Whatever You Do, Don't Take Your Holidays In New Zealand: Acting PM
"she took a holiday in spain
got her numbers changed for good
sewed her wings to an idiot saint
howling in the wood
got a call from mister grey
if i need a place to run
now they've pulled the heavens down
and locked away the sun"
'Holiday In Spain', Machine Translations [1999]
Australia has plenty of world-class tourism attractions to choose from. .. Coffs Harbour's Big Slurpee springs to mind!
In a move sounding suspiciously like a call for solidarity, the Acting PM has suggested that working Australian families might like to spend their holidays in front of their newly purchased Hardley Normal flat screens watching the cricket and the tennis, and (pending water restrictions) running under the sprinkler in the backyard, rather than travelling to exotic destinations.
In response to tourism forecaster/anointed social demographer Salty Bernarde's predictions that there's bad news on the horizon for Australian tourism in 2009, the Acting PM has asked Australians who have had one for Peter Costello, to take their holidays in their own country.
"There's no need to blame Baz Luhrmann and, besides, cocooning with a bottle of French champagne is the way to go," she said, reading from her "talking points".
"So please don't go to New Zealand, no matter how appealing those ads on SBS look."
Sharks And Bare Breasts On The Nile
Paris Hilton...Will she visit KFC while she's on the Gold Coast?
Who cares if a woman wants to bathe topless? Mostly moral crusaders who never say anything about the sexual exploitation and commodification of women's bodies, but pass the smelling salts if they happen to encounter a couple of inappropriately trussed saggy mammary glands at the beach (evidently they are cool with the bulging beer bellies and hairy tattooed backs and cracks displayed by topless men).
In any case, this yawn inducing annual filler (this year there's the added tut tut factor of skin cancer) goes hand in hand with marauding sharks, badly behaved beach goers, and is a very good distraction from things like this:
"The head of the union representing childcare workers says the crisis that has plagued embattled provider ABC Learning shows the industry can no longer be ignored by policymakers."
This:
"The UN Security Council has been unable to force an end to Israeli attacks against Gaza due to the intervention of the United States.
Washington once again used its veto powers on Sunday to block a resolution calling for an end to the massive ongoing Israeli attacks against the Gaza Strip."
http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=79727§ionid=351020202
And this:
"Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni on Saturday instructed the Foreign Ministry to take emergency measures to adapt Israel's international public relations to the ongoing escalation in the Gaza Strip.
Livni instructed senior ministry officials to open an aggressive and diplomatic international public relations campaign, in order to gain greater international support for Israel Defense Forces operations in the Gaza Strip."
Not to mention these little gems (from the ABC News Diary):
Wednesday:
New report on energy productions costs due
Review of Qld guardianship laws due - Brisbane
Vic inquiry into safety at level crossings to report today - Melbourne
Building Australia release interim list of infrastructure projects
So this, goes without saying!
"Anyone with any brains is not reading the news at the moment, let alone this stupid blog. They are busy enjoying a well-deserved (perhaps) holiday, seeing their family etc. Such is the life of a modern day wage slave.
The obstinate fools who insist on reading the news are greeted with countless horror stories which the powers that be leak out while nobody is watching. It's a great time of year to tie up loose ends."
LNP Says Greens Less Green Than Joh. Greens say "Wha...?"
Sir Joh
The LNP has tried to shift Centre-Right politics in Queensland to the Centre-Green-Right according to unsourced names close to the far right of the Far Centre.
The LNP's powerful stranglehold on the media has failed to result in any sensible reporting about their deep British-Racing-Green credentials, and they have been forced to run interference for Israel's aerial bombing of the captive Gaza population by making bizarre demands on the Greens in the slow news Christmas/New Year break.
The "media" has reported [29/12/08] that the LNP wants the Greens to direct preferences to the LNP. Well, they didn't actually use those words but the idea is there. The LNP has slapped those tree-hugging, gay-loving, CO2-fearing, dam-hating, developer-loathing Greens fair and square in their bearded faces with the kid-glove gauntlet of a miniature opposition and hurled it at their feet as an unmistakably clear threat:
"If you don't give us your preferences we have no hope of winning. None. Do you understand that? That means more Labor crooks and shonks and ALP dictatorship. Worse than Joh, you fools, do you hear me? Worse that JOH!!"
In Queensland State politics, The Greens have more votes than the LNP and nearly as many as One Nation.
"Where were The Greens when we were trying to make the Brigalow scrub safe for farmers and their families? Where were they when we were trying to remove dangerous titanium from Fraser Island? Traveston Dam? Flouride referendum?" hypocrasised the LNP intern holding the fort and fobbing off the landlord's opportunistic socialist rent-grab attempts during the holiday period at LNP HQ.
He continued his attack on The Greens (after explaining to the landlord that those lazy communist bludgers at Australia Post must have lost the rent cheque and that another would be sent at the end of the month when the 21 signatories would meet and the LNP central planning committee would be able to cancel the other, perfectly good, cheque).
"And they were completely missing when we loudly opposed John Howard's policies on illegal wars, locking up reffo kids, locking up Indian doctors, locking up and torturing anybody they found annoying or inconvenient. Where were The Greens then? Certainly not standing next to us to help overthrow the authoritarian and unaccountable Queensland ALP State Government. Not on your Nelly", he concluded before going 'harrumph', sharply turning on his heel and frog-marching himself back in to the besieged LNP bunker just in time to stop the socialist revisionist landlord changing the locks.
The Greens MP said:
"Who? What did he say? Sorry, who? Oh, them. We can't rule out giving preferences to anybody, but we're considering giving them to the 'Shooters Party' or 'Festival Of Light' ahead of our close comrades in the LNP who have done so much for the world, the Country, the State, our citizens and us. You can quote that as 'a source close to The Greens who asked not to be named' OK?"
The History Of The Peace Sign
'Sign Language', from 'National Geographic' magazine, August, 2008:
"On a rainy Easter weekend 50 years ago, a crowd of protesters set off from London on a four-day march for the fledgling cause of nuclear disarmament. A new movement needs a new symbol, so they waved signs bearing a simple logo that has since gone on to become a universal emblem for peace.
The peace symbol is neither the track of a dove nor a chicken, as hawks have sneered. Artist Gerald Holtom based it on the semaphore initials for nuclear disarmament, although he later said that it also represented himself in despair, palms out and down.
Purposely never copyrighted, used in everything from Vietnam War protests to cigarette ads, the symbol is easy to recognize-and to misdraw. Pat Arrowsmith, 78, helped plan the 1958 march and still goes to antinuclear and antiwar events. A common mistake-leaving out the middle leg-turns a peace sign into the Mercedes-Benz logo. She fixes that: "I get out my ballpoint immediately."" Helen Fields.
Shane Warne For PM? Couldn't Get Any Worse In This Nation Of Cheats!
Warnie... Where are my baked beans?
Hilarity reigned during the broadcast of the second day of play in the Test match between the two Apartheid nations of Australia and South Africa.
Viewers were asked if the legendary Shane Warne should take the Prime Minister's place in the Lodge, which was so entertaining, especially because the real PM bore an uncanny resemblance to Richie Benaud, and the commentary crew laughed a lot while discussing wrist action.
Nudge Nudge Wink Wink. At least when Howard was PM, the corporate media related a real story about Ian Chappell's snub.
Other questions asked during the poll included: Would it make any difference if Stephanie Rice was the Minister for Climate Change? and: If Ben Cousins was the Attorney General would he apologise to Dr Haneef?
Ricky Ponting...Minister for Gentlemanly Sportsmanship?
It is not known whether part of Andrew Symonds contract requires him to wear that ridiculous looking white zinc cream on his mouth.
In related non-news and propaganda, it looks like the war on terror will soon be over because unnamed sources have revealed CIA agents have been offering Viagra to Afghan warlords. As a result, the warlords are too busy getting busy with those many wives that they have.
Whew!
An Erection Physiology Diagram...The world needs more information about men's willies and imperialism
Rollicking Along The Lions Road
On Christmas Eve, the war memorial in downtown Beaudesert was a solitary oasis of peace as the rest of the town bustled about stocking up on celebratory supplies and last minute gifts.
Constructed in 1971 as a community development project initiated by the Kyogle Lions Club, the Lions Road passes through the Border Ranges National Park and skirts the historic Spiral Loop railway line.
The picturesque outlook from the Andrew Drynan (one of the early settlers back in the olden days) campground where around midnight on Christmas Eve, campers were treated to a visit not from Santa, but some Queensland Police who had difficulty getting up the hill and were bearing the gift of a very bright spotlight???
Over the last year or so, some South East Queensland campers have begun to erect large Australian flags on their campsites. There were two Australian flags on display at the Andrew Drynan campground over the Christmas period. (Sorry, no photo of this emerging phenomenon for obvious reasons.)
View of a freight train passing through the spiral loop railway line from the Border Range lookout, and a Land Mullet (Egernai major).
More scenery along the Lions Road:
The rail bridge and a very old cottage.
An old fence and purple wildflowers mark a property border, and Running Creek, a great place to cool off on a hot day!
The Risk Public School
Christmas Day, Downtown Kyogle
The Captain Logan Lookout, Rathdowney:
The Beaudesert Shire Council plaque (donated by Douglas Jolly, July 1978) at the lookout reads:
"To commemorate the 150th Anniversary of the climbing of Mt. Barney by Captain Patrick Logan.
He achieved the climb alone, 3rd August, 1828. Logan had discovered Mt. Barney in 1827 during his major expedition having walked from Ipswich. As Commandant of the penal settlement he became an avid explorer of Moreton Bay and its hinterland. The greatest expansion of the settlement took place under his leadership.
