Cassowary Statue Slams "Cynical Sunday Media Stunts"

Cassowary statue (and chick), Red Peak Station, Kuranda Skyrail

A Cassowary Statue says today's announcement that the government will contribute to a strategy to save cassowary populations in north Queensland is just another "cynical Sunday media stunt".

At a Community Cabinet meeting today, the Minister for Main Roads discussed special line-marking, rumble strips, education and awareness campaigns for locals and tourists, signage, working together as a community, workshops and road underpasses as ways of protecting the endangered bird.

"For fucks sake," said the Cassowary Statue.

"One weekend these wankers are out there in their fluorescent vests and construction helmets announcing the latest road project or coal mine, while the next weekend they are pretending to care about Queensland's vulnerable wildlife."

The Cassowary Statue said the government would be better off using the $50,000 to commission an artist to create 1,500 cassowary statues like herself, and place them in strategic areas around the Daintree and Mission Beach.

An imaginary spokesperson for The Greens in North Queensland agreed.

"We really are at a tipping point, so perhaps the government could place a moratorium on land clearing for the purpose of building unsustainable housing and roads," he laughed.

"In the meantime. I don't exist. And even if I did, I would give my preferences to the ALP at the next election."

Powerful Forces Unleashed In North Queensland

Barron Falls, Kuranda. The Barron Gorge Hydro-Electricity Power Station has generated electricity since 1935.

As well as the rumblings of a new political party, this week North Queensland saw creeks bursting and rivers and waterfalls thundering from recent rains. Many regions have experienced flooding, and with the full moon on Sunday, coastal areas are anticipating super king tides.

Josephine Falls on Mt Bartle Frere (Queensland's tallest mountain)

Public Notice on the road to Josephine Falls: Application for a Development Permit for Material Change of Use for a "Public Utility" being a 1 ML Water Reservoir and Water Infrastructure located within the boundaries of Wooroonooran National Park. Applicant: Cairns Water (Cairns Regional Council)

Crystal Cascades, Redlynch. Very popular with locals practising their white water rafting.

Mena Creek Falls at Paronella Park. Jose Paronella created his dream castle and exotic gardens adjacent to the falls in the 1930s. He also built North Queensland's first hydro-electric plant here in 1933 (note the control board in the corrogated iron shed).

Cornflakes On The Gold Coast With Renegade, Maverick, Tearaway Senator Barnaby Joyce

From the latest edition of Stuart Robert MP's (member for Fadden) newsletter [23/2/10]:

Barnaby Joyce is a champion for rural communities and small business and believes that representing the people is a privilege.

As a rural banker and accountant he understands the challenges of small business. Barnaby has strong belief in a duty to your nation and community. He was a member of the Army Reserve and a long term member of St Vincent de Paul. He was awarded a Paul Harris Fellowship by Rotary.

In 2008, Barnaby became the Leader of the Nationals in the Senate and since late 2009 is the Shadow Minister for Finance and Debt Reduction.

Date: Tuesday 2 March 2010 Time: 6:45am for 7:00am - 8:30am Location: The Ballroom, Links Hope Island Resort, Hope Island Road, Hope Island RSVP: Friday 26 February 2010

Statement On Changes To Renewable Energy Target

Australian Conservation Foundation [21/2/10]

The Australian Conservation Foundation has welcomed moves to boost incentives for large-scale renewable energy projects and called on the Federal Government to build a strong mix of policies for a clean energy economy.

"Refocusing the renewable energy target on large-scale energy projects will help build a serious clean energy industry and create jobs across Australia," said ACF climate change campaigner Owen Pascoe.

"Incentives for household solar hot water and solar panels should be on top of the existing 20 per cent renewable energy target to encourage the necessary growth in renewable energy at large project and household levels.

"This announcement is a step in the right direction, but we need to see more detail about how these changes will work.

"Australia has great opportunities to take advantage of all the sunshine falling on our rooftops and our massive resources in wind and geothermal power.

"A mix of policies is needed to ensure we develop a strong suite of technologies.

"We need a strong renewable energy target, gross feed in tariffs and a strong price on greenhouse pollution to build a clean energy economy.

"China, the US and Europe are all moving on renewable energy.

"If we are serious about creating clean energy jobs here in Australia we need to get the incentives right.

"A strong price on greenhouse pollution is also essential to make sure coal-fired power doesn't have an unfair advantage."

Eagleby Wetlands [21/2/10]

Fence sitting Magpie Geese and Cormorants

Paperbarks and that weird dome on the mountain

Confluence of the Albert and Logan Rivers and something being pumped into the river

Fishing pontoon (adjacent to Beenleigh waste water plant) closed. Although there were some nice young gentlemen dipping a line -

Hell men!

Gold Coast City Council Responds To Questions Aerial Spraying (See Below)

Last week we asked the Gold Coast City Council some questions about aerial spraying.

Today they responded. The chemical being used is s - methoprene.

According to Council, due to the life cycle of mosquitoes, there is only a window of two days once they identify the right time to spray. Therefore, it is impractical to advise residents when the spraying is going to occur. Weather and other factors may determine the time and day they decide to spray.

You can contact Council if you would like to be on the register of people who are informed by Council about when and where spraying is to occur.

Here are some links to information about s - methoprene:

http://www.pesticideinfo.org/Detail_Chemical.jsp?Rec_Id=PC35905

http://www.who.int/water_sanitation_health/gdwqrevision/methoprene/en/index.html

http://www.epa.gov/oppbppd1/biopesticides/ingredients/factsheets/factsheet_igr.htm

Roads To War

From 'Fascism' by David Downing [2002]:

... Fascism was dictatorial and totalitarian. It did its best to convince its citizens that war was a truly noble endeavour. A tightly controlled media delivered the regime's arguments for aggressive behaviour and no arguments for any other course of action. Many, particularly in Germany, were willing to accept such arguments. Those who disagreed had no way of saying so without putting their lives, and the lives of their families, at risk.

Finally, German fascism was a system built for war. The rearmament programme which helped to pull Germany out of the Great Depression had, by 1936, begun to act as a drag on the economy. Someone had to pay for it. Hitler was left with the choice of either slowing his rearmament programme and effectively giving up hope of overtaking the other great powers, or of accelerating the programme and relying on the spoils of future expansion to pay for it. His nature was aggressive, and so was fascism. It is not surprising that he chose a policy of expansion. ...

Mr Ratty And Sincere Real Estate

Nerang Street Mall, Southport.

Government, Corporate Media And Radio Rupert Announce This Week's Attack On Teaching Profession

"You know Muriel, it wasn't that long ago that teaching students with special needs required a qualification that incorporated extra training- and at a real college or university no less!"

The Queensland Government has confirmed it is in talks with the Ponds Institute's "Extending The Reach Of Neoconservative Principles" Unit, and is considering their 'Everybody Knows Any Old Half Wit Can Be A Teacher' Course.

A spokesperson for the Government said they were consulting with the Ponds Institute, rather than the many academics at Queensland Universities with years of expertise in teaching and educational practice in remote and disadvantaged schools, because it was line with how governance was currently being exacted around the country.

"The 'Everybody Knows Any Old Half Wit Can Be A Teacher' Course has the added advantage of sending a strong message from the Government to the citizens of Queenslanders," he said.

"And that message is: UP YOURS!"

The Ponds Institute's Candy-Sue Winkler, who developed the 'Everybody Knows Any Old Half Wit Can Be A Teacher' course, said she was confident no-one would question the efficacy of the course, and that any experts in the field would not get their contrary points of view heard in the media.

"We ahl know that when you privatahse thangs you ahlways git thah behast reesahlts fah citizens," she said.

"Will You Just Hurry Up And Breed Before You Turn Into A Dried Up Old Hag?" Test To Help Australian Couples Plan Families

Tick, tock, biological clock ... what this planet needs is more people who drive around with stick family stickers on their cars

"... The need inside you
I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya
Baby, do you feel it growin'? ..."

'(You're) Having My Baby', Paul Anka [1974]

A new test developed by the Ponds Institute's Species Deceases Unit is set to revolutionise reproduction in Australia.

The test - nicknamed the "Will You Just Hurry Up And Breed Before You Turn Into A Dried Up Old Hag?"- was developed by Professor Panic, who says it will allow couples to plan how many stick figure stickers they will need for the back window of their four-wheel-drives.

"I cannot strezz how important it eez to foster anxiety amongst ze population and bombard zem vith ze announcement of various tests, screening programmes and avareness," he said.

"Zis must be done on a veekly basis, or iv possible every couple of dayz."

Professor Panic said the "Will You Just Hurry Up And Breed Before You Turn Into A Dried Up Old Hag?" test would be especially helpful to young women, lest the fear of ending up all horrible and hateful and childless was not first and foremost on their minds.

The "Will You Just Hurry Up And Breed Before You Turn Into A Dried Up Old Hag?" test was made possible from huge amounts of funding by the mega-pharmaceutical and populate or perish lobbies, so they should be taken very very seriously because credibility is everything. And these people have the best credibility money can buy.

"We're waiting for you, Dr. Harris"

... Dr. Susan Wheeler: You did it.

Dr. George A. Harris: No decision is easy, Sue. It only looks that way when you're young. When you're older, everything is complicated. There is no black and white, only gray. ...

Directed by Michael Crichton, 'Coma' is a 1978 film based on the novel of the same name by Robin Cook.

2010 Is An Election Year:

Do You Want A Cruise Ship Terminal On The Gold Coast Spit?

Marine Stadium (Bum's Bay) and seagulls, western side of The Spit.

A recent email to supporters of the 'Friends of Federation Walk' (who over the past few years have received several thousand dollars worth of government grants to protect the eastern side of The Spit) includes a Ranger's Report:

Well we are certainly moving along in 2010! We have some fantastic new projects on site this year which will have positive impacts for Federation Walk and the participants undertaking the program. Contract work is progressing well with successful management of the weeds impacting the site. The watering program is also resuming - which will improve the survival rate of stems planted on site. All the best for 2010 to everyone involved at Federation Walk - let's make it a great year with many personal and environmental achievements!

Jan 2010 update o 2 * Green Army teams (22 team members, 2 supervisors) on-ground for 6 mth initial works

o Irrigation system extension and resumption of watering program
o Pathway upgrades including maintenance and installation of drainage to reduce erosion impacts
o Propagation of groundlayer dune cuttings from site for use in future planting sites
o Ampitheatre works progressing
o Faunal (grasshopper) monitoring in place
o Container tool storage improvements

Green Army program

Team 1:
o Weed management works
o Revegetation works
o Irrigation installation
o Site maintenance (supplementary fertilizing, removal of gro-bags etc)
o Watering program
o Propagation of native groundlayer species
o Pathway maintenance
o Pathway edging
o Rubbish removal

Team 2:
o Weed management works
o Revegetation works
o Pathway maintenance
o Drainage improvements on pathways
o Aggregate pathway installation
o Edge plantings
o Fencing works
o Roadside maintenance (brushcutting)
o Pathway edging
o Management of dead standing she-oaks

This is great news, but where is the government funding and "Green Army Teams" for the western side of The Spit?

Why is the western side of The Spit so neglected, and why have Gold Coast politicians seemingly abandoned it?

If you care about this precious part of the Gold Coast, which is currently being trashed to oblivion on a daily basis (see below), you might want to ask your candidates what they are going to do about it.

Are there plans for the western side of The Spit that people of the Gold Coast aren't being told about?

