the art2lunch poem
we love art2lunch
so irreverent and witty
what would Sunday arvo be?
in this cloistered little city
if we couldn't tune to triple zed
it'd be a crying shame
without Pauline, Jo and Hollywood
i think I'd go insane
how else are we going to know
what's happening backstage?
and all those arts shenanigans
which never make front page
the catering on opening nights
inside jobs with big salaries
museum exhibitions
festivals, theatre, galleries
dj linen closet
media releases from 'Wello'
emerging talent, the Brisbane sound
and that 'gas boy' fellow
thanks for taking the piss
you really make our day
but there is a slight concern
and one more thing to say
please don't get an 'arsebook'
a 'face-ache' or 'myarse'
you're well above all that
and have way too much class
Quack! Quack!:
Gold Coast's "Dickhead Ducks" Rescue UQ Students
"Dickhead Ducks"... Versatile on land or water
A fleet of "Dickhead Ducks" - as they are colloquially know by Gold Coast locals - will be relocated to Brisbane and put into service as the busy Brisbane university year begins.
The "Dickhead Ducks" - versatile on land or water - are currently a high profile tourist attraction on the glitter strip. But next week, 1,000s of University of Queensland students, who in previous years have been stranded by Brisbane's overloaded ferries and buses, will be able to take advantage of the services travelling to UQ along both the river and the green - eleanor schonell- go-between - not powderfinger-custard bridge.
In related news, it is expected that the many journalism students at UQ, who are paying their way through their degrees by sitting on the laps and sucking the willies of sad old men at recently renamed inner city gentleman's nightclubs, will get jobs at Bowen Hills - if Rupert doesn't close down the only paper in town!
You go girl! You can do anything!
Save Our Prawns: The Knee Jerk Swinging Voter's Diary
And while you're at it - keep your mits off our passage!
With our Election Correspondent: Ann Green-Tony
One of the great things about living on the Gold Coast is buying a bag of freshly caught seafood off the trawlers down at The Spit.
Unfortunately even this very popular local trade looks set to be squashed by greedy politicians and developers. Some of the trawler fishermen (and their customers) are worried, as more and more misinformation and rumours of impending development, which will threaten the trawler wharf, circulate in the mainstream press/corporate media.
Early in 2007 Gold Coast Divisional councillor Susie Douglas was reported in the monopoly press as saying she believed the trawlers "should be promoted as an attraction like they were in San Francisco and San Diego".
It would be nice if the candidates for the Broadwater could give locals their assurances that the trawler wharf will be left as is if they are elected.
Continuing on the environmental theme, yesterday's [27/2/09] Gold Coast Bulletin' reported in "Today's Spin" that LNP candidate for the Broadwater - Richard Towson:
"Will remove the Bligh Government's planned fishing restrictions around South Stradbroke Island."
This is in reponse to the state government's new zoning plan for Moreton Bay, which comes in to effect tomorrow [1/3/09].
At 'Spring Hill Voice', we are in two minds about the new Moreton Bay Zoning Plan. On the one hand, we worry about pressure on local fish stocks, but we don't think placing restrictions on recreational fishers will make a difference - especially when among other bay polluters, there's a big stinking desalination plant down at Tugun pumping waste into the ocean. We also think that local commercial fishermen are probably more in tune with the Bay's ecology than a bunch of lanyard wearing government-controlled scientists with a certain agenda to push.
And in other environmental news, Towson's oppenent - ALP candidate Peta Kaye-Croft - has been quoted in today's [28/2/09] 'Gold Coast Bulletin' giving her two cents on Tipplers:
"Broadwater MP Peta-Kaye Croft and Cr Dawn Crichlow have also attacked the council for closing Tipplers and spending much-needed cash buying it.
"It has been an extraordinarily huge waste of money by the council when they should have been spending that money elsewhere," said Ms Kaye-Croft.
"A lot of people enjoy South Stradbroke Island and there has been little consultation about the council's plans for Tipplers.
"Obviously I'll be paying a lot of attention to their planning ideas given there's been suggestions about tunnels, and relocating koalas and the homeless to the island."
Cr Crichlow, who opposed the council's buy-out, said it was 'disgusting' given 35 resort staff would be left without jobs.
Cr Clarke yesterday glossed over the job losses and said 33 or the 35 staff currently employed at Tipplers were 'casual staff and backpackers'."
What we'd like to know, is what she will do if the Mayor's planning ideas are not to her liking?
In any case, South Stradbroke Island is in the Gold Coast City Council's Division 3 area - Cr Grant Pforr's division, so why not ask for his opinion? Keep Cr Crichlow's pearls of wisdom for stories about her own division - such as the usual fodder i.e. planned coffee shops at the Broadwater Parklands development (have you noticed the price for Stage 1 has edged up to $36.5 million?). Because there isn't a snowflake's chance in hell the monopoly press will do a story about why it is that the pedestrian tunnel beneath Marine Parade from the parklands to Southport business district has been filled in (over the past few months this has proven extremely dangerous for locals and tourists getting around the area).
In more general election news, we at the 'Spring Hill Voice' agree with "The Borg" in that the sooner the rectangular framed glasses wearing, cappuccino-sipping dead wood sitting in their cosy cubicles in public service departments (such as the media unit) get the a*se - the better.
No campaign placards spotted on the Glitter Strip as yet, but a few Stirling Hinchcliffe and Bonny Barry placards were observed on our travels through the Northern and inner city Brisbane suburbs last Friday.
Reports filtering in to the 'Spring Hill Voice' claim that some Queensland homeowners have recently received letters from their state representatives about the state government's "Climate Smart Home Service" (the ultimate in greenwashing) - yawn and piss poor effort.
Yegads things are grim. Where is our Greens candidate? A month ago the Greens announced they were going to run a candidate in each electorate.
Other than that you gentle Broadwater folk - Anna and her crew are really on the nose - but we can't vote donkey so 'Spring Hill Voice's' vote is leaning toward the LNP - for today!
Cheerio!
'Back On Track' Support Greens Policy
This week, Greens candidate for Indooroopilly, Ronan Lee, announced a $40 million policy for free public transport for under 21s.
We think the Greens policy is a step in the right direction - public transport should be free for all - on the assumption that a highly efficient, free, public transport system would permanently reduce the need for additional, expensive road/tunnel infrastructure, and would therefore represent enormous savings to civic budgets.
The only individuals who find the idea of free public transport impossible to countenance are the road/car/oil/insurance/nanotechnology ticketing business interests, which might have to contemplate reduced revenues as a result.
We asked 'Rail Back On Track' (see below) to clarify comments made in a 'Courier-Mail' story about the policy in which they reported that they said the scheme would not be viable.
Here's how they responded:
Hello,
No research needed. The greens said it would cost up to $40 million. Public transport is subsidised at the moment by about 2/3 thirds. That shortfall would have to covered from fare revenue under the present funding model.
We have long suggested that a combination of incentive ticketing (discounts for off peak and early and late peak) targeted concessions such as free travel for Seniors on Sundays and Centre Link recipients is fare more equitable and achievable.
The free public transport model is a good one if done universally. That requires are radical rethink of the funding model. Part implementation will just cost shift directly to other users.
Check out our media releases here and you will see we are very strong supporters of ticketing initiatives.
http://backontrack.org/mbs/index.php?board=19.0
The feedback on the blog at CM confirms our position as well.
You also have to note that comments published in an article are very rarely the full comments made. They extract one statement and it often loses context.
I also said to the reporter we welcome the policy and think it is a very worthwhile contribution to the debate, as well as other general supporting comments. But it is it does need refinement to be acceptable to whole electorate, other wise it will not get past first base. Incremental changes and improvements are possible and much more likely to be achieved.
Thanks for your interest and support for these initiatives.
Best wishes
RobertAdministration
RAIL Back On Track
South Stradbroke Island: The Knee Jerk Swinging Voter's Diary
With our Election Correspondent: Ann Green-Tony
"Today's Spin" from the Gold Coast's monopoly press [26/2/09]:
"Peta-Kaye Croft. Says she will push to protect South Stradbroke Island from development and get it classified as a conservation park.
Richard Towson. Promises to make South Stradbroke Island a yellow zone to allow fishing but no anchoring."
Hmmmm. Decisions...decisions. I'm sure the canny candidates are aware that Mayor Ron Clarke has just purchased Tipplers Resort, so they're being very careful about what they say about that little piece of the world.
Now, a conservation park would be nice, but "conservation park" connotes freewheeling hippies and disease ridden koala bears.
I also like taking the tinnie out for a toddle up the Broadwater, and I'm not so sure about not being able to drop my anchor.
Bit of a tricky one. Perhaps we'll get some more candidates in the next few days?
Blink And You'll Miss It
'Gold Coast Sun' - page 4 - [25/2/09]
"That's about the size
It's where you put your eyes
That's about the size of it."
'Infinity' (from 'Sesame Street') William "Bud" Luckey
Did you hear that the Department of Climate Change held information sessions (in regional areas) about the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme today [26/2/09]?
"Public information sessions are being held around regional Australia on 26 February, about the Australian Government’s Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme (CPRS), via a Sky Channel broadcast."
Why the sessions were broadcast on Sky rather than on the ABC is a bit of a worry, and they weren't exactly well publicised. There was nothing about the event in the 'Gold Coast Bulletin' and it didn't even appear on the ABC's online news site's "News Diary" for Thursday. Here's the snippet that appeared on Page 4 of this week's 'Gold Coast Sun':
"Nerang hosts carbon talks. Carbon-conscious Gold Coasters can head to Nerang's Lawrence Drive Tavern tomorrow from midday for information on the federal Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme. Interested people should register on 1800 057 590.
A telephone hotline will be open during the session and questions can be emailed in advance to info@coomatech centre.com.au. Form more information visit www.climatechange.gov.au"
It gives the impression the sessions are for the general public, but in fact they are very formal, and when you call up to register, you are asked your address details and what company you are from. Needless to say, I found this kind of offputting and decided it would be more fun to stick pins in my eyes - especially given that you had to get there a half an hour before the session began to register and be seated.
In December last year, information sessions were held in capital cities throughout the country. In Brisbane, a session was held at the Brisbane Convention Centre on 18 December. It was advertised in the local News Ltd. press and when I tried to register for it, I was told that seating capacity had been reached, and that I could be put on a waiting list.
If any journalists attended, they must have been gobsmacked by the presentation, because no report of the outcome of the sessions appeared in any mainstream media that I've been able to find.
Some Emails Awaiting A Response
In response to 'Get Up's' current campaign:
"We thought long and hard about sending you this email, because we like to promote the idea that our individual actions make a difference. But we have to be honest about the Government's current climate policy.
Under their current proposal, action you take at home to reduce energy - like changing to efficient light bulbs and appliances or installing solar hot water - will not reduce Australia's total greenhouse emissions further than the Government's weak target of 5-15%. It will even make it cheaper for industry to increase their own emissions.
That's outrageous, and unfair - but we still have an opportunity to fix this flaw. So we've booked a full-page ad in tomorrow's 'The Australian' to let people know about this scandal.
Check out the ad - and sign the petition that underpins it. "Kevin Rudd, do your bit to fight climate change and let me do mine."
We sent 'Get Up' the following email:
Hi,
I support your current campaign, and have signed the petition.
However, I find it unacceptable that you have chosen a Rupert Murdoch publication to place your advertisement.
If you focussed on any other medium (such as billboards, independent publications - even APN or Fairfax press - at least they are Australian owned), I would consider donating to the campaign.
News Limited is a company that has done inestimable wilful damage to democracy, journalism and the environment in Australia and throughout the world.
If you absolutely insisted that you need to run your advertisement in the Murdoch press, they should pay you for lending them credibility they do not deserve.