Many of the names Logan gave to natural features have now been changed. Amongst these Mt. Lindesay now Mt. Barney west peak-1355M east peak-1353M Mt. Hooker now Mt. Lindesay 1192M, Darling River now Logan River. Lyon now Palen Creek.
Captain Logan 1791-1830. Soldier regarded by many as the true founder of Queensland.
Sir Patrick Lindesay 1778-1839. Soldier and Acting Governor."
On the wall of the gent's at the Historical Museum in Rathdowney someone has written: "Queensland Coal Causes Climate Change".
Here's a "Community Service Announcement" from Issue #17 of the 'Rathy Pub news:
"In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Grog = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink grog and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit."
The view from the Pinnacle Lookout in the Border Ranges National Park - worth every bit of the $7 entry fee!:
http://www.kyogleweb.com.au/scenery/lionsroad.htm
From The 2005 Nobel Lecture: Art, Truth & Politics
Harold Pinter CH, CBE (1930 - 2008)
"I know that President Bush has many extremely competent speech writers but I would like to volunteer for the job myself. I propose the following short address which he can make on television to the nation. I see him grave, hair carefully combed, serious, winning, sincere, often beguiling, sometimes employing a wry smile, curiously attractive, a man's man.
'God is good. God is great. God is good. My God is good. Bin Laden's God is bad. His is a bad God. Saddam's God was bad, except he didn't have one. He was a barbarian. We are not barbarians. We don't chop people's heads off. We believe in freedom. So does God. I am not a barbarian. I am the democratically elected leader of a freedom-loving democracy. We are a compassionate society. We give compassionate electrocution and compassionate lethal injection. We are a great nation. I am not a dictator. He is. I am not a barbarian. He is. And he is. They all are. I possess moral authority. You see this fist? This is my moral authority. And don't you forget it.'
A writer's life is a highly vulnerable, almost naked activity. We don't have to weep about that. The writer makes his choice and is stuck with it. But it is true to say that you are open to all the winds, some of them icy indeed. You are out on your own, out on a limb. You find no shelter, no protection - unless you lie - in which case of course you have constructed your own protection and, it could be argued, become a politician."
http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2005/pinter-lecture-e.html
PM Announces Unnamed $149 Million Green Car Initiative
Making cars environmentally friendly
"When we drive my car where the wild things are
I got a green limousine
Everyone's a star but they won't get far
Without a green limousine"
'Green Limousine', The Badloves (1993)
Your Environment Going Forward and Ta Ta To Your Taxes
The PM has announced a $149 million unnamed Green Car Initiative to reduce emissions somewhat, distribute ice-creams and keep working Australians - especially newly unemployed child care workers - employed.
The unnamed Green Car Initiative is part of the $6.2 billion "Supremacy Of The Car! Car! Car! For The Green Future" fund, and involves the distribution of millions of litres of green paint.
It is understood that the Government is currently holding talks with executives from paint companies such as Dulux and Taubmans to discuss the range of green shades. Depending on availability, the green paint will be distributed first to car dealers and then working Australians.
Although the unnamed Green Car Initiative is unnamed, the car is expected to be called the "Lean Green Mean Obscene Waste Of Taxpayers Money Machine".
The PM said that when it comes to the free market, bankruptcy, downturns in sales figures and company closures were all part of the economic cycle, and that regulation and taxpayers dollars should only apply to protecting giant corporations and the fossil fuel industry.
Did you notice I only mentioned emissions once, and that strengthening Australia's public transport networks or the development of an electric car are not options?
Have you say on our environmental blog
CHANGES TO FOREIGN INVESTMENT POLICY –
RESIDENTIAL REAL ESTATE
From the Foreign Investment Review Board website:
"On 18 December 2008, the Assistant Treasurer released details of administrative changes to the Government’s foreign investment screening arrangements for acquisitions of residential real estate by foreign persons. They generally maintain the current restrictions but provide for streamlined notification and administrative arrangements. The changes will be implemented progressively – those that simply require changes to the policy will come into effect immediately; those requiring changes to the Foreign Acquisitions and Takeovers Regulations 1989 (the Regulations) will come into effect after the necessary amendments have been made (expected in February 2009). There are no changes to the Foreign Acquisitions and Takeovers Act 1975 (the FATA)."
http://www.firb.gov.au/content/default.asp
We'd Rather Give Dirty Old Men Blow Jobs Than Be Nurses:
Imaginary Nurses
An imaginary hospital
Queensland's nurses would rather work as prostitutes, according to an imaginary former nurse and her imaginary friends who were also once nurses.
My intention was to write a story highlighting nurses crummy working conditions. But for some reason, my story is eerily familiar to the imaginary story wheeled out every year about imaginary female university students who pay their way through university by selling their bodies.
"Sucking the wrinkly old willies of creepy old men who can't get it up, taking it up the *rse, being sh*t and p*ssed upon and generally humiliated is a legitimate career option," said the imaginary former nurse.
"I've only contracted herpes a few times, and fortunately I was sexually abused as a child so I have no problem with the psychological challenges."
"We wear our nurses uniforms to work and carry our nurse ID - are you titillated yet?" said another imaginary nurse.
"The final straw was that the hospital tea-rooms are too small, while the brothel tea-rooms are huge, and the security is better - especially at Kangaroo Point."
The Minister for Code Blue said that with Queensland's population set to continue growing the State needed to find an extra 5,634 prostitutes by 2012.
"Of course we would prefer to use local girls but we won't rule out expanding the 457 visa program if that is what is required to prove that we are serious about tackling this important issue," he said.
The Minister said that the government was working hard at running down the public health system. He also acknowledged the ongoing support of the only paper in town in promoting the myth that private health care is any better.
A History Of Violence
'Under The Cover Of Darthness': Wayde Owen
"A History Of Violence" is an exhibition which explores the underbelly of Australia's colonial past. Featuring Brett Whiteley Travelling Art Scholarship recipients Wayde Owen and Alan Jones, it is currently on show at the Gold Coast City Art Gallery (until 15 February, 2009).
Here is an excerpt from a conversation between Shayle Flesser and artist Wayde Owen:
"SF: Is there a message in the works. The word SORRY appears in the show?
WO: When approaching the subject of violence in the studio it is very important to empathize. By having the ability to think in someone else's shoes I am able to make images in which all humans can relate. Even though you may not have harmed other cultures personally this is the world in which we live today. It is important to remember our Histories because if we don't it condemns us to making the same disastrous mistakes of the past. This we should never forget, how to EMPATHIZE."
Also on show are the 51 works of art which were selected for the 2008 Stan and Maureen Duke Gold Coast Art Prize (until 8 February, 2009). Brisbane based artist Bruce Reynolds won the prize with his work, "Certainty", which has also been acquired for the Gold Coast City Art Gallery collection.
Of "Certainty", Judge Lynne Seear commented:
"...this is a beautifully executed work, from his well-known series of lino paintings. Reynolds has had one of the most consistent careers in contemporary Australian art as a practioner and educator, and his works are held in major public collections including the National Gallery of Australia, Queensland Art Gallery and the Museum of Brisbane. A much earlier work by Bruce Reynolds came into the Gold Coast City Art Gallery Collection via the art prize in 1989 but "Certainty" represents this senior artist at his painterly best. As befits the medium, it is a modest but intensely evocative work, one that engages the viewer on a human level, but is also intelligently connected to the contested histories of modernism and abstraction."
Cr*p Antenna Alert: Council's Tree Policy Under Review
From the BCC website:
"Brisbane City Council recently announced a review of policies relating to the management and protection of trees on both public and private land. This review will incorporate Council's street and park trees policy and Council's Natural Asset Local Law (NALL), which relates to protection and management of trees on private land.
The review will consider the tree species Council plants, where they are planted and how we manage them. This will assist Council with building its high level of service and safety priorities whilst maintaining the City's subtropical landscapes and Council's commitment to achieving its targets for biodiversity and goals for a greener city."
Residents can provide their input to the review, which will most likely be summarily ignored, because this review is either (a) a distraction from wider environmental problems facing the city, (b) the deal is done as it relates to control of street tree removals/replacements or (c) some other kind of smoke and mirrors trick which has nothing to do with protecting Brisbane's diminishing trees - especially our unique Moreton Bay Figs - which often get in the way of road expansion and development.
The consultation closes on 16 March 2009, and the findings of the review will be announced in April 2009.
All Public Transport Should Be Free
The current billboard for Airtrain states;
"The fare for children under 15 years, and travelling with a paying adult is FREE between the City and Airport.
Child Airtrain tickets purchased at your local station will only cost the fare to the city and the remainder of the journey is FREE."
How ridiculous. Just make it free for everyone all the time you weirdos. Then people might travel on it.
Old La Boite To Get A Car Park?
Back in early 2007, Evans Harch lodged a Development Application with Brisbane City Council to demolish the house adjacent to the former La Boite Theatre in Petrie Terrace. The house was used as a rehearsal space, and would be fondly remembered by many of Brisbane's olde thespians, but like many of Brisbane's much loved special places, over the past few years it's been rotting.
In 2004 an approval for a lot reconfiguration was granted, which created a new lot for the house to allow the former La Boite theatre (which is heritage listed) to be independently developed.
In 2005, an application for a material change of use was approved, which permitted the refurbishment of the La Boite theatre into an office building.
The latest development application proposes raising the adjacent house and the partial demolition of its "rear section" to make way for an office and ancillary parking.
The heritage listed (ha ha ha) La Boite was built in 1972, to the design of Architect Blair Wilson, who won the Industry Clay Brick Award for creative use of the distinctive dark bricks. It was the first purpose designed theatre-in-the-round in Queensland. Many Brisbaneites, who grew up in Brisbane, were lucky enough to have seen some of Gail Wiltshire's brilliant productions such as 'The Magic Fairground', with popular Brisbane thespians Bob Blanch and Madonna Stinson, at La Boite.