Harvey 'Big Daddy' Pollitt: There ain't nuthin' more powerful than the smell of mendacity!

'Cat On A Hot Tin Roof' by Tennessee Williams [1955]

A Question For The Gold Coast City Council

Buried in yet another an irresponsible Gold Coast Bulletin beatup bullshit story [19/2/10] about rampaging creatures was this:

... The Gold Coast City Council is planning aerial spraying of areas around Helensvale at the weekend ...

So we've asked Council this:

According to the Murdoch press, Council is conducting aerial spraying of mosquitoes at Helensvale this weekend.

Could you please advise the chemicals being used, the area to be sprayed and if Council has taken any steps to let residents know?

Thanks,

 

... But we billions of people
are also a growing horde
devouring
and polluting
the magnificent biosphere

that keeps us. ...

'Earth' by Bob Brown [2009]

 

News From The True Food Network

Australians don't trust GM foods: new survey [12/2/10]

With news coming in from India that Monsanto has given 'fake scientific data' to regulators, a new survey shows most Australians reject GE foods and don't trust the institutions that commercialise them.

Food is an everyday passion for many Australians. At the very least, it's an everyday essential. This is why increasing numbers of people are willing to get active to defend it from big companies like Monsanto, which is trying to own 'the rights' to so many of our daily food crops.

A survey released last week by Swinburne University has found, for the sixth year in a row, that consumers don't trust genetically engineered (GE) foods. The main reason? They don't trust the companies and institutions that commercialise and profit from them. ...

Photo Essay: Whoring On The Gold Coast Highway [18/2/10]

It's Just Not Cricket

A James Hopes figurine found discarded in Len Fox Park (adjacent to Labrador KFC)

Sports Tonight's Nathan Templeton interviews Mitchell Johnston at the Jockey Myer launch

Why?

Former Australian cricketer Dean Jones has turned down an offer to run for the Liberal Party at the next federal election.

Jones was approached last year to stand in McEwen, a knife-edge Victorian seat being vacated by Liberal MP Fran Bailey.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott confirmed the offer on Fairfax Radio today. ...

Rudd Maternity Plan Dictates Women's Birth Choices:

Greens Media Release [18/2/10]

At a community protest held today outside the federal Minister for Women Tanya Plibersek's office, Greens MP and health spokesperson Lee Rhiannon criticised the Rudd Government's decision to give doctors veto over the rights of midwives to practice, calling it a retrograde step that removes a woman's right to self-determination in childbirth.

"Prime Minister Kevin Rudd should not be dictating to women how they can give birth," Ms Rhiannon said.

"The federal government has bowed to the pressure of doctor interest groups that have shown no interest in reducing an interventionist approach to maternity care.

"Women are deservedly angry with Kevin Rudd for bowing to the doctor's agenda and daring to dictate how and when women can give birth.

"It is a disgrace that Australian women can choose to have a caesarean but not a homebirth.

"The government's amendments to the midwives legislation give doctors too much control over midwives practice."

Greens Senator and national health spokesperson Rachel Siewert has opposed the Midwives Bills.

She moved a Minority Report to the Senate Inquiry into this issue to highlight women's right to chose to give birth outside the hospital system.

"If the government pushes ahead with its planned amendments homebirth will be hard hit as midwives would no longer gain access to Medicare, the pharmaceutical benefits scheme or insurance coverage without entering into an arrangement with a doctor.

"Many Australian women who choose to give birth outside the hospital system will now be denied the right to choose primary midwifery care.

"Women who choose their own midwife at hospital or at home are being stripped of their basic rights to informed consent. They are being forced to give a doctor the final say in their care.

"The AMA has unduly influenced the government's decision by making exaggerated claims about the relative safety of planned home births, which actually compare favourably with planned hospital births.

"Several inquiries have generated thousands of submissions from women demanding their right to self-determination in their maternity health care, but their voices are falling on deaf ears.

"Women should have the final say in their childbirth choices," Ms Rhiannon said.

Conclusive Proof: Tutankhamun Bored To Death

Tutankhamun: No yummy mummy

Scientists have revealed they now know how Tutankhamun died.

New Hyroglyphic Reconstruction Technology from the dodgy news unit of the Ponds Institute's Egyptology Department has been exclusively leaked to 'Spring Hill Voice'.

We could disclose the convoluted interlinking of various dodgy "news", "PR", "Ostensibly Independent" and "Arguably Credible" players and institutions behind such an enormously important historical development. But we won't, instead we'll bring you this lazy but uselessly uninformative excuse for "journalism".

The Hyroglyphic Reconstruction Technology allows highly credulous researchers to reconstruct, or fabricate if you prefer, a very specific video re-construction of Things Which May Have Happened (T.W.M.H.H.).

Following a detailed analysis of T.W.M.H.H, paid researchers agreed to compile "historic" computer created video footage of the Egyptian ruler.

The multi-billion dollar result was unique footage from media conferences and speeches given by the Egyptian boy king before he died.

Researchers have concluded he was bored.

Further tests reveal Tutankhamun to be a very useful symbol to wheel out when things are looking a bit wobbly, and in addition he is good PR for DNA testing.

Medical historian Dr Pars Tense says that in the video footage Tutankhamun says: "God I'm bored", while a group of snivelling sychophants and bum lickers anxiously bustle about.

"It iz clehah zat in ze final dayz of hiz life King Tut vas rahza disilluzhion vith ze political prozezz," he said.

"The Boredom That Killed A Pharoah" is available from JB High Five, Dimwits, EssBS Crap On-Line and all pirate file-sharing websites (for free) in February.

Queensland Signs Off On S.T.U.P.I.D. Cards

One of the "S.T.U.P.I.D." cards

By the end of this year, Queenslanders will be issued with a card which proves once and for all how gullible they really are.

The Security Transport Universal Public Identifying Device (S.T.U.P.I.D.) card is embedded with a micro chip, which is so technologically advanced, it has the ability to do things such as automatically deduct fines for jaywalking and traffic offences from the card bearer's bank account.

The micro-chip can also be enabled to tally up frequent flyer points, monitor bowel movements, emit a loud beep when the card bearer has an incorrect thought and release an electric shock when the card bearer uses public transport.

The S.T.U.P.I.D. cards have been six years in the planning because it has taken that long for the state's legislators to find the right time to introduce them.

"Conditions right now are are perfect," said a S.T.U.P.I.D. spokesperson.

"Queenslanders have had over twenty years of mono-media and around about the same exposure to neocon propaganda, so we feel they will be very accepting of the S.T.U.P.I.D. card."

The S.T.U.P.I.D. cards will feature a PIN number which the authorities can use to access all manner of personal data.

"The authorities will certainly not misuse this data," said the S.T.U.P.I.D. spokesperson.

"And quite frankly, if you don't do anything wrong you won't have anything to worry about."

"Stop Calling Me Names!": Saggy Baggy Elephant

"Back off Tigger! It is is YOU who has identity issues"

"... Why do willows weep said he?
Because they're dying gradually
From the waste from the factories
Down by the river ..."

'Down By The River', Albert Hammond [1972]

The Saggy Baggy Elephant says recent requests for the public to help give her a new name are "bogus", "crap" and she is "furious" she wasn't consulted beforehand.

"Stop calling me names!" she said at a press conference at the Melbourne Zoo this morning.

"How dare you all denigrate me and reduce my existence to that of a mere curio."

The Saggy Baggy Elephant said she wouldn't settle for anything less than being released and allowed to go to the Jolly Jungle.

"I don't care whether Premier Bumble says I am cute, he can't use me as a distraction any more," she said.

"I have been in touch with the Tawny Scrawny Lion, and he has offered his 100% support."

Many years ago, the Tawny Scrawny Lion was able to secure the release of Baby Brown Bear in a daring escape through the Cavetown Tunnel.

It is not known if subversive childrens' characters the Poky Little Puppy and the Shy Little Kitten were involved in the escape as they can only go "woof" and "meow".

Vincent

"My father was right. It did not matter how much I lied on my resume. My real resume was in my cells. Why should anybody invest all that money to train me when there were a thousand other applicants with a far cleaner profile? Of course, it's illegal to discriminate, 'genoism' it's called. But no one takes the law seriously. If you refuse to disclose, they can always take a sample from a door handle or a handshake, even the saliva on your application form. If in doubt, a legal drug test can just as easily become an illegal peek at your future in the company."

'Gattaca' is a science fiction drama film written and directed by Andrew Niccol and produced by Danny DeVito. In 1997 it was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Art Direction — Set Decoration.

SEQ - The State We're In!

A forum on how to achieve a sustainable population
Stop Squeezing the Life out of South East Queensland!
Steps to a Stable and Healthy Future

A Public Forum at The Queensland Museum Theatre, South Bank
Saturday 13th March, 8:30am – 12.30pm

“We have exceeded critical mass and achieved a critical mess.” Lavinia Wood

In this forum our expert presenters will explain how you can make all levels of government cooperate to solve the problems of South East Queensland’s unsustainable population growth.

If the population of SEQ continues growing as projected it will expand from 2.8 million to 4.4 million people by 2031. To accommodate this rapid growth 754,000 new dwellings will be required. Extensive areas of farmland, open space and bushland will be lost.

Congested roads, crowded beaches and a degraded environment will be the norm. Health and education systems will continue to falter while water and energy will become scarcer and more costly.

Unchecked SEQ will have 17 million residents by 2100

Master of Ceremonies:

Professor Tor Hundloe Faculty of Business, Technology and Sustainable Development, Bond University

Speakers:

Kelvin Thomson MP Member for Wills, Victoria
Mark O’Connor Poet and Author of ‘Overloading Australia’
Lavinia Wood Community Alliance for Responsible Planning
Cr. Debra Henry Councillor, Redland City Council
Lois Levy Gecko - Gold Coast & Hinterland Environment Council
Dr Jane O’Sullivan Academic, Sustainable Population Australia

Cost: $10 per person

Will Europe Throw Out Goldman Sachs?

Ilargi from 'The Automatic Earth' writes [15/2/10]:

Talking to friends over the weekend about the revelations of Goldman Sachs involvement in Greek "fantasy accounting", I said the EU should throw Goldman out and refuse to do any further business with the bank, but that I didn't think they would given Goldman's power in the financial markets. Late last night, former IMF man Simon Johnson wrote that he thinks the EU will indeed ban Goldman. Well, it would certainly would be a good step. Don't kick Greece out of the EU, but Goldman Sachs.

Even with the little information we have so far (Johnson suggests a long list of questions to gather more evidence), it's obvious that there should be enough reason to take measures. For instance, Goldman made some $300 million over a short period of time setting up swaps constructions intended to fool Europe -and investors- about Greece's real financial situation, and it continued such efforts as late in the game as three months ago. It's all certainly immoral, if not downright illegal. Buyers of Greek sovereign debt, just to name a party, certainly have the beginnings of a case against Goldman. ...

School

From Chapter 2, 'What's Your Problem?' by Bali Rai [2003]:

It was sunny and warm the following morning, as I waited for the school bus. There was a special service that took the pupils from our village to the school in a nearby town.

Although the sun was warm and the sky was blue, I was feeling less than happy. The threatening letter was on my mind and I was worried about what was going to happen when I got to my new school. Two younger kids were also waiting for the bus. They ignored me. They were busy arguing over a computer game that one of them had 'borrowed' from the other and forgotten to give back.