Regards,
In response to a recent story in Brisbane's monopoly paper [26/2/09] about the Greens proposing free public transport for everyone under 21:
"Commuter advocacy group Rail Back On Track spokesperson Robert Dow said the Greens scheme would not be viable and should be refined."
We emailed 'Rail Back On Track':
Hi,
I saw the story in the 'Courier-Mail' about the Greens policy for free public transport for under 21s.
They reported that you said the scheme would not be viable, and I wondered if you could clarify or confirm that position. If 'railbackontrack' says that such a policy is not viable, could you elaborate on how and why that is the case? Is there quantitative data or research explaing how and why it is not viable?
For what it is worth, I think public transport should be free to all, and that the Greens policy is a step in the right direction.
With climate change, peak oil and the collapse of the global economy, it seems to make sense,
Regards,
Punishing Sharks An Irresponsible Precedent
Greens Media Release [25/2/09]
"The Daily Telegraph's attempt to catch a shark in Sydney Harbour is a stupid stunt that simply generates hysteria and fear", says IanCohen, Greens MLC.
"What was the Telegraph trying to do by hooking this shark and trying to take it out of its habitat - send a message to the shark population?
"Their story suggests that their reporter caught the shark that bit a navy diver recently because it was of a similar length and looked the same. It is ludicrous to suggest that it is the same shark. Since when do we punish wild animals for doing what they do in their own habitat?"
"The Greens have been campaigning for years to protect NSW fish populations and the marine environment so that the habitats of many species can regenerate from perilously low levels, notably the Grey Nurse shark which is near extinction. The Greens have also vigorously opposed the netting of NSW beaches as being of little use in protecting people against sharks whilst killing many other species."
"By hunting down this "man-eater", the Telegraph is encouraging its readers to go out and catch sharks; an irresponsible stunt that will only hurt shark populations we have been trying to restore."
"The Telegraph is encouraging a form of shark vigilantism, suggesting catching sharks is an acceptable practice and setting a precedent forevery other shark hunting 'hero', although hunting from a power boatwith high tech equipment is hardly the stuff of heroes," said MrCohen. "
"Does anyone think that catching one shark will make Sydney Harbour a safer place to swim? If people want to be one hundred per cent safe and swim in Sydney Harbour, there are a number of dedicated harbour pools.People are thousands of times more likely to die in boating or drowning accidents on the harbour than from being bitten by a shark. Humans need to accept that if we venture into areas where there are wild animals there are risks involved."
"The only encouraging part of the Telegraph's story was
that the waters around Clifton Gardens are teeming with fish - and that the
shark got away."
Brisbane Artist Creates Controversy With ArchiBalls Entry
Bruce Da Vinci's "Nude eunuch with glasses standing around"
Brisbane artist Bruce Da Vinci's controversial entry for this year's ArchiBalls Prize has many scratching their heads.
His self-portrait "Nude eunuch with glasses standing around", is a pared down pen and ink sketch depicting himself as having a very large sexual appendage.
"The problem with the ArchiBalls Prize is that many artists will try to do anything to stand out from the crowd," said ArchiBalls judge Irving Artbuck$.
"We are very impressed with the work of this Brisbane artist - it is so cleverly and elegantly executed."
Da Vinci's entry titled "Nude eunuch with glasses standing around" is entirely meaningless in its simplicity.
"I am proud of my first ArchiBalls entry - it's overwhelming banality is truly provocative," he said.
"The glasses really challenge the viewer to look beyond my large sexual appendage and reflect upon our dysfunctional culture. Despite the fact I forgot to draw a couple of testicles, "Nude eunuch with glasses standing around" is an optimistic dialogue about the boundlessness of my ego."
The ArchiBalls Prize will be announced next Friday and are expected to be very controversial - as per usual.
Hard Hats And Fluoro Vests: The Knee Jerk Swinging Voter's Diary
With our Election Correspondent: Ann Green-Tony
From today's [25/2/09] 'Gold Coast Sun'
No mention of the Broadwater's LNP candidate in today's 'Gold Coast Sun', but the sitting Labor member scored a page 5 picture (and predictable lightweight "development at all costs f*ck yeah" piece) on a Broadwater dredge all kitted out in obligitory construction helmet and fluorescent vest.
"Dredging will take about four months and will include work on the Main Channel at Jacobs Well and the mouth of the Coomera River near Sanctuary Cove.
Broadwater State MP Peta Kaye-Croft said dredging and maintenance work would also be carried out on the South Channel and South Wave Break Island Channel, both in the Broadwater.
She said the Slipping Sands area of Canaipa Passage and the West Crab Island Channel would also be dredged."
F*cking up the Broadwater's delicate ecology so rich c*nts in their obscenely large watercraft can get to Seaworld? Great! Good message for the electorate. Look out Richard Towson LNP guy, I'm leaning back toward that obviously sincere and environmentally friendly ALP candidate. Better impress me with some shiny bauble in the next day or so.
Brisbane's Fantasy Fairytale Future
"It's nearly time we were leaving, we'll have one more
for the road
It don't mean nothing, it don't mean nothing
So we gather around the table, raise our champagne in the air
It don't mean nothing, it don't mean nothing
Cause we've got this night together we'll have here now forever
Don't tell me now you can write me a letter, where will we be in
Fifty years?"
'50 Years', Uncanny X-Men [1985]
Who do you trust?
Last night's Future Fifty Year Outlook Going Forward (whatever you do don't mention coal, the corporate media, the power of the religious right, the connection between resource shortages and imperialist wars of aggression - it's impolite) Summit at the Ponds Institute was a huge success with its distracting discussion of rooftop gardens, nanotechnology, artificial intelligence and turkish delight.
In related news, the South Specific Film and Television Corporation, which co-opts local talent for the big Hollywood studios, says Brisbane is just like Narnia because the majority of its citizens are obedient and not as troublesome as Mexicans. And besides, they're happy to work for less money and on lower conditions than those uppity Mexicans.
Turkish Delight?
"Although Brisbane's thriving creative scene is largely illusory, Narnia will add to the infinite opportunites available to those who haven't been anointed or refuse to sell out to car companies," said a spokesperson.
"You can count on the people of Brisbane to be content with the unsatisfactory terms, and more importantly bend over and take it up the behind no questions asked," he said.
A local politician from Redland Way said a system that fostered local companies was problematic, and agreed that Queenslanders quite enjoy being f*cked over.
"Most of us think the earth is flat," she said.
"This three second scene of a mudflat is expected to bring millions of international tourists to Redland Way, just like Mad Max brought millions of people to the far-west of NSW. Did you know we used to have a strawberry festival which attracted thousands of visitors every year?"
Uncanny similarities. As with Narnia, Brisbane has two realities - and both are cruel and ruthless
A spokesman from the Department of Bogus Marketing Campaigns Masquerading As Job Advertisements said strengthening local artistic communities, and encouraging regional uniqueness and creative expression would not help the economy and/or jobs going forward.
"Take the Bonds Cottontails example (but don't mention that Mrs O'Hare-Lachlan-Whatever who used to spruik for them). It could also lead to protectionism, which is the latest dirty word, or maybe even politically challenging art - which would just not do in Queensland - thank goodness our major funding body sees to that."
And it goes without saying that an undisciplined, independent imagination is a dangerous thing, while reinforcing stereotypes is vitally important.
POLL: Pauline Hanson? Does she say what you really think, and have our elected representatives purloined her policies? Tell us what you think.
http://www.mutantdolls.com.au/
Why?
Fish Sculpture, Harley Park Labrador [25/2/09]
In the last 24 hours, some clown has vandalised part of this beautiful sculpture on the Broadwater.
Like the interactive xylophone (located in the same area) it's a rare example of intelligent, community focussed and aesthetically pleasing public art in South East Queensland.
A Note Of Appreciation From The Rich
Prescient ruminations from the interwebs:
Let's be honest: you'll never win the lottery.
On the other hand, the chances are pretty good that you'll slave away at some miserable job the rest of your life. That's because you were in all likelihood born into the wrong social class. Let's face it - you're a member of the working caste. Sorry!
As a result, you don't have the education, upbringing, connections, manners, appearance, and good taste to ever become one of us. In fact, you'd probably need a book the size of the yellow pages to list all the unfair advantages we have over you. That's why we're so relieved to know that you still continue to believe all those silly fairy tales about "justice" and "equal opportunity" in America.
Of course, in a hierarchical social system like ours, there's never been much room at the top to begin with. Besides, it's already occupied by us - and we like it up here so much that we intend to keep it that way. But at least there's usually someone lower in the social hierarchy you can feel superior to and kick in the teeth once in a while. Even a lowly dishwasher can easily find some poor slob further down in the pecking order to sneer and spit at. So be thankful for migrant workers, prostitutes, and homeless street people.
Always remember that if everyone like you were economically secure and socially privileged like us, there would be no one left to fill all those boring, dangerous, low-paid jobs in our economy. And no one to fight our wars for us, or blindly follow orders in our totalitarian corporate institutions. And certainly no one to meekly go to their grave without having lived a full and creative life. So please, keep up the good work!
You also probably don't have the same greedy, compulsive drive to possess wealth, power, and prestige that we have. And even though you may sincerely want to change the way you live, you're also afraid of the very change you desire, thus keeping you and others like you in a nervous state of limbo. So you go through life mechanically playing your assigned social role, terrified what others would think should you ever dare to "break out of the mold."
Naturally, we try to play you off against each other whenever it suits our purposes: high-waged workers against low-waged, unionized against non-unionized, Black against White, male against female, American workers against Japanese against Mexican against.... We continually push your wages down by invoking "foreign competition," "the law of supply and demand," "national security," or "the bloated federal deficit." We throw you on the unemployed scrap heap if you step out of line or jeopardize our profits. And to give you an occasional break from the monotony of our daily economic blackmail, we allow you to participate in our stage-managed electoral shell games, better known to you ordinary folks as "elections." Happily, you haven't a clue as to what's really happening - instead, you blame "Aliens," "Tree-hugging Environmentalists," "Niggers," "Jews," Welfare Queens," and countless others for your troubled situation.
We're also very pleased that many of you still embrace the "work ethic," even though most jobs in our economy degrade the environment, undermine your physical and emotional health, and basically suck your one and only life right out of you. We obviously don't know much about work, but we're sure glad you do!
Of course, life could be different. Society could be intelligently organized to meet the real needs of the general population. You and others like you could collectively fight to free yourselves from our domination. But you don't know that. In fact, you can't even imagine that another way of life is possible. And that's probably the greatest, most significant achievement of our system - robbing you of your imagination, your creativity, your ability to think and act for yourself.
So we'd truly like to thank you from the bottom of our heartless hearts.
Your loyal sacrifice makes possible our corrupt luxury; your work makes our
system work. Thanks so much for "knowing your place" - without even
knowing it!
More Junk Mail: The Knee Jerk Swinging Voter's Diary
With our Election Correspondent: Ann Green-Tony
More electioneering paraphenalia in the post
What a co-incidence. In today's mail I received more material from the candidates for Broadwater.
It just doesn't get any easier to decide between the two candidates. Richard Towson (LNP) tells me that the ALP has failed. He tells me that only the LNP can be trusted to manage the economy. That sounds really scary. He thoughtfully included a few postal vote forms. That was very nice.
The ALP member is called Peta-Kaye Croft. She also put a glossy brochure into my letter box, and it also had a postal vote form. How nice.
Peta-Kaye Croft's glossy brochure says that she is working for me. Well, that really is nice. Her brochure tells me that "Anna-Bligh and Peta-Kaye-Croft will keep Queensland strong", I must confess that I have been very worried lately about who I could really trust to keep Queensland strong. So now I have a bit of a quandry. Richard Towson says the ALP has failed and he now wants to be trusted with the economy, and Peta-Kaye Croft says she is working for me and also promises to keep the state strong.