Hold In Your Farts For The National Interest
Australia: The things we do for CO2!
The Federal Government has shrugged in response to criticism from its own climate change advisor and embarked on a new plan to meet meaningless emissions targets.
The Minister for Global Warming Going Forward said a 41% reduction in emissions could be attained if every man woman and child in Australia didn't drop their guts, tear one off, cough in their jocks, step on a duck, cut some cheese or let fluffy out.
"In terms of emissions, out the back door, Australian working families will have to hold it in for the sake of the planet, our green coal future economy and the unregulated free market in carbon power," she concluded, in her secret e-mail 'media eyes only' briefing message to an inside source, thought to be a journalist.
A spokesman from Australia's Peak Union Body agreed that working families would do well to refrain from letting rip.
"The economy," he said.
All media experts, opinionists and pundits agreed.
"The economy," they all said.
Well that settles it then, consensus at last. Hold it in for the little children's children, Australia.
The People's Republic Of Southbank: A Mug's Paradise
The Southbank Wheel: The main feature of Radio Rupert's new home [see story below]
Down & Dirty: with Strat. E. Gicleaks
Brisbane's Southbank is a mug's paradise, and it's only going to get worse if Radio Rupert is allowed to move in, according to critics.
I can reveal that secret planning documents revealed to me from City Hall reveal that personal safety at Southbank would be problematic if those awful, vaguely lefty journalists are allowed to build their new headquarters there.
A City Hall planning manager said Radio Rupert's building at Southbank would create a terrifying canyon effect, not unlike that of the Grand Canyon in New York.
Radio Rupert At Southbank: Terrifying Canyon Effect
Drawing on his past experiences, the City Hall Leader said Radio Rupert's building would not bode well for Southbank's feng shui. He also said that secret deals were an affront to democracy and accountability.
"But not my beautiful Clem 7 deal, that's different," he added.
"This is one thing that the people at Bowen Hills and I can agree upon," he said.
Ron Howard Triumphs
Richard Nixon
From a story in 'Columbia Journalism Review' [17/12/08] - 'Television as Tribunal: What today’s reporters can learn from Frost/Nixon':
"The American people are not demanding the same kind of remorse from Bush that was expected from Nixon. But that is no reason to squander exclusive access to the president with flat-footed questions about “uh-oh moments” and White House furniture. If the network news programs are serious about reclaiming their ever-declining audiences, they are going to have to prove that they know how to use this access. A few months ago, Gibson’s questioning of Sarah Palin helped turn the tide of public opinion against the vice presidential candidate. Gibson and his network news counterparts did not, however, ask detailed, complex questions; they used the very same instincts that Frost employed to manipulate Nixon. Does President Bush “agree with the Bush doctrine?” Could he explain what it is?"
http://www.cjr.org/campaign_desk/television_as_tribunal.php
Advance screenings of 'Frost/Nixon' this weekend.
http://www.frostnixonmovie.com.au/
UPDATE:
This excerpt from 'The Man Who Owns The News: Inside The Secret World Of Rupert Murdoch' by Michael Wolff, reveals David Frost wasn't such a lightweight after all. Although 'Frost/Nixon' is an excellent movie, details pertaining to the earlier years of his career have been omitted:
"It is, however, his interview with David Frost, in that autumn of 1969, after publication of the Keeler article, that puts Murdoch--as well as Frost--on the map. Frost's show has been running on London Weekend Television for three weeks when, as Frost will later say in his memoir, "it caught fire" with "an interview with a new arrival on the London scene."
The interview is notable, on Frost's part, for its heavy shocked-shocked tone--as though Murdoch's even bringing up the Profumo Affair, one of the most well-covered scandals in British history, was simply outrageous behavior. It's notable for the ferocity of Frost's attack--sarcastic, prosecutorial, and sanctimonious. And notable for Murdoch's implacableness: His instinct is to resist and inflame, rather than smooth and mollify. And notable because Murdoch completely bombs.
Frost himself assumes that Murdoch will sidestep the issue with some sort of mild mea culpa so that the show, which Murdoch has been convinced by Frost will be "friendly," will focus largely on an Australian entrepreneur's success in London.
But Murdoch, accompanied by Anna, Bert Hardy, and his PR man, John Addey, runs right into it. His own conception of himself as a hands-on, man-in-a-hurry, commercially astute guy--characteristics that in another decade or so would become de rigueur for every entrepreneur--morphs publicly into the figure of the dark, morally suspect, sadistic villain. It's a relentless forty minutes in which Murdoch, with evident pride, takes practcally full responsiblity for the Keeler book excerpt.
"I certainly subedited a tremendous amount out of the book," he proclaims.
"You have done that yourself?" confirms Frost, before holding him to account: "Since we talked on the phone this afternoon, I spent four dismal hours reading through the [Keeler] manuscript.
What did you think of it when you read it?"
Thus begins perhaps the only public inquiry into Murdoch's tabloid philosophy.
"What is your argument of positive merit?" demands Frost. And this becomes his leitmotif: making Murdoch define the good he does.
"Arguments of positive merit in this is that for the first time the whole story is being told," Murdoch tries.
"But it's not," says Frost. "All these books have come out...."
Murdoch retreats. There is nothing wrong, he says, "in telling a story twice."
"If you admit that the story has been told twice, then we are making progress," says Frost, treating Murdoch like an errant schoolboy. "But, I mean, you started off by saying there were new things. I went through this. I combed this through very carefully and I could not find any new facts in it all except a couple of minor personalities."
Then, midway in the show, a taped interview with Cardinal Heenan is introduced, which Murdoch says he wasn't told about. The prelate excoriates Murdoch on air and defends the worthiness of John Profumo's current philanthropy.
Frost then singles out John Addey, sitting in the audience, for clapping loudly when Murdoch defends himself. "Your PR man's going mad again. Your PR man is the only person who's applauded--you must give him a raise."
And then there is a point where, with narrowed eyes, Murdoch seems to focus on his position. The entire controversy has been whipped up, he says, "by members of the sort of establishment" who, he analyzes, would not otherwise "want to be seen with Mr. Profumo anywhere."
Frost cements Murdoch's position: "That's an Australian view of England--it really is, you know. I mean, it doesn't work that way anymore there, you know. It really doesn't. I mean, of course there a lot of daft old-school ties in the country and so on, but it doesn't work like that--the Establishment are not as well organized as that."
"You reckon?" says Murdoch sourly.
The interview, a smash success for Frost (Frost and Murdoch actually occupy similar media places--the first of the independent media entrepreneurs), confirms everybody's position. Murdoch, to Frost's audience, is a disreputable, un-British interloper. Britain, to Murdoch, is ruled by a hypocritical, self-sustaining establishment--which, he clearly understands, doesn't want him. (After the show, Anna says to Frost, who has invited the Murdochs back to the hospitality suite for a drink, "We've had enough of your hospitality.") Everybody's position, in fact, is enhanced. The establishment rises in condemnation of Murdoch, as Murdoch becomes determined to have his revenge."
Council Announces L.A.M.E. Laneway Project - Yet Again
Burnett Lane: Future Vision
Like stories about parking rage, the "rejuvenation of Brisbane's laneways" is a reliable old chestnut to wheel out every year.
Back in the bad old days Brisbane was a banjo pickin' paradise - a veritable cultural desert with too many newspapers, no restaurants, theatre, art, coffee shops or hideous architecture with pokey out awnings.
Then Expo 88 came along and Brisbane expanded its cultural outlook, as its youth got p*ssed and fornicated with people from overseas, kicked out all the corrupt politicians and adopted al-fresco dining.
This year, Council says it is nurturing its non-existant love affair with Brisbane's laneways with a new Lets All Masturbate Excessively (L.A.M.E.) Laneway Project.
Through the L.A.M.E. Laneway Project, Council will inject millions of dollars into promoting commercial activity in Brisbane's laneways.
The City Can Do was at a loss to explain why Melbourne has so many wonderful and vibrant laneways in their CBD and Brisbane does not.
"Something about the feng shui," he said, scatching his head.
"Nothing to do with the fact that two-thirds of Melbourne's inner-city laneways are closed off to cars at certain times of the day."
Have Your Say: Is Council's New L.AM.E. Laneway Project Lame?
"Public Transport Is Racist, Gay And Communist": Corporate Media
Gold Coast Meter Maids: Bound for Chermside Shoppingtown
Thousands of outraged Chermside Shoppingtown Shoppers say they will boycott the centre in response to a plan to introduce paid parking.
Although it would be bad feng shui, the Brisbane City Council has approved the installation of boom gates and ticketing booths at Chermside Shoppingtown.
A lesbian, asian Council bus driver said that the bus route from Chermside Shoppingtown to the city was known as the feng shui express.
"That's because it's always full of communist commuters who think they have a right to park in the Chermside Shoppingtown carpark while they travel into town," she said.
One frequent flyer is so incensed by the bad feng shui he has set up an *rse face, which has attracted many like minded frequent flyers.
"This issue is something that really gets me hot under my clean white collar," he said.
"We are currently negotiating with the Gold Coast City Council to get some meter maids up here pronto."
One member of the *rse face group said she would consider shopping elsewhere, until she realised every other shoppingtown was the same.
Wildlife Photography Up-Close At Queensland Museum South Bank: Queensland Museum Media Release [17/12/08]
A free showcase of stunning wildlife images taken by Queensland Museum’s award-winning nature photographers will be on display at Queensland Museum South Bank from 17 December.
Final Cut presents more than forty up-close images of mammals, insects, birds and corals.
Director of Queensland Museum South Bank Sally Lewis said the exhibition provides a glimpse of the remarkable work that goes on behind the scenes at the Queensland Museum.