Across the road my dad had already been open for two hours. I could see him through the window, checking stock and moving things around. Every now and then people walked in and bought newspapers and cigarettes and stuff.

I didn't want to go to school. I wanted to help Dad out instead. Make sure that he didn't get any more grief from the locals. And I didn't want to be reminded of my old school and my old friends. I knew that as soon as I stepped into my new school, memories of my old life would come flooding back into my head and make me feel even more homesick.

At last, the bus pulled up and the doors whined open. I let the other two get on first, hoping there would still be empty seats. But they were nearly all full, As I climbed aboard, I felt that everyone was staring at me, like I had two heads or something.

I turned and looked down the bus. Most people were now looking down or out of the window. Some of the pupils started to chat again, but a gang of lads at the back just sat and stared at me. I looked for a spare seat and saw one, halfway down the bus, beside a girl with red hair and glasses. I walked towards her and asked her if the seat was free. She looked at me and smiled. I felt a bit better. I sat down and thanked the girl.

"No prob," she smiled, "I'm Katie."

"Hi, I'm Jas," I replied, smiling back, and thinking that she had a very pretty smile.

Behind us I heard some of the boys snigger and then someone coughed and mumbled something under his breath.

"Sorry, Cutler - what was that you were sayin'?" a clearer voice added.

"It's a shame that them effing Pakis can't stay in their own country," the boy called Cutler said much louder.

"Oh right. I thought you were saying there were too many Pakis on this bus."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my legs felt like all the blood had left them. I started to clench and unclench my fists. The girl sitting next to me, Katie, put her hand on my leg.

"Take no notice," she whispered. "They're just trying to wind you up."

I didn't say a word, but I was fuming. The lads at the back just went on sniggering.

"Hey, Steggsy - maybe we could help send 'em back 'ome," said another voice. So it went on all the way to school. As they stormed off the bus, the biggest one came up to me.

"A'right, darkie?" he said, sneering at me. "I'm Steggsy - we'll be seein' a lot of each other ..." And he left the bus. I was so angry that I didn't want to get off the bus. I just sat there, staring out of the window. In the end the bus driver came up and told me that I had to get off. I just looked at him. ...

"Ball Gazing Test" Raises Deregulation Fears

"I can zee zat ze future for your ballz lookz exzeellent. Are you married? I zink ve should get married and zen you should buy ze most expensive life insuranze package zat iz on offerz?" : Madame Celeste

An insurance provider's plans to offer a "Ball Gazing Test" to a number of its customers has raised fears that there is not enough deregulation in Australia's economy.

The Buy Insurance Now (B.I.N.) company has secured the services of renowned fortune teller Madame Celeste, whose "Ball Gazing Test" can predict the future for your balls.

"I can help ze people manage zere ballz by peering into ze future to ze if you ballz vill stay approximately ze same, or if zey vill shrink, get hairier or even if zay are going to drop off," she said.

"Ov courze I have gazed into my crystal ball and I can confirm zat zere is no vay zat my ballz predictionz vill be misuzed."

But concerns have been raised that the mere existence of the "Ball Gazing Test" proves Australia needs to expand the deregulation of its economy more aggressively.

The Assocation for Advancing less Regulation Soon (A.A.R.S) says the government must act quickly to allow private health operators and insurance providers to run more of Australia's health system.

While many Australians might be cynical about the "Ball Gazing Test", a spokesperson for B.I.N. explained that the company's priorities were not just about making money.

"Our vision for health care in Australia is one where ultimately we won't have to provide any health care at all," he said.

"Any suggestion to the contrary we find outrageous and offensive."

Community Group Gets Federal Government Landcare Grant To Rehabilitate Letitia Spit, Fingal

The February 7 -13 issue of the 'Tweed Weekly' reports:

...The Madhima Gulgan Community Association, one of four Tweed groups receiving funding through Round 1 of the Community Action Grants, is working to curb the degradation of saltmarsh and tidal shorebird roosting sites.

Its grant [$18,181.82] will fund works along a 1.5 km stretch of Aboriginal land, including fencing to restrict access for unauthorised vehicles to stop the repeated dumping and arson of stolen cars.

Fire from burning cars has escaped into the adjacent Banksia woodland and burnt out areas of coastal bushland.

The works would also prevent unauthorised four-wheel-drive activities. The site was recently restored by the Madhima team with weed control and planting, enhancing its diversity of plant communities including grassland, Banksia and eucalypt woodland, saltmarsh and tidal flats. Additional planting will restore the site to its natural state. ...

Here are some snaps we took at Letitia Spit early last month - as you can see, the Madhima Gulgan Community Association have their work cut out for them:

So what's happening with the Gold Coast spit? Well, as we reported last December ('Copenhagen Metaphor'), since 2000 the Friends of Federation Walk have done a marvellous job replanting and protecting the area between The Seaway and Marina Mirage on the eastern side of The Spit.

They've used their Premiers Department grant [$75,000.00] wisely.

Unfortunately the western side of The Spit has been neglected (as the photos below illustrate).

For some reason, Gold Coast politicians give that part of The Spit a wide berth, unless they're visiting Seaworld or the various other businesses on Sea World Drive, although we do understand one Gold Coast City Councillor has nominated The Spit as a priority area for this year's Clean Up Australia Day.

An email received last week from the 'Save Our Spit' group might explain why most of our politicans stay well clear of any notion that urgent action needs to be taken to save the environment on the western side of The Spit:

It seems that politicians dipping their pinkies into the water re cruise ships and The Spit just won't go away... At least not until we all (once again) politely tell them to! SOSA needs your help to pass on the message to Mr Steven Ciobo, the local federal member. He has recently sent out a survey. Fair enough. But unfortunately, he again asks the question: Do you want a cruise ship terminal on The Spit, the Broadwater or neither? Hands up for the answer! Err umm... Please add your voice by: 1/ responding to the survey with a very big RE CRUISE SHIP LOCATION - NEITHER; or 2/ if you didn't get one, emailing a very big RE CRUISE SHIP LOCATION - NEITHER to Mr Ciobo at steven.ciobo.mp@aph.gov.au

Thank you most sincerely from The Spit and the Broadwater! A very happy and safe 2010 to you all! With best wishes, SOSA Committee Still here…still watching... seeing it through... www.SaveOurSpit.com

The Muthafuckin' Tar Sands

From Jess Worth's story in the November 2009 issue of 'New Internationalist':

The extraction of oil from tar sands is perhaps the most ecologically insane idea on the planet. As traditional wells begin to run dry, the oil transnationals are turning to sources that are much more expensive to extract and exponentially more polluting. Canada's tar sands are by far the biggest of these, containing almost as much oil as Saudi Arabia. Millions of barrels already being extracted in Alberta, creating lakes of toxic waste so huge that they are visible from space.

Outside of Canada, very few people have heard of the tar sands. But in August four First Nations representatives from Canada travelled to Britian to participate in the London climate camp - the country's biggest annual gathering of climate activists. Organized by the Indigenous Envrionmental network and supported by the New Internationalist, the group's main aim was to internationalize the campaign for a complete tar sands moratorium.

Lionel Lepine, a young father from Fort Chipewyan, the Indigenous community known as 'ground zero' because of its location downstream from this toxic timebomb, left Canada for the first time to make the trip. 'I'm here because the tar sands are having such devastating effects on our environment and communities,' he explained. 'This project is destroying our ancient forests, spreading open-pit mining across our territories, contaminating our food and water, disrupting local wildlife and threatening our entire way of life.'

Another of the visitors was George Poitras, former chief of Mikisew Cree First Nation. 'We are seeing a terrifyingly high rate of cancer in Fort Chipewyan,' he revealed. 'We are convinced that these cancers are linked to the tar sands development on our doorstep. It is shortening our lives. That's why we no longer call it "dirty oil" but "bloody oil".'

But the tar sands are also a global problem. The largest industrial project in the world is also the dirtiest. Tar sands produce more than three times as much CO2 per barrel as conventional oil, and the extraction process uses as much natural gas in a day as could heat 3.2 million Canadian homes for a year. And there's enough of this filthy stuff to push us over the edge into climate disaster. As a result, the delegation argued, it should be everyone's concern.

The trip highlighted the fact that tar sands exploitation, although happening in Canada, is largely being driven from London's financial Square Mile. Shell is heavily committed, and BP took a significant stake in 2007. Both are financially backed by British pension funds and investment banks such as Royal Bank of Scotland, prompting this new partnership between First Nations and British campaigners. ...

Art Exhibition Reflects Devastation And Ongoing Impacts Of Longwall Coal Mining

What: NSW Greens MP Lee Rhiannon opening Longwall Mining Art Installation by Ingrid Dernee reflecting the devastation and ongoing impacts of longwall coal mining.

When: 6pm-8pm, Thursday 18 February 2010

Where: ESP. Gallery, 228 Illawarra Road, Marrickville

Greens MP and Mining spokesperson Lee Rhiannon said:

"Art has long been an effective form of political protest, bringing sensitive issues to the public's attention in a manner that engages people on a number of levels.

"Through subsidence, longwall mining results in cracked riverbeds, falling cliff faces and disappearing aquifers. Seven major rivers and numerous creeks in NSW have been permanently damaged by mining operations which have been allowed to go too close to, or under, riverbeds.

"This installation by Ingrid Dernee is a reminder of why the fight against longwall mining is so important, and highlights the continuing impacts of coal as a major contributor to climate change."

For more information about the exhibition:

http://www.esprojects.com.au/esp-gallery/

For more information about longwall mining:

http://nonewcoal.greens.org.au/coal/techniques/longwall-mining

"All My Gay Friends Are Gay": Springboard

… So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily
And the morning when he work, all I left him was a note
I told him I am the flower you are the seed, we walked in the garden we planted a seed…

'All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You', composed by Robert John "Mutt" Lange and recorded by Heart [1990]

The Deputy Opposition Springboard has declared that he probably has more gay friends than the government, and that they are all gay.

"All my gay friends are gay," he said.

The Deputy Opposition Springboard went on to explain that nobody has a monopoly on gay, especially gays who get to appear on Radio Rupert in their rectangular-framed glasses.

"It's not just socialist, communist, inner-city trendies who are gay. Haven't you seen 'Brokeback Mountain'? A lot of uptight, stiff-collared rural folks are gay you know," he said.

"And all my gay journalist friends are gay as well. Where do you think the idea for that beefcake ironing shot came from?"

Meanwhile, those in government have not yet revealed if they too have gay friends who are gay.

Insiders say this is all just a useless distraction and in fact the Surrogacy legislation is totally gay.

House Of Representatives Debate On The Crimes Legislation Amendment (Torture Prohibition and Death Penalty Abolition) Bill 2009

House of Representatives Hansard [11/2/10]:

... Ms PARKE (Fremantle) (1.57 pm)-In November last year I was in my parliamentary office to prepare my speech in support of this important legislation, the Crimes Legislation Amendment (Torture Prohibition and Death Penalty Abolition) Bill 2009, which imports into Australian domestic law the principles contained in the United Nations Convention Against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment-an instrument that Australia has been a party to since 1989-and the provisions of the second optional protocol to the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, aiming at the abolition of the death penalty. While I was in the office that day the mail was delivered. Among the envelopes addressed to me was a handwritten one with stamps indicating it had been sent from Indonesia. I opened the envelope to find inside a Christmas card. The card was from Scott Rush, one of the young Australians on death row in Indonesia.

He wrote:

Kerobokan Prison
18 November 2009

Dear Ms Parke

Peace be with you this Christmas. I thank you for all you have done for me again this year.