Hmmmm, what is a swinging voter to do? Do I trust? Do I prefer strength? Ohh, it's sooo hard. If only one of them would say something which didn't involve 'Weasel Words'. Well, the poll tonight must be a draw, neck and neck, too close to call etc..
Maybe Wednesday's letter box or internet offerings will help sway this swinging voter. Until then, be strong and trust for change in hope you can believe in. After all, sometimes strength and trust and hope and change we can all believe in is all we've got, isn't it?
"9-11 Was An Inside Job" Roundabout, Scarborough and High Street North, Southport [24/2/09]
Is Uncle Pete Going To Have His Martin Luther King Moment?
"We're Putting the Band Back Together"
"The sight of hotels by the Nile, the designated Hilton
style,
With running water specially bought, short memory
A smallish man Afghanistan, a watch dog in a nervous land,
They're only there to lend a hand, short memory
Wake up in sweat at dead of night,
And in the tents new rifles, hey short memory"
'Short Memory', Midnight Oil [1982]
In related news: Opposition Leader Water Melon is re-forming his old Merchant Bank Whitlam-Turnbull (or whatever it was) to avoid this cheap wedgie shot.
"We are getting the Merchant Bank back together again after all these years for a 48 hour private capital tax-deductible investment frenzy. We are also going to donate 0.01% of all profits to Church-Based charities to help victims of mis-fortune visited upon them by fires, even if those fires have started at the seat of their pants and can be proven to have been deliberately or accidently caused by the speaking of mis-truths."
A spokesman who spokesmanned anonymously said 'he was only joking about that last bit, he really wanted to point out that everything is really Kevin Rudd's fault, that's all.'
A View From My Balcony: The Knee Jerk Swinging Voter's Diary
With our Election Correspondent: Ann Green-Tony
Simple folk appreciate fridge magnets
Antony Green's website went up last week, the Premier made the big announcement on MyFace yesterday and the good people of Queensland go to the polls on 21 March.
So who are you going to vote for? There isn't much of a choice is there? Especially on the Gold Coast. Take my electorate - Broadwater - where you can choose from Peta Kaye-Croft (ALP) or Richard Towson (LNP). No green or independent candidates for the beautiful Broadwater - no sireee! Although we all love the environment down here, we're mostly bogans and simple folk who like fishing, swimming, surfing etc, but remain uniformed about real issues. Indeed many of us are still driving around with Australian flags on our cars.
But the way we view the world is not entirely our fault. The lack of media diversity has created a discourse which ignores and/or greenwashes issues such as climate change, public transport, sustainable living, while pushing the pro-market, pro-privatisation agenda - especially in relation to education and health. Some of the reporters at Channel 9 and Channel 7 give it a shot, but are limited by commercial constraints. For example, the right-wing monopoly press keep telling us The Spit needs to be developed and a "superyacht" marina is a good idea, and most of us believe them - just as most of us support the idea of more roads.
So my feeling is that this election will be framed by the really big issues - such as the best fridge magnet.
Take the fridge magnets our household have received so far. Peta Kaye-Croft's is annoying - it certainly doesn't match the kitchen decor, but there can be no doubt that because it features a calender, it will prove useful in the coming months. Richard Towson's fridge magnet, however, incorporates a truly bizarre symptom list for meningitis. One wonders what message he is trying to convey - or perhaps he hasn't thought much about that at all!
Given all that, I would have to say Ms Kaye-Croft wins that little battle. Because even if she loses the election, the calender's still good - until 2010!
And let's not forget that the local monopoly press always report favourably on Ms Kaye-Croft - never a nasty word. Today for instance, they reported that she lobbied HQ against the South Stradbroke Island Desal Plant (that's something even the most redneck constituent doesn't want in their backyard) - so Towson will have his work cut out for him if he thinks he's going to conquer the Molendinar thugs and propaganda makers.
Don't believe me? Check out their current attack on Cr Susie Douglas (wife of Dr Alex Douglas - LNP candidate for Gaven), or their ongoing sniping at Logan Council Mayor Pam Parker.
Join The Carbon Sequestration Party
Cataclysmic Climate Change? "I want to marry a Rockfeller"
DIAMONDS! They are not just a girl's best friend, but Australia's only hope for silencing the Gays and Heroin addicts who would steal away your beloved way of life.
Many idiots believe that scientists know something about science, but for the rest of us who know better there are other, more positive, solutions to so called 'problems.'
The 'Climate and Public Opinion' division of the 'Pond's Institute' has determined that simple people do not fully understand the massive challenges we are confronted with. These massive challenges and the threat posed by scientists and other believers and followers of the AGW religion need a more simple message.
DIAMONDS! That's it! What are diamonds made of? Oh, of course, you're stupid and have no idea. Let me tell you then: Diamonds are made of Carbon! So not only is Carbon essential for Carbon based life-forms and not only is it not pollution, it is also......"MONEY!!!"
That's right, all we need to do to ruin these hand-wringers is to capture all that Carbon and compress it into diamonds. Then we can sell them to African CIA-backed dictators to sell to De-Beers and solve all the World's problems via the wonderful free market. Ha! Cop that, lefties!!
Our slogan will be:
"They call it pollution. We call it diamonds. They are arseholes. We are extremely rich and laugh at how we can mobilise stupid people to enforce our superiority over them. Woops, scrub that last bit, it really doesn't look good and the fools could rise up against us."
Brisbane's Pedestrians Rejoice At New Speed Limit Ruling
"Mahna mahna (do do do do do)
Mahna mahna (do do do do)
Mahna mahna (do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do)"
According to Wikipedia, 'Mah Nà Mah Nà' debued as part of Umiliani's soundtrack for the Italian mondo film Svezia, inferno e paradiso (Sweden: Heaven and Hell) (1968), a pseudo-documentary about wild sexual activity and other behavior in Sweden. It was also featured on the first episode of 'The Muppet Show'.
A Brisbane pedestrian rejoicing
Obituaries with Andrew Wrong
Following the stalling of Council's "Pedestrian Phase Out" project late last year, Brisbane's pedestrians are today rejoicing at a plan to reduce speed limits in the CBD to 30 km an hour.
"Pedestrian Phase Out" was announced in August 2007 as part of Council's five year plan to tackle climate change and peak oil: "Cars! Cars! Cars!: A Vision For Brisbane", in which by 2010 footpaths were also to be eradicated, along with all forms of public transport.
In response to a groundswell of community anger, Civic Cabinet today scrapped "Pedestrian Phase Out" and are now looking at an alternative proposal to reduce inner city speed limits
Although Brisbane pedestrians celebrated in the streets, Brisbane Drivers aren't so sure about the plan.
"I'm a bit concerned about the proposed reduction in CBD speed limits," said one motorist revving his engine and beeping his horn at a pedestrian trying to cross on the green man.
"But if they let us have guns, I think we can come to a compromise."
A spokesperson from the peak body representing citizens for pedestrian eradication - Pedestrian Eradication Now or I'll Scream (P.E.N.I.S.) - said pedestrians were as bad as terrorists.
"The way they walk everywhere is suspicious," he said.
"We should be alert and alarmed."
The Scream
In a page in his diary headed Nice 22.01.1892, Munch described his inspiration for the image thus:
Australia Shines At Glittering Oscars Ceremony
"Where are my maracas?'
Australia has scooped the awards at this year's Academy Awards ceremony, which was hosted by Australia's best loved son, our Hugh.
Australia was well represented in all categories, although much controversy has surrounded the movie 'Australia', which should have been nominated for an 'Ex-wives of Tom Cruise' award.
Our Heath unexpectedly won the most convincing clown award and our Cate was in that movie with Brad Pitt.
While Rupert Murdoch is an American, he owns the movie and the country - both of which are currently making a loss.
'Australia' may not have won best Costume, but as Frank Farina said over the weekend:
"Sometimes the best team doesn't win on the day."
Although most of the awards were won by actors, directors and writers who aren't Australian, they have probably been to Australia at some stage and may have even seen the movie - both of which they probably really love.
But you definitely don't need to know that Australian filmaker Alex Gibney's 'Taxi to the Darkside' won best documentary last year - even beating Michael Moore's 'Sicko'.
It's All About You
they want to tell you how to
see, hear, feel, act, and think
if you let them
they will
Visionary Retirement Village Planned For Newstead House
Newstead House...enhanced historical aspects
Newstead House will soon undergo a significant redevelopment which is set to transform the heritage listed Brisbane icon into a luxury retirement village.
Set amidst three hectares of unused public space and gardens, Newstead House was home to Brisbane identities Captain John Wickham, and merchant and politician George Harris in its formative years. More recently, the house has fallen into disrepair but developers DECiMAYTE have purchased the property and have devised a unique plan to revitalize it's historical aspects and enhance its accessibility.
Newstead House will be renamed Heritage Mews to reflect the achievements and aspirations of its residents, who are expected to be among Brisbane's most wealthy and influential. Heritage Mews offers an exclusive lifestyle opportunity for those admirable individuals who have earned a restful retirement through their good work in rebuilding the city into the vibrant, inclusive, accessible and amenible place it is today.
"The redevelopment of Newstead House into Heritage Mews is visionary as well as sustainable," said project director Fuc Yu.
"We expect Council will approve it any day now, which is a good thing because so many of Brisbane's more successful retirees are forced to live elsewhere when they reach retirement age because the city is such quarry."
The redevelopment of the house will involve a partial demolition making way for a car park, while the remaining portion of the building will become a world class erectile dysfunction clinic, cosmetic surgery and hair salon. Funky cladding and the addition of decorative awnings - all sympathetic to the original design - will enliven the house's heritage appeal.
All plants such as this dangerous and hideous Poinsiana will be removed as part of the redevelopment
Approximately 100 independent living units will be built within the park grounds, along with mini golf, 24hr security, an interpretative ecological centre and chairlifts to allow easy access to and from the ferry stop and Breakfast Creek Hotel. The innovately designed eco-friendly units will be nestled amidst newly relandscaped gardens featuring drought resistant vegetation, meaningless public art and war memorials. In keeping with it's early years, servants (attired in authentic 19th century outfits) will be at the beck and call of residents.
According to the Queensland Heritage Register, Newstead House was built in 1846 for pastoralist Patrick Leslie, who pioneered European settlement on the Darling Downs.
Yellow Ribbon Awareness
"Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree
It's been three long years
Do ya still want me?
If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree
I'll stay on the bus
Forget about us
Put the blame on me
If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree"
'Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree', Irwin Levine and L. Russell
Brown, recorded by Dawn and Tony Orlando [1973]
"A yellow ribbon is a symbol with various meanings, mostly associated with those waiting for the return of a loved one or of military troops who are temporarily unable to come home. It is also sometimes used at county and state fairs in the United States, where it indicates a fourth-place finish in a contest. Recently, it has been used to symbolize support for the International Suicide Prevention Program and to raise awareness of Testicular Cancer, Endometriosis, and Madeleine McCann."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_ribbon
Politicians Refuse To Reveal Behinds
Politics in Queensland: arse about face
The lead up to the soon to be announced state election in Queensland is set to become even more boring as politicians refuse to reveal their behinds online.
A series of recent internet pranks and 'ArseBook'/'FaceAche'/'MyArse'/'ArseTube' incidents has lead to complaints, outrage, fury, insults, accusations of dirty tricks, reprimands and loud yawns from online political pundits.
For an unbelievably long time the internet has been a little like the old 'town common' where citizens, nutters and soap-boxers of all stripes could carry on and observe free from and unmolested by the rubbish of orchestrated politics. Of course that was bound to end eventually, but it took them an awfully long time to get their act together. And what an act it is!
"Captain Bligh is a fatty," said a spokesman for the Opposition Springboard.