“The Queensland Museum has more than 200,000 photographs that document the State’s natural and cultural heritage and this display showcases the skill of Museum photographers Jeff Wright and Gary Cranitch,” Ms Lewis said.
“The striking images were taken over a number of years for use in the popular wildlife guides published by the Queensland Museum.”
The photographers travelled throughout the State to capture the diverse range of images.
Jeff Wright has photographed in locations throughout the world with images published by Australian Geographic, the Wilderness Society, Wildlife Australia magazine and in numerous scientific publications during his 19 years at the Museum.
Gary Cranitch’s 26-year career has seen his images published in publications from Australian Geographic to New Scientist. In 2008 Gary was awarded the Canon Australian Institute of Professional Photography Science, Nature and Environment Photographer of the Year.
Queensland Museum South Bank is located on the corner of Grey and Melbourne Streets, South Bank. The Museum is open daily from 9.30am to 5:00pm (closed Christmas Day and Good Friday, open Anzac Day from 1.30pm).
For more information on Final Cut and Queensland Museum South Bank visit www.southbank.qm.qld.gov.au or call (07) 3840 7555.
Trespass Laws And Tazers
hey kids don't go thinking
protesting will be easy
I know you're worried about climate change
but that makes your oldies queasy
'cos Dad's been reading the paper
and Mum watches the news
they both listen to the radio
absorbing Rupert's views
this week did you hear that
from January 1 next year
tazers will be rolled out
athough they're already here?
and don't forget the announcement
about the trespass laws
your olds will remind you about that
when you tell them about your cause
every night those awful ads
are on the television screen
about young people getting drunk
and creating quite a scene
graphic images festoon
the bus with cancer gore
for westerners a neatly packaged
taste of shock and awe
all designed to manipulate
anxiety and fear
create issues out of nothing
and make reality unclear
trespass laws and tazers
to keep us all in line
we can see whose interests are protected
thankyou Mr Shine!
for all the law and order rhetoric
what concerns these freaks the most
is how to deflect unfortunate slip ups
made to a radio host
so wheel out the botox revelation
what a great distraction
when your leadership is nothing but
media reaction
Christmas Card Punctuation Outrage
The Federal Wayne is always a good target when there's absolutely nothing to report on.
But surely the apostrophe in his Bowen Hills Christmas greeting is in the wrong place?
A staffer from the Federal Wayne's office said that the Christmas Card was entirely appropriate and grammatically correct with its "Seasons Greetings You C*nts" message.
The Federal Wayne later clarified that a mistake had been made, but that it didn't diminish the intent of his Christmas greeting.
"What I meant to say is "F*ck You, you bottom dwelling scumbags!" he said.
"Only I Can Save You Now": God
"Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee"
'Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam', The Vaselines [1986].
Famously covered by Nirvana on 'MTV Unplugged' [1993]
In response to the Prime Minister's recent announcement of a 5% cut in Australia's carbon emissions in 2010, God has spoken.
At a brief doorstop press conference on The Mount this morning, and speaking through a burning bush, God said:
"Only I can save you now."
Before throwing some lightening and thunder around, God said he had previously spoken to most of the elected politicians in Australia (but not the Greens), and they had prepared for the end times.
"I told them all to carry on with business as usual and leave climate change to me," he said, before conjuring up another plague of locusts.
"You might think religion should be separated from politics, but the circumstances we now face clearly proves that only I can save you."
Graffiti Protest, Ferry Road Toilet Block Gold Coast [15/12/08]
No "Flouride" - We're already having enough problems with our spelling!
White Flag Day
Poor People To Lead Digital Revolution
"Please Sir, can I have a set top box?"
The federal government says Australia's Poor should be given a free set top box so that their shabby TVs will be able to receive a digital signal.
Less than half Australian households have a digital television or set top box, because most Australians know it is a scam.
"No-one's buying our digital television caper," said the Minister for Miscommunication, stamping his foot and pouting.
"Sorry, what I meant to say is The Poor should not be deprived."
It is understood that The Poor will lead the digital revolution by presenting their set top boxes at Centrelink in order to get their welfare payments.
Because the deal is done, an advertising campaign is planned to educate recalcitrant Australians (including the Poor) about the wonders of digital television.
In related news, and just to clarify, given last weekend's protests, the government's planned internet filtering is definitely NOT about political censorship. So The Poor will still be able to purchase their PORN from the explosion of sex shops which are set to inundate Queensland.
And in unrelated news, the announcement of a new wedgie party promises Daylight Saving for South East Queensland and makes us all yawn.
Spring Hill Voice's "Top 10" For 2008
http://www.4zzzfm.org.au/events/hot100/
1. The S.U.V. Song: Dan Kelly
2. Apology to the Press (Emma): Punxie and the Poison Pens
3. I wish I was Tex Perkins: Root
4. The Lighthouse Song: Josh Pyke
5. I don't want to die in a hospital: Conor Oberst
6. Empire's New Clothes: Phil Monsour
7. Underground: Georgia Potter
8. Anything from the 'Son of a Lion' soundtrack: Amanda Brown
9. Business Time: Flight of the Conchords
10. Maxine: Sharon O'Neill
How Many Lies?
Once there were times,
Once there were reasons filled with rhymes,
Everything shared, everything told
You keep me so warm,
Protect me from all those mighty storms
And dreams seem so old
So look at us now, just look at us now,
With our hands on our hearts
And lines on our brow
How many lies must we tell?
How many lies must we see?
How many times must we say, its for the best?
And leave truth as the casualty?
Do you read through the lines,
Or believe the TV and the times?
Where can we find more ways to see?
You strain on the truth,
And make believe all when you cry wolf,
And the lies you're giving me
So look at us now, just look at us now,
With our hands on our hearts
And lines on our brow
How many lies must we tell?
How many lies must we see?
How many times must we say, its for the best?
And leave truth as the casualty?
Oh, well the truth is hard,
So when they write the book,
Fictions what you wanna be
Well, its your freedom of choice,
But you know that lies, are the cancer of democracy
You've painted your face,
And now you've tainted your words
And now you're ready and armed with love
Well if you're head is steady,
And your soul is ready,
Were going up above
So whatever you wanna be,
Just come on along with me,
If there's truth in our hearts,
Maybe we can break free
How many lies must we tell?
How many lies must we see?
How many times must we say, its for the best?
And leave truth as the casualty?
How many lies must we tell?
How many lies must we see?
How many times must we say, its for the best?
And leave truth as the casualty?
How many times must we say, its for the best?
And leave nothing, yeah
'How Many Lies?', Spandau Ballet [1986]
Bogus Baby Boom Bonus Expected By Expectant Mothers
An expectant mother expecting her bogus baby boom bonus
A bogus baby boom is expected by expectant mothers because we all know that all expectant mothers care about is the bogus baby boom bonus.
We have no evidence or quotes to back this story up, but expectant mothers are expected to elect to have caesarians before the New Year to take advantage of the bogus baby boom bonus.
So there's another reason for you to frown at an expectant mother if you see one - even if they're not having a cigarette or drinking a small glass of beer.
I mean, how very dare they.
As is the usual case, obstetricians are expecting a busy end to 2008 as expectant mothers are encouraged to elect caesarians before the end of the year so the obstetricians can go on their long Christmas holidays.
In related news, we're wheeling out another crackdown on pool fencing because it's a basic issue that deals with tougher penalties and therefore fits extremely neatly into a narrative that clowns will understand. Also, a report has revealed Australian kids are bullies. Well what do you expect when your country is involved in illegal wars?
$4.7 Billion Circus Unveiled
No. Not Boris the Black Knight!
Hey everyone! We're pumping the economy hard with OUR economic viagra which is actually YOUR hard-earned money!
So who cares about climate change, illegal wars, the suspended racial discrimination act or the fact you just lost your job?
Hugh Jackman is the sexiest man alive and is going to host the Oscars, so we must save the car industry at all costs!!!
Isn't it interesting that while infrastructure used to mean universal health, education, public transport and childcare, now it means roads and rail for mining companies and tunnels, dams, and desalination plants for our private consortium mates?
Look over here! The corporate media is your friend and the Sunshine Coast Council hired a clown for a $700 pep talk, then they're going to have a couple of Christmas parties at P*ssweak World.
Wow! They must be under fire for this outrage.
Oh yes. Don't forget that there are child pornographers everywhere and pedophiles are probably lurking in a highrise near you, so it's important that we censor the internet at the same time we give the spooks a new $527 million building.
It's for your own good.
Australian Taxpayers...more roads and rail for coal companies please!
Good coffee
'It feels like a snake, Bill,'
Cath says approvingly,
tracing my still tingling
skin grafted
scar
scorched forever
across my chest.These days
I'm always blubbering,
but I still fight
crying in front of a woman
even if it's just my Cath.But so what -
I tell myself
as Cath takes
my good hand -
everything ends in tears
and scars.
The best and worst
moments.
Both hard-enduring and head-decapitating
loves.One day
I'll weep over Cath's body
or, more bloody likely,
she'll weep over mine.But this moment -
even blubbing it
away -
I have good coffee
and the balm
of her eye-popping, joyful
relief.Dorothy Porter (1954-2008), 'El Dorado' [2007]
Blonde Bimbo Beardgate Scandal Erupts In Logan
The Logan Council
By our White Ant Correspondent, Hands On Davis
Something's going on in Logan, but it has nothing to do with beards or blonde bimbos.
We continue to push this fabricated story which is designed to belittle the Mayor and make her appear to be in the firing line even though she hasn't done anything.
So called leaked emails, alleged conversations and makeover polls might make you wonder what's really going on.
Well that's for me to know and you to never find out - although by now you have the impression the Logan Council are a running joke.
Aren't I doing a heckuva job?
