revealed that young women are casting their careers aside and becoming housewives rather than yummy mummies.

Take our poll: Should female "journalists" know their place by writing bogus stories that pander to male egos?

A study headed by Professor Y. F. Bacher shows that young women are reaching for their rolling pins in droves.

"Instead of being yummy mummies, they are now obedient housewives who know their place," he said.

"It's all about authoritarianism, John Howard's white picket fence and dysfunctional nuclear families."

Professor Y.F. Bacher said the rising popularity of sewing, knitting, growing your own vegies and owning your own chickens has nothing to do with the current culture of making do, self-sufficiency or D.I.Y., but everything to do with putting women in their place.

"It's so nice that young, female "journalists" understand their important role in validating this message," he said.

Spring Hill Voice's Summer Holiday Reading Supplement

one year on

yet my anger has amplified
when I should be remembering my mother
her love
special qualities
sacrifices and accomplishments

but I am still blinded with rage
at how she was treated
the suffering she endured
is with me still

no-one said death was meant to be easy
but I lied to friends and relatives
I told them she died peacefully
when she died in agony
her starving body wracked with pain, and her mind confused

no rosy pink glow, fluffy pillows, kindly doctors, singing angels or adequate morphine

certainly no mercy

it was torture
and I cannot forgive, and will never forget

a conveyor belt of experimentation for middle class westerners
the pointless cruelty of a "cancer journey"
unless you consider how it bankrolls the private school education and overseas trips of an exclusive few
not to mention the luxury cars

how many days of dying does it take to turn a profit?

there's a timebomb in our communities
and everyone's buying pink ribbons and watching news bulletins about biotechnology breakthroughs

but someone's rubbing their greedy hands with glee

they're going to make a killing

Happy New Year!

Ben Lee, The PM And Coca-Cola Say: "We're All In This Together"

Southport [31/12/08]

50th Anniversary Of The Cuban Revolution

"The Cuban Revolution was a revolution that led to the overthrow of the dictatorial government of Cuban President General Fulgencio Batista on January 1, 1959 by the 26th of July movement and other revolutionary organizations. The Cuban Revolution also refers to the ongoing implementation of social and economic programs by the new government since the overthrow of the Batista dictatorship, including the implementation of Marxist policies."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuban_Revolution

Jim Kunstler's Forecast For 2009

"...Apart from "cleaning up Dodge," so to speak, and from issues of collective character-and conscience-in-office, I worry that the avalanche of troubles already ongoing will overwhelm Mr. Obama and his people. It's also well worth worrying whether they will pursue policies similar in kind to the ones pursued by Bush, namely throwing money at everything and anything, and it sure looks like they are planning to do just that. I am especially concerned about an "infrastructure stimulus" project aimed at highway improvement at the expense of public transit. This would be the epitome of a campaign to sustain the unsustainable. We need to begin planning right away for a transition away from automobiles, not in order to be good socialists but because Happy Motoring is at the core of our unsustainability trap. The car system is going to fail in manifold ways whether we like it or not, and it will fail due to circumstances already underway. For one thing, it will cease to be democratic as the remnants of the middle class find it impossible to get car loans, or pay for fuel, or insurance, and that will set in motion a very impressive politics-of-grievance setting apart those who are still able to enjoy motoring and those who have been foreclosed from it. Contrary to what you might make of the the current situation in the oil markets, we are in for a heap of trouble with both the price and supply of petroleum (more on this below). And there is no chance in hell that any techno rescue remedy to keep all the cars running by other means will materialize..."

http://jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/

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