"I am not" posted a contributor to the same 'ArseBook' page going by the name of 'LadyBoss'.
"The LNP are stinky bums" was another post by someone called 'MoneyMan'.
"Socialists", shot back 'PRpro', and on it went.
Ever since the major parties launched their high tech cool hip Y-Gen savvy home movies on their foreign designed "ArseTube" listings the internet has been abuzz.
Well placed sources in both parties said, on condition of anonymity, that the "ArseTube" videos had been watched at least 20 times each. It is understood that the major parties have asked the proprietor of "MyArse", Rupert Murdoch, if he could modify the operation of the system to allow them to join people as 'MyArse Enemies' rather than the more traditional 'friends'.
"I blame Sir Joh," said a spokesman for Minister Judy.
Nothing Is Everything
From the March/April edition of 'Adbusters' magazine:
"We must beware of those who decry the visible forms of violence such as terrorism while perpetrating the invisible, systemic forms of violence that generate the very phenomena they abhor."
This is the starting point for Slavoj Zizek's recently published 'Violence', a collection of revolutionary reflections in which he draws two conclusions of particular interest to future activists and culture jammers. First, it is "difficult to be really violent, to perform an act that violently disturbs the basic parameters of social life." Most attempts at revolutionary violence, whether left or right, fail to target the basic social structures underlying the systemic violence, which revolutionary forces strive to overcome. Zizek further concludes that sometimes doing nothing is in itself an act of violence capable of toppling those oppressive social structures. He ends the book leaving us with this revolutionary imperative:
"The threat today is not passivity, but pseudo-activity, the urge to 'be active,' to 'participate,' to mask the nothingness of what goes on. People intervene all the time to 'do something;' academics participate in meaningless debates and so on. The truly difficult thing is to step back, to withdraw. Those in power often prefer even a 'critical' participation, a dialogue, to silence - just to engage us in 'dialogue,' to make sure our ominous passivity is broken. The voters' absention is thus a true political act: it forcefully confronts us with the vacuity of today's democracies. If one means by violence a radical upheaval of the basic social relation then, crazy and tasteless as it may sound, the problem with historical monsters who slaughtered millions was that they were not violent enough. Sometimes doing nothing is the most violent thing to do."
Micah White
Teetering Toward Totalitarianism: The St Marys Example
From Ahimsa House's February Newsletter:
So what was and is going on here? Well the answer lies partly in the nature of the St Mary's community and the faith they are practicing. This is an inner city church that at times fills to overflowing with up to 800 worshippers. The parish priest Peter Kennedy is a classic liberal intellectual who has championed a wide range of good causes - indigenous rights, gay rights, women's rights etc, etc. The liturgy also has evolved to include an active role for women including women preaching. They also sing a range of ultra modern hymns and give out communion to all and sundry.
However it is most important to grasp that what has provoked the Church authorities to close down Fr Kennedy and his church is not Kennedy's radicalism in itself. For sure they loathe his ideas. Nevertheless it is Kennedy's success in attracting a congregation that has the Church worried. Quite simply they would prefer an empty church to a radical one.
The Roman Catholic Church is after all the organisation which, while moving to expel Fr Kennedy, has opened its arms to Bishop Williamson of the St Pius the X Society. Williamson is an ultra rightist who denies the Holocaust and believes there is a Jewish conspiracy to take over the world. So there is a space for Williamson within the Church that Pope Benedict is creating but there is none for Kennedy. This then is a return to the Church that blessed the Fascist Franco, sucked up to the Fascist Mussolini and did deals with the Nazi Hitler.
To grasp the significance of the attack on Kennedy we need to understand that he and his congregation belong to the church of the intellectuals. Kennedy is actively trying to fashion a faith which will transcend the antinomies of capitalist modernity. He wants to confront capitalist values with ethical norms that have been taken from the Sermon on the Mount - Blessed are the destitute… for they shall see God.
In Kennedy's faith Jesus is the outsider, the revolutionary, who opposes Empire and suffers a horrible death because of that. But for Kennedy Christ's sacrifice calls on all of us to make a similar commitment in our search for the Kingdom of God on earth.
The church of the intellectuals is of course the church that the clerical core fears the most. This is the church within which contains the seeds of an alternative to the church of the Curia. Ironically what Kennedy and his community are doing, whether they realise it or not, is struggling to ensure the survival of a church that is dying in front of our very eyes. Only through the ordination of women, the abolition of celibacy and the adaption of a sincere "option for the poor" can the Roman Catholic Church hope to survive. But the Church authorities will consider none of these things.
A suggestive parallel here is the situation in Soviet Russia after Stalin's death. Reform was critically needed, but there was no one to bring in the reforms. The reformers had all been murdered long ago. The CPSU made something of an effort under Kruschev but then gave up the attempt to reform because that would have meant putting themselves out of business. They were the problem and could never be part of the solution.
Similarly at Vatican 2 the Church of Rome made a half-hearted effort at reform and then abandoned it totally under John Paul 2. The latter will prove to be the Brezhnev of the Catholic Church. History will show that, brilliant showman that John Paul was, he nevertheless in his - refusal to reform John prepared the way for the great disaster towards which the church is now inexorably sliding.
So the drama taking place in South Brisbane speaks to the heart of the crisis within the church. The core church - the clergy- has lost all moral authority. Even worse from their point of view their caste is not renewing itself. Internal church gossip has it that vocations are it seems largely confined to gays. There is a savage irony here. The most homophobic of organizations is almost totally dependent on gays for candidates for the priesthood.
Given the crisis that confronts the clergy it is probably true to say that Bathersby did not want this fight with Kennedy and his flock. But by all accounts he is a weak cowardly man who was pushed by the far right of the church. Possibly an Opus Dei cell is at work somewhere in this matter. The head of the Australian Catholic Church, Cardinal Pell, is known to be sympathetic to Opus Dei. He overturned a ban on Opus Dei entering the Sydney diocese and during his recent visit here Benedict stayed with the Opus Dei community. This was a blunt message to the liberals within the Church where Pope Benedict stood. In any case that section of the church that he represents is determined to get rid of its liberal wing and to impose once more total discipline on the Church of the intellectuals.
What we have then, in the St Mary's crisis, is a ruthless offensive from the far right. This is of course sheer craziness. Why would one want to shut down one of the few full churches in Brisbane? But those who the gods wish to destroy they first make mad, and the clerical heart of the Roman Catholic Church in Australia is approaching the psychotic. Trapped by an irreversible loss of prestige, they have reverted to type. Instead of embracing the church of the intellectuals as their best and last hope, they seem determined to destroy it.
It is clear then that the Far Right using their connections in Sydney and Rome have launched an offensive. The parishioners of St Mary's did not pick this fight. They were content to remain quietly within the Roman Catholic Church. But they are a church community which has organized itself along democratic communitarian lines. For that alone they were anathema to the Right. For the same reasons it is imperative that the St Mary's community be defended by all of us. Humanity at large is faced with the scissors effect of economic and environmental calamities.
Only an extention of democratic communitarianism to all institutions in our society will get us through. The philosopher Roy Bhaskar's is fond of quoting the young Marx's: "the world has long dreamed of possessing something of which it has only to be conscious in order to possess it in reality…
In order to secure remission of its sins, mankind has only to declare them for what they actually are." For Bhaskar the heteronymous world of domination and exploitation, that the likes of Benedict, Pell and Battersby will always defend, is a parasitical growth on the human ground state of love and creativity. One has only to recognize and to realize that fact to move on to a world beyond fear, hatred, exploitation and domination. It is their turn to a theology and practice of creativity and love that is the secret of the success of the St Mary's community. It is also the secret of why the Far Right seeks to destroy them. It is moreover the reason why we must be there to support them.
Gary MacLennan, Brian Laver, Sam Watson, Bernie Neville & the Institute for Social Ecology, Studio 8, Ahimsa House.
Crocodile Performed Lewd Acts In Backpackers Hostel Shower
Crocodile...plans to move to Victoria away from all the weirdos
A former high-profile Queensland crocodile appeared in court this week and admitted to committing lewd acts in the shower of a city backpackers hostel.
The crocodile just happened to be in the hostel and performed a lewd act in front of Sven the backpacker, before dropping his towel and heading upstairs to perform another lewd act in front of Sven's friend Jurgen.
"I vas just in ze shower after a very long day of lugging ze backpack around ze town, and zis crocodile just appeared out of nowhere and bared his very large tees at me - I vas frightened and it vas very lewd - I sink he has issues," said Sven.
Sven..."issues"
Freshwater crocs are not as dangerous as the saltwater variety, but in times of stress, they can find themselves inexplicably drawn to showers in backpacker hostels.
"This behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with overfishing, the floods up north or climate change," said a spokesperson from the Department of Malodorous And Toxic Flooring Adhesives.
"But if you are young, male and european, bear in mind that you probably shouldn't smile because the crocodile might think you are a tasty treat."
After counselling and an embarrassing court appearance, the crocodile indicated he would move to Victoria because there are some very peculiar things going on in Queensland.
If you see a crocodile, be sure to call the Department of Malodorous And Toxic Flooring Adhesives hotline right away on 1800 SMELL BAD.
Max Connors Takes Charge Of Australia's Museum of Illusory Democracy
Max Connors...new role
Max Connors has taken on an exciting new role as the head of Australia's new Museum of Illusory Democracy.
The Museum will be ironically located in Canberra's old Parliament House building and will contain all manner of democratic artefacts, including a cabinet room where visitors can participate in staged re-enactments of cabinet meetings.
The visitors will also have an opportunity to participate in the more illusory aspects of Australian democracy. For example, if they wish to re-enact leaks of cabinet documents to the Murdoch or ABC press, there will be a phone or dedicated computer screen on which they can leak the documents and act out getting drunk with the shill of their choice and laughing over the designated title to be attributed to the leaker.
Favourites have always been: 'a government source'; 'a source close to the minister/member/candidate/media'; 'a thoroughly credible source who does not wish to be identified, so you'll just have to believe us'; 'Christopher Pyne/Peter Dutton'.
Mr Connors said he would draw inspiration from his time in Pearl Bay to encourage all Australians to take an interest in the Museum of Illusory Democracy.
"Laura has been very supportive and I will go nude if required," he said.
"I'm not sure the Governer-General would approve, but there can be no doubt that most of Australia's Prime Ministers have been nude at some stage."
It is understood that Queen Elizabeth I and Foley were also approached to be the head of the Museum of Illusory Democracy, but they were too busy flogging postage stamps, european cars and the creative nation going forward.
Queen Elizabeth I and Foley...too busy
In related news, Australia's real democracy is set to become even more illusory - don't blink!
The new leader of Australia's real democracy... all your resources are belong to us
“Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.” Oscar Wilde
See The Business Confidence Collapsing All Around?
Burleigh Heads [18/2/09]
Wouldn't It Be Better If We Just Stopped Tipping Poison Into The Air and Water?
"The CSIRO has developed a new enzyme to break down atrazine, a commonly used herbicide found in freshwater runoff.
Scientists believe atrazine is one of the chemicals flowing off that is affecting sea grass beds around the Great Barrier Reef.
The CSIRO's Cameron Begley says trials in the Burdekin in north Queensland found the new enzyme broke down 90 per cent of atrazine in around four hours.
"What we did is we designed a particular enzyme to attack certain parts of the atrazine molecule," he said.
"So it's not a normal enzyme that you find, it's a special enzyme designed just for atrazine and for some of the other products that look a lot like atrazine.""
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/02/18/2494286.htm
Currumbin Valley [18/2/09]
Can you spot the well camouflaged Elf Skink Eroticoscincus graciloides amid the leaf letter?
Swindle Of The Century Well Underway As The Next Generation Of Brave Young Western Men Head To The Middle East To Get Their Nuts Shot Off
"The lines are short,
I'll fix you up so won't you please come on,
That shiny, sleek machine you wheel,
I've got to blow your horn.