Not Good Enough
BCC 3/4 Page "CBD Speed Reduction Proposal" Advertisement: Page 8 'mX' [10/12/08]
The advertisement states:
"Brisbane City Council is seeking input from Central Business District (CBD) residents, businesses and pedestrians into the proposal to reduce speed limits in the CBD from 50km/h to 40km/h.
Council is committed to involving local residents in this important decision to improve safety in the CBD for visitors and commuters.
The proposed area includes:
* all streets between Ann Street and Alice Street, including Alice Street
* all streets between North Quay and Boundary Street, including North Quay
* all of George Street including the section between Roma Street and Ann Street
* Roma Street, Tank Street Herschel Street and Makerston Street.
It is proposed that Ann and Turbot Streets will remain at 60km/h as they are busy through-traffic streets.
The proposed reduction in traffic sppeds aims to encourage walking, cycling and public transport use, reduce travel time for CBD commuters and visitors, and reduce congestion in the CBD. It also aims to improve the vibrancy of the city with safer and better access to city destinations.
A decision on reduced speed limits is likely to be announced in early 2009, once the consultation period is complete."
The adverstisement continues with contact details for further information and how to provide feedback (for some reason it's a bigpond and not an official BCC email address).
Why do we need this pretend consultation? How many more pedestrians will be injured or killed before our politicians take this issue seriously? Just reduce the speed limit (including on Ann and Turbot Streets - the most dangerous streets to cross in the CBD). And while you're at it, get those developers off our footpaths, stop advertising with News Ltd. and pull your finger out vis-a-vis King George Square refurbishment.
Hold The Press: Master Planned Communities Have No Public Transport
Noice!
The astonishing revelation that there is no public transport in so-called master planned communities is apparently newsworthy.
The *rse hats at the only paper in town can reveal that sprawling estates about a million miles from anywhere don't have buses.
Other shock revelations reveal there is a farcical lack of trains as well.
A master planned communities spokesperson said that he was glad that the only paper in town didn't say anything about the lack of public transport in master planned communities when he was trying to flog them.
Another spokesman said that if residents of master planned communities were stupid enough not to have cars, they could walk.
The politicians agreed.
Karuna Christmas Appeal
Thank you Karuna
by Sonya McClure
You are amazing women sent from high above
Who have hearts of gold that are filled with love
You cared for my mother with such beautiful grace
And I could tell that you loved her by the look on your face
There is a fact to be told for it is so true
There is no way we could have done it if it were not for you
I am forever grateful and in your debt
And I hate to think what would have happened if we'd never met
It's with this little ditty that I share my heart
Eternally thankful for everyone's share and everyone's part
Allowing my mother from this world to depart
Together with loved ones and peace in her heart
Thank you x0x
Brisbane Celebrates The Universal Declaration of Human Rights
A public forum organised by Amnesty International, Just Rights Queensland and the Queensland Council for Civil Liberties was held at the Sebel Citigate in Brisbane last night [10/12/08] to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR).
The Governor of Queensland, Ms Penelope Wensley AO, who in 1993 was Vice-Chair of the World Human Rights Conference in Vienna, spoke about the Vienna Declaration as it relates to the rights of women and indigenous people.
"We underestimate the power of the government to set an example," she said, referring specifically to Queensland and the entities which evolved from the Fitzgerald Inquiry such as the Anti-Discrimination Commission and the Crime and Misconduct Commission.
Ms Wensley also acknowledged the difficulties which have arisen from these institutional arrangements.
"The issue of human rights should be subject to controversy and debate," she said.
Ms Wensley said that Australia could do more to protect the rights of women and indigenous Australians.
"If we are serious about dignity and justice for all of us, we should turn our attention to the silenced and the voiceless," she said.
Broadcaster, columnist and Australia’s 2006 Human Rights Medalist, Phillip Adams AO drew on his experience whilst researching and writing a report in the mid-1990s for C.O.A.G. to commemorate the Centenary of Federation.
Adams said that in the mid-1990s he constantly found it was "tolerance" that made Australians proud to be Australian.
Adams recalled writing a column for 'The Australian' in which he criticised the then Attorney-General Philip Ruddock's statement that anyone found harbouring an escapee from Woomera or Villawood, would be jailed for eight years. Adams asked readers if they would harbour a refugee and received 10,000 letters of support. Following the Tampa incident, Adams' campaign raised $1,000,000 and further correspondence in which many Australians said:
"I am ashamed to be an Australian."
Because the major parties were in agreement of this policy, Adams said he elicited the support of backbenchers such as Petro Georgiou. It was interesting that Adams failed to mention the Herculean efforts of Greens and Democrats politicians in representing the interests of refugees and immigration detainees. Indeed, it was at this point that the former Senator Andrew Bartlett left the forum, but he may have just had another appointment.
Adams expressed concern that the intolerance and wilful ignorance which has prevailed could be whipped up again, especially as we face unprecedented crises in human history with diminishing food, water and land.
He concluded with a quote from Spanish Catalan cellist Pablo Casals, who railed against the Franco regime:
"The situation is hopeless. We must take the first step."
Brisbane barrister Stephen Keim SC said that the struggle for human rights was the movement of the particular to the general.
"Rights are hard won but easily lost," he said.
Keim said that empathy was the key to respecting one another's rights, and that the greatest obscenities become possible when we lose that empathy.
Mr Keim also did a great job of introducing and thanking the speakers. It was interesting that he made a special mention of 'The Australian' when introducing Adams. He suggested that the only reason they keep him is to appear as balance to all their other rubbish writers, which met with resounding applause. Clearly Murdoch's vice-like grip on the scrota of our leaders is inversely proportional to his credibility with the general Australian public. It is clear to everyone but his adorers and the ABC that he, and his overpaid neo-con stenographers, is detested as an extreme right-wing wrecker and is a wrinkly old joke.
Today, a number of Queenslanders were presented with awards at the Australian Human Rights Commission’s annual Human Rights Medals and Awards Ceremony in Sydney.
The prestigious 2008 Human Rights Medal was awarded to international and domestic Indigenous advocate Les Malezer, who according to 'The West Australian' after the ceremony took aim at the Rudd government, calling its indigenous policy “directionless”:
“I think what we’ve seen is the national apology, and that was very well-received both in Australia and internationally, but since that time there has been nothing,” he said.
He criticised the government for maintaining the commonwealth intervention into Northern Territory indigenous communities, particularly welfare quarantining and the suspension of the Racial Discrimination Act.
“The apology was only words and their actions are going in the opposite direction,” he said.
The Young People’s Human Rights Medal was awarded for the first time
this year to University of Queensland medical student, Alan Huynh, for his work
in multicultural community development, youth engagement and global health issues.
Australia is the only OECD country without a Human Rights Charter, so hopefully today's announcement by the Federal Government that a consultation panel has been established to determine whether Australia needs a charter of rights is not another cynical excercise in tokenistic meandering.
The Law Council of Australia is fully in support of the idea of some basic protection of our rights.
The Cheque Is In The Mail
if you had $1,000
you'd probably stick it in the bank
or maybe pay the credit card off
and then fill up your tank
that'd be common sense
and what most people will do
well the lucky ones who get the cheques
the rest of us get screwed
some of us got bigger cheques
to help finance their dreams
Kate gave Frank $43 million
F*CK!
what sort of a leader
tells his minions go forth and buy?
as the market crashes all around
who voted for this guy?
as for what will happen
in a few months time
I can't see Harvey Norman
navigating the Centrelink line
so if Kevin gave me $1,000
and told me I must spend
I'd open up my wallet
for my local friends
but this would prove rather limiting
in our wide brown nation
because nothing's manufactured here
apart from environmental degradation
multinationals own everything
biscuits, white goods, utes
everything money can buy
even prostitutes
with my lovely $1,000
I could get some Coopers beer
and perhaps a bag of local dope
for my Christmas cheer
so it's probably fortuitous
that I won't get a bean
because I'm gainfully unemployed
and haven't split my genes
the cheque is in the mail
or perhaps already spent
and there is no doubt about it
it won't make a dent
Radio Rupert's New Location Revealed!
The Southbank Wheel...plenty of room for more people from Bowen Hills!
After many years of dilly dallying, obfuscating, dodgy deals with developers and clearing out the remnant progressive element, Radio Rupert has finally announced its new Brisbane studios.
The Southbank Wheel will be the main feature of Radio Rupert's new home, with each capsule to be transformed into a separate studio for each announcer and news reader.
The announcement was made onsite at Southbank this morning [10/12/08] amid enthusiasm akin to that of a funeral. Although there are plenty of other suitable sites around Brisbane where Radio Rupert could be located immediately and for much less expense, the new studios will be state of the art and take a few more years to be incorporated into the city's supposed arts and cultural precinct.
"On liaising with Captain Bligh, we made the serendipitous discovery that no-one rides on the South Bank wheel," said one of the many project team reference group members going forward.
An unnamed source told the 'Spring Hill Voice' that some former ABC announcers and news readers were so impressed by the new site, they were looking at negotiating out of their contracts with commercial stations and returning to the ABC.
Attention South East Queenslanders:
You Can Stop Brushing Your Teeth Mid-December
Reply from the Minister for Health (10/12/08 see email below):
The Stretton Electorate office has been advised by the Deputy Premiers office that flouride will be in the water by mid to end of December 2008.
I hope this information helps with your enquiry.
Regards
Email To The Queensland Minister For Health [9/12/08]
Dear Minister Robertson,
Can you please advise if fluoride has been added to South East Queensland's water supplies yet?
First the Fluoride was going to be added on the Gold Coast from 1 December, 2008. Then the Deputy Premier was quoted as saying that any assumptions that fluoride would be in the tap water on 1 December were incorrect and the "commissioning process" took time.
When, exactly, will the fluoride be in the Gold Coast tap water?