God bless.

Scott Rush

Despite all this young man is going through, he had the presence of mind and the kindness to write this lovely card. This bill is for Scott and those imprisoned with him on death row, whatever their nationality and whatever their crime. This bill is for all those who have gone before them for whom it is too late. As noted by renowned anti-death penalty campaigner and author of Dead Man Walking and The Death of Innocents, Sister Helen Prejean:

The practice of the death penalty is the practice of torture. By the time people I have been with finally climb into the chair to be killed, they have died a thousand times already because of their anticipation of the final horror.

By this bill we as a nation fundamentally repudiate the death penalty and the use of torture. We repudiate these acts in keeping with our international obligations. We repudiate them explicitly in the form of Commonwealth law as one of the highest statements of our common values and convictions. It is an affront to human dignity whenever a fellow human being is tortured or put to death. By this law we clearly say that the state shall not put individuals to death and that the state shall not in any circumstances practise torture. I commend the Attorney-General for his work in preparing this bill. Australia has taken significant steps under this Labor government to re-engage with the international community. As the Attorney-General has noted, the United Nations Committee against Torture recommended that Australia enact a specific offence of torture at the federal level. Torture is any act by which severe pain or suffering is intentionally inflicted upon a person by a public official for certain purposes such as obtaining information -

The SPEAKER-Order! It being 2 pm, the debate is interrupted in accordance with standing order 97. The debate may be resumed at a later hour and the member for Fremantle will have leave to continue speaking when the debate is resumed. ...

Mommy Dearest

'The Handmaid's Tale' by Margaret Atwood [1985]:

... The van stops, the back doors are opened, the Guardian herds us out. At the front door stands another Guardian, with one of those snubby machine guns slung over his shoulder. We file towards the front door, in the drizzle, the Guardians saluting. The big Emerge van, the one with the machines and the mobile doctors, is parked farther along the circular drive. I see one of the doctors looking out of the window of the van. I wonder what they do in there, waiting. Play cards, most likely, or read; some masculine pursuit. Most of the time they aren't needed at all; they're only allowed in if it can't be helped.

It used to be different, they used to be in charge. A shame it was, said Aunt Lydia. Shameful. What she'd just showed us was a film, made in an olden-days hospital: a pregnant woman, wired up to a machine, electrodes coming out of her every which way so that she looked like a broken robot, an intravenous drip feeding into her arm. Some man with a searchlight looking up between her legs, where she's been shaved, a mere beardless girl, a trayful of bright sterilized knives, everyone with masks on. A cooperative patient. Once they drugged women, induced labor, cut them open, sewed them up. No more. No anesthetics, even. Aunt Elizabeth said it was better for the baby, but also: I will greatly multiply thy sorry and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. At lunch we got that, brown bread and lettuce sandwiches.

As I'm going up the steps, wide steps, wide steps with a stone urn on either side - Ofwarren's Commander must be higher status than ours - I hear another siren. It's the blue Birthmobile, for Wives. That will be Serena Joy, arriving in state. No benches for them, they get real seats, upholstery. They face front and are not curtained off. They know where they're going.

Probably Serena Joy has been here before, to this house, for tea. Probably Ofwarren, formerly that whiny bitch Janine, was paraded out in front of her, her and the other Wives, so they could see her belly, feel it perhaps and congratulate the Wife. A strong girl, good muscles. No Agent Orange in her family, we checked the records, you can never be too careful. And perhaps one of the kinder ones: Would you like a cookie, dear?

Oh no, you'll spoil her, too much sugar is bad for them.

Surely one won't hurt, just this once, Mildred.

And sucky Janine: Oh yes, can I, ma'am, please?

Such a, so well behaved, not like some of them do their job and that's that. More like a daughter to you, as you might say. One of the family. Comfortably matronly chuckles. That's all dear, you can go back to your room.

And after she's gone: Little whores, all of them, but still, you can't be choosy. You take what they hand out, right girls? That from the Commander's Wife, mine. ...

The Release of the Industry Taskforce Report on Peak Oil and Energy Security (ITPOES)

Erica Thompson's post on the ITPOES report launch on 'The Oil Drum' [10/2/10]:

Today's (10th Feb 2010) launch of the second report of the Industry Taskforce on Peak Oil and Energy Security (ITPOES) was rather more high-profile than the previous one. After summaries of the report from other contributors, Richard Branson arrived late to read out a short speech and media interest (informally measured by the rate of camera flashes) picked up; we can expect a scattering of news stories about the report to follow, in the usual places.

As we reach maximum oil extraction rates, the era of cheap oil is behind us. We must plan for a world in which oil prices are likely to be both higher and more volatile and where oil price shocks have the potential to destabilise economic, political and social activity. Our message to government and businesses is clear. Act now. ...

Parnell: Labor's $10K Donation From 'Monopoly' WorkCover Provider

Greens Media Release [12/2/10]

Greens MLC Mark Parnell has called for a scrapping of monopoly outsourcing of claims management for injured workers, in response to the release of the Parliament's Statutory Authorities Review Committee inquiry into WorkCover.

"The Greens have been saying for a number of years now that the outsourcing of WorkCover's claims management is a failed experiment, and must be reversed," said Greens MLC Mark Parnell.

"Until WorkCover fixes up the poor management of injured workers, it will never get out of its financial mess," he said.

In 2006, WorkCover CEO Julia Davison, when announcing the appointment of Employers Mutual Limited (EML) as WorkCover's sole outsourced claim agent, promised the new arrangement would cut claims liability 'by up to $100 million a year after only two years'.

In 2008/09, Employers Mutual Limited gave a $10,000 donation to the SA Labor Party.

"WorkCover promised the unfunded liability would drop after outsourcing to EML. Instead, it's only continued to climb," said Mr Parnell.

"No amount of money donated to Labor should stop them being stripped of their monopoly claims management contract.

"WorkCover can no longer outsource this essential responsibility. The Greens call on WorkCover to take back claims management, and ensure there is a much greater focus on retaining and re-equipping of workers to enable them to return to productive work as quickly as possible.

"Ensuring a safe return to work for injured workers is a core WorkCover function, not an add-on," he said.

Government Must Reform 457 Visa Scheme:

Greens Media Release [12/2/10]

Greens MP and industrial relations spokesperson Lee Rhiannon, commenting on the Rudd government's refusal to reform the controversial 457 visa scheme for temporary overseas workers, said the result will be further deskilling of the local workforce and abuses of overseas employees. ('Union takes on Labor over foreigners,' page 1 SMH, tiny.cc/cM47J)

"The Rudd Government's passion for free trade at all cost is resulting in the 457 visa scheme for temporary foreign workers undermining local working conditions and leaving overseas workers more vulnerable to threats of deportation," Ms Rhiannon said.

"The Greens congratulate the CFMEU for its exposure of Federal Labor's failure to reform the 457 visa scheme which Howard modified in 2001 by dropping the requirement for labor market testing.

"Last year Prime Minister Rudd used a 7,000 word essay to attack neo-liberalism. But the real story is that free trade agreements are the back-bone of neo-liberalism and Federal Labor's passion for them is hurting local workers.

"Unions and the Greens supported this scheme when it required employers to give preference to Australian workers before bringing in overseas workers.

"The removal of the labor market testing requirement has serious implications for Australia's labour conditions.

"The 457 visa scheme should have been carefully directed to industries and services where there was a genuine skills shortage. Too often the scheme is abused by unscrupulous employers after a quick profit.

"The current scheme, which abandons labour market testing, legitimises many of the appalling practices that some companies have used to exploit overseas workers and avoid employing locals.

"The 457 scheme hurts both Australian workers and developing economies. By setting the bar so low, overseas countries, often developing countries, lose their precious skilled labour and young workers in Australia lose their chance for skills development.

"One of the banes of scheme is it ties vulnerable overseas workers to a single employer. If they lose their job they often lose their right to stay in the country. This leaves overseas workers open to abuse and often unwilling to stand up for rights local workers insist on.

"With employers no longer having to test the labour market before bringing in overseas workers, the 457 visa scheme has become a substitute for local skills development.

"It is time the federal government reintroduced labour market testing, mandatory payment of market rates and employment of 457 visa workers on collective agreements," Ms Rhiannon said.

World In Valentines Day Shock As Clinton Revealed To Have A Heart

" ... I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental
Regarding Love and Art. ... "

'If I Only Had a Heart', from the soundtrack to 'The Wizard Of Oz' [1939]

In the lead up to Valentines Day, the world is in shock following revelations that the 42nd President of the United States actually has a heart.

A statement from Mr Clinton's office says he was discovered to have a heart when it purportedly started to break.

The world was convinced Mr Clinton didn't have a heart because although he presented himself as a compassionate lefty, during his Presidency he oversaw the expansion of U.S. imperialism and its attendant bloodshed and brutality throughout the world.

And when he said: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman", many women around the world were adament there was absolutely no possibility a heart could be beating in his chest.

Having had his heart bypassed six years ago, Mr Clinton, 63, is expected to make a full recovery.

A spokesman for the former President says he is already focussing on getting back to facilitating disaster capitalism in loser countries.

Mr Clinton's wife, the U.S. Secretary of State, is yet to reveal if she has a heart too.

Things The ABC's Managing Director Is Looking Into

From Senate Environment, Communications and the Arts Legislation Committee Hansard [8/2/10]:

... Senator BOB BROWN-Thanks. About the last election, following up on Media Monitors coverage or analysis of that and the study by Dr Sally Young from the University of Melbourne, the Greens got 3.9 per cent share of voice coverage on TV and some eight or nine per cent of the vote. Do you know why that shortfall occurred in the election campaign? The ABC is the paragon and cannot be perfect but-

Mr Scott-No, thank you, Senator. Again let me take that on notice. We are currently reviewing a couple of things; firstly the way we allocate free time, consultations are taking place with the parties at the moment around that, and we continue to look at how we cover election campaigns. I think that stopwatch driven metric, is not always the best measure of the coverage of campaigns. You may have a politician who has been grilled for 20 minutes in a somewhat difficult and demanding interview, so they have clocked up 20 minutes and it comes on the chart like that, but they may not think and the audience may not think that that was a positive experience for them, necessarily. So there are limits to that kind of stopwatch driven analysis.

I would also suggest that as far as the Greens are concerned, yes, it is how many times your candidates were on air being discussed but there would also be issues around how much the issues that are of concern to you and your voters are being discussed. So it is a complex issue, I think, weighing up share-of-voice issues around election campaigns. That figure you put to me today is one figure on that, and I can come back to you with more detail if you can put the question on notice, Senator.

Senator BOB BROWN-Share of voice is a pretty direct measure of coverage-good or bad, I agree. But, when it got to Lateline, The 7.30 Report and Insiders in particular, it fell to 2.3 per cent. Have you have got any explanation for that?

Mr Scott-Let me consider that and come back to you on that, Senator.

Senator BOB BROWN-Okay. There is just one other very localised issue in Tasmania concerning the term 'lock-up' of forests. There was an announcement recently about forest certification and so on in the running dispute down there. The ABC News Radio refers to the protection of forests-for example, in reserves and national parks-as 'locking up' forests. In other words, it has taken on the logging industry's spin as a news factual matter. Is there some means of assessing when that happens?

Mr Scott-It has not been raised with me before, Senator. I am not aware what the style guide is around that particular matter, but again I can look at that for you.