Pull up to my bumper baby,
In your long black limosine,
Pull up to my bumper baby,
Drive it in between."
'Pull Up To My Bumper' Koo Koo Baya, Grace Jones, Dana Mano [1981]
Your World: with 'Spring Hill Voice's Opinion Editor Token Rupert Chick Evil Bitch: Pearl Earring-American Accent-Deadshit
Hi Y'All!
Well Osama Obama President Hilary signed off on his big, black stimulus package today with his big black left hand.
Awright!
High Five!
And the other thang is that we're all heading off to Stanzemanikstan to fight the good fight and defend freedom and democracar.
Did y'all know there's mussies everywhere - not just Crapistan - which is being nuklearisationed, so y'all just better keep on the lookout.
Now ah know that your leaders are a bit put out that no one has asked you arsees to send more troops, but that's becourse y'all don't count.
Ahh know yall's frettin and a fussin 'bout looosin' yah job's'n'all, but neveryee mahnd caz masser Rupert Murdoch and us are all jus fine 'n dandy thank you very much! Hah, hah harrrr.
Why don't y'all go work as shills for newscorp like me? You will never, ever, be out of work, promise!!
Ah well my little skippy buddies. Whatever you do! Don't Buy American! Yeeeehaw and have a nice day!
Signal Box, Burleigh Heads [18/2/09]
May You Live In Interesting Times
From John Pilger's 'Hollywood's New Censors' in 'Information Clearing House':
"These are extraordinary times. Vicious colonial wars and political, economic and environmental corruption cry out for a place on the big screen. Yet, try to name one recent film that has dealt with these, honestly and powerfully, let alone satirically..Censorship by omission is virulent. We need another Wall Street, another last Hurrah, another Dr. Strangelove. The partisans who tunnel out of their prison in Gaza, bringing in food, clothes, medicines and weapons with which to defend themselves, are no less heroic than the celluloid-honoured POWs and partisans of the 1940s. They and the rest of us deserve the respect of the greatest popular medium."
http://informationclearinghouse.info/article22024.htm
Could This Be Australia's Worst Toilet?
Burleigh Heads [18/2/09]
SHOCK! EXCLUSIVE!
LNP And 'Courier-Mail' Call Early Election
Captain Bligh...exclusively shocked
EXCLUSIVE! Today the 'Courier-Mail' and The Opposition Springboard, both leaders of the newly re-branded conservativer-than-ALP element in Queensland State politics, shocked the Captain and her remnant team members by calling an early election.
Legal experts have said that they are so tightly beholden to the 'Courier-Mail' that they would have to check both their arse and elbow before determining whether this announcement was shit or clay.
"I can't differentiate either," they all said in unison, twirling their lanyards.
Knowing that old fashioned, fuddy-duddy and backward thinking other legal types might question the legality of such a move, the 'Courier-Mail' commissioned its own constitutional legal opinion and decided that this is entirely legal and normal.
Professor Iyam Forsale-Atanyprice from the Mail-Order Law Institute has provided conclusive legal advice that the mono media and the Borgatrons are legally able to call an early election if the ALP government fails to take the hint.
"Under an archaic section of the Queensland Constitution the opposition can call an early election if they can get 100% of the foreign owned local newspapers on side," said the expert.
The 'Courier-Mail' is expected to make a decision on the date for the election any day now. In an early sign that the decks are being cleared for such a move Mrs 'Courier-Mail' didn't have her usual column under her husband's editorial in last Saturday's edition of the State's best tabloid.
All ex-Murdoch employees have been called up on their secret beepers and told to await instructions as plans for the Shock! Exclusive! announcement move into place over the next few days. Prepare to shortly be Exclusively Shocked mindless serfs of RupertLand.
In related news, the token alternative media (also known as Radio Rupert) hasn't reported on this exclusively shocking shock exclusive at all. Spokesperson Ms Unwashed said:
"Why are we always the last to know?" in response to a putative question on the subject.
"My secret beeper doesn't seem to work at all anymore, it's like an i-pod battery, once it's dead you're out of the loop but they still know everything we're up to. It's weird but I can't work it out because I'm too credulous."
'Spring Hill Voice' has been assured by the Captain Bligh that she will not call an early election. Ha! Take that, shock exclusive Murdoch media! She wouldn't tell us that if it wasn't true! And we don't even have secret beepers.
Lord Nelson Bows Out
Lord Nelson...gone...forgotten...and good riddance!
Following a day of turmoil for the Tupperware Party, Lord Nelson rode out of politics and hopefully out of our lives forever.
His decision to bow out has nothing to do with the fact that he used to wear an earring, but comes after the Shadow Minister for Stepford Wives was replaced by Shrek.
Geez that Howard biographer from WA had it in for her eh?
The Opposition Goldman Sachs said he was pleased with his new frontbench and wasn't at all worried about Abbot and Costello.
Abbot and Costello...laugh a minute!
Hello, I'm Kevin, I'm From Canberra, And I'm Bringing Queensland's Health System To The Rest Of Australia (But I'm Not A Neoconservative)
From 'Why Should We give 'Dr Death' the keys to our hospitals?' by Nicholas
Stanton:
"To answer this question I suggest we start by looking at the state of Queensland's hospitals during the Bjelke-Peterson years, when they were run by local boards. I don't think there are many who would disagree with the assertion that the hospitals in Queensland were amongst the best in the nation. In the cities, and in regional areas, Queenslanders had access to prompt emergency care, there were few, if any of the horriffic waiting lists we hear all about today, and there was adequate numbers of nurses, GPs and specialists.
What went wrong? This vision of a health system that works, hospitals which don't leave patients waiting for hours in the ambulance outside before they see a doctor, young children who have access to the required specialists who are able to diagnose and fix their problem, rather than leaving them to die an agonising death, seems far away. But it was less than twenty years ago. With state revenue far and away above what it was in those days, especially after the introduction of the GST and the state's failure to uphold their agreement to remove stamp-duties, one would have thought health care, a vital issue by anyone's reckoning, would have got its fair share.
Along comes Goss. During the Goss reign of the Goss government, and his senior civil servant, one Mr Kevin Rudd, health saw vast cost cutting measures, as labor thought it was a better idea for it to be run by bureaucrats to the dollar, rather than experts. The local boards, with members ranging from representatives of the different levels of government, doctors, and local people, was seen to be an inefficient waste by Rudd and his team, and so they were cut. This also meant that for such things as calculating the number of required beds, hospitals are now assigned on the basis of Queensland demographics."
http://www.youdecide2007.org/content/view/446/103/
Nation Says We Don't Have Paid Maternity Leave
One for God and one for Cossie, but make sure you have private health insurance dearie!
The maverick Senator for Queensland says the nation is over stimulated and needs a cup of tea, a bex and a good lie down.
Responding to the nation's complaint that we don't have paid maternity leave and never will, the maverick Senator blamed the stimulation package.
"Look a that silo of debt," he added, referring to his background in the country and evoking wholesome images of expectant ladies on verandahs waving to their husbands ploughing the rustling wheatfields.
"At least I say what I mean."
Speaking on yesterday's Laurie Oakes Hour of Hell, Minister Julia said:
"In terms of the budget, going forward there is a context of meaningless blather."
"I'm selling the same message," said Minister Lindsay on the Incredible Paul Bongiorno still haunts the airwaves show.
"And that message is that although we said we were going to have paid maternity leave, well, that is an issue - look over there - a baby rabbit in the form of a productivity commission."
In related news, a recent report from the Ponds Institute's Privatisation of Universal Human Rights Unit has revealed that when a lady has a baby they should go to a private hospital like a proper yummy mummy.
This report co-incides with a Federal Government inquiry into how to make the health system even more inequitable than it is at present.
The Secret List Of Queensland Icons Poem
no Upper House in the sunshine state
where coal is king and sealed is our fate
God, tasers and environmental poisoning
but there's no shortage of public cancer warnings
where two headed fish swim the Noosa River
and the inbred establishment make us shiver
unsustainable development and a society that's mean
no-one is sorry - we all live in a dream
Kanakas, cancer clusters, fireweed
pedophiles and Caboolture speed
the Brisbane River is smelly and brown
but at least Ipswich isn't the capital town
cyclones, flood, Dengue and drought
never fear the free market will sort it all out
the world's most independently minded capital city newspaper
football teams made up of rapers
Bauxite and the Great Barrier Reef
flexible planning requirements that beggar belief
where heads are buried in the sand
and Coca Cola puts pineapple in cans
racism, fluoride and ripping up trainlines
branch stacking, land clearing, snaking charity lines
police brutality and deaths in custody
as our leaders bang on about democracy
free education back in 1875
thank goodness Sir Charles is no longer alive
carbon sequestration and Bundaberg
you can't have a beer when you go to Cherbourg
the jailing of Pauline, Merri and Di
and no-one ever asks the real reason why
struggling women's shelters and no respect
as a fundamentalist ethos has taken effect
depleted uranium and Shoalwater Bay
onward christian soldiers go out to play
a public service corporatised
neutered and politicised
the mysterious Paddington tram depot fire
selling public utilities to consortiums of buyers
the Tugun Desalination Plant and the Southbank Wheel
anointed art that's safe and surreal
draconian 3 am lock out laws
gerrymander and legalised whores
the big pineapple and the tropical Daintree
Gold Coast highrises sit by the sea
Happy Birthday Queensland - What's going on?
With your head up your *rse and everything wrong
"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
From the 1976 movie 'Network', written by Paddy Chayefsky and Directed by Sidney Lumet ('Before The Devil Knows You're Dead').
Network News Anchorman Howard Beale (Peter Finch) on UBS-TV:
"Good evening. Today is Wednesday, September the twenty-fourth, and this is my last broadcast.
Yesterday, I announced on this program that I would commit public suicide, admittedly an act of madness. Well, I'll tell you what happened -- I just ran out of bullshit --
Am I still on the air?
I don't know any other way to say it except I just ran out of bull-shit ...Bullshit is all the reasons we give for living, and, if we can't think up any reasons of our own, we always have the God bullshit --We don't know why the hell we're going through all this pointless pain, humiliation and decay, so there better be someone somewhere who does know; that's the God bullshit -- If you don't like the God bullshit, how about the man bullshit? Man is a noble creature who can order his own world, who needs God?
Well, if there's anybody out there who can look around this demented slaughterhouse of a world we live in and tell me man is a noble creature, that man is full of bullshit -- I don't have any kids -- and I was married for thirty-three years of shrill, shrieking fraud --
I don't have any bullshit left. I just ran out of it, you see --"
Congress Of Heartless B*stards
Howard's Australia lives on.
Here's an extract from the second reading of the Migration Legislation Amendment Bill (No.2) 2008 [2009] in the House of Representatives last Thursday [12/2/09] -
The amendments allow for refugees applying for migrant status to be thrown out of the country 35 days after a migration decision regardless whether or not documents can be served. In addition, because one in ten appeals go against the Minister, the government will now restrict access to appeals.
Mr Bernie Ripoll MP (Oxley):
We have heard from other speakers how some people will use what is available to them-but it is an abuse. They use the lack of a time limit and use the mechanisms that exist to extend their stay in Australia beyond what is reasonable. In this they are not really seeking to address the substantive issue being dealt with in the courts. They appeal to try to extend their stay, to establish networks in Australia, to try to thwart our laws and regulations and their intent. The time limits reinstated by the bill mean people have to have genuine reasons and not just unlimited time in which to extend their stay in Australia and change their circumstances over that time, which may then compel a different decision later.