Is it possible to get a full list throughout Queensland with confirmed dates?
Thanks,
Spring Hill Voice
A Stiffy Could Save Your Life: Ponds Institute
If you can't get it up, this could happen to you
Sustaining an erection is now so important that it could save your life says Dr Sniffnstiff from the Willies Are Important Unit of the Ponds Institute.
"If a man can't get an erection, it could mean their head might be going to explode," he said.
Dr Sniffnstiff, who was speaking at the Male Sexuality Reigns Supreme conference this week, said men need to be reminded about pharmaceuticals that can give them an erection.
According to an independent survey commissioned by a pharmaceutical company, some men remained unaware there were drugs that could give them raging hardons.
"Despite the fact that there is blanket advertising of these drugs on billboards and on television, presenting health scares is always a good way to reach individuals who aren't taking the bait," said Dr Sniffnstiff.
AAAAAP Smart Chat
(EFA) Welcomes Widespread Opposition To Internet Censorship
EFA Media Release [8/12/08]
Electronic Frontiers Australia (EFA) today welcomed widespread opposition to Internet censorship proposals by the government.
"The forthcoming protests by the Digital Liberty Coalition and the petition by GetUp! show the depth of community disagreement with the government on this issue," said EFA spokesperson Danny Yee.
The proposed censorship system would target web material that would be legal in other media.
"Australians are unhappy with existing censorship of computer games and films. The last thing they want is even more stringent censorship of online content."
A mandatory blacklist of 1,300 or 10,000 web pages would do almost nothing to protect children from inappropriate content.
"Australiansare prepared to take responsibility for protecting their own children from inappropriate content, using their own choice of filtering software as necessary. They recognize government involvement as ineffective and paternalistic."
EFA has been campaigning against Internet censorship since itscreation in 1994.
"Australian governments have been pushing various Net censorship proposals since 1995, but most Australians now use and are familiar with the Internet, which makes it harder for them to push through ineffective laws that interfere with personal liberties."
Blonde Bimbo Mayor: Do I Have Your Attention?
By our White Ant Correspondent, Hands On Davis
Here at the 'Spring Hill Voice' we don't like women, especially women politicians - unless they are Julie Bishop or Helen Coonan.
We especially don't like women politicians who get elected as independent mayors - even more especially if they oust our heavyweight mates. That's why, we are working hard at belittling the Mayor of Logan.
Under the guise of being outraged at the inequality of it all, today I've been paid to concoct a story about Logan councillors making blonde bimbo gibes about the Mayor. The councillors' comments are entirely fabricated, but the point is, from now on, the Mayor of Logan is a blonde bimbo - get it?
That's correct. We have no shame and our Editor-In-Chief gets paid $700,000 p/a. And if it wasn't for all you idiots reading this cr*p, we would quite rightly go out of business.
EXCLUSIVE!!
It's Unofficial: Queensland Goes To The Polls
Even though most of our readers already know it, sources say the Queensland state election will be in late February 2009.
And you also probably know who's going to win, or more precisely the make up of the parliament right down to the last seat. We know that you know, and guess what? We know too!
And then we can all get back to doing business-as-usual the Queensland way, thanks Rupert.
Mystery Shoes
Rode Road, McDowall just before the Raven Street turnoff [8/12/08]
Lessons From Easter Island
No, Malcolm Fraser is not extinct
Internationally acclaimed archaeologist Dr Paul Bahn presented a fascinating lecture - What happened on Rapa Nui? - which drew on his intensive study of Easter Island at the Queensland Museum yesterday [8/12/08].
Easter Island (Rapa Nui) is a Polynesian island in the southeastern Pacific Ocean. It is now a special territory of Chile. One of the world's most isolated inhabited islands, Easter Island is famous for its monumental statues (moai) and is a world heritage site. As well as explaining the significance of these statues, and how they were constructed, Dr Bahn gave a history of the island, which experienced the results of over population and resource depletion.
“There are those who see the island's environmental destruction as a salutary warning about our current abuse and neglect of the planet,” Dr Bahn said.
Many people like to believe that the story of the "Easter Islands" people ended with the last tree they chopped down. Sorry folks but, from Dr Bahn's account, there was a slow and tragic decline as the population growth outran the Island's resources. The people of Easter Island never died out. Their remnants were a barbaric lot with odd rituals when they were discovered and 'saved' by European Christians, apparently.
Queensland Museum has an active archaeology program that in addition to managing the State's largest archaeological collection is investigating a number of archaeological landscapes. They hold the potential to reveal how Aboriginal people adapted to dramatic climate change initiated by the last ice age, and the more recent climatic fluctuations of the last 10,000 years.
December Orchid
Three Minutes Of Horror (14th May 1943: 0410 to 0413)
From 'Australian Hospital Ship Centaur: The Myth of Immunity' by Christopher S. Milligan & John C.H. Foley:
"Pte Tich Isherwood had just drifted off to sleep after a restless night when the torpedo struck. He woke to the explosion. Almost immediately blazing oil dropped on him from the burning hatch above. Startled, he vaulted out of his bunk. He hit the deck so heavily he fractured his arm. With his good hand he grabbed his lifejacket and raced for the companionway.
Privates Fred Chidgey and Tom Hegarty were both woken sharply by the explosion and jumped quickly out of their bunks. Even in that initial darkness they knew where their lifejackets were and how to get to the companionway. They wasted no time heading for the deck, but paused briefly at the entrance to the upper hospital. They could see nothing but a wall of flame. All they could hear were the piercing screams of burning victims. There was nothing they could do to help."
New Level Of Water Restrictions As Police Crack Down On Urination
Defective Inspector Plastic: Random undie testing for wet spots
Reforms to the Summary Offences Act, recently passed by Queensland Parliament are set to go hand in hand with water restrictions throughout the state.
In conjunction with the proposed, delayed and perhaps never forthcoming recycled sewage project, Taskforce Wee Wee will be set up to apprehend anyone caught weeing.
Taskforce Wee Wee will be headed by Defective Inspector Plastic whose expertise in many areas of policing is becoming a bit of a joke.
Defective Inspector Plastic also heads the Public Assembly and Surfers Paradise Civil Libertarian taskforces, is responsible for the Gold Coast's new Meter Maids (now known as "Traffic Mistresses"), is also in charge of the new security patrols on Gold Coast beaches, as well as being responsible for the controversial Public Transport Taskforce based in Brisbane.
"We'll be trialling the new laws as of next year - but not where rich people live - even though they unzip their expensive slacks and flop their wangers out for a slash as much as anybody else," she said.
"I will personally be undertaking random undie testing for wet spots."
Although some pesky civil libertarians have raised concerns about the lack of legal recourse, this story implies that defense lawyers approve of the new laws.
"My comments about clogging up the court system have been taken completely out of context," said Brisbane lawyer Mr Breadnbutter from law firm Lucrative Government Contract & Sons.
"So the new laws are a good idea."
Minister Judy said that Queensland has a long history of honourable police behaviour.
"Based on this exceptional record, we think it's only right that police should have the power to hassle anyone, anywhere and anyhow," she said.
Legal brothels offering golden showers and tourist attractions, such as the Southbank Beach have already been excluded from the laws in accordance with the hypocrisy and utter bogusness of these new laws.
In related news, house prices in South East Queensland are crashing, but that's just a quirk of the free market.
Love, Mary Launched In Brisbane:
Save The Mary River Media Release [5/12/08]
It was standing room only as more than a hundred people packed the Avid Reader Bookshop in West End on Thursday night for the launch of 'Love, Mary'.
The event proved to be something of a political milestone with the book being jointly launched by Greens MP Ronan Lee and the LNP’s Shadow Minister for Sustainability, David Gibson.
That the launch took place in the Premier’s own electorate of South Brisbane, with local Greens candidate Gary Kane in attendance, the issue of the Traveston dam is planting more than a toehold in Brisbane.
Jerry Colbey-Williams, MC for the event, introduced an entertaining and impressive line up of speakers commending the book, including Kayak4Earth, Steve Posselt and Gubbi Gubbi Elder, Dr. Eve Fesl.
Author and project Co-ordinator Adele Coombs and graphic designer Glenbo Craig thanked the host of people involved in writing, editing and preparing the book in under six weeks. Adele said the book was “a vibrant call to arms” which has already commenced being spread throughout Australia.
Ms. Coombs said one of her main inspirations for the book were the words of Bob Brown at the Get Up Climate Torch Relay held in September this year.
“Senator Brown had said that day, if all 22 million Australians knew what damage was being proposed on the Mary River they would stand up and stop this dreadful dam. That got us thinking about other ways to get the message out,” said Ms. Coombs.
Young Angus Robinson of Kandanga who had celebrated his twelfth birthday on the day of the dam announcement just over two and a half years ago, spoke passionately about the effects of the proposal on his family and community.
Save the Mary River secretary Mr. David Kreutz unveiled plans of the new “Our family… to yours” promotion to make personal links between families in the Mary Valley and Brisbane homes.
‘Make no mistake,” said Mr. Kreutz, “The Traveston dam will be a key issue in the coming state election. ‘Love, Mary’ will be an important tool in that campaign.”
With the launch coinciding with the release of several reports commissioned by federal Environment Minister Peter Garrett all of which are critical of the proposal, it would be difficult to argue otherwise.
Yungaba Decision “Insulting”: YAG Media Release [5/12/08]
Yungaba Action Group member Delene Cuddihy said “Members of the Yungaba Action Group are very disappointed that the Government has granted a private development application that will alienate the historic Yungaba building from the public forever.
“Claims by Minister Lucas that this development will preserve the building and its grounds for future generations is not only ludicrous but it is also insulting to the public.”