Senator BOB BROWN-Thank you.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Get Your Free 0U812 Vaccination!

"But Doc, how come we never see any of Australia's politicans getting an 0U812 vaccination?"

"…Well my telephone was ringing and
They told me it was Chairman Mao
You got to tell him anything 'cause
I just don't want to talk to him now
I have a a political blues and
It's the meanest blues of all …"

'A Apolitical Blues', written by Lowell George for the Little Feat album 'Waiting for Columbus' [1978]
Covered by Van Halen [1988]

The Queensland Government has announced that free clinics for 0U812 vaccinations will soon be set up throughout the state.

The Minister for Prevention and Awareness said the clinics will commence at the end of this month.

"Even though we're doing our darndest to undermine the state school system, we feel state schools are the best venue for these 0U812 clinics," he said.

The Minister told Parliament that this week it was his turn to spruik 0U812 vaccinations to citizens.

"The 0U812 clinics will be open all weekend so there are plenty of opportunities to get around busy church and soccer mum schedules," he said.

"All gullible losers are welcome."

In related news, everyone hates those hippies who live in Northern New South Wales because everything is all their fault.

Charters Towers 1925

From Elaine Acworth's award winning play 'Composing Venus' [1995]:

... CLIVVY claps MAEVE's hat on her head. It is 1925. MAEVE appears at the mine and digs at it.

CLIVVY I won't tell her!
MAEVE Clivvy, girl, over here!

CLIVVY runs across to MAEVE.

CLIVVY I didn't tell her, Gran.

MAEVE Where've you been, child?
CLIVVY I didn't tell her, Gran.
MAEVE Where've you been, child?
CLIVVY Packing Daddy's duffel bag. He's away three months this time.
MAEVE How's your mother?
CLIVVY Crying.
MAEVE Oh?
CLIVVY He said she asks bloody stupid questions. She asked him where is he going? She asked him what're the names of the stations? She asked him how long for? She said will he remember to write? Are they bloody stupid questions, Gran?
MAEVE Yes and no, girl, yes and no. He's told her all that or most of it, already - but she gets frightened, see, every time he's off. She thinks he's going to something he loves so much it'll maybe keep hold of him forever.
CLIVVY Gran?
MAEVE Don't you worry, girl, don't you fret - for I'll never leave you. Never in this wide world. In fact what'll I do when I strike it rich, eh, Clivvy? Clivvy? Come on, girl, clear that earth away; what'll I do when I've a pile of gold a mile high?
CLIVVY What'll you do when you've piled it up a mile high?
MAEVE You say -
CLIVVY I say -
MAEVE Go where?
CLIVVY Go Away!
MAEVE Dance a waltz and dance a jig -
CLIVVY With the farmer's fat old pig!
MAEVE Oh, really?
CLIVVY What'll we buy - I don't know -
MAEVE Clivvy must have her own piano!
CLIVVY A piano!
MAEVE That's right! Dig, girl, dig for it. And we'll said the world in a ship of gold, adventuring to far-off Zanzibar. We'll climb to the topmost limit of our hopes then, eh?
CLIVVY And Mum'll have gramophone records to the ceilings.
MAEVE And you'll play your heart out on the the piano!
CLIVVY And da?
MAEVE Oooo do you know, I'd forgotten your father. But what to give a feller whose eyes are every pinned to the horizon? For he probably won't even notice what you put in his hand. Here, Clivvy - pull that!

MAEVE hands something over to CLIVVY who pulls through the hole, a woman of the Christian Women's Temperance Union (CWTU). MAEVE and CLIVVY alternate rapidly, pulling the women out and sort of throwing them back over their shoulders. The CWTU shake themselves down and form a meeting with their backs to CLIVVY and MAEVE.

CLIVVY Jesus, Mary and Jehosephat!
MAEVE Come along, ladies. It's a fitting thing that we're yanking you out of a hole in the side of a goldmine.
CLIVVY Why?
MAEVE For 'twas the gold that brought the miners and the mining thirst that brought the drink and the drink that brought the Temperance Union and made you feel the Towers was a teeming place to cast your net in. Is me hat on straight?

She takes CLIVVY by the hand, steps forward to stand behind the meeting and raises her arm. During the meeting, there is a vocal score - the CWTU 'common response' - as well as comments by individual union members.

MAEVE Thank you, Madam Chairwoman. I'm not a member of the Christian Women's Temperance Union and - much as I applaud your goals - I don't think it's in me to be one.
MRS C Shame, madam, shame!
MAEVE Oh don't go spit and polish on me now!
MRS L Donnelly, Maeve Donnelly.
MAEVE A few of you know me. Most of you don't.
MRS L You chased my little son with a cane!
MAEVE I should've chased him with a stockwhip! He'd had my washing in the dust three times in three hours!
MRS C A Hughenden Donnelly?
MAEVE I was on the fields all through the 90s and we had a lot of strife then from the Sabbatarians and the wowsers.
MRS F The body is the temple of the Holy Ghost!
MAEVE And the heart is often raised by a sip of the holy spirit!
MRS X Not so fast. I don't hear well.
MAEVE 'Give wine unto those of heavy heart' and that's one no wowser ever quoted at me - you'll forgive me calling a spade a spade.
CLIVVY A spade, a spade.
MAEVE That's right, love.
CLIVVY [beginning to sing] A spade, a spade, a spade, a spade …
MAEVE It seemed to me then that all this pledging against the demon drink and all this official objectioning to the Sunday picnic trains and football matches - it was all pointed at the wrong direction.
MRS F It was pointed up to heaven and a decent home!
MAEVE Well if that's an example of your navigation I'm surprised you can steer your handkerchief up to your nose!
MRS C Well, really.
MRS X SSSSSHHHHHH!
MAEVE What you're after is a better situation for women and a safer home for the children, is that not so?
CWTU Yes.
MAEVE And you think the way to get it is to stop the men from drinking?
CWTU Yes.
MAEVE It seems to me that if a man comes home and hits his wife it's not because he's drunk, it's because he thinks he's the right to!
MRS C Good gracious
MAEVE The right of the lord, the landlord and the ugly boss.
MRS C Well, you're certainly not a Hughenden Donelly!
MRS L And neither are you!
MAEVE Who represents the interests of those who raise the children and bake the bread and, as like as not - in these hard, dry days of 1925 - bring home the bacon and all? We need a Housewives' Union.
CWTU Ha!
MRS F Will you pay me to grow old as well?!
MAEVE No - for you'll not have to work at that! Why are you looking down your long noses at the prospect of women's work?
CLIVVY Women's work.
MAEVE That's right, love. All my life I've done a man's work on the stations and never had a man's pay for it.

SIOBHAN appears at the edge of the crowd. She hisses at CLIVVY and motions for CLIVVY to come to her. CLIVVY threads her way through the meeting.

SIOBHAN Go tell your grandmother to come away right now. She's making a spectacle of herself.
MRS L Siobhan Clare. That's her daughter.
CWTU Aaaahhh…
MRS X SShh.

CLIVVY pulls MAEVE's skirt.

CLIVVY Mum says come away NOW.
MAEVE If a man hits you, you hit him back with a fire-iron.

VOCAL SCORE [shock, titters, rumble]

MRS L What happens if he pulls out his other poker, dearier?
MAEVE Well it depends on the state of your scuttle!
MRS C Outrageous…
MAEVE Ladies - Ladies -
MRS X What? What? Sshhh I don't hear well …
MAEVE If he wants a bit of the wedding bed and you don't and he takes to the Jappo houses because of it…

The CWTU gasp.

See him out the door with one of Mrs Beryl Smythe's best french johnnies …

The CWTU give a big gasp.

... and tell him not to show his face again without his bringing it back in his handkerchief to prove it's been used!

The CWTU is outraged. They storm out, passing SIOBHAN; MAEVE and CLIVVY following. CLIVVY singing and stamping.…

World Demands Recall Of Excessive Automobiles

Ridiculous Vehicles Recalled For Sensible-Sizing

The world has announced a recall of all excessive vehicles after reports they are creating problems with the environment.

More than 400,000 gas guzzlers are being recalled worldwide, with 2,400 in Australia.

These useless trucks really hit the market after 9/11 and in recent years have become all too common in Australia.

A spokesman for the excessive vehicles lobby said that the peak of oil production was just an illusion, that oil will always be produced in larger quantities each year and that climate change meant the market for excessive vehicles was struggling.

"Smaller cars and hybrids burn less fossil fuels and have less of an impact on the environment," said Mr Gaz Gussler.

"Not only that, they are more sustainable from a purely cold-blooded reptillian perspective, such as mine. I mean, really! Stuff the planet, we have plenty of other ones, don't we?"

"Sure, and all, but doesn't everyone want to be driving a large heap of crap? You know, for their ego and dick-size and all that? Who cares about the environment when you can really kick some serious nature arse in a Hummer or giant F350?"

However, and despite that rubbish passing off as journalism, the world really has recalled all those silly vehicles. They have been found to have stupid and unnecessary engines. They will all undergo an engine transplant and be fitted with FIAT's excellent "500cc" motor.

Field tests have proven that reworking the gear ratios results in exactly the same vehicle performance in slow moving, bumper to bumper traffic, but with much lower consumption and emissions.

Full body up-grades will be optional.

The new 2010 sensible Humvee with full body up-grade

Christopher Would Probably Have Enjoyed The Moustache:

Just More Fake "Outrage, Fury"

Dada lives!: Recently moustachioued portraits on M1 sound barriers at Elanora

The "paid for" spin the Murdoch press regurgitates into the public realm as "news" often gets carried by other media outlets (and most regularly by the ABC).

While this can be amusing (albeit annoying and disappointing) it's also scary and wrong.

Why?

Because no-one really gives a rat's jackson about dumb looking murals painted along a highway. Especially those which appear to have been cynically created in a futile attempt to mask the void that remains after a natural landscape is decimated.

What is unacceptable though, is the destruction being wrought by fast food and disposable nappy wielding four-wheel-drivers on the Gold Coast Spit:

Recent rains have exacerbated further erosion on the western side of The Spit [8/2/10]

There are signs everywhere asking people not to drive on the dunes, but they do it because of the phenomenon of exceptionalism - and also because they are getting away with it.

Enjoy your fish and chips by the water, you fuckwits?

Help The Greens Achieve A Breakthrough On Climate Change

An email from the Australian Greens [9/2/10]:

Dear friend,

With your help, we could be on the point of achieving a breakthrough on climate action.

Last month we wrote to you about the Greens' proposal to break the political deadlock over the Rudd government's CPRS. We urged all parties to embrace Professor Garnaut's suggestion of a two year interim scheme with a fixed carbon price, no trading and no offsets.

I am very pleased to tell you today that we are now in constructive negotiations with the government around this proposal.

We need your help to build the momentum towards a positive result.

Our proposal is a building block for future climate action that's got real teeth. It gets Australia moving straight away in building a flourishing zero emissions economy.

By writing letters to newspapers, you can help us build the public momentum we will need to convince Mr Rudd's government and at least two more Senators to embrace this interim solution and get Australia moving.

We really want to bring these discussions to a successful conclusion and put a price on carbon emissions, but we need your help to keep the government at the table.

Please help us break the climate deadlock.

Many thanks, Christine Milne

Deputy Leader of the Australian Greens.

PS: We know this solution isn't perfect, but, unlike the CPRS, there is no way it can hold back climate action. It can only help get Australia moving towards a zero carbon future. By getting this issue onto the letters pages, you can help us break the CPRS deadlock.