The amendments in schedule 2 provide for a new time limit of 35 days in which to lodge an application for review of a migration decision, from the date of that decision. The current time limit that applies to judicial review is 28 days from when the client is actually notified. This has been a problem in the past- which is something that has been covered by other speakers-but the amendments in this bill will address that issue. It will mean that the 35-day period will start to run from the time the decision is taken to have been made rather than from the time of actual notification. I think any fair individual would understand that sometimes serving papers can be very difficult. Some people deliberately seek not to be served. The changes coming into place will mean that the time limit applies from the date of the decision rather than from the time of serving, as is currently the case.
Schedule 3 of the bill will operate in concert with the amendments in schedule 2 and limits appeals against judgments by the Federal Magistrates Court and the Federal Court that make an order or refuse to make an order to extend time to apply for judicial review of migration decisions. Again, it is about limiting the opportunities for abuse and discouraging unsuccessful applicants from continuing a fruitless process not of trying to address the substantive matters, because they know they will not be successful, but simply using the system to seek to stay in the country for longer periods of time. There is a strong incentive for clients to litigate in order to extend their period of stay.
As I said earlier, it increases the possibility of them extending their networks and their relationships to make it more difficult for the MRT or the RRT to make adverse decisions, when these people would otherwise be unsuccessful applicants. There is some very good data on this, which, interestingly, clearly points towards abuse in those areas. Appeal rates in immigration portfolios, as you would expect, are very high. They are exceptionally high. In 2006-07, it was 78 per cent. So, of the 2,205 applications, there were 1,713 with adverse RRT decisions. The evidence is that people want to appeal. They are very rarely happy with the decisions made by those bodies and want to appeal, and they continue to appeal and use every legal mechanism they have available to them. Interestingly, though, they have a very low success rate. In fact, the minister has a very high success rate. The minister wins appeals in over 90 per cent of cases. That is a clear indication that there was really no chance in the first place that they were going to get an
overturned decision. But I do not believe that that was ever their intent. They probably very clearly understood that they were not going to get one but wanted to go down that path anyway merely for the luxury of the extension of time. That is not the way our system is meant to operate; it is not the way it is designed to be.
We need a streamlined, efficient and economical system that, as I said earlier in my remarks, provides justice and does the right thing by migrants to this country but is also balanced with what is just, fair and right for Australia and its citizens and what we need as a country. So I am very supportive of these changes. In summary, there are a number of very important provisions in this bill. It clarifies and enhances matters in relation to merits and judicial review of migration decisions, which I think is important and needs to happen. It also clarifies the Migration Review Tribunal and the Refugee Review Tribunal in terms of seeking oral submissions from third parties or by written invitation- giving effect to the original policy intention before the Federal Court's decision in SZKTI v Minister for Immigration and Citizenship. It reinstates the effective and uniform time limits for applying for judicial review of migration decisions and clarifies that the 35- day time limit commences not from the time of notification but from the time the decision is made. It also places effective time limits on unsuccessful applicants so as not to take advantage of delay for delay's sake. Very importantly, it gives broad discretion to extend time where that is considered to be necessary in the interests of administrative justice. There are also a range of good quality amendments to ensure the immigration processes in this country are fair, effective, efficient and, I believe, in the interests of all Australians.
I commend the bill to the House.
As well as illustrating a bipartisan attitude against refugees, this shows that the previous government's neo-conservative policies are not being wound back, they are being expanded.
It pays to listen to what your elected representatives say in the Senate and the House of Representatives. What is presented to you on the ABC and in the corporate media is usually the gilded lily.
What Trial?
Net Censorship Trial 'A Box Ticking Exercise':
Greens Media Release [11/2/09]
The Australian Greens say the government's internet censorship trial won't be effective as any customer can choose to opt in or out.
"I'm puzzled the government has chosen to conduct an optional trial of its mandatory internet filter," said the Greens Communications Spokesperson Senator Scott Ludlam.
"Those who download illegal material are hardly going to sign up to the trial. What can the government hope to achieve when the plan's target group won't even participate? It's like trialling tough new laws against fraud, but letting the fraudsters opt out."
"At this stage, only a few ISP providers have chosen to participate in this trial, which means few internet users are going to be involved. It's impossible to draw any conclusions from a trial involving such asmall sample size."
"I can only assume that this trial is for show, so the government can tick a box and say they've tested this deeply unpopular censorship plan before implementing it."
"The Minister says he's aware of technical concerns regarding the internet filter, yet he's again stayed silent on the much larger issues of government control of information, and freedom of expression,"concluded Senator Ludlam.
Government Takes Personal Responsibility For Queenslanders' Inability To Spell "Fluoride"
Obituaries with Andrew Wrong
The Government has taken personal responsibility for Queenslanders' inability to spell "fluoride" and "fluoridation".
A spokeswoman for Captain Bligh has confirmed that it is all her fault and measures would be taken to address the problem.
"Captain Bligh went to a community meeting up in Hokey Okey One Nation Voterville and made some promises," she said.
"But we didn't think the corporate media would pick up on the story."
It is believed that activists for the We Are As Dumb As Dogsh*t And Need Help To Learn How To Spell Flouride group (W.A.A.D.A.D.A.N.H.T.L.H.T.S.F.) may now have a loophole.
A high flying lawyer from Brisbane Law firm Makes Bucks & Judges Son, said that the W.A.A.D.A.D.A.N.H.T.L.H.T.S.F. wouldn't have a snowflake's chance in hell of taking any action against the government.
"It is an unusual case, but I guess that's the kind of strange shenanigans we've come to expect in Queensland," he said.
Several scientific studies have revealed that people who can't spell "flouride" would benefit from not ingesting any "fluoride".
Golden Arches Do Well In Troubled Times
Site of Aspley McDonalds...currently being redeveloped into the state headquarters
Along with Exxon Mobil and BP, McDonalds is one of the few companies still turning a profit in these troubled economic times.
According to the corporate press, McDonalds posted a US$4.3 billion profit in the last financial year, which they say is largely attributed to people seeking out low-cost takeaway food.
Tragic, but I guess it explains the current redevelopment of Aspley McDonalds - which opened in 1975 and was demolished last November.
One local politician described Aspley McDonalds as "a real icon", and that business activity in the community would increase after the redevelopment. Scary to think that business activity in a community should revolve around the expansion plans of an American multi-national corporation!
Anyway, it's been five years since I've set foot inside a McDonalds outlet. I remember the days when a visit to McDonalds was a treat. In fact, I had my eighth birthday party at the Aspley McDonalds, and also went there on a Girl Guide excursion. Those were the days when the hamburgers were thrown away if they had been sitting for more than 10 minutes.
Not sure if they still do this - and don't really care.
Broadwater Dredging Creates Economic Spinoffs
Dredging of the Brisbane River created plenty of economic spinoffs and now it's beautiful and brown!
The Gold Coast Broadwater is currently undergoing a huge dredging project that will create expected economic spinoffs in the millions and zillions and gazillions.
Folks who own big yachts and local politicians agree that the economic spinoffs would be so large that f*cking up the environment is definitely worth it.
"Moving 100,000 cubic metres of sand from the Broadwater to use it as reclaimed land in the Broadwater Parklands project is sensible - have you seen my white shoes?" they all said.
The local monopoly press didn't bother to ask local boaties, swimmers, fishermen, tourism operators or environmentalists for their opinion because the deal is done.
But everybody knows that in the current economic climate, attracting rich w*nkers in their obscenely large yachts to the Broadwater is bound to create local jobs in the single figures.
In addition, no-one asked the surfers who paddle across the seaway from The Spit to South Stradbroke Island every day, whether it was true that swimmers in the Broadwater could be ripped out to sea.
Iconic Beagle And Flinders Object Goes On Display:
Queensland Museum Media Release [11/2/09]
A pivotal part of Queensland history, the 'Investigator Tree', will go on display at Queensland Museum South Bank from 12 February to celebrate Charles Darwin's 200th birthday.
Engraved by members of the Matthew Flinders voyage in 1802 and the third Beagle voyage in 1841, the 'Investigator Tree' is a 3 metre long portion of tree trunk from Sweers Island in the Gulf of Carpentaria.
Director of Queensland Museum South Bank Sally Lewis said the object provides a fascinating story of the how two separate navigation expeditions of Queensland's northern coastline crossed paths forty years apart.
"Visitors will clearly see the two engravings, one relating to the Investigator in 1802 and one relating to the Beagle in 1841," Ms Lewis said.
"The Museum is delighted to be able to put iconic objects such as this on display for public viewing during Queensland's 150 year celebrations."
The third voyage of the Beagle, led by Captain John Wickham (later Chief of Police for the colony of Queensland) and Commander John Lort Stokes, both former shipmates of Darwin, was sent back to Australia from England to explore the country's entire coastline.
On 8 July 1841 while visiting Sweers Island the Beagle landing party found the tree, bearing the carved inscription 'INVESTIGA 1802', concrete evidence of the historic voyage of Matthew Flinders and his ship the Investigator four decades earlier. It was then that Stokes added the Beagle inscription.
As well as the inscriptions from the two separate voyages there are Chinese characters and other indistinct engravings.
The tree was damaged in a cyclone in 1887, salvaged and donated to the Queensland Museum in 1889.
It is on show as part of the Charles Darwin: The Reluctant Revolutionary display which provides a glimpse into the events and influences that shaped one of the most important figures in the history of biological science.
Queensland Museum South Bank is located on the corner of Grey and Melbourne Streets, South Bank. The Museum is open daily from 9.30am to 5:00pm (closed Christmas Day and Good Friday, open Anzac Day from 1.30pm).
For more information on the Investigator Tree and Charles Darwin: The Reluctant
Revolutionary at Queensland Museum South Bank visit www.southbank.qm.qld.gov.au
or telephone (07) 3840 7555.
When Tony Proposed To Cherie
"The two weeks ended all too soon, and the last morning I was up early, scrubbing the floors and generally leaving the villa as I would hope to find it. Naturally, Tony was nowhere to be seen. My last task, ineveitably, was the toilet.
So there I am, on my knees, cleaning the toilet and Tony comes up behind me.
'You know, Cherie, I think maybe we should get married.'
Reader, I said yes."
From Cherie Blair's recently published autobiography: 'Speaking for Myself'.
We Are Aware, And Don't Need Anymore Ribbons, Clinical Trials Or Symptom Diaries
Senator Moore. In January last year my mother passed away (see 'A Private Health Insurance Experience') after a 10 year battle with ovarian cancer. Your speech in the Senate today [11/2/09] offers no reassurance to women battling ovarian cancer (and their families).
Our voices are not silent, they are loud and clear. We don't want to hear anymore about awareness, clinical trials, information sheets and "taking ownership" of one's body. We want to know about cancer clusters and when our government is going to address the shortage of gynaecological oncologists and improve the quality of care for cancer sufferers in this country.
And by the way, why don't you know why it is that the U.S. Defense Department is funding research into Ovarian Cancer in Queensland?
From Senator Moore's speech in the Senate today [11/2/09] on National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month:
"As I have said before in this place, when the diagnosis is made, they need to say, 'I want to be part of a clinical trial.' Consistently, the evidence and all the information that we have is that the real value of knowledge comes through clinical trials. I again ask that we ensure that clinical trials across our country are well resourced and funded and that their importance is acknowledged so that women have the best possible chance of an early diagnosis and good treatment. We have that ability through our science and our research.
I really need to put on record again my immense admiration and respect for the practitioners we have in this country. But we need women to demand their own rights. The clinical trial that is being done through the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre in association with the Queensland Institute of Medical Research is currently funded-I really enjoy this particular process-by the American Department of Defense. I am not sure why, but I deeply thank them for their funding. On behalf of women across the world, I congratulate them for helping this wide clinical trial develop knowledge that can be used by our researchers to discover an effective cure for this horrible condition.
We will be celebrating National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month here on 23 February. I ask the community to be part of that. I say to them: during this month, get to know more about your own body so that you can be healthy and knowledgeable and can take ownership."