“In a brazen case of “double-speak” it now seems that the public are to believe that the sale and alienation of a major public building to a private overseas owned developer is the best way to “maintain, restore and preserve” it for future generations.”
Not only will the magnificent heritage building and its sweeping gardens leading down to the Brisbane River be gated from the public, but its unique interior (the only intact 19th Century immigration depot in Australia) will be gutted to make 10 luxury apartments.
On Sunday December 7th, it will be 121 years since the first boatload of migrants pulled up at Yungaba’s wharf in the days when Brisbane was a river city and offloaded hundreds of migrants with a dream of a new life in Queensland in their hearts and very little in their pockets.
Since then over 100,000 migrants and refugees were welcomed at Yungaba, known as Queensland’s front door. The last public use of Yungaba as an migration reception depot was to house the refugees from the Bosnian War in the mid 1990s. The richness and diversity of Queensland, as we know it today, was built, and continues to be built, by migrants.
Yungaba Action Group wanted the government to honour its decision of 2000 - to keep the historic building in public hands and to use it for a Multicultural Centre and Immigration Museum to tell the social history of the development of Queensland. It would have made a wonderful tourist and educational facility.
Instead, a swimming pool will be put in the private, maintained gardens, the outside shell of the building will be restored as the private preserve of 10 millionaires, and future generations of Queenslanders will be able to stand at the fence and look in.
Welcome to Queensland!
Delene Cuddihy
Yungaba Action Group
Community Outrage At State Schools (And Islamic Ones Too)
Australia's sunset ostriches
For we are young not free
With golden soil and wealthy royals
Our home is dirt by sea
Our lambs abound on nature strips
With booties stiched and rare
In history's haze let every page
Advance Australia Where?
In joyful trains our lettuce sing
Advance Australia Where?
The story of Noah's Ark...a good yarn, but that's about it
Hate Mongering: with Kissy Rupert-Bot Bot, I Do This To Pay My Mortgage, and Ima Faux-Lefty
The community has erupted in spontaneous outrage at state schools (and Islamic ones too).
Actually, this inexplicable fury and raging debate is largely non-existent and merely exists in the recesses of our devious little minds.
As so called "journalists", we have been very busy creating bogus stories about Noah's Ark, red pens, teachers leaving wrong answers blank, along with Islamic schools banning the national anthem and the manufactured outcry against a proposed Islamic college on the Gold Coast.
Have I got your attention yet? Are you outraged? Perhaps if I conjure up a few inflammatory words like "controversy", "kooky", "loopy", "loony", "left-wing", "comrade", "Marx & Engels", "anti-Australian values", "segregation" or "Paramilitary camp"?
Remember the success we had manipulating all that violent hatred against that pedophile?
We will continue to ram hatred, lies down your throats until you understand.
And You Thought The 'Courier-Mail' Was Bad!
The 'Gold Coast Bulletin' takes inspiration from SBS's 'Newstopia' for today's [4/12/08] front page
"Smart" is two hospitals on the Gold Coast, not closing down the one you've got and spending millions on another one.
"GCMA members are invited to voice their opinion against the closure of the Southport Campus of the Gold Coast Hospital and that the site be retained as a substantial acute medical and surgical in-patient and out-patient facility for public usage in addition to the new Gold Coast University Hospital after the new hospital is completed in 2012."
"Really Stupid" is going into commercial-in-confidence PPP's with private enterprises guaranteed to deliver inferior services at vastly inflated costs. Can anyone who doesn't read the Murdoch press guess where the difference goes? This is an extract from a column by George Monbiot dated June 5. 2001 [from a collection of his columns called 'Bring on the Apocalypse: Six Arguments for Global Justice'](PFI's are the same as PPP's):
"The Norfolk and Norwich university hospital is one of the biggest PFI schemes in Britain. It was bitterly opposed by local people. The old city-centre buildings will be shut and the land they occupy sold for executive housing. The new hospital is being built on greenfield land five miles from the centre of Norwich. But what upsets the people of Norfolk most is that, though its cost has risen from an initial estimate of £90m to the current £229m, the new hospital will provide only 953 beds, in comparison with the 1207 in the existing buildings."
He goes on to explain the clever mechanisms in the contract that allowed the consortium to walk away a few years later with a windfall gain of tens of millions of pounds at the tax payer's expense. Five years later after the horse had bolted with the cash there was a bit of a stir in the 'media'.
But this could never happen to you because you're so "smart".
Nind Street Trees Lopped
Cnr Marine Parade and Nind Street, Southport [4/12/08]
One of the trees was a large Mango tree, which this Monday was observed to bear enough fruit for several jars of green mango chutney.
Oh well, I'm sure the proposed development will be "ecologically sustainable".
"Chester In Rehab": Mister Ed
Mister Ed...still wants his riding crop back
Star of the 1960s hit television show - Mister Ed - says he knows where missing iconic Brisbane icon Chester is.
Like many of Milton's iconic Brisbane icons - Milton Bowl, the Milton Tennis Centre and the Arnotts biscuit factory - Chester the fibreglass horse has vanished without a trace.
Mister Ed - who last month accused Megan Gale of causing him to miss out on a place in this year's Melbourne Cup, because she took his riding crop - said Chester was probably in rehab.
"There's no real mystery - Chester confided to me that being so close to the brewery has been a bit of an issue for him,"
"He has disappeared without any explanation previously, and at that time he went into rehab, so I suspect that is where he is now," he said.
"Would you like to buy some paint?"
Chester's friend, Ruth, from the Spring Hill Hotel said she understood why Chester had to get away for a while.
The Spring Hill Hotel's Ruth
"I had to disappear up to that lovely surgery on Wickham Terrace for a little spell after having my horns broken off," she said.
"Did you know we do a good steak sandwich at the Spring Hill Hotel?"
Peak Oil Activists Remain Optimistic Despite ‘Scary’ Halloween Conference: A Report on the Fifth U.S. Conference on Peak Oil and Community Solutions
By Megan Quinn Bachman, Community Solutions
ROCHESTER, Michigan – Peak oil activists from across the nation gathered on a college campus over the Halloween weekend to confront the scary prospects of declining worldwide oil production – and to focus on how they and their communities can cope.
Despite grave reports of imminent and permanent falloffs in oil production, combined with financial meltdown and climate instability, participants at the Fifth U.S. Conference on Peak Oil and Community Solutions left Oakland University with strategies to dramatically cut energy use – plus the optimism that they can accomplish much.
"People can find ways to lead happy, fulfilling lives even as this doomed system crumbles all around them," Russian immigrant writer Dmitry Orlov told the 250 conference attendees at the longest running annual Peak Oil conference in North America, this year a joint effort of the Yellow Springs, Ohio-based Community Solutions and the Upland Hills Ecological Awareness Center outside Detroit.
Other speakers offered ways to make needed lifestyle changes – from creating household self-reliance to securing water supplies and increasing soil fertility, to saving gasoline with innovative ridesharing solutions using cell phones and the internet, to cutting utility bills by retrofitting homes to use 80 percent less energy and installing solar hot water systems. Community-level strategies were offered with presentations on creating resilient communities and forming Transition Towns, a community process for economic re-localization which started in England…
Read the rest at: http://www.communitysolution.org/08conf.html
The Big Whinging Kangaroo In The Sky: Airlines Merge
The Neo-Con-Job on Australian industry and any remnant of public ownership or control of assets will not be complete until the flying kangaroo is as absorbed into the glob of globalised multi-national free market capitalism as such Aussie Icons as "Golden Circle", "King Gee", "Arnott's", "Vegemite", "Speedo", "Holden", "Ugh Boots", "the ASX", "Channel Nine", "Channel Ten", "The Media", "BHP", "The Dairy Industry" and "freedom AND democracy".
The CEO of Qantas, Mr Equity, said that it was pointless to question the wisdom of unquestionable wisdom.
"Look, what do you think got the world financial markets so poxy that we can't trade all of Wall Street for a rupee today? I'll tell you, it was resistance to the primacy of the 'free market capitalist model' for bringing the maximum amount of wealth and prosperity to the trickle-down wealth creating sector of the world," he said.
"Qantas is the only internationally competitive national airline left in the world which is not in the hands of our operatives. Are you a communist or something? It should be obvious to anyone who loves the economy that if the most powerful, corrupt, dishonest, corporatist, self-serving elements of the world society are hindered in their bid to destroy Qantas it will spell the end of freedom as we have defined it."
A complimentary pint of lager and pack of crisps will be offered to passengers for the first few months of operation and then the newly merged joint airline will unexpectedly go broke, leaving thousands of workers out of work.
Shortly after that Australia will have its worst civilian air disaster ever. Hundreds are predicted to lose their lives, their luggage and their frequent flyer points but it will just bring Australia into line with all the other countries which have gone down that inevitable path.
"They'll get over it and it will bring the nation together as one in unison," said Mr Equity.
There will be a promotional campaign to win over the slower learners, he said, the working theme is: "She just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich."
The Trouble With Andre
"Inside the dresser by the table
Something he keeps beside the bed
Living with andre can't be easy
Some things are better left unsaid
He remembers a time before
The waters got so deep
When he found it easier to sleep"
'The Trouble With Andre', Shakespear's Sister [1992]
Office Christmas Party Story: Warning
Lawyers and HR experts have warned that stories about the legal and career ramifications of excessive cheer at the office Christmas party are predictable and could possibly breach workplace health and safety guidelines.
"It's that time of year," said Brisbane lawyer John Judgeson from Banks Chex and Smiles Solicitors.
"You interview me, and I say some serious things about sexual harassment, injury and discrimination."
HR expert Mandy Time-Sheet from Brisbane HR firm Whosyoudaddy agreed.
"Indeed, it's time for me to put out a media release (which you will quote word for word) that warns employees not to let their hair down at the office Christmas party," she said.