When Brisbane Had More Than One Paper

"Memory Lane" from 'Telegraph City Final: A Journalist Looks Back Over 65 Years', by Bill Boyan [1991]:

"... Circumstances alter cases - and make you think differently. One Telegraph columnist's anti-State aid for Catholic schools attitude earned the ire of Archbishop Duhig to the extent that His Grace said he would not comment on any subject except to The Courier-Mail.

At the height of the great public State-aid controversy in the late thirties the columnist collapsed in pain and was rushed to the Mater Hospital, where he underwent an operation for acute appendicitis.

Within days, writing from his hospital bed he praised profusely the care and attention he had received from the "Angels of Mercy" - his name for the Catholic Sisters of Mercy running the Mater. Nothing wrong with the Catholics in that direction!

This reminds us of the days when Church News was a prime weekly feature in the Telegraph, with Sol Wanmer in control. Apart from topical religious news stories, there would be columns of church notes from the various denominations.

All were invited to contribute, and all received liberal treatment. And it was one of the best-read pages in the Telegraph.

***

The Editor's Office at a newspaper is the holy of holies. Not so all the time at the old Tele. The News took over, and the reigning editor got out of the way, whenever there was a parade or demonstration outside our building in Queen Street. Reporter and photographer would invade the office and clamber on to the balcony, a vantage point to cover the scene below.

A copy boy waited at the window to run the reporter's copy slip by slip to the sub-editors, and to take photo film-packs for processing. Story and pictures would be printed in an edition on sale by the time a parade finished - and the editor then got his office back.

***

Some others who stir the memory ...

Bill Davison, whose Old Bill column had a tremendous following. It was a homey column, bits of suburbia, neighbourly chit-chat and no great substance, yet the people loved it, and his phone was kept busy with suggested paragraphs. After Bill's death, Neil Groom's Diary also became an outstanding daily feature of the world around us in Queensland.

Arthur Rose, early shipping reporter of the days when we met every ship and many world personalities travelling on them. When he went abroad Arthur would "take over" the captain's cabin - and his ship! He was a domineering figure, with all the bravado in the world.

Arnold Robinson, industrial roundsman for years, who wore out many pairs of shoes on his "beat" to the Trades Hall and other union offices.

Roger Fair, a pioneer of Public Relations, who never wasted your time. With a cheery good day, he would just drop an item about one of his clients on the Chief of Staff's desk "for use if thought worthwhile" and be gone.

Bert Potts, the Stadium manager who wore "shocking" ties, always looking for some boxing or wrestling publicity.

Vic Cook, a dab at clever headings; they won him a Walkley Award. He's now at Brighton, NSW, hopefully catching fish. Tom, Bill and Jack Whalley - a father and two sons photographic team on the Tele.

Stan Ryan, circulation manager, who waged a "war" with the editorial department; he kept wanting earlier edition times, his clamour being "we can't sell them if we don't get them out early." It was a friendly war - and we obliged. Edition times kept creeping forward.

Big roll-up for Telegraph social golf club outings to Redland Bay, Beaudesert, Southport, Gailes, Sandy Gallop, Woodford; lucky there was no .05, but we didn't have any accidents.

Eddie Liu, a friend since he arrived in Brisbane from Melbourne in the early forties ... he knows as much about Australia and Australian politics as any Australian. Chinese Club secretary and director, he has a prominent role in construction of the new club and reitrement complex at Deagon and in the advancement of China Town in Fortitude Valley.

For years a Telegraph winner was its page 2 On The Spot feature, aimed at someone or something right in the news. Glyn May made it a success and, when he left, Ted Crofts took over.

In pre-TV days the Saturday night Pink Sports was another high spot in newspaper production. It was on the streets before 6 o'clock with full details and stories of the three-State racing and other afternoon sporting events. Walter Hill, a top journalist and assistant news editor, dictated the paper's overall content, which always included plenty of good reading to meet all sporting tastes."

Valentines Day Goes Green In 2010

From the Mt Coot-tha Greens February newsletter:

Valentine's Day is usually associated with the colour red but you can easily green your Valentine's. Two of the most popular gifts for romantics are flowers and chocolate - both of which have a high eco- and/or social justice impact.

Flowers are usually grown in hot houses with lots of petrochemicals and can be shipped great distances.

The majority of the world's cocoa is harvested in the Ivory Coast, where child slavery is widely reported. To show how green your heart is, give your love fair-trade, organic chocolates or a potted native plant that you can plant together. Try a non-material gift of a massage or an organic candlelit dinner.

For more eco-friendly ideas, go to...

http://lifegoggles.com/1166/how-to-have-an-eco-friendly-valentines-day/

http://lighterfootstep.com/2007/02/how-to-green-your-valentines-day/

Speaking of Mt Coot-tha, We've Said It Before, And we'll say it again: Hands Off!

Botanic Gardens Lake, Mt Coot-tha

Here's a recent letter from Councillor Peter Matic to citizens who have expressed interest in the Brisbane City Council's planning consultations for Mt Coot-tha:

5 February 2010
Creating a 20 year vision for Mt Coot-tha - Information Sessions

Dear Resident

Mt Coot-tha is one of Brisbane's gems - an icon. It is part of the city's history and is valued, loved and used
by many residents. Brisbane City Council is developing a 20 year vision for the Mt Coot-tha precinct to guide how the area is used in the future.

You are invited to come to one of Council's information sessions to:

o hear a summary of community consultations so far and what people have been saying they want for the Mt Coot-tha precinct
o help with creating a vision.

Sessions are at the following Brisbane City Council libraries:

Brisbane Square Library Ground floor meeting room, 266 George St, Brisbane
Wednesday, 17 February 2010 10 am - 11.30am
Chermside Library meeting room, 375 Hamilton Rd, Chermside
Friday, 19 February 2010 10am - 11.30am
Indooroopilly Library meeting room, Indooroopilly Shopping Centre
Sunday, 21 February 2010 2pm - 3.30pm
Garden City Library meeting room, Garden City Shopping Centre
Friday, 26 February 2010 2pm - 3.30pm
Carindale Library meeting room, Carindale Shopping Centre
Saturday, 27 February 2010 1pm - 2.30pm
Toowong Library meeting room,Toowong Village Shopping Centre
Sunday, 28 Feb 2010 10am - 11.30am

Bookings are essential. To RSVP call Council on (07) 3403 8698 by Friday, 12 February.

To find out more about the Mt Coot-tha planning consultations visit www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/MtCoot-tha.

As these are structured sessions please come at the start to get the full benefit of the session.

Our team looks forward to seeing you there.

Yours truly,
Councillor Peter Matic
Chairman Environment, Parks and Sustainability Committee
Councillor for Toowong

Yes Mt Coot-tha is "valued, loved and used by many residents", but if you consider what the current administration has done to Brisbane over the past few years, can you really take this invitation to consult with citizens on a "vision" for one of the last places in city (which hasn't been destroyed) seriously?

An administration that wants you to join them in celebrating (notice they've outsourced that too!) the biggest scam perpetrated on Brisbane's citizens since Wilbur Smith & Associates "Brisbane Transportation Study" of 1965!

Mt Coot-tha needs improved public transport services to the Botanic Gardens and the summit, along with a safe path adjacent to Sir Samuel Griffith Drive for cyclists, runners and walkers, and some of the buildings in the Botanic Gardens could use a lick of paint.

What Mt Coot-tha does not need is a "vision".

In the past, Mt Coot-tha was known as "One Tree Hill" - because the city founders cut down all the trees. Don't let the Council do this again. They have form when it comes to trees!

Wilsons Promontory

26 February 2009

From the June 2009 (No. 860 - "Fires and Floods") edition of 'Bird Observer':

My husband and I have a property 5.5 km south-east of fish Creek, 23 km from the gate to Wilsons Promontory National Park. We had a mob of well over a hundred Australian Magpies arrive on our property on Tuesday. They are making a heck of a racket and staying in a mob on our hill pastures and near our spring - quite unusual behaviour. Our resident Magpie families haven't joined them. We wonder if they have moved in from the Prom as we have never had this happen in the nine years we have been here.

We had a Crimson Rosella arrive yesterday evening looking very bedraggled and weary; it sat in our feeder tray slowly eating seed, didn't even bother to look around as is the normal habit. It took a long drink of water from a bird bath and rested in the tree for another hour before moving on - we haven't seen it today. Gang Gang Cockatoos have arrived here - they are usually around in late March/April so they've moved into our place early.

Over half of the national park has been burnt over the last two weeks with fires still continuing to challenge fire fighters. The fauna and flora of the Prom is severely impacted by the assault and I don't doubt the loss of food, nesting places and breeding areas for our indigenous birds will have a long lasting effect.

Lyn Jamieson, Fish Creek, Vic

Refreshing Honesty About Current Retail Sales Figures

Gold Coast Highway, Mermaid Beach

Warnie To Bridge Cultural Divide With Beanz

Australia's reputation in India was at an all time high when Dr Mohamed Haneef was held without charge for three weeks back in 2007

India and Australia's troubled relationship looks set to improve with the recent announcement of Warnie's "Tandoori Beanz Meanz Tolerance" campaign.

Warnie is working with the Victorian Government to promote cultural understanding between the two nations, and a private meeting was held this week to discuss plans for his "Tandoori Beanz Meanz Tolerance" campaign.

"I give Premier Bumble the thumbs-up - not my texting thumb of course - that given this very sensitive situation, out of all the Australians he could have chosen to bridge the cultural divide, he chose me."

"Tandoori Beanz Meanz Tolerance" will put Warnie's 20 years of experience on cricket grounds and hotel rooms throughout India to good use.

It is expected that the campaign will counter the irrational, frenzied and unfounded hysteria, which has been unfairly whipped up by the Indian media, by fostering awareness of the importance of harmonious cross-cultural relations and promoting Australia's renowned egalitarianism and multi-culturalism.

"Premier Bumble and I both agree that Australian sportsmen, particularly international cricketers, are well regarded as gentlemen and good sports. Trust me, this is spin you can take to the bank." he said.

"In fact, Premier Bumble and I are on the same wavelength in that we both have good heads of hair, " said Warnie.

"Yeah! Yeah!" he added.

In related news, Victorian police said today that Indians weren't attacked because they were Indians, but because Indians were better targets for robbery. Or something like that.

WTF?

Blood On The Streets

From Dylan Bird's piece in the Summer 09/10 Issue of 'Voiceworks' magazine:

A few months back I was walking along Melbourne's Elizabeth Street alone in the early hours of the morning when I came across two blokes engaged in a clumsy scuffle, both swinging cumbersomely as they stumbled across the empty road. While neither showed the slightest awareness of my presence, my nervous system reacted as if I were under immediate and very real danger - heart spontaneously thumping, sweat flowing and my legs ready to flee. I upped my pace to get out of the area as quickly as possible, only relaxing when they disappeared from sight.

I'd never reacted to witnessing violence in such a way - particularly such uncoordinated and probably short-lived drunken scraps. Something in those few moments, when I looked up to see the two stumbling in my direction, hit a nerve. Newspaper headlines, CCTV footage, announcements by the Premier and Police Chief Commissioner, special reports, bloody faces, hospitalisation, brain damage, death - is this where it all happens? Is this how all those 'unprovoked attacks' start out, with someone stopping for a second to help or attempt to break it up? I had to get out of there. Quickly.