Just a hunch, but if you mention "clinical trial" five times in that short passage you are pushing an agenda. "We need women to demand their own rights", by subjecting themselves to your clinical trials? The U.S. DoD? Come off it!
From the chapter 'One In Every Four' in Rachel Carson's - 'Silent Spring' [1962]:
"Today we find our world filled with cancer-producing agents. An attack on cancer that is concentrated wholly or even largely on therapeutic measures (even assuming a 'cure' could be found) in Dr Hueper's opinion will fail because it leaves untouched the great reservoirs of carcinogenic agents which would continue to claim new victims faster than the as yet elusive 'cure' could allay the disease.
Why have we been slow to adopt this common-sense approach to the cancer problem? Probably 'the goal of curing the victims of cancer is more exciting, more tangible, more glamorous and rewarding than prevention,' says Dr Hueper. Yet to prevent cancer from ever being formed is 'definitely more human' and can be 'much more effective than cancer cures'. Dr Hueper has little patience with the wishful thinking that promises 'a magic pill that we shall take each morning before breakfast' as protection against cancer. Part of the public trust in such an eventual outcome results from the misconception that cancer is a single, though mysterious disease, with a single cause and, hopefully, a single cure. This of course is far from the known truth. Just as environmental cancers are induced by a wide variety of chemical and physical agents, so the malignant condition itself is manifested in many different and biologically distinct ways.
The long-promised 'breakthrough', when or if it comes, cannot be expected to be a panacea for all types of malignancy. Although the search must be continued for therapeutic measures to relieve and to cure those who have already become victims of cancer, it is a disservice to humanity to hold out the hope that the solution will come suddenly, in a single master stroke. It will come slowly, one step at a time. Meanwhile as we pour our millions into research and invest all our hopes in vast programmes to find cures for established cases of cancer, we are neglecting the golden opportunity to prevent, even while we seek to cure.
The task is by no means a hopeless one. In one important respect the outlook is more encouraging than the situation regarding infectious disease at the turn of the century. The world was then full of disease germs, as today it is full of carcinogens. But man did not put the germs into the environment and his role in spreading them was involuntary. In contrast, man has put the vast majority of carcinogens into the environment, and he can, if he wishes, eliminate many of them. The chemical agents of cancer have become entrenched in our world in two ways; first, and ironically, through man's search for a better and easier way of life; second, because the manufacture and sale of such chemicals has become an accepted part of our economy and our way of life."
New CCC Report Released: Giant Retailers Cashing In On Poverty Wages
Amsterdam, [10/2/09] Major global retailers Carrefour, Tesco, Aldi, Lidl, and Walmart are seeing massive profits and increasing market share in the garment sector, as workers in their supply chains face increasing poverty, appalling conditions, and serious workers rights violations, according to a new report released today by the Clean Clothes Campaign.
“With a heavy heart we live like prisoners,” said one young woman working at a Bangladesh factory producing for Carrefour, Tesco, and Walmart where there is no union and workers are told to lie to auditors about working conditions.
As the economic crisis worsens around the globe, CCC research in India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and Thailand published today in “Cashing In: Giant retailers, purchasing practices, and working conditions in the garment industry” shows how the discounter model used by these retailers squeezes suppliers and results in serious workers’ rights violations in their supply chains – enabling them to cash in as consumers and workers are forced to tighten their belts.
Workers at factories supplying these retailers told researchers about working weeks as high as 90 hours, overtime that is unpaid, wages so low that families are malnourished, and strong resistance to any attempts at worker organising. At the same time suppliers revealed how the supermarkets are cranking up the pressure to deliver faster and produce cheaper – a model that makes a mockery of the social commitments made by these companies.
As one worker at an Indian supplier for Carrefour, Tesco, and Walmart said of a corporate code of conduct:
“We don’t read this, because reading it would not benefit us. We don’t get the benefits mentioned in it.”
The report reveals that failure to pay a living wage, increased use of temporary contracts, repression of union rights, excessive hours, and gender discrimination are key problems in the garment supply chains of these five global retailers. Retailers’ own purchasing practices – prices and schedules they impose on suppliers – create some of the biggest obstacles to implementing the very international labour standards they have committed to.
“The Giants size and price-breaking approach make them leaders in the global race to the bottom on working conditions,” said Nina Ascoly, of the CCC’s International Secretariat.
Clean Coal Part Two: A Million Naked Ladies
As promised, Part 2 of an extract from Peter Cook's "Miner" soliloquy ("Sitting on the Bench") From 1964's 'Beyond The Fringe':
"…And they wander about for many a year, till one day the leader of the nude women, Beryl Jervis, sees a disused mine.
"Come on girls!" she shouts.
She has to shout 'cos the last one's about six miles back.
"Come on girls, here's a disused mine at last, let's all rush down it. And dance about."
And all the nude ladies rushed down the mine after Beryl Jervis, and begin to dance about. It's a scene unparalled in mining history. They dance and they dance for days on end 'til suddenly a very frail nude lady by the name of Stella Whittington, falls exhausted to the floor with a shout of:
"Ahhhhhhhhh! This is too much!"
And the nude ladies see the folly of their ways and retrace their steps over the desert to rejoin their husbands who've been sitting on the edge of the desert having a drink.
It's a wonderful story, it'd make a wonderful film. [he makes a woop noise] Did you notice for no apparent reason very suddenly I went [woop]? It's an impediment I got from being down the mine [woop]. See one day I was walking along in the dark [woop] and I saw the body of a dead pit pony, "[woop]" I went in surprise, and ever since then I've been going [woop] unexpectedly and that's another reason why I couldn't be a Judge.
It destroys the dignity of the court you see. A wooping Judge is not very much welcome. But I wish I could've got in to Judging circles 'cos the trouble with being a miner is as soon as you're too tired and old and ill and sick and stupid to do your job properly you have to go. Whereas the very opposite applies with the Judges. So all in all I would have rather have been a Judge than a miner.
See I've always been after the trappings of great luxury, I've always fancied them. Yet I have got hold of the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of trappings. And a rotten load of old trappings they are."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofUZNynYXzM
Most Hilarious Quote Of The Week
Festival Hall
"Midnight demolitions of the iconic places like Cloudland and the Bellevue are a thing of the past, thanks to our heritage legislation.
If a place is of state cultural significance and it's on the heritage register - a decision not made by me or the EPA but by the Queensland Heritage Council - then there's a level of protection for its future.
Development may happen; albeit in a considered, sympathetic way."
Andrew McNamara, Minister for Sustainability, Climate Change and Innovation, in the Summer 2009 edition of 'Time & Place' - the (newly rebranded) Queensland Heritage Council's propaganda outlet.
Perhaps he's unaware that since the implementation of the 1992 Heritage Legislation, Brisbane has lost The Shingle Inn, Festival Hall, the old Metro Goldwyn Mayer Offices in Elizabeth Street, the Wallace Bishop building, De Groens and Prouds building, Ascot Chambers, Hesketh House, the Milton Tennis Centre, Milton Bowl and the Wheat Creek Culvert.
As for "considered, sympathetic" development, hasn't he heard what's planned for Yungaba?
Why The Establishment Dislike Lily Allen With A Passion
"I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don't care about clever I don't care about funny
I want loads of clothes and f*ckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them
And I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous
I'll look at 'The Sun' and I'll look in 'The Mirror'
I'm on the right track yeah I'm onto a winner
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
Cause I'm being taken over by the fear"
'The Fear (I Don't Know)', Lily Allen [2008]
Mary River Action Groups Unite To Plan Strategy:
Save The Mary Media Release [9/2/09]
Brisbane, Mary Valley and Hervey Bay groups fighting the proposed damming of the Mary River at Traveston Crossing joined together over the weekend to plan campaign strategies ahead of the forthcoming State election.
More than 50 members of three opposition groups, the Greater Mary Association, Save the Mary River Coordinating Group, and Brisbane Save the Mary River Group, met to develop a program for joint community actions.
As a collective, the groups confirmed that although they are not party political, they will actively campaign to oppose any candidates who are in favour of the proposed damming of the Mary River.
'We'll be asking all candidates standing for election to state their views and position on the proposed Traveston Crossing Dam, and advising voters of the outcome," said Vikki Uhlmann, whose Brisbane team is ensuring that Brisbane MPs and candidates will have the facts about why the dam proposal should be scrapped, and the benefits of several alternative water supply options for SEQ.
"The Labor State Government's position is full steam ahead on approvals to dam the Mary River at Traveston Crossing, with Premier Anna Bligh stating: "They will know in early 2009 the decision of the state Coordinator-General, and I expect that within two to three months of that they will know the decision of the federal government". We came together to ensure that our three organizations work together as a united force and coordinate our efforts to ensure that the dam proposal is overturned," said Glenda Pickersgill President of the Save the Mary River Coordinating Group.
Darryl Stewart, President of the Greater Mary Association told the meeting that many people in the lower end regions of the river from Maryborough to Hervey Bay are outraged at the lack of government understanding of the impact of the dam if it were ever built and are determined to do what it takes to have the proposal defeated.
Marathon kayaker Steve Posselt who has paddled thousands of kilometres to support the campaign summarised the organisations thus:
"We are not just campaigners, we are strong family, that has and will continue to make sure that the electors of Queensland are informed of the absolute stupidity of this proposal."
If We Must Have A "Stimulus Package" We Reserve The Right To Call In A Favour
http://www.getup.org.au/campaign/EconomicFairness&id=508
Dear Senator Brown,
Whilst I disagree with the idea of throwing money at consumption, please consider making a condition that passing the stimulus package includes an increase in the unemployment benefit and pension.
In addition, there must be some provision for public transport.
Regards,
This Is Not A Bargain
Schonell Theatre and Pizza Caffe has a new deal to coax folks in:
2 movie tickets and 1 pizza for $25 or
2 movie tickets, 2 pizzas, 2 glasses of red or white wine for $50
There can be no doubt that the Pizza Caffe is one of the best pizza places in Brisbane, and the Schonell Cinema screens great movies, but if you really want to get people along to your establishment during these difficult economic times, a better deal would be:
2 movie tickets, 1 pizza and 2 glasses of red or white wine or a jug of beer for $25 or
2 movie tickets, 2 pizzas and a bottle of red or white wine or two jugs of beer for $50
Unless, of course, you don't really want to encourage struggling students and the lower end of the market!
Aussie Tells Yanks How It Is Down Under
From Richard Neville's article 'Seismic Shifts Down Under' in the January/February 2009 edition of 'Adbusters' magazine:
"Turnbull's style, wit and sophistication makes Rudd look dowdy and square. While not a supporter of either man's party, I believe this outcome will raise IQs on both sides of the House and enrich the level of debates. Both leaders are smart, driven and ruthless.
Australians always wanted their country to be clever, and now there's a fighting chance. Turnbull is already adapting his views to further his aim of running the country - and the sooner the better. As I write, the Bill Henson controversy is erupting again, and this time Turnbull is playing it safe.
Neither Rudd nor Turnbull are truly surfing the zeitgeist. That honor goes to Greens leader Bob Brown, a longtime champion of sustainability and carbon neutrality, as well as a scathing critic of Australia's unblinking support for US invasions. The Greens are leap years ahead of the rest in keeping the nation informed about climate change and remain a force in Parliament.
To be clever is one thing but to be wise is miraculous. The tragedy of a modern democracy is that it tethers the imagination of a leader to the drabness of the herd. Play to the herd and the votes roll in. Play to the truth, such as leveling with the electorate on the urgency of reducing consumption and re-imagining lifestyles, then you're banished to the fringe. But that's okay. The fringe is where the future is re-invented. And every more Australians are drawn to the task."
http://www.richardnevillefuturist.com/
Greens Grill Conroy on Transport: Greens Media Release [5/2/09]
Senator Scott Ludlam has questioned Minister Conroy on the government's decision not to include public transport in its $42 billion dollar economic stimulus package.