"But still have a good time - let your guard down a bit, but not too much, speak your mind, but don't tell your colleagues what you think. Don't play up, but do try to get to know your colleagues better."
The office Christmas party story often ends in disaster, but no-one pays any attention to it and gets rat *rsed anyway.
Here's 'Spring Hill Voice's' tips for the office Christmas party:
Don't go, but if you do, drink fast and don't keep track of how many you've had
Don't eat the nibblies, you know some of your colleagues don't wash their hands
Tell HR what you really think of them
Punch that officious d*ckhead from accounts
Photocopy your bum
Take plenty of photos on your mobile phone to blackmail people later
Take your top off and dance on the boardroom table (only if you work for a prestigious law firm)
Before you leave, send an email to your colleagues with your ideas for the company's future direction
Go home with the boss, turn up in the same clothes the next day and ask for a pay rise
In related news, barking dog noise nuisance stories are also starting to emerge as the year draws to a close.
'Spring Hill Voice' Hits Soar
Soaring hits have secured the 'Spring Hill Voice's' position as the most bestest news site in South East Queensland.
Even though we're packing sh*t about our competitors, we also keep telling ourselves, and our readers (over and over again) that 'Spring Hill Voice' is also the most popular site, because we get lots and lots of unverifiable hits.
And it's not just the quantity of the hits, it's the quality - with many coming from pharmaceutical companies, as well as high ranking and dead Nigerian oil officials.
According to recent statistics, provided by our mates at a corporate ratings agency, 'Spring Hill Voice' has beaten all other competitors na na na na na.
Actual journalism does not exist at the 'Spring Hill Voice', where we provide our readers with a selection of stories written by gutless shills.
'Spring Hill Voice' is run by thugs, extortionists, neocon ideologues and propagandists, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!
Make Love, Not War On 21 December!
Government Unveils Surprise Telecommunications Strategy
"This call may be monitored for training purposes. If your call is about Kevin's broadband rollout, please hit the can once, if your call is about why we sold Telstra, hit the can twice. I'm sorry, I didn't understand that, please hold for an hour or two and I'll put you through to a consultant..."
In the face of controversy surrounding the tender process for the national broadband network, the Australian Government has unveiled a terrifyingly simple strategy to combat Australian's inability to communicate with each other.
Senator no-one today announced the "Chat Over The Back Fence Communications Policy Initiative Going Forward Plan 2020".
The Senator, who is also the Assistant Parliamentary Secretary assisting the Deputy Minister for Marginal Seats Where People Care About the Future, said:
"Let's face it, what do people really want high speed broadband for? They don't know, they've never had it so how do they know it's so good? If everybody recycled their tomato tins and string we could all spread news about our politicians so much more efficiently. Better than those silly blogs or independent websites."
Are These Your Ducks?
While having lunch in the park on Praed Street, Red Hill (around 2.30 pm today - 2/12/08), three gorgeous ducks emerged from the creek. They were very tame and kept following us around, so they're clearly domesticated, and really shouldn't be running wild.
Anyway, they'll probably stay in that vicinity because locals often feed the wildlife there and it's a nice peaceful place. So if you're missing your ducks - or maybe want to give them a home - you know where to find them.
That part of Ithaca Creek clearly took a beating during the big storm - probably because it's at a junction with that of Enoggera Creek - so the force of the water must have been incredible.
The bridge railings sustained damage, as did the dog off lead area's fence and the children's play area. As for wildlife, the eels, turtles and moorhens are still evident, but we didn't see the usual dragons or wild ducks.
$200K Of Inflatable Willies Lost At Sea
[Inflatable willy image unavailable,
as inflatable willies non-existent]
$200K of inflatable willies on their way to Australia have been lost at sea, sparking rumours that Somali Pirates are at it again.
Not a Somali Pirate
Women's magazine 'Puke', were planning to give away the inflatable willies with their January edition.
A spokesman for 'Puke' said the missing inflatable willies was a very lame publicity stunt.
"No-one is buying our magazine anymore so our marketing strategy was reduced to the lowest common denominator," she said.
"Ha Ha Ha, He He He, inflatable willies, get it?"
'Puke' editor - Soon To-Be-Axed - said Somali Pirates were topical.
"Please contact the magazine for a subscription," she said.
AAAAAP Smart Chat
Gold Coast Fury At Fluoride Delay
A pile of Belgian (not Chinese) fluoride
Pointy Gold Coast Bureau: C. Gull
A delay in the addition of fluoride into the Gold Coast's water supply sparked anger and near riots on the Gold Coast yesterday [1/12/08].
On hearing of the delay, a group of about 200, or maybe 400 furious Gold Coast residents held a noisy protest in the Evandale Parklands, before storming the Council Chambers while chanting:
"What do we want?"
"Fluoride!"
"When do we want it!"
"Now!"
The tension in the Council Chambers was already palpable, due to Mayor Marathon's refusal to don the mayoral robes and chains, and his crackdown on eating blackberries. Mayor Marathon attempted to calm the volatile situation by announcing that Council Pools would soon be open again as the electric eels had been relocated to the fluoride testing facility.
"I think we all need to cool down a bit," he said.
In response to the fluoride riots, the Deputy Captain said that although the deal had been done, parts of it were unravelling for technical reasons.
"I haven't brushed my teeth in 30 years," he said.
"Anyone calling for government accountability is WRONG! TIMES THREE!"
The Minister UHOHMoneyallgone said that saying the fluoride was from Belgium sounded better than saying it was from China.
"It tastes like chocolate," he said.
Ponds Institute "Not Affected" By Higher Education Cutbacks: VC
As Australian Universities announce drastic staff cuts, one leading Higher Education establishment has announced that it will not be affected. Vice Chancellor Ronald from the prestigious Pond's Institute has issued an exclusive press release to 'Spring Hill Voice' (publishers of this website).
Vice Chancellor, Professor Ronald
"Ever since the Pond's Institute was founded, we have recognised the primacy of money over academic enquiry, intellectual integrity, critical analysis, balanced research and scientific objectivity. Let's face it, tertiary education costs lots of money. Where does lots of money come from? Big Multi-National corporations of course," said the Vice Chancellor.
"We have proudly followed the 'buck', if you will. Unlike all the rest of Australia's left dominated ideologically tainted tertiary institutions, which want to work in the 'reality based' community, we have always realised the value of taking the corporate shilling and giving them 'value' in return. What happens is, we approach certain corporations which might need positive scientifically based research to prove the superiority of their products over their commercial competitors, and we negotiate a price to provide that science. After all, why do those elites think they are some kind of guardians of facts? We make our own facts right here at the Ponds Institute, and our facts are much more useful to our clients than their facts," he added.
"Facts always have a price," the Vice Chancellor concluded.
'Spring Hill Voice' didn't ask any real academics for a comment because they would have tried to give us some biased alternative point of view.
Will 'Spring Hill Voice' Be Blacklisted?
Most of our readers certainly hope that this website will soon be placed on the Government's blacklist when mandatory filtering of websites commences.
We asked our hosting service whether we would be advised if this were to happen, and here's what they said:
"We do not permit adult content to be hosted on any websites with us and we would not expect any hosting accounts with us to therefore be affected by this.
Having said that, this is still at the very preliminary stages of discussion: no legislation has yet been drawn up let alone passed in relation to this at all as yet.
Were any legislative changes impact upon our service provision, those affected would be advised accordingly."
Fortunately none of our content could be described as having 'adult' characteristics. On the other hand, if they ban childish content we're f*cked.
What Is Going On With The Economy?
"The Invisible Hand Is Invisibly W*nking Its Invisible Dick" Kymbeaux, 4ZzZ [1/12/08]
Opposition L.R.B. Releases "Work Makes You Free" Policy
The L.R.B. in their pre-Farnham phase
The Opposition L.R.B. have released details of their "Work Makes You Free" policy which is set to relieve congestion woes in Brisbane's CBD.
"Hang on, help is on its way, I'll be there as fast as I can," they sang to a crowd of frustrated commuters as they stepped off the "Board Express"at Enoggera Train Station today.
All aboard "The Board" Express!
Free train travel will be available for commuters using their "GO SLOW YO" cards as part of the "Work Makes You Free" policy.
"The policy will encourage workers to get into work early and stay late," said the Opposition Springboard, before executing a spectacular reverse dive in the pike position.
"This will reduce congestion, and has the added bonus of giving commuters a new appreciation of their workplaces."
The Opposition Springboard, or "The Board"
Touching on and off with your "GO SLOW YO" card makes more economic sense than simply having free public transport across the board!
Donuts Will Make You Fat (If You Eat Too Many): Shock
A donut
The shocking revelation that donuts - especially Kreepy Kremes - will make you fat (if you eat too many), comes at the same time as large cuts in the multinational donut giant's PR budget.
When a Kreepy Kreme store arrived in Brisbane in April this year, their donuts were the talk of the town. Indeed the hype was so intense that citizens were inexplicably drawn into queues outside the Albert Street store in Brisbane every day.
Kreepy Kreme mania traversed the country, as old-fashioned donuts of the hot, cinnamon variety - usually available at local outlets - became very unfashionable. En masse, Australians dissed pie and lamington drives in favour of Kreepy Kremes school fund raising activities. Many found themselves driving in a trance to airport Kreepy Kreme outlets to satiate their addiction to the very ordinary snack, which is essentially sugar, fat, flour and a large quantity of flashy marketing.
"We decided that eating too many Kreepy Kremes donuts make you fat when the complimentary/promotional boxes stopped arriving at our offices," said Consumer Affairs reporter Hau Can This-Be.
Kreepy Kreme spokesperson Mr Artie Clog denied the company was struggling to maintain its PR budget.
"I can't believe how stupid you Aussies are," he said.