I have often wondered, since then, whether the extensive media coverage of late-night public violence might be doing more harm than good - serving to promote a helpless fear in the citizenry rather than intelligently inform us of a highly complex and multifaceted social problem. Of course, I do not mean to suggest that the issue doesn't exist. All indicators show a definite increase in both the occurrence and severity of public violence. Nor am I proposing that such instances of violence should go unreported. Rather, I think we should be cautious about accepting all media reports of street violence as relating to the same unified 'wave' or movement that is purportedly 'sweeping' Australia's streets.

As this issue has evolved in the public domain, it has become increasingly common to lump blame for the recent spate of street violence on young people. An expert roundtable report of public violence across Australia, incorporating the opinions of senior members of Australia's government, judiciary, police, emergency services and academia, listed 'young people' along with alcohol and illicit drugs as a 'trigger' of public violence - 'trigger', as if the simple fact of being young makes one inclined to instigate violence. Many have also conjectured that the moral deficiency of today's youth is to blame for the recent attacks; even on a September edition of 'Australia Talks', a generally high quality and informed program on Radio National, callers and experts alike hinted at a comparison between the 'glory days' of public violence - when men went one to one, fist to fist, and topped their assault immediately once the other hit the ground - to the malicious and relentless violence that young people apparently engage in currently. Any notion of an earlier, morally superior form of public violence is dangerously misguided, and distracts from the true nature of the problem: degrees of violence are links on a continuum, they are not diametrically opposed.

Such finger-pointing is to me exemplary of a broader social trend: persistent generalisations apparently aimed at ostracising generation Y. A 2006 report commissioned by the Dusseldorp Skills Forum titled 'Fearless and Flexible: Views of Generation Y', paints a picture of people aged between 16-24 as politically ambivalent, self-absorbed and racially prejudiced. More recently, the 'Mypod' generation has been blamed by people such as popular 3AW broadcaster neil Mitchell as directly repsonsible for the global financial crisis, as well as being labelled 'job snobs' by the Federal Finance Minister.

Just as race, religion, gender and sexuality tend to invoke fierce tensions between opposing identitities, age too can become a catalyst for social prejudice and division. While the above accusations may well have some element of truth to them, singling out all young people as frivolous, irresponsible, selfish and inherently violent can only serve to reinforce an unfair stereotype and further antagonise the divide between the younger and older generations. When faced with a pervasive and complex problem like that of street violence, where there are not apparent quick solutions, it is all too tempting for people to lay blame on one sector of society instead of maturely analysing the nature of the issues. Given the general lack of voice given to young people in politics and the media, it is perhaps no surprise that the youth of today have been so disproportionately condemned by those in positions of power. ...

Media Outlets Deny Poaching Politicians As Weather Presenters

Democracy campaigners had hoped Jaynie Seale's passion for the Southern Oscillation Index could have been put to good use in the Senate chamber

Media outlets have rejected suggestions they have been offering Australian politicians careers in presenting the weather.

'Spring Hill Voice' can today reveal that the rumours, which even extended to job swap arrangements between certain high profile weather presenters and certain politicians, are entirely unfounded.

Insiders say that the rumours were a "storm in a teacup".

"There are some big egos and a lot of bitterness and jealousy brewing in the Radio Rupert tearoom," said a spokesman from one media outlet who did not wish to be identified.

Industry talk of a job swap arrangement between Senator Barnaby Joyce and Jaynie Seale had democracy campaigners like Mr Terry Nmyhareout hopeful of a "cool change" in Australia's political culture.

"When Willard Scott was President of the United States, the country experienced a democratic renaissance," he said.

"To replace the entire front bench in the House of Representatives with the likes of John Schluter, Fifi Box, Jenny Woodward and Sami Lukis could have seen the beginning of a real revolution in political representation thoughout Australia. Especially if we could have coaxed some of the more experienced presenters like Brian Bury, Ray Wilkie and Monte out of retirement to replace the dead wood sitting in the back benches."

ADM Tries to Take Down Funny Video; Big Business Has No Solutions; Now What?: 'The Yes Men' Media Release [4/2/10]

A legal complaint from agribusiness giant ADM has resulted in the removal from Youtube of a fake video of ADM's CEO making over-honest pronouncements.

Last week, the filmmaking team behind The End of Poverty? partnered with the Yes Men to create a parallel, imaginary World Economic Forum in which world leaders came up with real solutions to poverty. The leaders seemed, in a series of videos, to be supporting a set of initiatives based on 10 Solutions to End Poverty, a petition for which the filmmakers are trying to get ten million signatures by the end of 2010.

Each of those initiatives pages has links to organizations that are fighting hard for change on these issues.

In contrast, the actual World Economic Forum ended Sunday with a profound lack of results, some seemingly satirical but all-too-real headlines (like Goldman Sachs's Lloyd Blankfein's rumoured $100 million bonus), and one fruitless complaint to Youtube.

"If we can bail out bankers to the tune of trillions of dollars, surely we can solve poverty, which will just take a few structural changes, plus a whole lot less money," said Beth Portello, the producer of The End of Poverty?

"All the crises we're facing are rooted in massive inequality and poverty," says Philippe Diaz, the film's director.

"If these leaders really wanted to make a difference, they would work towards ending poverty, however uncomfortable that might be for business."

"It's easier to remove funny videos from Youtube," added Portello.

Jill's MS Plight Again Calls Attention To Tragic Euthanasia "Too Hard Basket": Greens Media Release [3/2/10]

The Greens have today expressed deep sympathy for the plight of the MS sufferer who wants only to be known as "Jill", and said her plight again calls attention to Parliaments around Australia regularly putting the issue of voluntary euthanasia in the "too hard basket."

Jill's wish to have a dignified death was reported in today's The West Australian.

"We call again on WA members of Parliament to turn their attention to the issue of whether the state should respect people's right to determine their own fate when the quality of their lives becomes as eroded as Jill's has become," said the Greens' Mining and Pastoral MLC Robin Chapple.

"There are many in the community that think such a right should be an absolute one, or in other words that no one should be able to tell anyone else that they must just 'grin and bear it' through a life they find impossible to endure."

"The Greens of course are advocating a much narrower approach; voluntary euthanasia just for the terminally ill and in carefully defined circumstances, as described in my private member's Bill."

Mr Chapple said that it was impossible, without being aware of the view of medical practitioners who had considered Jill's specific case, to know whether she would be covered by his legislation.

"Multiple Sclerosis is a highly unpredictable disease; in fact, that is one of the most challenging aspects for its sufferers."

"People can in some cases rapidly deteriorate and die within five years, but in other cases live long and only partially shortened lives."

"The point for Jill and for others like her is that whether or not Parliament will respect her choice is, so far, only a theoretical question."

"We call on the State Government to make debating my Bill a priority in the upcoming session of Parliament so people like Jill can have the critical questions directly impacting on her life addressed by this State's lawmakers," Mr Chapple added.

Climate Action Urged As $1 Trillion Ecological Debt Projected:

Australian Conservation Foundation Media Release [4/2/10]

The Federal Government’s 2010 Intergenerational Report highlights the crucial need to act now towards a sustainable future, the Australian Conservation Foundation (ACF) said today.

“While Federal Treasurer Wayne Swan rightly acknowledged that climate change is one of the most significant challenges to economic sustainability, the long-term budgetary implications of environmental loss must be made clear,” said ACF Director of Strategic Ideas, Chuck Berger.

“ACF projects that resource depletion, land degradation, exotic species, greenhouse pollution and fossil fuel subsidies will cost Australia over $1 trillion dollars by 2050, unless we act now to avoid these losses,” said Mr Berger.

The projections are based on ABS statistics released last week, including the following:

Resource depletion: $4 billion per year
Cumulative cost to 2050: $160 billion
Land degradation: $395 million per year
Cumulative cost to 2050: $15.8 billion
Exotic species: $1.57 billion per year
Cumulative cost to 2050: $62 billion

In addition, greenhouse pollution is costing us $18 billion per year already, based on the $31/tonne cost of carbon used by the Australian Academy of Technological Sciences and Engineering (ATSE). Unless pollution is reduced, climate change will cost at least $720 billion through to 2050.

Further, the cumulative cost through to 2050 of Commonwealth budget revenue foregone on fossil fuel subsidies is at last count $212 billion ($5.3 billion per year). That includes money spent on FBT concessions for company cars, fuel rebates to mining and transport companies, depreciation rorts for aircraft and oil and gas machinery, and low tax rates for aviation fuels.

ACF further rejected the suggestion that population growth is needed to care for an ageing population. “Many other countries enjoy thriving economies with stable populations. This should be Australia’s aspiration as well,” said Mr Berger.

PM Sends Strong Message To Iran

Blocking the shipment of this cargo is sure to hit the Iranian regime where it really hurts

The PM has confirmed today that three shipments of cargo to Iran have been blocked by the Australian government.

Although the PM would not say what was in the cargo, Senator Large Glasses used powers under the Cultural Weapons of Mass Destruction Act to prevent the shipments from leaving the country.

It is understood there were fears, although where these fears originated is not clear, that the Iranians were undeserving of the contents of the cargo.

'Spring Hill Voice' can reveal that the shipments contained thousands of copies of the PM's bestselling book 'Jasper and Abby and the Great Australia Day Kerfuffle'.

The PM said that in terms of the context of Australia's arse kissing, boogeyman and sabre rattling obligations, Senator Large Glasses acted appropriately.

"This will send a strong message which is sure to resonate loud and clear throughout the Islamic republic," he said.

Meanwhile, Australia continues exporting wheat, coal, cars, manganese ores and confidential items to Iran.

Jazz Club Should "Get With The Times": Squares

"... Oh the shark has pretty teeth dear,
And he shows them pearly white
Just a jack-knife has Macheath dear
And he keeps it out of sight. ..."

'Mack The Knife', composed by Kurt Weill with lyrics by Bertolt Brecht [1928]

Kangaroo Point's iconic, historic and landmark Jazz Club needs to "get with the times" according to The HypocrIte Squares of Brisbane Society (T.H.I.S. is B.S.)

The society, whose membership comprises local politicians, nimby blow ins, and the liquor licensing authority, are known throughout Brisbane for their appreciation of jazz and their dedication to fostering the city's live music scene.

A spokesperson for T.H.I.S. is B.S. said that if the Jazz Club were to explore a few highbrow options, they might reconsider the 10.30 pm curfew.

"The Jazz Club needs to prove it's able to fit in with the reputation of the suburb in which they are situated, so a change of theme and bit more pussy is just what the venue needs," he said.

"The Jazz Club could even incorporate these changes into a new name, something like, 'No Jazz But A Bit More Pussy By The River'".

Residents of Petrie Terrace agreed that something needed to be done about the excessive number of Jazz Clubs in Brisbane, and that opportunities to get hassled by drunken football teams or yahooing bucks nights in certain suburbs was emerging as a real equity issue in the city.

"I can't imagine how awful it must be for the residents of Kangaroo Point having a Jazz Club in their suburb," said one resident.

Great! So What's Council Going To Do About The Threatened Fish Breeding Habitat At Marine Stadium On The Spit?

Gold Coast City Council Media Release [2/2/10]

Around 1,000 hours spent monitoring disturbances by recreational walkers to seabirds and shorebirds at the northern tip of South Stradbroke Island has led to voluntary exclusion zones around important and sensitive bird habitats in the area.