"The Minister showed a formidable absence of understanding in his response. I asked the Minister why public transport and cycling infrastructure was being neglected, given the multiple benefits of these investments. I also asked what was being done to link new public housing into public transport services and whether the potential to create new Australian jobs in transit manufacturing had been considered."
"The Minister didn't answer the question and couldn't provide a reason for not including public transport in the package," said Senator Ludlam.
"A rushed and piecemeal response to massive stimulus spending risks landing the country in massive debt without attacking the real problems we face. There is an urgent need for Commonwealth spending on public transport: to rescue stranded commuters, to stimulate the economy, and to shock-proof Australia from an oil shock that everyone except the Government seems to know is coming."
"I'm sure if you asked the hundreds of commuters that were left stranded by the bus, tram and train break-downs last week, they'd be stunned by the Minister's attitude. It's time the Commonwealth Government got into gear on public transport rather than the baffling fob-off we got today."
Senator Ludlam raised the issue as commuters are still reeling after some train, tram and bus services ground to a halt in Adelaide and Melbourne last week, unable to cope with a record breaking heatwave. In November Senator Ludlam initiated the first ever Senate Inquiry into public transport, due to report mid-year.
Brush Turkey Rapists On The Loose
The face of a violent rapist
Personification and perpetuating peculiar messages about sexual violence with Dee Praved.
Brush Turkeys are forming gangs, moving into the back yards of well-to-do South East Queenslanders and raping their well-pampered chooks.
Experts say the Brush Turkey gangs are nearly as bad as professional footballers.
"Brush turkeys are a little different in that they prefer the upper classes," said the expert.
"But although they avoid poor people, I couldn't say if they've ever set foot in any Fortitude Valley nightclubs."
The Brush Turkey gangs have also been known to send offensive text messages to pet chooks while on bonding exercises.
"They seem to prefer the fluffy black ones who live in the wealthier backyards," said the expert.
Although Brush Turkeys have always been widespread throughout Brisbane, we'll write an irresponsible story making out they are becoming a real nuisance right now.
And while we will make it clear that rich people drive BMWs, we will neglect to mention they are a protected species (the Brush Turkeys, not the wankers who drive BMWs!)
In case you hadn't guessed already, we in press-world don't give a flying f*ck about the native animals of South East Queensland or the environment.
Here We Go Again!
With Greens candidate Larissa Waters launching her campaign for the seat of Mt Coot-tha today [5/2/09], 'Spring Hill Voice' thought we'd revisit an exciting event we reported on during the 2006 State election campaign!
Standing in for Premier Peter Beattie, at last night's [5/9/06] debate for candidates contesting the electorate of Brisbane Central in the upcoming state election, Member for Mt Coot-tha, Mr Andrew Fraser ducked, weaved and said (figuratively) that the best thing to do would be to LOOK OVER THERE, IT'S A BABY RABBIT!
It was a lovely evening that Ms Larissa Waters (Greens Candidate) had organised at the quaint old Ithaca Hall on Enoggera Terrace. It's such a picturesque part of town, overlooking the twinkling lights of Brisbane's CBD - the thrills of Paddington are not too far away, and the breezes over the hill are delightful. The debate was an excellent opportunity to find out what all the candidates stood for - except the main ones who are too arrogant to turn up - you know - the sitting member (Peter Beattie) and the Liberal candidate (Craig Thomas).
Not to worry. I found Samuel Watson, Alan Skyring, Larissa Waters and the beseiged Andrew Fraser (sitting member for Mt Coo-tha stand in) very entertaining, and full of insight. It's a pity more constituents rather than party hacks and other faithful didn't attend.
It wasn't hard to feel sorry for poor Andrew. Questions Questions Questions about Dr Death, population explosion and the South East Queensland Regional Plan, Nuclear Energy, Carbon Taxes (and sequestration). Not to mention the doozy from a breathless and besuited Miss "Swinging Voter", who had a few well-researched queries about the state of the Queensland Health system - and handed out copies of an intriguing (anonymous) letter from a Queensland GP, which has been delivered around the electorate:
I hope Ms Waters has started a trend. It's important to engage with your local political representatives (or potential ones).
Well, after that election (which Peter Beattie won, promising to serve a full term) Peter Beattie retired to a tax-payer funded junket in the USA, Anna Bligh became Premier and Andrew Fraser was rewarded by being made Treasurer. It was very interesting to hear the Health Minister, Stephen Robertson, today [5/2/09] on the ABC TV news answering questions about ongoing problems at Bundaberg Base Hospital by saying something along the lines of: "We've come a long way from the dim, dark days of 2005."
With rising community interest in matters of state and new-found awareness of "spin", and with Greens running for every seat at this year's State election, maybe we have come a long way.
It would be a terrible shame if being a "one paper Murdoch" town means the government can keep getting away with this indefinitely.
"They took all the trees
Put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half just to see em
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot"
'Big Yellow Taxi', Joni Mitchell [1970]
Cosmetic Surgery Vision For The Gold Coast Spit
The Spit...an artist's impression of the "Tides A Turnin'" Project
The Southport Spit is one step closer to a million zillion gazzillion dollar rejuvenation cosmetic surgery project.
A totally bogus vision for the area, titled "Tides A Turnin'", has been conjured up by a bunch of greedy folk and has been given the green light to go ahead, full steam ahead etc etc etc, even though it doesn't ring quite true.
Community consultation is a priority for the "Tides A Turnin'" project, although how this will be facilitated remains to be seen. Especially since it is a foregone conclusion: ie; "The Deal Has Been Done".
Although The Spit is lovely as it is, there can be no doubt that it will be transformed into a world class tourism hot spot once the "Tides A Turnin'" project is completed. Going forward, of course.
The Cricketer's Girl
when you're a cricketer's girl
you can never win
you're probably too fat
or possibly too thin
what happens on tour stays on tour
and all that kind of caper
but you'll read all about his sexcapades
on the front page of the paper
you can be a glamourous clothes' horse
while he makes another great catch!
and the corporate media creeps
try to photograph your snatch
he's a hero and a legend
and no-one care's about your life
but you should count your lucky stars
you're not a cricketer's wife!
Breaking Wind: Government Announces $42 Billion "Poke It" Plan
'Spring Hill Voice's' "Breaking Wind" Parliamentary Correspondent Bob Jobs gives us the low down on the government's latest "Poke It" Plan
The government has just unexpectedly announced it will pump $42 billion into a middle class consumption plan to save Australia from any hint of socialism.
Although the "Poke It" plan will contribute to a predicted budget deficit of $22.5 billion, it is sustainable, will boost the Australian economy going forward, and if you say infrastructure enough people will believe you are actually trying to do something and that you are not a neo-conservative.
Part of the "Poke It' plan involves issuing a "Get Your *rse Down To Hardly Normal NOW OR ELSE" credit card to all Australians.
The type of "Get Your *rse Down To Hardly Normal NOW OR ELSE" credit card issued to each Australian will depend on their class and position in society.
A lucky three million Australians will also qualify for free Bradford Bats which will make them very happy, and losers who rent will be required to hold in all their emissions.
Charming, Although I Don't Think This Is A Comment On Bank Nationalisation!
Lump of well masticated chewing gum deposited upon a Commonwealth Bank Autoteller, Runaway Bay [2/2/09]
More like their parents didn't teach them any manners.
Hey Jim (in liquidation, receivers appointed etc..), Can You Hurry Up And Finish So We Can Have Our Footpath Back?
Garden Street, Southport [2/2/09]... A very busy public thoroughfare given that the library is across the road. The footpath has been closed for about a year!
Waiter! There's A Cock In My Curry!
Oh the hygiene! Oh the horror!
Brisbane's cafes and restaurants will soon be required to display ratings cards indicating whether they meet certain requirements.
The City Hall Leader said that many dining establishments were still operating despite the good efforts of the Limited News in letting the public know they have breached some of these criteria.
"You may remember this system was proposed in the not too distant past," he said.
"Just like the Valley Entertainment Precinct."
It goes without saying that multi-national fast food chains and supermarkets will be exempt from this rating system.
Some of the criteria to be included on the rating cards are as follows:
Has the establishment been anointed by the Limited News and is it therefore filled with w*nkers and fools?
Are the menu items overpriced and served w/jus and supercilious sneer?
Will the wait staff dance on the table in the nude if I pay them?
What sort of person eats a chow mein that smells like cat p*ss?
In a secular nation such as Australia, it important to circulate as many images of politicians in church as possible.
A spokesperson for a consumer advocacy group said that it was a good idea for dining establishments to display ratings cards.
"As opposed to what's happening around the world, this system will make it easier for Australians to work out whether they should eat at a particular restaurant or not," he said.
Tell us all about your dining out dramas
Summary of 2007-08 annual financial disclosure returns:
AEC Media Release [2/2/09]
The 2007-08 annual financial disclosure returns from political parties, associated entities, donors and people who engage in political expenditure have today been released for public inspection. How do you spend $689 million dollars on top of your tax-payer funded electoral and postal allowances? Perhaps you buy advertising space from Murdoch newspapers? Funny how not a single news story on the AEC disclosure summed up this jawdropping figure.
The annual returns are on the Australian Electoral Commission’s website at www.aec.gov.au
The annual returns for 2007-08 include expenditure relating to the 2007 federal election.
As at 28 January 2009 the AEC had received 69 political party returns with total receipts* of $214,499,293 disclosed by political parties for 2007-08. This compares to 51 political party returns with total receipts of $135,005,625 currently reported for the 2006-07 financial year.
The political party returns show a total of $212,104,022 total expenditure for the 2007-08 financial year compared to $138,379,775 in the 2006-07 returns.
A total of 230 associated entities reported $689,189,781 total receipts for 2007-08 compared to 265 returns with $674,372,364 in the 2006-07 returns.
A total of 72 third party returns on political expenditure show a total of $50,592,204 was spent on either political commentary, advertising and/or research for 2007-08 compared to 65 returns for 2006-07 showing total expenditure of $25,268,149.
A total of 334 donors completed returns for 2007-08 compared to 232 for 2006-07.
An increase in the total receipts and expenditure for political parties in the 2007-08 annual returns is largely due to 2007 federal election activity being included.
http://www.aec.gov.au/Parties_and_Representatives/index.htm
“Hopeless emptiness. Now you’ve said it. Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness.” - the character John Givings in Sam Mendes' latest film 'Revolutionary Road' based on Richard Yates' novel of the same name.
Government Introduces Radical Truancy Initiative
Students would never scam the ID card scanning system!
A new system that tracks whether troublesome state school students are at school will be rolled out throughout Queensland this year.
Approximately 100 schools in bogan electorates will introduce the initiative - "Shut Up You Little Deadsh*ts I'm Going To Call The Roll Now"- which follows the launch of an expensive truancy campaign that other than demonising public education will accomplish b*gger all.
"Shut Up You Little Deadsh*ts I'm Going To Call The Roll Now" involves the teacher reading from a list of students in the class, and the students saying "Here Miss!", or "Here Sir!" if they are sitting in the classroom at the time.
If the students are in attendence, their parents will then receive a text message around morning tea time which says:
"Hey loser! When are you going to send your child to a private school?"
A spokesperson for the Department of Decimating Public Education admitted the truancy initiative was radical but added that it was foolproof.
"At least it doesn't involve doing anything sensible to actually improve the state school system so that kids want to go to school," he said.
Although this story has no direct quotes from shopping centre owners and parents, they are supportive - according to a politically unaligned school principal.
As is usual protocol for writing stories for News Ltd. these days, no union representatives were asked their opinion on the new initiative.