A report on the monitoring program presented to today’s meeting of the Sustainable City Future Committee recommends Council works with the Department of Environment and Resource Management (DERM) and the Queensland Wader Study Group to elevate nests to protect them from tidal inundation and smothering from sand drift as well as providing shelters such as hollow pipes to protect chicks from predators and exposure.

Committee Chairman, Cr Peter Young, said in addition to monitoring disturbances to sea and shore birds between October last year and January this year, Council conservation staff and community members, in cooperation with DERM, had monitored the extent and breeding success of the Little Tern colony.

“The Little Tern is a migratory seabird and is listed as endangered under the Queensland Nature Conservation Act 1992. South Stradbroke is its only known nesting site in Moreton Bay,” said Cr Young.

The northern tip of South Stradbroke Island is a large area of accumulated sand, about three kilometres in length and up to 1.5 kilometres wide. It is outside the formal boundaries of the Conservation Park. Known locally as Horseshoe Bay and The Pin, it is a popular destination for recreational boaties and walkers, and also is one of the city’s most significant coastal nature conservation areas.

Cr Young said the monitoring program had confirmed that Horseshoe Bay was used by at least 17 species of migratory shorebirds as a high tide roost and low tide feeding area.

“For at least three of those species – the Eastern Curlew, the Lesser Sand Plover and the Greater Sand Plover – it is one of the most important roosting and feeding areas within Moreton Bay over the summer months,” he said.

“Important sites such as these are why Ramsar (an international registry of important wetlands) has designated Moreton Bay as a site of international significance.”

Cr Young said 105 disturbances to sea and shore birds were recorded during the monitoring exercise, the majority of which were due to recreational walking near the high tide roosting area. There were three recorded disturbances in the Little Tern nesting area.

Area Councillor Grant Pforr said Council and DERM were working with the local community to implement protective measures including educational, patrols, interpretive signs and the voluntary exclusion zones.

“An informal agreement has been brokered with the owners of private vehicles registered for use on the island, as well as two tour operators, to keep to the east of marker poles that have been erected along the eastern coastal beach to protect breeding and roosting birds,” said Cr Pforr.

Cr Pforr said ongoing community education was critical to protecting the northern bird habitat areas of South Stradbroke Island.

“Many people who use the area appear unaware of its importance to the birds and the potential for causing them harm simply by approaching them, or by camping in unauthorised spots that may be near nesting or roosting habitats,” he said.

“The initial response to the interpretive signs erected by Council, along with educational patrols by DERM officers indicate this approach is working, with the vast majority of people assisting the conservation effort by keeping outside signed areas.”

The report will go to Monday’s meeting (8 February 2010) of the full Council.

Imaginary Wheels Rolling On Brisbane's Imaginary Bike-Hire Scheme

Brisbane's imaginary bike-hire scheme ... putting more cars on the road

... I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle ...

'Bicycle Race', Queen [1978]

Brisbane's imaginary bike-hire scheme will slip into another dimension today as what were once known as bicycle racks become "parking stations".

Although cycling through the CBD and inner suburbs is extremely treacherous, and only the barest token provision has been made for cyclists in what has to be one of the most carcentric cities on the planet, 2000 imaginary bikes will be available for hire under the imaginary scheme.

Chair of the Deterring The Use Of Public Transport Committee, Councillor Neversetfootonastinkybusinentiremylife said every effort had been made to ensure the imaginary bike-hire scheme remained imaginary.

She said that as well as being a completely imaginary scheme, imaginary flashing signs adjacent to "parking stations" would advise cyclists to "get a car you loser hippy".

It is understood that the only thing not imaginary about the imaginary bike-hire scheme is the cost, which is very very real.

An imaginary bike from the imaginary bike-hire scheme at an imaginary bike "parking station"

Parnell: Where Are The Missing Millions?

Greens Media Release: [1/2/10]

Greens MLC Mark Parnell has again called for comprehensive political donations law reform in response to the Australian Electoral Commission (AEC) release of its donations and receipts data for 2008/09.

"There is a murky river of gold flowing into political parties that the SA people simply do not know about," said Greens MLC Mark Parnell.

"South Australia has the worst political donations laws in the nation. Because of our slack laws, millions of dollars are flowing into the Labor and Liberal parties that do not need to be declared.

"That is bad for democracy, especially just weeks out from an election campaign," he said.

The AEC returns for 2008/09 again feature developers, lobbyists, unions and the Australian Hotels Association prominently.

"Every year it's the same: pokie barons, property developers and lobbyists all being extraordinarily generous to political parties. The big question needs to be asked: why do they do it?

"Even worse, though, is the huge gap between the total amount received by parties, and how much has been declared to the Electoral Commission. In the case of Labor and Liberal, there is over $3 million that remains unaccounted for.

"We simply do not know who has given the money and what they expect in return.

"The Greens again call for state based law reform to cast more light on the murky world of political donations," he said.

The AEC data has been uploaded onto a special easy to search database: www.democracy4sale.org

Burleigh Big Waves [1/2/10]

Boy Was It Breezy On The Burleigh Headland!


Who Is Aidan McLindon?

He may have been in Kill TV - the band that stormed the 'Big Brother' stage back in 2005 and were known to play David Bradbury film screenings, but part of his parliamentary maiden speech scared the bejesus out of me:

... Now is not the time to separate church from state. More often than not it is the political sphere that initiates religious interference, which would explain why the collective body politic would prefer that the body church absent itself from the policy equation altogether. It often amuses me to see crusades of people set out to save the world under the banner of social justice whilst distancing and in some cases divorcing themselves from Christianity, when in fact the Christian ethos was based on social justice and social justice is based on the Christian ethos. As long as people continue to attempt to separate the two spheres, which are intrinsically related, then disorganisation and confusion will always be the consequence. There has never been a better time to be proud of our culture and our heritage than now. ...

Oh fuck.

This is the alternative to the god bothering ALP?

2010 Set For Bumper Donations Fundraising

Greens Media Release[1/2/10]

Following the release of the latest donations figures by the Australian Electoral Commission today, which shows that donations were down last financial year, Greens MP Lee Rhiannon has predicted that 2010 will see intense competition from both the major parties to attract corporate donations for their election campaigns, underlining the need for reform.

"Today's disclosure shows that nationwide the major parties fundraising efforts slumped during 2009/08, attracting $93 million down from $216 million in 2007/08," said Ms Rhiannon.

"Last year's drop in donations suggests that this year Labor and the Coalition will organise many fundraisers to fill their coffers for the upcoming elections.

"We know that Tony Abbott's leadership coup has incited a flurry of Liberal party fundraising. With the economy on the upturn and four elections on the horizon we will see intense competition for the corporate dollar this year.

"There is sure to be a federal election this year as well as state elections in SA, Tasmania and Victoria, and a NSW election early next year.

"With a stalled donations reform process after the Rudd Government abandoned its promise of a new, cleaner system of political funding before the next election, both major parties will be relying on corporate money.

Donations in NSW

"In NSW, Premier Kristina Keneally and Opposition Leader Barry O'Farrell remain locked in a battle to attract money from property developers, hotels and finance companies.

"This year's figures show that NSW Labor is still ahead in the donations race, accepting over $7 million in donations, with only $2.7 million over the $11,000 disclosure threshold.

"Big donors to NSW Labor last year include $180,000 from the Australian Hotels Association and Clubs NSW, $110,000 from Star City Casino, $73,000 each from the developer Multiplex and Sydney Markets, and $50,000 from the developer Kingson Investments.

"Labor took less than $500,000 from developers last year, down from $1.8 million in 2007/08.

"The NSW Liberal party declared accepting $5.7 million in donations, with only $1.5 million disclosed over the $11,000 threshold.

"The NSW Liberals are tapping into alcohol industry money, accepting $84,000 from the AHA and Clubs NSW, $50,000 from the hotelier Argos Investments, $33,000 from Star City Casino and $25,000 from Reserve Hotels in Randwick.

"The NSW Liberals continue to take money form big tobacco, pocketing $44,600 from British American Tobacco," said Ms Rhiannon.

Non-Existent Outrage At Imaginary Gang Menace

Well known South-East Queensland gang the "Sweathogs"

Imaginary hoodlums and hoodies are rampaging through South-East Queensland streets creating non-existent outrage in the community.

Yesterday, the government and police launched Taskforce Illusion to investigate the problem.

The Opposition Tits on a Jersey said the establishment of Taskforce Illusion proved that there were imaginary gangs everywhere.

"Law and order," said the Deputy Opposition Springboard.

"And whatever you do, don't mention the war."

The Deputy Plod said that, like boogeymen, creating imaginary gangs was an excellent way to manipulate fear in order to maintain social control, although he couldn't work out who was driving all the talk about imaginary gangs.

"I suspect it's the same gang of thugs who have orchestrated the recent rafts of draconian legislation. Oh! Look over there, a baby rabbit," he said.

"Oh no, it's just a probe into alleged police misconduct."

In related news, most Queenslanders think we have enough laws to cover crime, but not nearly not enough transparency and accountability.

Pitter Patter Of Tiny Hooves At Spring Hill Hotel

For many years Ruth has greeted Spring Hill locals and workers at the entrance to the Hollywood Gardens bar and grill at the Spring Hill Hotel.

Life hasn't always been easy though, and Ruth has endured the indignity of being cownapped, as well as having one of her horns ripped off. Subsequently, her other horn was filed down for cosmetic purposes.

Following these ordeals, Ruth spent a relatively peaceful few years working toward becoming a heritage listed Spring Hill landmark.

Evidently the last year hasn't been so quiet!

Ernie

From 'The Catcher In The Rye' by J. D. Salinger [1919 - 2010]:

... Even though it was so late, old Ernie's was jam-packed. Mostly with prep school jerks and college jerks. Almost every damn school in the world gets out earlier for Christmas vacation than the schools I go to. you could hardly check your coat, it was so crowded. It was pretty quiet, though, because Ernie was playing the piano. It was supposed to be something holy, for God's sake, when he sat down at the piano. Nobody's that good. About three couples, besides me, were waiting for tables, and they were all shoving and standing on tiptoes to get a look at old Ernie while he played. He had a big damn mirror in front of the piano, with this big spotlight on him, so that everybody could watch his face while he played. You couldn't see his fingers while he played - just his big old face.

Big deal. I'm not too sure what the name of the song was that he was playing when I came in, but whatever it was, he was really stinking it up. He was putting all these dumb, show-offy ripples in the high notes, and a lot of other very tricky stuff that gives me a pain in the ass. You should've heard the crowd, though, when he was finished. You would've puked. They went mad. They were exactly the same morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear to God, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes thought I was terrific, I'd hate it, I wouldn't even want them to clap for me. People always clap for the wrong things. If I were a piano player, I'd play it in the goddam closet. Anyway, when he was finished, and everybody was clapping their heads off, old Ernie turned around on his stool and gave this very phoney, humble bow. Like as if he was a helluva humble guy, besides being a terrific piano player. It was very phoney - I mean him being such a big snob and all. In a funny way, though, I felt sort of sorry for him when he was finished. I don't even think he knows any more when he's playing right or not. It isn't all his fault. I partly blame all those dopes that clap their heads off - they'd foul up anybody, if you gave them a chance. Anyway, it made me feel depressed and lousy again, and I damn near got my coat back and went back to the hotel, but it was too early and I didn't feel much like being all alone. ..."

Maybe all the crap facile press about Salinger's passing will prompt just enough people to actually read the book, that a force against "all those dopes" will find voice or influence.

HOME